The best thing in the WORLD happened this morning!!
I went to the Orthodontist, and I told her I wasn't going to be wearing the elastic bands.
She obviously advised me to go with them, but I still said no. They just don't fit in with my life.
She said that gaps in my teeth had been corrected already and.........
I CAN HAVE THEM OFF NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm literally practically crying with happiness as I write that. I nearly cried in the orthodontist's flipping chair when she was changing the metal.
This news just completely blows my mind, it's amazing. I said to her: I thought I was supposed to have them for another year at least. And she said: well you would have done if you'd have worn the elastic bands.
If I feel like paying two and a half grand to have my teeth uber-corrected when I'm 30, then I'll deal with that then. But unless I go back to being completely goofy (which I **touches wood** hope isn't going to happen) then I DON'T CARE.
It's the best news in the world.
I'm on cloud 9.
I'm going to actually do some work now, I'm that happy.
My friend Judy is writing a pretend LiveJournal for her English project. The girl who she's writing is as rather messed up; takes coke, is anorexic, will commit suicide in the end, that sort of thing. She did a lot of research around LJ and printed off relevant real-life entries to go in her book. It's really impressive.
But what startled me was some of the entries of some of the girls that were real. I read them, and found something that I had never knew existed. Pro-Anorexia communities. Girls writing to "encourage" each other with their fasting. "Teaching" each other how to lose weight. Seeing their entire day through the eyes of what they ate, how much they exercised, how many calories they consumed.
I know I can't really understand. I've been told ever since I can remember that I was thin. And I know I am. I can't ever imagine not thinking I'm thin. I look at my stomach sometimes and think "Oh, it's a bit bigger today," but I'm not going to diet or start doing ab crunches. I just carry on as normal.
I want to understand. It makes me want to be a Psychologist. I want to help. But can they really be helped? Their entries speak of how they hate people knowing, how they hate going into therapy. How they wish that they could just die. They give their stats, some kind of stupidly small weight, and then they say that they're fat. One girl posted her pic - she was as thin as any model, but she apologised for "looking fat." What can't have helped was one girl telling her that she was "almost perfect." That "almost" will have been interpreted.
And the worst thing is, they're sucking other people into it with them. They say that they're "supporting" each other, that they're their "thinspiration." One day one of those girls is going to pip it, and then there'll just be no more entries from them...you wonder if it hasn't happened already. I'm not sure if having an eating disorder is selfish, but it seems selfish to drag other people into it with you. People who may have not had the disorder if it weren't for reading that.
Girls who could be happy. They say they'll be happy if they're not fat. But no matter how thin they are, they will always see themselves as fat. So they are never going to be happy.
You wonder why LiveJournal doesn't shut them down.
Jess - good luck with the band audition! Don't let a teacher intimidate you, just do as well as you can, I'm sure you'll be fabulous! :) **huggles**
Rhea - THANK YOU SO MUUUUUCH!! **biiiiig huggles**
Did Maths exam today. I think...I got less than 50%. That does not bode well. Thank god for retakes. Will be retaking.
I wonder if Maths at 17 in the UK is more difficult or easier than Maths at 17 in the US. I'm really curious. Would any US people be interested in trying an AS Level Maths paper? Or giving me an example of what they do?
Saw Tim for about 15 minutes. I felt awkward cos I was eating (and I'd rather not eat in front of my boyfriend at the moment cos it's weird) and because he's still ill (so my food made him feel more sick) and also because I had my glasses on today (I had on Saturday too, but that was different), and because it's hard translating outside school to in school. It's much easier outside of school to be normal. Maybe if I see him and he's not ill/I'm not eating it'll be cool.
I have a lot to do tonight. English coursework. Luckily it's only the first draft, but it's still evil. And I have a Psychology exam tomorrow. Which I have to get an A in. It is possible to get an A by only getting two-thirds of the marks. So I hope I can get that two-thirds. Unlike Maths today.
Taking the day off school. Haven't had a rest in ages, couldn't get up this morning, so told mum I wasn't going in. So I'm at home now. It's been nice to have a rest.
Did a VERY bad thing on Friday night. Went round to Judy's, got a little too drunk, and we stumbled up to Emerson's Green to see her boyfriend. Embarressed ourselves in front of the Sainsbury's night staff and Tom's friends. Had second worse hangover ever. Worked a very long weekend. I am not doing that again for a very long time. My parents continually have a go at me for going out, Judy's mum has decided that she doesn't want her going out any more, hence, we have decided not to go clubbing this weekend. I told her I didn't want to, I am not having another weekend like that.
Am going to take some quizzes, then do my homework while listening to The Killers. Fucking best album.
You scored as Middle Class. You're content in your position and would prefer a house or a family than a seven figure pay cheque. But you have your moments of weakness when you buy a lottery ticket in the hope of knowing how the rich and famous live.
Yesterday, in fact. Got an epilator, and Love Actually and Maurice on DVD. I watched Maurice today. Sadly, dad came in just on the only full-frontal nudity bit and asked, in a shocked voice, if it was a film about homosexuality. I said it was. He then turned to my mum and said "And you bought this for her??" Then they proceeded to have a conversation about it in the kitchen. I don't think he really minds. The fact that it's a Merchant Ivory film kinda makes up for it I think. It's not smutty at all. It's not a happy film. But it's a beautiful film. The ending's a little unsatisfactory though. Maybe I'll read the novella sometime.
Today should have been good, but it's never good when you come home in the wet and cold on the wrong bus then when you get home your mum has a go at you for not doing any work during the holiday so far.
I WISH I could work. I really do. I had the best intentions at the start of the holiday, I even made a timetable to fill in for what work I was going to do on what day. But it didn't work out like that.
I spent Thursday recovering from Wednesday night. Don't know what happened to Friday, I think I watched a lot of TV. Worked weekend. Spent Monday preparing myself for Monday night. Spend Tuesday recovering from Monday night, mainly at Judy's. Shopped all today. Now I have tomorrow and Friday to do a whole crappy workload. I'm an idiot.
Problem is, I need routine. To do my work, I need a routine. And I usually have a routine. I know I have no time at weekends, so I have to do my work in the evenings. But this whole holiday has thrown me off-balance. I can't bring myself to do work when I'm sat around at home all day.
Every time I think about picking up a pen and writing something, or thinking something, my arms feel like lead. They feel like lead now.
Most of the time I can't wait to work, get my grades and go to my Uni. But today I understand why people go on the dole. To not work, to not have to do anything, to piss away your life - it must be bliss. I don't know why I'm in 6th Form. I'd make a shit psychologist. I'll get a Psych degree then end up in a bloody office somewhere in a dead-end job. Just like all the other Psychology graduates. There's no point. I don't want to work. I'd rather shop all day. The only thing I care about at the moment is clothes, and I don't know why. I just want to read my fashion magazines, know what's in, what's out and spend my life thinking about it. If I could do that without getting a guilt trip every time I got home, both from my parents and from myself, I'd be happy.
I have a permanent sad clown mouth. It won't turn upwards. I'm going to bed.
Will dress up as a slutty schoolgirl and have lots of fun. Got to do something about my gorilla-hairy legs though. Need more money though, will see to that later.
**sigh** Am making the University decision with mum. Or at least, the decision about which ones to visit. Obviously, Royal Holloway is my number one - I almost don't know what point there is of looking anywhere else now. I will, of course, but RHUL is so embedded in my mind I don't know if I could come to terms with the idea of going anywhere else.
I was going to look at Bath, but I saw on the website that their standard offer is AAA at A Level. Not happening, so I is droppin'. I am definitely going to look at Cardiff (hear that K?!), possibly Nottingham (their site isn't really a mine of information about what they ask for in terms of results), and Reading. Everything else = too far North or not good enough. RH is perfect. Closer to home, yet near to London. Great campus. Good Psychology department. Good ranking. Doesn't ask for the world at A Level. **sigh** Not perfect in terms of acadaemia - but perfect for me.
Getting a mild cold - just in time for the Mandrake too. There's going to be a lot of hungover peeps at SBL today, hehee :D
Better news - that red spot which blighted my left cheek has practically gone. It's silly, I get one, really red one once every month (two months if I'm lucky) and the rest of the time I'm clear and fresh-skinned. Damn the oil!
Bought four fashion magazines this month. Am pathetic. Need to get a life.
Bought a £33 teddy bear. A miniature Hermann - my first ever limited edition :D I might sell her off in a year though, I don't think I'm *that* attached to her. But I might be by then I suppose.
Gill and I are going to go into the teddy-bear market :) We're going to put some money in, by a limited edition then sell it off on Ebay. I just hope we make some money out of it.
Don't have to go into school till quarter to 11. I've got an hour to get ready and write three more lines of a "humourous" poem for English.
I talked to Lewis today, for the first time in ages, cos usually Hazel is hanging round him, so I can't get an elbow in edgeways. But basically, I knew that Lewis didn't actually like Hazel, I know Lew, and when we were talking he said that she always said nasty things about people. And so I asked what she'd said about me. Lewis said that Hazel had once asked him why he [Lewis] liked me [as in me, Jen, me]. And Lewis said he said "Because she's pretty cool." And then, guess what Hazel said...
"She has no tits!"
Right, here are the facts: I am a 32C, and I take a clothes size 6. Proportionally, that is pretty large. Hazel: is as flat as a pancake. She's either an A cup or a very small B.
As soon as Lewis said that, I burst out laughing!! Carly, Beth and Kerry who were also there, did as well - because, quite frankly, you can prove the she is wrong just by looking at my chest!!
And apparantly, she also said to Lewis - "Jenny wears granny pants!" Today I was wearing granny pants, for female reasons, but for the last month I have worn your regular G-string.
Beth said she reckons it's because Hazel's worried that Lewis is too close to me and she wants to put him off. Well, me and Lewis are just friends, have never been, and never will be anything more. Saying I have no boobs is just ridiculous and bitchy.
There are two things you don't insult: my boobs and my ability to be a psychologist. She's done both. But either way, I and some of my friends have had a good laugh at her patheticness today.
