I keep fish and sometimes breed them (free fish hack). At the moment I have some beautiful fellows that are getting up there in age, so it's time to create more.

I separate all of my fish by their gendies as soon as you can possibly tell them apart to keep the population of my tanks where I want it, and to prevent inbreeding (and all of the complications that stem from that). These lads have effectively never seen a girl.

When I added the female to continue their legacy, they didn't know what to do. So they did what any respectable man might do in that confusing situation: ignored her and continued having sex with each other.

So preoccupied with one another are they that I'm honestly not sure if they will ever include her in any way that matters. Their bloodline ends with gay sex, and tbh, I kinda love that for them.

The g in lgbtq stands for guppy. 🌈

just saw a deactivated mutual's post on my dash. that's my dead wife's corpse you're all dragging around

Activated them like sleeper agents

Okay. So imagine a show.

2d animated, and set right after the events of the third pirates of the Caribbean movie.

It follows three main plots.

The first is Pirate King Elizabeth, as she struggles to raise her child as a single mother while her undead husband is off. And being the Pirate King, which is hard because the pirates are not used to having a king. The vibe is office sitcom. She has to yell at stupid pirates to put that very-obviously-cursed treasure back wherever they found it, and mediate fights between rival crews and pass judgement on instances of pirates breaking pirate code. No one listens to her, everybody fears her, and there's a running gag that every time she barges into barbossa office (she gave him a job out of spite) he's lounging on his desk in new and weirder ways. (And the monkey has a smaller desk on top of his desk)

The second is Captain of the Flying Dutchman Will Turner, as he misses his wife and mourns the fact that he can never properly be there for their child. And his job of ferrying souls to the dead. It's a more heartfelt and gentle storyline. Focusing on him helping people make peace with their deaths or letting them finish their unfinished business before they move on. He writes long poetic letters to Elizabeth and gets very sweet love notes back from her. He occasionally asks someone to join the crew. And is constantly staring longingly out to sea in the direction Elizabeth is in. It's the deeper half of the show, focusing on grief, loss, the burden of duty, and the nature of death and moving on.

The third is Grandpa Bootstrap Bill Turner, trying very hard to be a good father and father in law and helping babysit his absolutely insane grandchild. Along for the ride is all your favorite pirates from the crew of the black pearl, and the monkey. He struggles to keep an eye on the kid (who starts as baby and grows into a teenager as the show goes on) there's different hijinks every week. From running out of clean diapers and scrambling to find more to runaway baby carriages. As the kid gets older the hijinks change, first word is a curse word and now they are all scrambling to hide the fact that they taught her kid curse words from Elizabeth. The kid learns to walk and promptly wanders off and gets lost, toddles up a ramp and is now on a navy ship that just so happens to be departing in exactly ten minutes. The kid is a menace, I mean, he has to be, it's Will and Elizabeth's kid. His dad is escorting your dad to the other side and his mom is laying waste to some pesky navy ships because shes had a hard week.

Now here's the most important part. Because this is a Pirates of the Caribbean show, and Captain Jack Sparrow does not appear as a main character.

He's still very much there, but he is, he must be, exclusively in the background. He never really interacts with the main cast, barely ever effects the plot.

Pirate King Elizabeth is trying to negotiate with a hostile pirate?

Caption Jack Sparrow is in the background inexplicably losing a fight to a seagull.

Captain of the Flying Dutchman Will Turner is gently letting a little girl say goodbye to her mother before he escorts her to the other side?

Caption Jack Sparrow is in the background trying to bail out his current rowboat.

Anyways if anyone would like to give me infinite time and money I'll do this show myself.

getting lost in boston is fun because I turned around on a street corner three times and some guy yelled "hey stupid! the bus is that way!" very helpful interaction and accurate insult, 10/10 no notes

💉 blood-showers Follow

okay. but has anyone ever tried drinking their own blood? like from when they were alive?

🍷 nvrdrnk-wine Follow

how the fuck are they gonna do that? go back in fucking time?

💉 blood-showers Follow

no no like. before they turn they donate blood or something and have it stored in a blood bank, and then after they turn they break in and try it

⚰ let-me-in-let-me-in Follow

thats disgusting

🩸 fightmeorbiteme Follow

Friendly Reminder that taking blood from a blood bank is actually worse for humanity than feeding off humans directly.

💉 blood-showers Follow

can we not bring up blood bank ethics for five fucking minutes we're talking about drinking your own human blood right now

🕷️ renfields-spider-collection Follow

wouldn't it turn into dead mans blood? cuz you die when u turn? it'd fucking poison you

🧛‍♀️ fromthekarnsteintomb Follow

no but it was drawn before you died

human-guy-steve-deactivated2020

oh my god. my friends gonna sire me in a few weeks. i should fucking try it

🦇 sleepalldaypartyallnight Follow

@human-guy-steve its been 3 months is there an update????

💀 hung3r Follow

he's been fucking destroyed...

🌙 thecollinscurse Follow

Well. There's your answer.

🧛‍♂️ vampire-guy-steve Follow

still here! just remade lol

anyway.

that was fucking disgusting

Oat milk was discovered much more recently than you may have known. Like many now-familiar technologies, it was discovered by accident during the Apollo program when NASA discovered what a zero-g environment does to goat milk.

Olivia Jaimes’ Nancy continues to amaze and delight.

"uh ohhhhhh!!!!" - a oyster when this happens ill bet