And now for something completely different....

So…Carson gave me this recipe, and though my usual idea of baking is swinging by the Jewish bakery down the street from my place, it sounded pretty good.  Thought I'd give it a try, because--you know, cooking, it's all equations, following directions, a definite process.  Heh, you can take the boy out of science, but you can't take the science out of the boy.  But, with my background in theoretical astrophysics, I can't help but want to take things and add to it.  One change led to another, and thus, the edited recipe.  Plus, the original called for maple syrup, and…I don't like maple syrup.  I know, I'm Canadian.  Go figure, eh?  Anyhow, the recipe.  Best done in Radek's kitchen, cause it's bigger, and he actually has muffin tins lying around.  Not that he ever uses them, but that's beside the point.

1 egg
1 1/2 cups yogurt - no girly low-fat crap, get the good stuff.  And I recommend vanilla over plain, but that's me.
4 spoons oil (just use a kitchen spoon, don't stress over exacts here)
2 spoons vanilla extract
3 cups flour
1 cup sugar…and don't stress if you get a little more in the measuring cup, because--hey, sugar.
1/2 cup chopped chocolate
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
12 pieces of soft, creamy butterscotch/caramel or other toffees

Cinnamon

Peanut butter

And, now, the instructions:

1) Start the coffee maker, cause peeling those caramels (or whatever you picked) is going to take a few minutes.  Go ahead and do that while you wait for the coffee to brew.

2) Get out your laptop and call up the email with the recipe, because of course you forgot to print it out.  Maximize the window, then fire up your media player of choice for some tunes while you get your creative cooking mojo going.  Don't forget to bring the recipe back up, though.

Recommended playlist -

White and Nerdy, by Weird Al - if you know me and Radek, 'nuff said.

If You Were Gay, from the Avenue Q soundtrack - see above

Piano Man, by Billy Joel - I play piano.  At a bar.  Hello?

My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada, Avenue Q - because I so don't have one

Lay All Your Love on Me, by ABBA - Shut up.  I like ABBA, okay?

Gaelic Song, by the Arrogant Worms - 'cause Carson gave me the recipe

If I Had $1,000,000, by the Barenaked Ladies - Great band, great song.  Need any more reasons?

Canada's Really Big, by the Arrogant Worms - because the Worms rock.

Bohemian Like You, by the Dandy Warhols - …I will never hear this song again without thinking of a certain little Bohemian freak who's still asleep in the bedroom….

To be fair, I should have thrown one of those Czech rock bands that Radek likes into the mix, but…good luck finding them on a under-the-radar download site.

3) Retrieve the ingredients from the cupboard where you shoved them last night after getting back from the store.  The coffee's probably done by now, so go ahead and grab a cup and put the paper cups into the muffin tin while you get your caffeine fix.  Or just spritz the cups with Pam if that's your thing.

4) Pause to wonder why the hell Radek keeps lemon peel in his spice cabinet.  Let it go, since it's in a safely sealed container, but…really, lemon peel?  With as paranoid as he is about my allergies?

5) Dig out two large bowls. Put the egg, yogurt, oil and vanilla in one - and the flour, sugar, chocolate, baking powder and soda in the other.  In the dry ingredients bowl, toss in a liberal amount of cinnamon (and I am quite liberal).  Throw an equally liberal dollop of peanut butter into a microwavable cup and melt it.  Pour that into the wet ingredients and stir before it thickens.

6) Stir it up!  …you will probably get flour all over everything.  Stir, stir, stir, 'til its all well-blended.  Hello, Radek, ever heard of an electric mixer?

7) Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredient bowl, or vice versa if you prefer.  Cooking is an art as well as a science, and as it took me too long to learn, art does not always have to be perfect.  You may find the mixture too thick to stir after the peanut butter got added.  Splash in a little milk if you have it on hand to lighten things up (or, heck, more yogurt), but don't overdo it.

8) Turn the oven on so it can get hot while you…heh, get hot…yes, I'm twelve.  Okay, focusing!  …Turn the oven to…200 Celsius.  Dammit.  One of these days, I'm going to just get a oven knob from home!  I'm sure Jeannie wouldn't mind if I swiped hers.  Um, mental calculation…okay, 392 Farhenheit?  …just set it between 375 and 400 somewhere and call it a day.

9) Remember where you put the muffin tin?  I didn't.  …  Once you find it (on the kitchen table), fill each tin about halfway.  Don't freak if it's not exact, but aim for the halfway mark.  If you get some outside the little cup, wipe it off or that crap will never come off once it's baked on.

10) Remember where you put those caramels?  …actually, those, I did.  Put one in each muffin mix and push it down in there.  Be gentle.

11) Shoo Radek's cat off a nearby counter and put more muffin batter in each cup, covering the caramel.  Trust me, if you don't…huge mess.  Guess who forgot that step the first time?

12) 20-25 Minutes ought to do it, but check on 'em before that, 'cause you've been futzing with the temperature of the oven. If you picked the order of songs I did and worked about the same speed as me, you're probably near the end of Canada's Really Big.  Sing along as you get the bowls into the dishwasher, because…really, that stuff's not coming off if you don't wash it now.  If you don't have a dishwasher?  Sucks to be you.  …at the very least, get the one you melted peanut butter in cleaned up.

And by now, Bohemian Like You is on.  Awesome!

13) Turn around near the end of Bohemian Like You to see Radek staring at you.  Put his cat down and pretend like you weren't dancing with her because you thought no one was watching.

14) Check the muffins with a fork/knife/toothpick/whatever.  If it comes out clean, they're done!  …let em sit for awhile, as long as you can manage to resist sampling.  But, really, let them cool off, because in this sue-happy society, I have to say that.

15) Grab another cup of coffee, because coffee is the elixer of the gods, and settle down to breakfast with your favorite Bohemian freak, who's still in disbelief that you baked something.

16) Under no circumstances should you at any point tell Carson that you changed his mother's recipe.  Seriously, you haven't seen this guy talk about his mother.  …No, really.  The muffins were awesome and that's all he needs to know.