Transcript:Crab Splatter

← Previous	Navigation in production order	Next →

Transcript for
Crab Splatter
Written by	Shirin Njafi
Transcribed by	Jasonbres

[Opening Credits. Caption: Add tip: [ 15% ] [ 20% ] [ 25% ] [ CUSTOM ]]

[Scene: Amy and Kif's apartment. Loud gunfire and explosions are heard. Cut to the living room. Kif is massaging Amy's feet while she reads a Patient Parenting book. Zoom out to reveal Axl playing a loud video game.]

Kif: Um, Axl? We don't want to disturb the nice family downstairs. Can you please turn that game down? [gunfire continues] Please?

Axl: I actually can't.

Kif: Why not?

Axl: Because if it's quiet, it's literally pointless.

Amy: Off! Now!

[She throws her book at Axl and it hits his controller, shutting off the game.]

Axl: Ow! All you had to do was say please.

Kif: I said please. Twice!

Axl: Well, maybe you should have yelled it.

[Outside the window, a flaming meteorite falls out of the sky and crashes into their building. The people below them scream, as the building shakes and cracks emerge from the floor, taking Newt's building blocks. Amy pulls Newt away, as the cracks stop.]

Axl: Whoa! What game is that kid playing?

[Cut to outside the building. Pan down to the apartment below, as the family pats down their children from the fiery wreckage. Amy comes in.]

Amy: We heard a catastrophic explosion! Is everything okay?!

Kif: Also, sorry about the video game noise earlier. We hope it didn't disturb you.

Mr. Johnson: Uh, hang on, my son's on fire. [He keeps trying to pat down the flame on his son's sleeve, but it doesn't go away.]

Mrs. Johnson: Something crashed into our apartment!

[Amy takes out a meteorite stuck in the "Live Laugh Love" sign on the wall.]

Amy: Was it this meteorite?

Mrs. Johnson: Probably.

Amy: It's really pretty.

[The sign falls apart.]

Mr. Johnson: What are we gonna do? Where are we gonna live?

Mrs. Johnson: Oh! We'll never find another place we can afford!

Amy: [distracted by the meteorite] It's so shiny and iridescent. Kiffy, I wanna replace my wedding ring diamond with whatever this is.

[The Johnsons angrily glare at Amy.]

[Scene: The Planet Express building, the next morning. Cut to the conference table. The Professor is observing the meteorite with his zoom glasses.]

Farnsworth: Unbe-credible! This is no ordinary meteorite. It's an impact meteorite, [glasses zoom back out] created when an asteroid slams into a celestial object.

Fry: Like Mars? Or Jesus?

Farnsworth: Right! But, in this case, wrong. To trace its origin, I'll need to use the gas chromatograph.

[A bell dings, the Professor opens it to reveal something burnt.]

Farnsworth: Whoa!

Hermes: My Manwich!

[The display shows 110% meat.]

Hermes: Sorry. I thought this was an air fryer.

Farnsworth: Using this rock hammer I got from a Shawshank Redemption memorabilia website, I'll chip off a tiny piece for testing.

[He does so and puts it into the gas chromatograph, and closes the glass. The machine zaps the piece. Zoidberg enters.]

Zoidberg: Mmm, do I smell rocks cooking?

[The machine dings and chimes.]

Farnsworth: Good Lord! I'd recognize these spectral absorption lines anywhere! This rock originated from Zoidberg's homeworld, Decapod 10!

Zoidberg: I thought it smelled familiar.

Farnsworth: Interstellar meteorites are fantastically rare. Collectors and wealthy randos would pay a fortune for it!

Zoidberg: It's mine! My planet saw it first!

Farnsworth: Alas, even though you're immensely poor and that tiny sliver I burned would've made you a millionaire, it rightfully belongs to your whole civilization.

[Zoidberg attempts to stealthily take it, but the Professor hits his claw with the rock hammer.]

Zoidberg: Ouchie!

[Scene: Decapod 10. Cut to the Decapodian Natural History Museum. A banner above the sand building reads "Larvae Admitted Free". The ship lands in front of the museum. A walking flounder emerges from the sand.]

Walking Flounder: Wuh-oh!

[It scuttles away as the ship lands in its original spot.]

[Cut to inside the museum. The crew are taking in some of the exhibits. The curator of the museum, who is a Decapodian female dressed similarly to the professor, enters the room.]

Decapodian curator: Good news, everyone!

Farnsworth: You have my interest!

Decapodian curator: I'm Dr. Judith, chief geologist. And I've verified that this rock is indeed from Decapod 10. It's ejecta from the Protoarchaean Impact Event.

Farnsworth: That raises an interesting question.

Dr. Judith: Yes?

Farnsworth: What are you doing later?

Dr. Judith: Sorry, you're not my type.

Farnsworth: I had to give it a shot.

Hermes: You actually didn't.

Fry: So how'd the rock get to Earth? I mean, it didn't just walk. Right? [softly] Back me up, guys.

Dr. Judith: Why don't I explain it with a display we use for fifth graders.

[Cut to a cardboard diorama.]

Dr. Judith: This is a representation of Decapod 10 from approximately five billion B.C. "Before Crab". [She turns the crank, animating the diorama.] A massive asteroid barreled toward our planet at high speed. The impact resulted in the extinction of the crabosaurs, and sent a spray of ejecta into space. One such rock must have traveled for billions of years, until it reached Earth... and hit a condo building.

Amy: Wow. I feel so special!

Dr. Judith: You're not. Statistically, 3.4 such rocks would hit Earth over the course of geologic time. Questions?

Farnsworth: [getting down on one knee] Marry me!

Dr. Judith: That's not a question.

Farnsworth: Marry me?

Fry: [raising hand] I have a question. Were the crabosaurs, like, really cool?

Dr. Judith: That's the hypothesis.

[Cut to the crew being awed by a display of crabosaur skeletons.]

Bender: Neat.

Dr. Judith: The mighty crabosaurs ruled the planet, and later, the box office, in an endless series of Crabassic Park movies. It's like, we get it. They were big animals. Anyway, we appreciate the rock. It will go on permanent display after I help myself to a tiny sliver, which is considered perfectly normal on this planet.

Zoidberg: Awwww.

[Scene: The Planet Express building. The ship goes back into the hangar. The crew exits the ship.]

Zoidberg: Decapod 10 is nice, but it smells like a clam's armpit. I'll be freshening up in my dumpster if you need me.

Hermes: We won't.

[Cut to outside. The dumpster now has the Live Laugh Love sign on it.]

Zoidberg: Home, sweet— Hey! Why is my stuff out on the curb?

[The Johnsons emerge from the dumpster.]

Mrs. Johnson: Hi! We're your new neighbors!

Amy: Oh, hey! It's the Johnsons! What are you doing here?

Mrs. Johnson: We just moved in. This is our new apartment!

[The son and daughter peer in from under the other dumpster door.]

Mr. Johnson: Yeah, it all worked out.

Mrs. Johnson: Sorry about the trash. Apparently, the previous tenant was kind of a pig.

[She holds out the Casa Zoidberg sign and discards it. Zoidberg looks at his stuff sadly.]

Zoidberg: Mi casa.

[Scene: Zoidberg's old dumpster. Zoidberg is looking sadly at the Johnsons living in his old living quarters.]

Zoidberg: This is my dumpster! I was squatting fair and square!

Mr. Johnson: I feel for you, sir. I do. But we signed a lease. It's a tight market for middle-class families.

Mrs. Johnson: We got lucky. There were two other applications on this place! I wrote a heartfelt letter to the landlord. And she fell for it!

Hattie: I was gonna rent it out as an Air-b-and-whatchacallit, but who needs the parties? You pay utilities, I cover the water bill.

Fry: It has running water?

Hattie: It has running something.

[Close up on a sludge dripping from the dumpster.]

[Scene: The employee longue.]

Zoidberg: What a humiliation. From the lofty heights of dumpster living to being out on the street.

Farnsworth: Well, I'm sure you can stay with one of your colleagues. Uh, perhaps Bender?

Bender: Uh, uh... [puts on a sombrero and mustache] ¿Quién es Bender?

Amy: Uh, [looks at her wrist thingy] I'm late for a gynecologist appointment!

Hermes: me, too! Let's carpool.

[Amy and Hermes leave.]

Fry: You can stay with us, Zoidberg. Ow! Why are you kicking me, Leela?

Leela: Because I don't want Zoidberg to stay with us.

Fry: Oh, right.

[Zoidberg makes puppy dog eyes at them.]

Leela: [sighs] Fine. You can live with us. Ow! Why are you kicking me, Bender?

Bender: [mustache falls off] ¡Porque no quiero Zoidberg to live with us!

[Scene: Robot Arms Apartments, later that night. Music is blaring from the TV. Cut to Fry, Leela, and Bender's apartment. Zoidberg is seemingly watching TV on the couch surrounded by empty beer bottles, discarded Red Claw cans, a Chinese takeout box, and fish skulls, and his claw in a bag of Finyuns.]

Announcer: [on TV] Next week on The Real Housecats of Thuban 9...

[Cats are heard howling. Fry and Leela look from the kitchen.]

Leela: He's been watching reality TV for days and he's completely trashed the apartment.

[Bender joins them.]

Bender How dare he! That's my move!

Fry: At least he ran the dishwasher.

[The dishwasher chimes.]

Dishwasher: Cycle complete.

[Zoidberg's molted insides emerge from the dishwasher and he puts a towel around his waist.]

Zoidberg: [moans] Your Jacuzzi is wonderful! Those jets really get into your crevices.

[Zoidberg climbs back into his shell.]

Zoidberg: Hooray! Zoidberg's turn to watch TV!

[He clicks the remote and the cat noises resume.]

[Cut to later that night. Leela is lying in bed awake.]

Leela: I feel bad saying this, but he's just so gross and annoying.

[Zoidberg, who is sleeping next to her, gets up.]

Zoidberg: Sh-sh-sh! He's coming.

Leela: [yelps]

[Fry walks into the bedroom.]

Zoidberg: I'll scorch over, no problem.

[He does so as Fry gets into bed with them and goes right to sleep.]

Zoidberg: [softly, to Leela] For what it's worth, I agree with you about Fry.

[Scene: Robot Arms Apartments, the next morning. Leela, Fry and Bender are in the living room.]

Leela: Ugh! I've never dealt with anyone so unbearably annoying—

[Before Leela can finish that thought, her eyePhone rings. It's her mother.]

Leela: Well, one person. [she picks up] Hi, Mom.

[Munda's tentacles are covering the lens.]

Munda: Leela, are you there? I can't see you.

Leela: Is your tentacle covering the screen again?

Munda: Well, I don't know. How do I check?

Leela: By seeing whether your tentacle is covering the screen again.

Munda: [takes tentacle away] Oh, it is. [she kneels down so that only her eye and hair are visible] I can see you now! You look tired. Is that a new haircut? I don't like it.

Leela: [groans]

[Morris comes into frame.]

Munda: How come you never visit?

Morris: Y'know, your old room's just sittin' here empty.

Leela: I never had a room. You guys gave me up for adoption. Remember?

Morris: Well, it's the room you woulda had.

Munda: Come visit, honey. The sewer is lovely at springtime. And we could really use some company.

[Zoidberg enters the living room, which gives Leela an idea.]

Leela: Company, huh?

[Zoidberg sets down on the couch between Bender and Fry eating a sandwich noisily.]

Leela: I happen to have some extra company.

Munda: What was that, Leela? Are you still there?

Morris: I think she hung up.

Munda: God, she looked awful.

[Scene: The Turanga household in the sewer. Fry and Leela are talking with Morris and Munda.]

Munda: Wait, so you're not staying?

Leela: Nope.

Munda: But someone is staying?

Leela: Exactly.

Munda: [shrugs] All right.

[Zoidberg comes from the upstairs room.]

Zoidberg: This room is exquisite! I've never lived in a place without a hinged ceiling!

Morris: Oh, you're welcome to it, Mr. Zoidberg.

Zoidberg: Please, call me Doctor.

Munda: [excited] Ooh! A doctor! May I introduce you to my daughter? [laughs] Just kiddin'. Sort of.

[Zoidberg munches on a roll of paper towels like an ear of corn.]

Zoidberg: Mmmm. This is delicious! What do you call it?

Munda: A roll of paper towels.

Zoidberg: Mmm. And the bone is the best part!

[He gnaws on the cardboard tube.]

Munda: [to Morris] See? Someone likes my cooking.

Leela: [to Fry] This is too good to be true!

Morris: Aw, Leela, you sure you can't stay for dinner?

Leela: Yeah... work has just been super busy.

Fry: No, it hasn't—

[Leela shoves a paper towel roll in Fry's mouth to shut him up. He chews on it.]

Fry: Mmm. You should get your mom's recipe.

[Scene: The Johnsons' dumpster. Mr. Johnson is watering his flower sill and Mrs. Johnson comes out with a plate of cookies. Connor, the son, emerges from the dumpster and his father sprays him with the hose. Mrs. Johnson knocks on the back door of Planet Express. Bender answers.]

Mrs. Johnson: Hi! I baked some fresh cookies for you to give us to welcome us to the neighborhood.

[Bender takes the plate.]

Bender: That is so thoughtful! Thank you! [He slams the door without giving the cookies back.]

[Cut to inside. Bender is happily munching all the cookies off the plate. He lets out a flaming burp.]

Hermes: Who was it?

Bender: Nobody. With no cookies.

[Leela's eyePhone rings. It's her mother again. She answers.]

Munda: [on phone] Leela, is this a bad time?

Leela: Always. What's up?

Munda: We're planning the annual family trip. Are you free anytime soon?

Leela: Oh... yeah... Sorry, but I don't think so. We're just so swamped with work here. I really wish I could, it's—

[Pull out to reveal the crew doing nothing. The Professor is fast asleep.]

Munda: Oh, no worries. We figured.

Morris: You cancelling's become part of the tradition. [chuckles]

Munda: It's fine. We'll go with Zoidberg.

Zoidberg: [on phone] Hooray!

Leela: Zoidberg? On our family trip?

Morris: We'll send ya a postcard.

Munda: She already hung up, Morris.

Morris: I can see her right there.

Munda: That? That's just her ugly profile photo. Lemme just—

[She adjusts the phone camera, but accidentally hangs up. Leela turns off her eyePhone sadly.]

[Montage: To the music of "I Get Around" by the Beach Boys, Munda, Morris and Zoidberg hang out on the beach at Lake Mutagenic. They go on a fan boat tour of the lake headed by Raoul where they see the mutated sea life. They take Leg Mutant water skiing. Leela receives a postcard saying, "Dear Leela, Wish you were interested in being here. XOXO, Mom, Dad, and John. Leela gets teary reading it. She flips it over to find a video of Munda, Morris and Zoidberg enjoying some drinks on a hot air balloon ride. Her tear drops onto the card, causing it to fizzle and the music to warp down.]

[Scene: The Turanga House. Cut to the living room. Morris and Zoidberg are watching what appears to be a nail biter on the television.]

Morris: Whoa! So close!

Zoidberg: It's too exciting, I can't take the suspense! [He covers his eyes, but then peers through one of his claws.]

[Cut to reveal they were watching two rats fighting inside the broken set.]

Morris: Last season there was a snake.

Zoidberg: [laughs]

[Leela spies on them out the window, then lets herself in.]

Leela: [obnoxiously nice] Hello, everybody!

Morris: Leela! What's the occasion? Did I die? [chuckles]

Zoidberg: Zing!

Leela: [fake chuckles]

Morris: Join us for dinner, sweetie. Your mom cooked Zoidberg's favorite meal.

[Munda emerges from the kitchen in an apron and carrying plates.]

Munda: Beef bourguignon made from shoe rubber. And fresh escargot.

Leela: Wow! You've worked so hard to make Zoidberg feel at home. (Even though it's not.) But don't worry, I'll take him off your hands now.

Morris: Oh, we don't mind. We love Johnny Z!

Munda: He's a treasure, is what he is.

Leela: Uh-huh.

Zoidberg: No, no. Leela is right. I should go impose on someone else.

[Zoidberg takes a briefcase and the fedora on the hatrack.]

Zoidberg: But before I do, may I say something from the hearts?

Morris: Please.

Munda: Of course.

Leela: Can ya email it?

Zoidberg: When my species mates, they die, so I never met my parents. I never got to experience their love, or abuse, whichever one they were gonna do. But this? This has been the best two and a half months of my life. I came here with an empty suitcase, but I'm leaving with a suitcase full of love... and hopefully a to-go bucket of those sewer snails.

Morris: The feeling is mutual. You're like the child we never had.

Leela: You had me, but you sent me away!

Munda: Week, we won't make that mistake again. Morris, should we do the thing we were discussing?

Morris: Really? The one you said you're too old for?

Munda: The other one.

Morris: Oh, oh, right. Dr. Zoidberg, we've been talking. And if you're willing...

Munda: We'd like to adopt you!

Zoidberg: [teary] Really? I've never felt this feeling. I think it's called happiness.

Leela: Adopt?! Him?!

Zoidberg: Leela, we're gonna be brother and sister!

Leela: You're not my brother! You're a gross, lazy, freeloading bum!

Zoidberg: Sibling rivalry, I love it!

Munda: Welcome to the family!

[Munda and Morris hug him.]

Leela: I feel sick.

Zoidberg: No worries, sis. You can lie down in my room.

Leela: Ugh!

[Scene: A decrepit building. The sign above reads "Better B'Cawl Hyperchicken". Cut to the Hyperchicken's office.]

Hyperchicken: THis all is the adoption paperwork. Just sign your John Gamecock here, here, and, uh, fill in your young'n's date o' hatchin'.

[Munda plucks a feather from his head.]

Hyperchicken: P'caw!

[Munda signs the paper. The Hyperchicken takes the papers.]

Hyperchicken: Now, per this agreement, Dr. Zoidberg will inherit half of your extensive financial debts.

Leela: That debt was supposed to be mine!

Zoidberg: I can't believe I'll have my own debt someday! I promise to nurture and grow it!

[Hermes stamps the paperwork to make it bureaucratically official.]

Hyperchicken: I say, I say, the adoption is now complete. You may kiss the crab.

[Munda and Morris kiss Zoidberg on the cheeks. Pull out to reveal the rest of the Planet Express crew in the office. Everyone cheers except Leela.]

[Scene: The Planet Express conference room. A party is being held in honor of Zoidberg's adoption. A banner overhead reads "Congratulations, Leela! It's a Brother!" Everyone is celebrating except for Leela.]

Mr. Johnson: [to Fry] Your own grandfather? Interesting.

[Cut to Mrs. Johnson schmoozing with Munda.]

Mrs. Johnson: I mean, it's a compromise, right? The dumpster's on the small side, but it's a good school district.

Munda: I always say, "Location, location, location."

Mrs. Johnson: Where do you live?

Munda: The sewer.

[Zoidberg clinks his champagne glass with a steak knife, but his claw accidentally snaps the glass in two, causing it to fall and break.]

Zoidberg: Friends, on this happy day, my joy bladder is overflowing! I'd like to make a toast to my mom, my dad, and my dear sister, Leela.

Leela: That's it! This is ridiculous!

Fry: [attempting to comfort her] Leela...

Leela: It's not fair! Now that my parents are finally part of my life, I'm losing them! You're stealing my parents!

Zoidberg: You mean our parents.

Munda: Leela, we have enough love to smother the both of you.

Leela: Spare me. You love Zoidberg so much, you can have him! Go back to your garbage house and enjoy your garbage life!

[Munda's lip trembles and she cries on Morris' shoulder. Morris comforts her.]

Morris: Leela, you're a terrible daughter! I wish we never abandoned you!

Zoidberg: How dare you talk to Mommy and Daddy like this! And in public no less! I'm ashamed to call myself your brother.

Leela: Then don't! 'Cause you're not my—[groans] I don't feel so good.

Hyperchicken: Here, have some of my emergency mint julep.

[Leela faints. Everyone gasps.]

Hyperchicken: P'caw!

[Fry feels Leela's cheeks.]

Fry: She's not breathing! She needs a doctor!

Munda: Our son is a doctor!

Leela: [choking] Different doctor! Different doctor! [chokes and faints again]

[Scene: Taco Bellevue Hospital. The billboard is the same as the one in "Scared Screenless". Cut to a very pale Leela waking up in a hospital bed. She takes in her surroundings.]

Leela: Fry? What happened?

Fry: You passed out in the middle of insulting your parents.

Morris: We're here if you wanna finish.

Leela: Mom, Dad, you came? After how I behaved? I'm so sorry. I should never have said any of those things. Out loud.

Munda: Aw, sweetie, we love you. We're just happy you're awake and slightly sedated.

[Dr. Tenderman walks in blowing his nose.]

Fry: Are you okay, doctor?

Dr. Tenderman: I'm not sick. I've just been crying. [emotional] Sorry, this is really hard for me. Do you mind holding my hand, sir?

Fry: Of course.

[He does.]

Dr. Tenderman: Leela, I'm afraid... you've suffered total blenal failure.

[Fry, Leela and Munda gasp.]

Morris: Oh, no! Unless that's good.

Dr. Tenderman: You'll die unless you get an immediate blenal gland transplant.

Fry: No problem! She can have mine!

Dr. Tenderman: I'm afraid it's not that simple. The blenal gland is found only in certain mutants. Also, I'm afraid it's not even that simple. She'll need a tissue match from a relative.

Zoidberg: Like me! Her adopted brother!

Dr. Tenderman: I'm afraid... you're stupid.

[Scene: Outside the Turanga house. The Professor has a Blenal Gland Testing site set up as he tests several different relatives, with Munda and Morris having already been tested. He sticks a needle in a relative's arm.]

Morris: If there's a match, we'll find it.

Munda: We've rounded up all of Leela's relatives, no matter how distant.

Leela's Grandmother: I'm her grandmother.

Munda: I know, ma.

[A porcupine mutant is next in line.]

Porcupine mutant: I'm scared of needles. Just FYI.

Amy: Don't worry. It barely hurts a lot.

[As the Professor shows her the syringe, she screams and ejects quills off her person.]

Porcupine mutant: Sorry about that.

[Scene: Back at the hospital, the different tests are matched with Leela, but nothing has been found yet.]

Morris: Have you found a match?

Dr. Tenderman: Not even close. [sobbing] Oh, why did I become a doctor?! Leela's going to die!

Everyone: No!

Dr. Tenderman: Unless... this last sample is a match.

Morris: What was that long pause for?

Dr. Tenderman: I just needed a moment.

[The doctor uses a pipette from a sample and drops it into the scanner's petri dish. After a few seconds, it has found a match.]

Dr. Tenderman: I don't believe it! A match!

[Everyone cheers.]

Leela: Who is it?

[The scanner's screen shows it is none other than J. Zoidberg.]

Dr. Tenderman: I can't read it! I've been crying too much!

Zoidberg: It's me! Your brother!

All: Huh?

Farnsworth: Ih-wha?

Zoidberg: I took a sample of my own blenal fluid. Like so.

[He lifts his coat to reveal a cracked shell. He puts a syringe in another part of his shell and groans.]

Leela: But-but... [stammers] how can Zoidberg be related to me?

Farnsworth: It defies explanation!

Dr. Judith: [from behind bed curtain] I can explain it!

[The curtain opens to reveal Dr. Judith in with a broken leg.]

Farnsworth: Judith! Did you receive my marriage proposal?

Dr. Judith: Yes. Did you receive my restraining order?

Farnsworth: I did! [He backs away at a respectful legal distance.]

Dr. Judith: I was in town for the Museum of Natural History Gala and I tripped down the stairs in my stiletto flip-flops. I may never walk again.

Leela: Bummer. You were saying about Zoidberg being my tissue match...?

Dr. Judith: Oh, right. Yes. It seems you and Zoidberg have a common ancestor.

Leela: How?

[Flashback: Exactly 4.98 billion years ago on Decapod 10, in the age of crabosaurs.]

Dr. Judith: [voiceover] Approximately five billion years ago, a comet struck our planet, wiping out the crabosaurs.

Bender: [voiceover] You told us already! Move it along!

[The meteorite strikes the planet.]

Dr. Judith: [voiceover] These ejecta carried crab splatter into space, containing DNA that plotzed on many planets, including ancient Earth. Decapodian genes were incorporated into some of your early life forms, jazzing them up with claws and tentacles...

[An ammonite whoops like Zoidberg. Cut back to the hospital.]

Dr. Judith: ...and, of course, blenal glands.

Fry: I thought as much.

Leela: But I'm not a sea creature. My parents are land mutants.

Munda: The Mutagenic Lake! Our people have absorbed a little of everything.

Farnsworth: [to Leela] Of course! Your mother's tentacles and Zoidberg's mouth danglers are just different expressions of the same gene!

Dr. Judith: Well, that's right, Professor! And I thought you were just a vapid hunk!

Farnsworth: [giggles]

Dr. Judith: Leela and Zoidberg are related, if distantly. Their common ancestor: the extinct crabosaurs of Decapod 10.

[Leela puts on her oxygen mask to help her breathe at this realization. Dr. Judith pushes her remote to close her curtain.]

Zoidberg: Leela, as your brother who is also related to you, I'd be honored to donate a blenal gland.

Leela: But... will you be okay?

Zoidberg: Please, I've got blenal glands coming outta my schnookus. [aside, to Dr. Tenderman] Use one of those.

[Leela holds Zoidberg's claw.]

Leela: Thanks, brother.

Zoidberg: If I die, please donate my debt to a children's hospital.

[Scene: The Turanga house. Cut to the bedroom. Zoidberg and Leela are sharing a bunk bed. Munda is holding a pillow and Morris is holding a mug and teapot. Leela appears to be recovered, but Dr. Tenderman is testing her.]

Dr. Tenderman: I'm afraid... the operation was a complete success!

Munda: Yay!

Morris: Ooh!

Munda: Leela, do you need another pillow?

Leela: I have six pillows, Mom.

Munda: Have seven.

[She puts the pillow underneath the other pillows, while Morris pours some tea.]

Morris: I made something like tea.

Zoidberg: I'm okay, thank you.

Munda: I'm gonna get some more pillows. Morris, make another pot of tea.

Zoidberg: Ugh, enough with the tea!

Leela: Mom, Dad, we're okay! Please, just let us rest!

Munda: Yes, rest. Here's another pillow.

Morris: I'll run to the store for more tea.

[Tenderman, Munda and Morris leave the room.]

Leela: Jeez, they are so annoying.

Zoidberg: Tell me about it! Why don't they just spray us with a tea fire hose?

Leela: [chuckles] I guess only a sibling can appreciate how annoying your parents are. And I'm happy to have that now.

Zoidberg: Me, too, sis. But seriously, they're awful! I need to move out!

[Scene: The Planet Express building. The Johnsons are moving out of the dumpster. Zoidberg approaches them.]

Zoidberg: My folks are obnoxious. Any chance I could be your roommate?

Mr. Johnson: Sorry. We're moving to Hoboken. We found a refrigerator box that's twice the size of this place!

Mrs. Johnson: You get a lot more box for your buck out there.

[After moving their stuff into their U-Push wheelbarrow, they take off. Hattie gives Zoidberg the keys.]

Hattie: Here, take the kajiggers.

Zoidberg: But I don't have any money.

Hattie: We'll work somethin' out. [winks and clicks tongue]

Zoidberg: [takes keys] Okay. As long as it doesn't involve money.

[Cut to inside the dumpster. Zoidberg happily looks at a photo of him with Leela's family. He sticks it to the wall of the dumpster. Zoom in on the photo. Zoom out to reveal Leela looking at the same photo. She posts it on the bulletin board. Bender passes by humming and removes the photo, crumples it up and tosses it into the toilet, not forgetting to flush. The flushed photo ends up with the Turangas, who replace another photo with it on the mantle.]

[Closing credits.]

← Previous	Navigation in production order	Next →