if i was a popular minecraft youtuber id just tweet "hey guys stop drawing shipping fanart of me and my friends/coworkers, i only fucked one of them and seeing me paired with anyone else is kinda weird and crosses my boundaries" and then i'd turn my phone off

aborted doctor voice: I would've loved to dismiss the concerns of women and fat people... If I was born...

im one of the angels assigned to guard god's throne and i keep shaving a piece of wood off one of the legs so it gets progressively thinner and weaker until one day it will snap like a matchstick and the big man will topple from his seat of power to grace the ground with his holy ass. of course he's omniscient so he already knows this and will have to banish me from heaven when it happens, but because of free will he has to give me the option to repent right until the very end. we both know i'm not going to do it but the rules that define our very being won't let us take any other course of action and besides he made me this way, so really the joke's on him no matter what.

A showcase of MALE MORPHS from the internets best (FREE) TUMBLR,DEFUNCT OR ARCHIVED MORPH ARTISTS. =========================== MUSCLEMORPHS MORPHED COCKS MORPHED BULGES MORPHED BUTTS MORPHED BEER BELLIES MORPH ART =========================== Freakish,Unreal,Engorged,Bloated, Swollen,Heavy Hung, Massive,Hulking Hunks =========================== Morphers. If U want your morphs removed,just drop me your morph name & they’ll be deleted.

its so fucked up that ppl think bees are the only pollinators. i had a coworker say she loved bees but hates wasps “because they dont even pollinate anything”. when corrected she said “well ants at least dont do anything” actually, ants are also pollinators. and so are beetles and flies and bats if u were wondering.

my dead wife. the ad free internet

“standard dni” in bios is funny to me. i keep thinking about the idea of a designated class of people that goes around tumblr knowing they’re not supposed to interact with posts

it’s 2014 can taylor swift stop

Wh-what do you mean it’s from a birthday cake

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

• For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.
• Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.
• Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.
• I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.
• I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.
• Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

"oh yeah you should watch this show! its on-" it doesnt matter. it is on the little site in my computer. for free

Thank you divorce for all you've done for music

Is it socially acceptable to use opaque watercolors, or is that considered gouache?