Understanding Grace

I became Mrs. Harrison on November 5th, 2016. You know what it so precious about this date? I committed my life to Christ on November 5th, 2000. I am so awe and amazed how God worked this miracle!

I stated i my last post that I was worried about my health. Well, I am now undetectable since my doctor switched me to a new medicine. I became undetectable within two months! after months of testing, my doctor called me and told me that I was "Not crazy and I was taking my meds." It's just that the meds it'self, was not working. So I am thankful my new doctor changed it and I am feeling much healthier.

Almost two months ago the Lord blessed me with a full time job at City Hall! This was a God moment for sure! For the past two years I asked God to move me when I became still as I listened for His answer about my job search. Well, no answer came and I was happy just doing my part time job. About a month ago my Business Partner told me to go meet with the Military Affairs Department. He emailed me at home and at work. (I had done several interviews at this point and was frustrated with no answer.) So... I went and the Director pulled me into this meeting. He proceeded to tell me why he was wanting to hire me. He said all year long I smiled at him. I was very friendly and just being myself. HE then told me that the person holding the Clerical Support position left because she was unhappy and not so nice. It wasn't what he was looking for. When he told the Business partners that this position was open they all said to talk to me. He then told me that it took him a little bit of who they were talking about. (We didn't know each other's name or anything. I just say hi like I always do.) That's when he put two and two together and realized it was me. He then told them to get me to the interview as soon as possible. After the interview, he asked me to talked to my then, fiance, about it and we would talk next week. Alvin, of course, said to take the job if it's offered. So I prayed and asked God to give me an immediate answer. Thursday was the interview. That following Monday the Military Affairs and Veterans Department called and told me to meet with them at 1 PM. I got the job offer within five minutes! I ask God that night that is this is where I am supposed to be, then if God could increase my salary. The Department wanted me at base salary, but it wasn't enough for me to live off. So I prayed and asked for 25%. The Department gave me about 22% the next day! Now I am a Clerical Support Aide III at the Military Affairs and Veterans Department.

I love working with my new team as we make a differences for the homeless veterans population. I even get over time when we do events likes the Stand Down where they receive services and food and clothing. I love making a difference! God really answered my prayer of enlarging my heart!

After a while Alvin and I discussed our wedding date. We decided to have it earlier because I don't know what I'll be doing several months from now with my job. My boss knew I was engaged and was happy to know that I moved the wedding to an earlier date. We both felt November 5th, 2016 was right. (I didn't realized how this date was significant in my Christian walk until a couple of weeks before the wedding!)

We knew the date was right when we were blessed with the financial aspect of holding this wedding. We just finished our marital counseling as well! Our wedding was held at the nursing home where his mom lived. (Now my mother in law!) I knew we both felt it was right to do that.) Sooooo many miracles happened during this time too! (I will do that in a later post.)

All in all, I am now Mrs. Harrison and I am so grateful for the many miracles that God really showed His glory in. He deifnitely was there!

This year God has been teaching me to "Give up" for Him. What about Facebook? Who would notice my name deleted? Who would wonder where I was? Would they call? Would they send letters? Facebook is a place where we peer into each other's lives from a distance to avoid any type of real contact. While I applaud Facebook for bringing people together in the virtual world, it's tearing people apart in the real world. Don't have time to talk on the phone? Text on Facebook. Don't have time to spend with friends, tell them what you are doing on Facebook! Even the quality of art has been downgraded with Facebook. A child can't experience a real camera, the one that takes time to develop. They only know the joy of holding a cell phone to take a picture. (Some may remember the digital cameras! We still have those...) What about invites to special events? Don't have the time to make beautiful cards from your hands? Send a blast E-vite. It's not as personal, but it gets the job done.

A long time ago I went to Mexico to visit the Mayan people. One of my fondness memories are when the kids gave me a confused look when I showed them my camera. It was a "one time use" camera where you send off the pictures along with the camera. Did you know those kids never seen a camera? They were afraid of it at first, but after a while they got the hang of it! It was a sight to see! Those kids did not have much but they were happy playing outside together. They were happy with just a can to kick around or a ball to play with. They were happy to have visitors. Most of the people ventured outside instead of staying indoors. I'm sure they have never heard of Facebook and are happy with they have because that's all they knew.

One of these days I'll have the courage to delete Facebook from my life. I wonder what would could God do in my life if I gave Facebook up for Him?

I feel like I'm losing everything with the hope of succeeding in God's timing. I am always st the bottom and never at the top. My heart still gwts discouraged from time to time. I reported my income to SSI and will lose it since I started working. Yet. My job is only temporary. Can't lie and say I'm not scared. But I am scared of losing everything for the sake of Christ. I have given up my family, Alvin, My SSI, teaching and still met with uncertainty. And now unsure about my sweet kitty's health. Will she leave me too? I have never succeeded anything except school and my life. My heart is in Lament! But I will rejoice because I know God is real and He will help me even now.

Thinking of Psalm 37:5 tonight.

I am reminded of laundry when I think of lent. How many times a week we have to clean the lent out of the dryer to allow the air to circulate? What would happen if we didn't have those little containers that hold the lent in? The lent sticks to everything, including clothes, the carpets, and even on your body! They are mean little buggers that are hard to get rid of. I imagine hearing all kinds of words to describe our frustration of getting rid of it! Let's give a moment to thank our inventors for creating Downy, the lent containers and anything that helps keep it away!

This is what my life is like. I have this stuff (lent) all around me. This is not just about my house full of stuff, but the lent's that are in my heart, clogging up my soul. The last few years, my Lord Jesus has been teaching me to get rid of it. He has given me tools, just like an inventor, to help make my life a little cleaner, more refreshed. I will say my favorite tool of getting rid of those buggers is Downy. I love the smell of the fresh scent! Jesus gave me the tool of Trust. The lent's that are in my heart keeps disappearing the more I trust in the Lord. My heart is becoming lighter, cleaner and hopefully spreading the scent of love like Myrrh and Frankincense.

Psalm 37:5 (The Living Bible)
Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him to help you do it, and he will.

I almost did not go to church this morning due to the exhaustion I've been feeling. Okay, and I did have a few glass of wine the night before. =) But I did end up going to church and the weirdest thing happened...

I was sitting on the couch and this man was in the room. He was carrying a black bible, wearing light blue plaid shirt and jeans with hair and beard unkempt. I have been making it a point to go ahead and talk to new comers in our church. Only thing is this guy seemed to be a total stranger... So I politely said hi and asked him if he'd like to join us. He was flabbergasted that I came up to him and even talked to him. I left him there hoping he'll come in the church. He did go in, but only for a moment, then turned and walked toward the door. I didn't know if he'd come back or not.

Anyway, I had placed my coffee on the table before going in. The guy was not there. Came out and noticed that my coffee was gone! My friend had placed her coffee right next to mine and she had hers out there waiting for her. I asked her if she'd seen the man and apparently no one had seen him.

I shake my head at this because we are supposed to be open to new comers. yet, this stranger came in and NO ONE noticed him. Either they did or not, but no one even said hi to this man. And it makes me wonder the genuine of people's hearts. Are we that afraid to allow someone in our close knit circle? Are we so distrusting of new people that we can't welcome in our church? Amazingly, the pastor talked about this very thing! Even he didn't see this person in the lobby! Was I the only one? Was I paranoid? Regardless my coffee cup was gone when I came out. I assumed he was a homeless man needing something to drink. I wished I had encouraged him more to come and sit through service. I did see a smile form as He talked with me for the few brief moments. Do I think it was an angel? Not sure if I would go that far...

But it makes me wonder how much we are noticing who comes into church looking for someone to accept them. Just makes me wonder...

Psalm 51

"14 Deliver me from bloodguiltnesd oh God, Oh God of my salvation, a d my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
15 Oh Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 For will not delight in sacrifices, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, Oh God, you will not despise."

I am so in awe of God's mercies that are never ending. He will not take the "it" person, He will not take the prideful, He will not take the self-righteous. Those offerings will be ignored! Instead He'll take those who are weak, who are suffering, broken, defeated, those who call themselves failures, the poor, the hungry, the evil doers who are broken in dpirit. Oh Lord you will raise us up to be like you because we died in sin. We died in the flesh creaked bones. You made us a new heart to be like you, living, breathing the eternal life. My heart longs for you. My soul aches to be one. My mind thirst for more of your infinite wisdom. Thank you God for your humble spirit, even unto your death and that you rose iin triumph. You overcame it all for us. Thank you .

After all the nervousness and preparation, I couldn't help but felt let down when some of the kids didn't show up. My only rejoice was that one student showed up. Believe it or not, I taught the class with only one student. =)

Our topic this year is Re:Form - learning how to understand our faith through creative ideas. This is a great tool for middle school kids that will keep them engage as we learn scriptures and God's love for us. The first few weeks we will be discussing "Who wrote the bible, God or Human?" The student that came was very interested because she had no idea who wrote the bible. I presented her with a question. "If your friend told you that the bible was fiction, how would you respond?" I am praying the Lord will give me much wisdom in this area in hopes these students will stand boldly with conviction on God's truth when they are faced with these questions from their peers.

Despite only one student showing up for class, I am amazed how God lead me on this path considering where I was fourteen years ago. In 2000 I became a Christian. In 2001 I knew I wanted to share God's word through education when I came back from Mexico on a mission trip. In 2004, I received my first college diploma. In 2009 I received my first Bachelor's degree. In 2011, I gave up hope due to sickness and depression and almost lost my life. In 2012, God brought me out of despair and gave me a new hope. And now in 2014, God brought me to my first day of teaching Sunday School to middle school kids while attending a Christian college to obtain my second Bachelor's degree! If this wasn't a miracle in the making, I don't know what one is.

God is so good indeed!

If there is one thing I learned about money it's this:
Don't allow money to rule your life. It brings unbelief, discord, anxiety, distrust, anguish -- feelings that are lies from the enemy. We all know money is needed to provide a roof over a head, etc.. But don't allow it to bring you these feelings that make you feel less then God wants you to be. He already deemed us Worthy before we were born!

Jeremiah 29:11 "11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The Lord always brings me back to this scripture! How do I know this scripture is true? My closest friends know that my "financial status" has always been on or below poverty level. Yet, the Lord has always provided for me in one way or another through the course of my life. And even today, His promises are unfailing! I just got word today from my counselor that my July rent will be paid for as I continue to search for a job. God is just so good! Hmm... Indeed.

Sun disappears
rain falls
drops of tears
are everywhere

colors darken
sad and grey
trouble comes
wanting to play

Only for a little while
the strong one says
pause.

Time is near
and it is far
lose not a moment
endless joy

Sun is happy
rain fades
Okay.

John 16:22 "So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you."

I guess I should write my first post of the year before January runs out. So here goes... Oh and this was borrowed from asourceofjoy so I hope you don't mind! =)

Last year I wanted to host a bible study class in my new home. It was my hope to teach a bible class in my new home. I was ten days late in making that goal. It was in someone else's home, but I was able to teach for the first time on a very difficult subject. With four sleepless nights and teaching for two days, the Lord brought it all together for me. I will probably post my notes on a later date when I have more time. We had about nine ladies from three different churches that came together. It was a blessed and divine felt moment!


So now on to the list...

In 2013, my...
saddest moment was:
The passing of my Uncle.
happiest moment was:
Passing my Teaching test!!
greatest accomplishment was:
Receiving an outstanding leadership award in March for my long term subbing assignment with ESE students.
biggest change was:
Quitting my job at Gate.
most besetting sin was:
Not taking medicine that the Lord provided me. Drinking more than usual. I have not have one drop of alcohol at all this year. =) It's a struggle and I like to drink, but not if it cost me my health and being right with the Lord.
favorite gift was:
The laptop my parents gave me, and received wonderful financial gifts to get me to through December and January. I am so thankful! My favorite gift was from Alvin. He gave me a locket that had a clock in it. He even got the same one for himself. He told me it was a reminder of our friendship and even when we aren't always together, we'll always be friends. He is still a big part of my life.
biggest learning experience was:
Learning how to interview and what to do and not to do. I'll be on my eighth interview on Monday. Still not giving up!
favorite book was:
the fortunes of Indigo Skstye. By: Deb Caletti. What would you do with 2.5 million dollars that was given to you out of the blue by a single act of kindness?
sweetest memory was:
Getting to know the youth kids at church. I always thought preteen and teenagers were scarey since I deal with them at school. But they are who they are in their moment. I am learning to let them live and allow the Lord to work in their hearts at their level. It's certainly an eye opener!
greatest challenge was:
Taking the leap of faith to quit my job.
favorite item of clothing was:
All the new clothes I received as a gift this year. =)
newest skill was:
Learning how to coupon shop. Still learning and just put my organizer into action this 2014 year!
most memorable news story was:
Miley Cyrus taking hollywood and the "butt" incident on one of the award shows.

Next year I hope to change:
spiritually - spending more time with the Lord and digging deeper into the word. Not being afraid of what He has to say to me.
personally - to stand up for myself and not letting anyone tear me down. Being confident in who I am. I am a child of God!
physically - My goal is to stay out of the hospital for an entire year. In 2014 I was to say I was hospital free!!!
financially - have money in my savings and lowering my debt.
mentally - Becoming victorious over my depression/anxiety that has plagued me nearly all of my life. Allowing the Lord to fill me with His peace instead of the lies from Satan. Last year I made it without any psych medicines!!

One more set of questions....

1.) Where did you ring in 2013?
I was at home with the TV off and just spending time with the Lord. Every year I seemed to be too busy with all of the celebrations and not spending time with giving thanks to the Lord. But I did hear lots of fireworks around me! Did I mention that I love living by the river?

2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Single. Still. And I doubt that would change for 2014. :P

3.) Were you in school (any time this year)?
Does it count if you are a substitute teacher? And does confirmation class count?

4.) How did you earn your keep?
Leaving gate was the hardest thing to do this year because I loved everyone so much! After much praying and making a decision to quit, the Lord blessed me with a new job working from home for an online radio station to help me stay a float until one day, I get a full time teaching job. But I am still subbing too.

5.) Did you have to go to the hospital?
I am blessed to say that I was in the hospital one time this year. That's a record for those who know me! And it was for two days, critical, suffering from hypo-calcemia. (SP?) The doctors don't know what causes it, but they treated it with high intense doses of calcium. Mainly tums in IV form! Since that adventure I've had no symptoms since.

6.) Did you encounter the police?
No, thankfully! This year was pretty peaceful. Although the ambulance came to take me to the hospital.

7.) Where did you go on vacation?
I went to North Carolina, Lutheridge on a hand-bell clinician retreat. This was the first time I saw snow on the mountains! It was so beautiful. With the uncertainties of job opportunities, I couldn't go on any vacation. I was very blessed to go on this trip as I was given a scholarship to go.

8.) What did you purchase that was over $500?
I paid off my car that was wrecked over a year ago. And that was well over $1000. But other than that, rent, bills..

9.) Did you know anybody who got married?
I don't think so....

12.) Did you move anywhere?
No. Why would I want to move away from the river?

13.) What sporting events did you go to?
None. I'm not much of a sports fan. :P

14.) What concerts did you go to?
I went to a Toby Mac concert! This was my only concert of the year and it was a surprise last minute gift. =)

15.) Are you registered to vote?
Yes.

16.) If so, did you do your patriotic duty this year?
No, I don't think there was much to vote on in our area this year. (ditto)

17.) Where do you live now?
Same place as last year.

19.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2013?
Passing my Florida Professional Education test! This test would get me hired, hopefully. But it took me three times to pass it and a year of studying for it. God was so good to give me wisdom and His confidence to pass this test.

20.) What is one thing you regretted this year?
Not spending as much time with my Uncle before he passed. I was blessed to be there for him two days before he died. Our last conversation was short and sweet, just an every day conversation. I think he wanted it that way.

21.) What's something you learned about yourself?
I am okay where I am at now. The Lord had shown me His provisions during periods of financial hardship since quiting my job. And He was there for me. To know that alone, renewed my faith in Him. I also learned how to be bold and stay true to myself. Learned to stand up even when someone disagrees with me. I was always a people pleaser and now my aim is to be a God-pleaser. I even survived a rejection, condemnation and yet, woke up each morning thanking the Lord I'm still His child

22.) Any new additions to your family?
Nope

24.) What from pop culture will you remember 2013 be?
Miley Cyrus's unruly behavior. I feel sad for her. It's one thing to make a statement, but another to disrespect yourself and your body in front of millions of people.

25.) How would you rate this year with a scale from 1 (lousy) to 10 (excellent)?
10. Simply because I am still alive. It's been 21 years since my diagnoses and 13 years since I came to Christ. God is good. Indeed!