"You don't have to dread negotiating. In fact, you might decide to look forward to it. You make a special connection while arguing back and forth, and you'll be able to reach sweet agreement."
and then shit like that makes me think i should try.
wtf? since when did horoscopes start having ANYTHING to do with my life?
cant even lie; im so scared. so many people i love nd trust say theyll be there for anything and everything.. but its the kinda thing i have to do alone. thats so scarey... ive never had to do anything completely alone.. i just always choose to. its empowering knowing i could be gettin help, but im bein all grown up nd doin it myself. but now look at myself; i did it my way nd didnt think about shit- i jus did it. now, in addition to my hourly heart attacks, ive got a really nice case of depression. its not too bad... ill definately live but im bummed because i feel used? im usually the user, so its just weird i guess. then theres my best friend yellin at me... "IM the one that does the stupid shit... not you!" lol... i know... but im allowed to fuck up once right?
i think the thing that bothers me the most is that this proves i AM my mothers daughter; wtf is wrong with me?? thats just sad. maybe its genetic... thatd be great, cus then id have an excuse. i needa stop thinking like that; there are no excuses. you did what you did- get over it. i can beat it into my head a billion times... but i think im still in shock.
as for the future; what am i most scared of. besides the obvious, i think i got attached (dumbass) nd i dont think he did at all. i think he likes cassandra. i may/may not be crazy, but im pretty sure he does. thats not even the end of the world though, i think the worst part is having another chris ALL OVER AGAIN. that shit ruined me. forreal. i dont usually get all bitchy nd emo.. but this shit tears a hole.
i hope im makin a big deal outta nothing. PLEASE let me be wrong. i cant handle this shit
can anyone else believe its practically the end of the year? this year flew by.
going to nyc at the end of the month.. yay!
brittneys fine.. thank god. i dunno what i wouldve done if there was somethin seriously wrong wit her =\
doms mad at me for somethin i havent even done yet... whatever though... he needs to understand im not that bitch that does whatever he tells me to. doesnt work like that.
spent the night at sams last night... it was chill. hung wit tasha at work for a few hours... i missed chillin wit them.
i could write a best selling novel of my life, forreal.
" Sometimes I wish I wasnt so lost in you. This is mainly because I know you'd do it again; in a heartbeat, no hessitation, you just would. The day I get over it, the day I move on, will be the day I let myself keep living. Once I learn I'm better off without, I'll be able to love myself again. "
my goodness. its been a nice break. ill admit though, im seriously dreading going back to school. im dreading going back to work. and i was thinking today how bad its going to suck next year when i reeeeeally cant stand school. goddammnit. im only in the first semester of my junior year and im ready to quit. college is going to be a bitch. just the entrance process. im dreading that as well.
i lost my atm card. good job retard. but its cool. i ordered another one. it should be in the mail and ill be getting it sometime this week. i wont get paid this week though, so i dont know why i care.
i had a girls night friday. i had fun. ill post pictures later when i get some replacement batteries for my camera. i love the damn thing. im a very mild poparazzi. grrrreat. haha
christmas is comming, and ill only say this once more (lucky for those who actually read this crap), what would everyone like for christmas? if you dont give me ideas, chances are you wont get squat. its in your best interest, cause ive got a job now and id love to buy as many people gifts as possible.
i think thats about it. nothing new, nothing exciting, just the same crap. god i need to do something exciting, cause this is killing me.
<3 me
maybe to be a good friend i need to help her get over it. maybe keeping it together isnt the best thing, and maybe i need to help her move on. maybe im here because everyone needs a rock, a shoulder to lean on, and its my turn to be the rock? maybe
naughty