help, i'm alive

It really makes me bristle

SECRET: I am so terribly annoyed with you. And offended by you. And really, just, please stop.

I have so much to do, so naturally I'm writing a LiveJournal entry about it.

My brain's just so tired. I feel like every neuron is screaming "GADDAMNIT PUT ME IN A COMA, PLEASE" but I'm just so overloaded I can't do anything about it. 4-7 pages on women's fashion in Islam, 12-16 pages on modernism vs. postmodernism, and of course intense amounts of studying to do. And of course, since this is a break, I'd rather just sit around and knit and complain and not do anything.

Considering I haven't updated practically all quarter, and didn't actually update at all during the summer, I think I should actually... comment... on my life? Is that what LiveJournal is for?

I really feel like I've grown so much in the past year and even just over the past few months. That's a profoundly 'college' thing to say, but God, it's so true, and I'm so thankful for it. I honestly feel like I don't hate myself at all, and next quarter I'm actually going to try to have a social life, which is exciting! I'm finally getting my own computer over break, and I HOPE that should make things a lot easier.

However, I have absolutely no fucking clue what I want to do with my life.

I feel like (actually, I know-like) I'm absolutely obsessed with fashion, even though most elements of it right now are unappealing to me. I HAVE ideas for what I want to do with that. Buyer, magazines, photographer, designer, journalist, stylist... I'd do all of it, and I'd love to. I also feel super anxious about the future of everything. I want to be creative and cutting edge and make people excited about something, but I also don't want to be an asshat about anything.

I think I'll take out a loan and study at Parsons if Arts Journalism doesn't appeal to me.

I just need to focus on right now, I think.

Livejournal, I miss you.

What are you worth?  How do you measure a man?  A woman?  Is it in their test scores?  Is it in their actions?  Is it in what they leave behind?  Richard J. Herrnstein and Charles Murray suggest a man is measured, in the era of anything-metrics, by his I.Q. score.  Society measured man primarily by his last name or social ranking.  Psychometrics introduced intelligence testing.  There have always been "intelligent" and "unintelligent" people.  Intelligence CAN be inherited, but a variety of studies suggest environment contributes at least 7 points.  That's half a standard deviation.  While Murray and Herrnstein freak out over intellectual stratification, they also continuously nullify their argument with references to regression towards the mean--the idea that any outliers, when matched together, will produce a child closer to the average.  The percentage they cite--I.Q. is 40-80% heritable--is far too round and far too massive to be anything but incredible.  Heritablility also refers only to genetic differences within individuals--certainly not groups.  To make such a sweeping generalization preys on the ignorance of others, whether they have a B.A. or dropped out of high school.

As a public high school where, angry parents say, one graduates with a third-grade reading level, kids fill in bubbles at random on the ACT as a joke, and the "inspirational sports film" works as a legitimate learning experience, I can't say with any certainty that poorer children are less intelligent than their upper class peers.  Resources define the educational experience, and those in Comstock are sorely lacking.  The elderly citizens, drawn to Comstock for the low cost of living, or perhaps simply because it's too much of a hassle to move, often nullify budget increases.  Big businesses fled in the mid-90s, leaving a community jobless and frustrated, with a feeling of worthlessness hanging over thei

Read Carr, read Beowulf, read Bell Curve, prepare argument for editorial

I'm getting so frustrated with everything ever that exists. 

Just for the record, I want to make out with you, you, you, you and you super bad.

Write article by Friday midnight
Try to Art Hop
Model UN meeting (why did I sign up for this?)
Justice & Peace Guild meeting tmrow
I should be reading Phaedo & Phaedrus right now NO THANKS OKAY
I am having the worst day ever

TO DO:
Republic readings
Reread Phaedo, Phaedrus, or read Gorgias
Check out History of Western Philosophy from Library
Greek 1A&B exercises in Grammar textbook TONIGHT
Read David Carr
Read Ch.1 of Beowulf
Read guide for Beowulf before reading
Check out Being & Time from library, and maybe Swann's Way
Dinner at 5 with Martha and Ian
Hunt down Di Seuss and Kate Leishman, Zaide Pixley
Talk to an upperclassman with a Facebook, because apparently they are more authoritative than freshmen
Do Facebook thing by Friday
Cheer up Gabriella?
Work on Platonic theory of the soul essay TOMORROW--maybe try comparison to Freud
Get to bed at like, eight tonight
The soul as narrator?

TO DO LATER:
Tulle skirt biatch.

This does not feel real.