Sylkara

This journal has served me well, but it seems like its time is up. This will be my last entry on this blog.

Times are changing, and I feel like this blog is no longer the right medium to use. I never had any intentions on keeping this blog forever, but I also never thought about ending it. However, now that I have my own website, and few friends use this, the point of keeping this around is losing ground.

It's been 7 years, 1 week, and 2 days since I started this LJ thing. What has changed? I've been using more and more spellcheck, for one. Right.

From here on out, all my posts and updates will be made on http://allenjiang.com.

Yeah, nothing really funny to add. If you want funny stuff, check out my website. I have to pay money to keep it going, so might as well stick to that. Also, it's awesome.

Don't be ridiculous.

If you lost an arm, would you say that your quality of life has decreased so much, that you may as well kill yourself?

That's insane.

Do you groan and moan when a main character wears a bulletproof jacket, but happily suspend disbelief for sentient smoke?

Put a sock in it.

Is there a leak that you need to remedy with a small article of clothing?

You must be joking.

Do you populate the community with foul odors but find others' foods offensive?

Give it up.

Have you gotten the habit to always argue that you are never wrong?

Hands up.

Are you having fun or having fun ruined?

Get out of here.

Is it really necessary for you to tell your own story on every topic we hit?

Oh, please.

Why are you making such a big deal out of this little thing, Mr. Got Mad That We Spelled Analysis Wrong.

I don't even know what's going on.

Really, now?

That's art.

Because it seemed kind of cool, but ultimately made no sense?

Actually, sometimes I feel like art makes less than 0 sense. It makes negative sense, so you have to use your own creative powers to add meaning to the art. I suppose it's thought provoking, but your audience has more creativity than you do, then you've lost, hard.

I feel like people striving to be the "next big thing" have it all wrong. We should be working to be the "first big thing." Like, I don't want to be the next Albert Einstein or the next George Washington, I want to be the first Allen Jiang. On that note, I need to make sure my kids aren't named after someone famous.

Baked chips taste different from fried chips, and British chips taste different from American chips.

The National Milk Producers Federation has been arguing with the FDA over the term "milk." The NMPF feels like the word milk should only apply to animal produced through "mammalian lacteal secretions." This means that "soy milk" is violating the sacred definition of milk. I feel like this is a pointless enough topic for me to weigh in on. While it is in my opinion that soy milk tastes nasty, the NMP Federation is using its powers to illegally place a blockade on the Soyfoods Association of North America. While the council in the senate has yet to vote on the issue, the SANA people have been waiting for a response effort. While the FDA has given neither side a response for the past 14 years, we can only hope that they will send over two ambassadors to engage in peace talks. For years now, the NMP Federation has been building machines and robots to do their bidding, and are currently showing no signs of slowing down. We can only assume the the NMP Federation is planning a full scale invasion of SANA, effectively wiping out the word milk on all their products. Formerly rivals of the land-based SANA, the underwater rice milk people are rumored to join SANA in the defense against the NMP Federation.

I was going to write more, but my friend wants me to write smaller posts more often, rather than large posts occasionally.

The back.

When customers ask the sales associates to "check the back" the workers always wonder why people feel like "the back" has a mysterious, additional supply of a product. Sometimes, that sales associate will just go and stand in the back for a few minutes, just so the customer feels like progress is being made.

So, why do people ask the back to be checked?

If anyone's ever bought a pair of shoes or magic wand at a small store, they can tell you that the sales representative will have to go to the back to retrieve their size.

Irreversible processes in everyday life:
1. Creasing paper
2. Getting friend-zoned
3. Wasting time
4. Flushing

I keep coming up with good material for this, but then I think to myself, "That's genius! There's no way I'll forget about this brilliant idea." So, I don't write it down, and then I totally forget about it. Worst part is that I remember that I had a good idea, but I don't remember the good idea itself.

Wow, there was just a truck outside with an engine humming at the resonant frequency of my window.

So, I just remembered how one of my friends was eating ice cream and he blew on his spoon before eating it. He laughed and said that he's gotten too used to blowing his spoon before eating hot food, that he does it involuntarily for any food he eats. I can't say I'm immune from that mistake.

Every area in my apartment has a different smell. Also, the smells keep changing.

Oh yeah, I was at Fry's Electronics the other day, and I wanted to get a game. It was a somewhat old game, and they didn't have any copies on the shelf. If any of you have been to a Fry's Electronics, you'll know that it's pretty big. You'd think that anything they would have would be simply stored on their shelves. However, I asked the sales rep if they had any copies of the game, and they said they'd check. Sure enough, one of them came back from the "back" with the game. It works!

Also, apparently Arizona has a place called Fry's Food Store.

vs

Interesting...

Anyway, on April Fool's one of my roommates hid his own TV, which was in the living. Then, he opened one of the patio doors, semi-staging a robbery. However, being the smart people that we are, the rest of us knew that it didn't make sense for just the TV to have been stolen that way. Thus, we began suspecting each other of playing a horrible prank, particularly fueled by the pissed of nature of the owner of the missing TV. Sigh, two steps ahead.

I could have phrased that story better, but I'm tired, so my crummy explanation of the situation will have to suffice.

It must suck to be famous for being funny and cool, and then have obnoxious and annoying fans think that you'd have fun and cool with them.

It's easy for a clean desk to become cluttered. It is hard for a cluttered desk to become sentient. It is hard for a sentient desk to become clean. They think they're too good for showers or something.

If we had 25 hour days, then we'd either sleep or do something for an extra 7 hours per week.

If we had 10 hour days, then we'd have slow Internet, because we'd be living on Jupiter.

Rimshot.

I recently watched a couple "science comedians" perform and they were ok. They weren't at the xkcd level, but they managed. The one thing they mentioned was that for their material, they have to make sure their calculations are correct. In daily use, we'd say something like, "That long stemmed rose was so expensive, it was like $50!" A science joke would be more along the lines of "That 110 mega beard second hybrid tea was so expensive, it cost me about the same as 5 copies of the latest 50 Cent album."

I actually did research for that. Haha, the most popular long stemmed roses are called hybrid teas, and are about 55 centimeters long. The typical 50 Cent album costs from 7-10 dollars new.

So, sometimes I'll think of a clever thing to say, but then later find out some one else had already made the discovery and has been using it. Then, I'll have to stop myself from ever using that phrase again, because it will not longer be original.

Guy 1's breath and guy 2's armpits deal the same damage, except guy 2 has more aoe.

The Pocahontas Effect: Turning a man into a traitor and it being entirely acceptable.

The Pocahontas Exception: Classifying people as white, despite having 1/16th Native American blood, during the era of the one-drop rule.

The Pocahontas Explanation: She saved my life. And she was hot.

The Pocahontas Exploration: By light of candles, I ventured into the temple of the indigene.

The Pocahontas Environment: 35.637255,-86.045106 (aka nothing interesting whatsoever).

The Pocahontas Encyclopedia: Pocapedia.com is currently under construction.

The Pocahontas Extraordinaire: An American that England considered a princess.

I would've listed more, but the Wikipedia article was limited. If only Pocapedia were there to save the day.

Swallowing water mid-burp is painful, particularly since water is an incompressible fluid.

Situation:
You find a magic lamp.

Possible Outcomes:
1. Your wishes improve your life.

2. Your wishes ruin your life.

3. The genie speaks a different language.

Today's ultimate buzz phrase: German engineered, open source crystals with handcrafted perfection

So, remember how I went on and on about how little respect bus drivers get in the entertainment industry? Well, I take it all back. I was on the bus last week and the driver was so bad, that I'm willing to stereotype them all as inconsiderate jerkholes. Seriously, I nearly fell over about a dozen times in a 2.4 mile span of road. Not only was the driver brake and acceleration happy, but the driver was brake and acceleration happy during a full, packed bus.

Like the other day, the bus driver was flooring it the whole time. I don't even know what the rush is about, he wasn't running behind schedule or anything.

If the road has 3 potholes, a bus driver will manage to hit 4.

Also, I think I figured out what's wrong with being famous: You have to be at your best all the time.

Alright, so perhaps "have to" is a little strong.

A lot of made up names end up being alliterations. Not so much in real names.

Relationship advice to girls from the viewpoint of a guy
1. It's not about your personality or your looks, it's about your personality AND your looks.
2. Somewhere out there, there is a guy who'll find you annoying. Do not cross paths.
3. If you think he's the one, make sure he doesn't think you're the two.
4. When you ask a guy a loaded question, such as "Which pictures do I look the worst in," be prepared for everyone to lose.
4a. When a guy compliments you for losing weight, just say, "Thanks." Do not follow up with, "So you thought I was fat before?"
5. Have some dignity.

You know what would be really cool about flying cars? People cutting you off in 3D!

So with the new sustainable living and green energy craze going on, I've decided to start selling solar-powered food generators. It's basically a micro-factory that is able to fabricate edible products from raw materials. Best part, it's carbon-negative, meaning that it won't pollute the air with greenhouse gases. I'll call it PLANT.

Though, one downside is that it takes forever for PLANT to make food. The other problem is that food from PLANTs taste bad, unless you use additives such as DRESSING or MEAT.

So, the 3D IMAX experience is old news, now. It's great and all, "don't get me wrong" (because you might, so I'm reassuring you that you shouldn't misinterpret me, because sometimes I want that to happen), but.. Alright, my train of thought has crashed.

Oh right, so what's the new entertainment system that's going to blow our future minds? Presenting the UHD IMAX Dome in 5D (Ultra-High Definition IMAX Dome in 5 Dimensions). This new version of IMAX will literally transport you to a different time and place. As in, when you walk out of the theater, you'll be somewhere else. Go into UHD IMAX Dome in 5D on Friday in London, and you'll come out on Tuesday in Mars. Also, since it's in Ultra-High Definition, the screen will not be a mere 8 stories tall, it'll be 800 stories tall. Popcorn and drinks will be free. Nachos will also be free.

Also, there will be none of this 22.2 channel surround sound business. My theater will just use a 1 channel sound system. So instead of having 24 speakers arranged around the audience, I will have just one colossal speaker in the front. Audio will be mono and citizens in the first row will be obliterated. Why? The speaker will reverberate under the explosive power of the rocket engines flying you to other planets.

Once the technology becomes commonplace, I'll release the new version, IMAX in 6D, in which case viewers will be sucked into the screen to experience the movie in real life. IMAX in 7D will get you out. IMAX 8D will morph you into a different person. IMAX Infinity will turn you into a spirit. IMAX Infinity Forever Plus will make you a god or goddess with powers.

IMAX Final Divinity will attempt to become popular, but is ill-fated. It will to lose to piracy, as everyone just downloads the experience to their own home version of IMAX in 3D. It's like YouTube vs theaters.

Insightful, thought-provoking analogies
1. Making a bi-partisan congressional committee is like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
2. Tossing paper into the trash is like throwing a CD off a cliff.
3. Prancing in happiness is like jumping for joy.
4. Talking like this is like being like a valley girl.
5. A spelling error is like a speech impediment.
6. A terrible thing is like a very bad thing.
7. Washing your car is like cleaning your room.
8. Finding your wallet is like losing a worry.

Last weekend I got in debate with some friends about humanitarian efforts. The idea came from a discussion on what we wanted to do with our lives, what our greatest ambitions were. We agreed that, ultimately, we wanted to help the poor and unfortunate. However, the means which to do this was up in the air. My friend Chris and I had very different ideas on how we wanted to benefit mankind. Chris was very passionate about the cause, and expressed the importance of living with the needy to be able to properly help them. He stressed that people needed to experience the hardships to be able to stay true to the effort. I, on the other hand, felt that the donation of money and technology would suffice. Chris said that he is wary of technology, because most inventions are designed for convenience, which breeds laziness. While he may be right on that point, I think that the free time we get to be "lazy" isn't a privilege that should be taken away. I can enjoy myself and help others at the same time, it is not an either-or situation. From my perspective, the moral obligation for 1st world countries to 3rd world ones is to raise them up to our level. We do not to jump into the quicksand and push them out, we can simply rescue them with a rope. This analogy is oversimplified, but I don't see why I need to be stuck in the mud to know and want others to find dry land. I think, in the end, though, we were both absolutely right. There are pushers and pullers, and each cannot operate without the other. Without the pushers, the pullers may never latch on. Without pullers, the pushers may steer things the wrong way.

Also, I was justifying my desire to become filthy rich.

Today's ultimate buzz phrase: Professionally recommended anti-carbon aluminum-grade wind panels, black water-free

Right now, in California, it is duck season AND rabbit season.

Actually, it's rabbit season year round. So, Bugs has a tougher time.

Hmm, What If... The fountain of youth was a geyser?

Hmm, What If... The fountain of youth was a volcano?

Hmm, What If... The fountain of youth was an asteroid?

Hmm, What If... The fountain of youth was a well?

Hmm, What If... The fountain of youth was a single loaf of bread?

Can you imagine how much that would sell for, and how much people would kill for it? 1 load of bread, each slice is enough to provide you with eternal life. Oh, what if the bread got moldy? That would really suck, if there were immortal fungi. I wonder if we would enter WWIII for the capture of the bread. It seems unlikely, since it would be too easily eaten by the host. Haha, what if the bread gave you an infinite lifespan, but made you forever thirsty? That'd be ironic.

What was Pandora's first words after opening the box?

Cf. Verdenius, p.65. "This does not imply she acted from malice. It is true that she had a shameless character (67), but the fact that she quickly put on the lid again (98) shows that she was 'surprised and frightened by the results of her actions."

If I opened the box of evil, I'd probably be surprised, too. I mean, one would assume illness and toils bellowing out of a box would have some kind of visual clue of the terribleness. Though, sickness is pretty invisible to the eye. You know what, the box most likely had a horrible smell coming out of it. It would make a lot of sense, since bacteria can be pretty stinky. Also, stench is the number one reason a person would promptly re-seal a jar.

So, they say the bottom of the box lay hope, which also make sense in terms of viruses and microorganisms. I mean, we use those things against themselves in the form of antidotes and vaccines.

Still, it was a pretty ugly move of Zeus to give Pandora a box of pathogens. That's biological warfare. That's unfair.

Then again, if I were Zeus, I'd also be a jerk and give a hot girl a jar of human suffering. Right.

So, over the past couple of years, I've joined a couple of clubs at school. Since then, I've risen to the ranks of various officer positions. My job usually involves mass emailing people. This puts me in a weird position, as I am semi-famous by name, but not necessarily by face. I'll tell you, it's a little odd introducing yourself to people who've already know you. I guess it's partly my fault, since my updates often include some of my personality. I do that to try to give "that other mass email" a little bit of character. Anyway, so by the time I get to know members, they already have an idea of what I'm like. The weirdest thing is that I have no idea what they are like. They already have expectations of me, so they act very casually towards me, which is cool, but it's also strange to be buddy-buddy with strangers.

Oh, so, if I've just met you, and you just read that, know that you're an exception. I think you're a pretty cool individual with a name that should always be capitalized.

You should know by now that I'm kidding. I don't harbor any prejudice against people, except for hobos.

Uh, right. I think, well, I may have already mentioned this, but, I use too many commas. In fact, I'll use, like, commas in places that totally don't need commas, lol.

Actually, I know I've mentioned that before. I just wanted to remind everyone that I am comma happy. Though, if you use too many commas, I'll judge you for having poor grammatical skills.

In Matlab, I use too many parentheses. Same on my graphing calculator. It gets so confusing that I have to stop and use my pencil to mark which ones pair with which. The end part of my calculator entry will look something like this: *(3/4))))))

I want to write a book that has lots of pictures. I'll add audio to the book to make it more engaging.

There's a big discrepancy between what goes on inside and outside my head. In my mind, I'll have this vision of what something will look like, or how it should be phrased. However, by the time things get out of my head, I'm just left with a bunch of hair. Haha, but seriously, when I start working on something, the end result is totally not what I imagined it to be. And yet, I conclude the project to be a success. Like for example, if I wanted to create a picture, I'd have the image painted in my mind. Then, I'll start working on photoshopping things together. By the time I'm done, the photo is totally different from my original mental image.

I think it's mostly attributed to my, for a lack of a better word, laziness. You know how water takes the path of least resistance to get from point A to point B? Well, I do basically the same thing. It's just that at each fork, I deviate further and further away from the point B I'm trying to approach. Ultimately, I land at point C. Point B's only purpose is to give me a direction... like a vector.

OK, next topic.

My Xbox 360 got the red ring of death. I sent it in to be repaired for free, and its now on the way back. Problem solved.

My friend owns me at Hexic. So, I started playing really slowly, and she'd get bored and walk away, leaving me with an opportunity to win. Problem solved.

My day was interrupted by some guy with a clipboard asking if I had a minute to talk about his passionate organization. I tricked him into thinking that I had already talked to him earlier, resulting in him happily apologizing. Problem solved.

My bathroom had a huge cricket in it. I asked my roommate to kill it for me, and he eventually did. Problem solved.

My throat started to feel sore. I drank a lot of water and then slept it off. Problem solved.

My computer's fingerprint scanner stopped working. I reinstalled the drivers multiple times, applied various patches and tools, and finally gave up. Problem ignored.

Haha, does no longer acknowledging the existence of an issue count as solving a problem? This machine is producing too much pollution. Turn it off. Problem.. solved? The machine can totally be fixed, which would make the factory run far more efficiently; so, doing that would be truly solving the problem, right? I am not sure.

Who wants to get rich slowly?

There's no secret message in this post.. or isn't there?

You Know What Would Suck?
If you slipped on a banana and fell into a sea of attacking jellyfish.

You Know What Would Suck?
If someone made millions off of your personal catchphrase and used the money to hire lawyers to keep the money away from you.

So, in movies or TV shows, people get hit by buses all the time. It's an overused plot device that adds an expected twist to an otherwise normal day. However, there is never any focus on the bus driver. Nobody cares that there is a driver freaking out. No one ever blames the bus driver to hitting the petal to the metal all the time. Also, if a character is inside a bus, there is an infinitely smaller chance that said bus will hit any pedestrian. The probability of getting hit shoots way up when any character is walking on a street. It doesn't matter which street, either. Busy New York roadway? Bus burning rubber. In front of a corporate office? Bus zooming through. School zone? Bus flooring it.

"Happy Turkey Day" is a peculiar thing to say. It's never resonated with me as having any meaning. At least "Happy Thanksgiving" reminds me of family, gratitude, and sharing. Happy Turkey Day almost has a tint of greed laced into it. It's like, "Have a great time gorging on a dead animal." It's like saying "Merry Tree Day" instead of "Merry Christmas." So, word of advice, don't say "Happy Turkey Day." It is not clever, unless said by a young child.

A little kid saying "Merry Tree Day" is just adorable, though. Anyone else trying to pull that off will just look stupid and will be ignored.

I'm only bitter, because I didn't come up with "Happy Turkey Day," first. I may be hypocritical and start using "Merry Tree Day," actually. The more I think about it, the funnier it gets.

"Mommy, it's Santa!" "Ho ho ho! Meerrrry Tree Day!" "Wtf."

Good invention: Motion controlled games.
Bad invention: Arm flailing games.

Good invention: Stress balls.
Bad invention: Tests.

Situation:
You're having a really good dream, but you also really need to pee.

Possible Outcomes:
1. You use all your powers to hold it until the dream comes to an end, and you can safely wake up.

2. You run to the bathroom and then try to fall back asleep in hopes of seeing how it ends.

3. Your dream takes you to the bathroom and suddenly the bed warms up.

Today's ultimate buzz phrase: High-powered fiber composite carbon nanotubes with bio-optics

How the world is out to get you:
Food: Mad cow, bird flu, swine flu, mercury poisoning
Air: Carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide
Water: Tsunamis, rust, rainbows
Ground: Earthquakes, sinkholes, volcanoes
Space: Asteroids, Sun to red giant transformation, aliens
Energy: Power surges, lightning to shower, blackouts
Information: Identity theft, leaked images, MPAA, RIAA, BRIEN, AT&T, Comcast, Time Warner
Government: The Bush Administration, The Obama Administration, FEMA, Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Libertarians, Socialists, Communists, Fascists
Toys: Lead, China
Technology: Explosive batteries, Apple marketing, LHC
Culture: Racists, sexists, classism, Fox News, Rick Astley
Religion: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Mormonism, Scientology
Disease: .

How the world is out to save you:
Food: Antioxidants, vitamins, nutrients, Resveratrol
Air: Oxygen
Water: H2O
Ground: Land
Space: New frontier, movie material
Energy: Power
Information: Data, knowledge
Government: Structure
Toys: Entertainment
Technology: Convenience
Culture: Common ground
Religion: Anti-depressant
Disease: Sympathy

So Halloween just passed, and a lot of people seem to feel like it was a great time to start consuming fermented products. To this, I say, "boring."

"My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." - Weird Al from "Wanna B Ur Lovr"

Sometimes I forget just how many people are willing to be followers rather than leaders. Though, at some point, most of us will need to lead, as parents.

Speaking of game changers, I am here to tell you that a zombie apocalypse can never occur.

Given a few basic facts about zombies, we can intuitively see how our world cannot be overrun with the undead.

1. Zombies multiply solely through the infection of a human.
2. The zombie virus can only be transmitted through a bite.
3. A human turns into a zombie in a matter of hours.

So, really, is it at all easy for one person to bite another? Even in a crowded city, a zombie wandering the streets would only be able to bite a handful of people. You see some weirdo bite another person, and you do all that you can to avoid that guy. Most people do their best to avoid contact with odd-looking strangers. The biting zombies will be reported, and the police will go and quarantine them. Some of the people that were bitten are likely to go see a doctor to check for infections, introducing additional quarantining. Even if the victim is given a clean bill of health, they will be quickly quarantined by the police for biting other people. Within a matter of days, a link between bites and zombies will be developed.

Think about it, if a hobo had an aids-knife and was particularly stabby to those that got too close, how many people would he really be able to get? How many of those people wouldn't go to the doctors?

On airplanes, a zombie, at best, would only be able to bite 2 people. The first would be the person unfortunate enough to fall asleep next to it. The second, if at all, would be the person tackling the zombie to the ground for undesirable behavior.

If someone does not want to get bitten, it's very hard to bite them.

As soon at the plane lands, the zombie will definitely be quarantined. The victim may be quarantined, or he or she may leave the airport to later be avoided.

The root my argument is that the net multiplication factor of the zombie virus being spread is less than one. A zombie may be able to bite two people, but those two are not going to go out and bite another 2. Instead, they would end up biting 0.

Of course, I'm ignoring the inherent flaws with the idea of zombies. For example, if zombies eat people, then how does the eaten person become a zombie if they are eaten? If zombies eat brains, then zombies have no brains, so how does shooting them in the head help? But anyway, given that zombies can somehow exist, they still won't be able to take over the world.

Besides, there are inherent safe zones that will be zombie free for eternity. Unstable, violent countries are safe from zombies, because anyone that could be a zombie would be automatically be destroyed. Rural areas would be safe, because no one goes there anyway. Of the people trying to go there, they would have already become zombies in transit and would have driven off the road. There are countless other areas which are isolated from possible threat, such as Antarctic bases and mountain villages.

The only issue with real life zombies is that it would take a rather long time before the way of killing them would be discovered and/or accepted. Most people would hold out for home that a cure for zombism could be developed. Though, locking up the zombies is effectively the same thing.

So, what does need to happen to ensure a zombie apocalypse? For one, the virus should be airborne. Secondly, the incubation period for symptoms should be very long, perhaps a couple weeks. Lastly, the initial pool of infected individuals needs to be large and widespread. For example, the closing ceremony for the Olympics is a perfect place. Once the people are unknowingly infected, they would then fly out to all corners of the earth to spread the disease.

Then again, there will still be safe zones, and eventually the zombies will all just starve to death. Making way for humans to repopulate the earth... or go to Mars.

Based on the human circadian rhythm, bowel movement is likely to occur in the morning.

As a consequence, every bathroom at work has an occupied stall. In male society, #2 privacy requires the restroom to be completely void of terrestrial creatures. Adversely, the capacity for simultaneous early-day pooping is very quickly filled.

One benefit of working for an engineering organization is that, because there are very few women, every female toilet is empty.

I have yet to make use of this discovery, but under emergency situations, I know that I'll have a secret fall back plan. Of course, it'd be disastrous if I found an actual lady inside, or worse, another man.

Why is it that stand-up comics don't tell jokes? They just stand up there and tell stories. Well, I suppose a joke does involve a story. I also suppose their stories always have a punchline. OK, so I guess comedians do tell jokes. They're just always involved in the joke. Conventionally, jokes are about someone else, you see.

Some people are so uncool, that things that they like suddenly become uncool, as well.

I dislike when acapella groups use sounds like "dub" or "buh." It sounds babbly and unrefined. I much prefer "doo" and "la."

So, imitation is a very powerful form of flattery. However, I've recently caught myself doing a little too much of that at work. Whenever my bosses cross their legs, I cross mine. When they fold their arms, I follow suit. They laugh, I laugh, regardless if I got the joke or not. My boss spins his ID badge, I spin mine. I do all these things instinctively. While it helps to subconsciously put us on good terms, I do think I've overdone it. Who knew shadowing industry employees will make you an actual shadow. By you, I mean me. The who now also refers to me.

I am not a band. To take that one step further, I don't even own a headband, yet.

Sometimes, I wake up in the morning feeling so totally refreshed that I continue lie in bed to enjoy my relaxed state. Then, I fall back asleep.

Good invention: power outlet.
Bad invention: fat adapters.

Good invention: car.
Bad invention: short on ramps.

Good invention: carpet.
Bad invention: nasty colors.

Good invention: glasses.
Bad invention: small text.

Good invention: wireless power.
Bad invention: explosive battery.

You Know What Would Suck?
If no one heard you screaming at the top of your lungs, because you should have screamed from your belly.

Have you ever noticed that observational humor requires a comedian to explain the situation in a overly dramatic manner to bring EVERYDAY'S GREATEST FEATS IN HUMAN EVENTS OF MARRIAGE, RACE, RELIGION, AND SLASH OR JERKS ON THE READ TO HILAROUSNESSSSSSSSS!

Apparently, the world is getting progressively worse handwriting and spelling skills. Who do we blame? Computers? Schools? The President?

You know, I'm just sick and tired of these viruses spreading around my body. (As of this writing, I am neither exhausted nor ill. I just wanted to be clever.)

Presentations! I always think that I'm good at them, but I'm not. Well, I'm probably better than a good portion of the population, but I am still an amateur. One of my biggest problems is that I don't practice. One time, I spent a good week drawing models and diagrams for 45 minute talk I was to give to a crowd of research engineers. I made a bunch of slides, and I figured that I'd spend about 5 minutes explaining all the pictures on each slide. Of course, when the presentation started, I pretty much explained my entire research project on the first slide. So, as I quickly turned from page to page, it dawned on me that I didn't have nearly as much material as I should have had. 15 minutes later, I hit the end of my presentation, with 30 minutes to spare. Well, not so bad, right? I can hold a healthy question and answer session! No. After two questions, the room began to clear out, and I was left to pack up my laptop and projector. At least, I got it over with, right? I suppose, but it still didn't help that I rushed through what little material I had brought to the table, leaving everyone confused, if not apathetic. The moral of the story is to not assume you'll be able to make stuff up on the fly, because winging it will kill you.

You Know What Would Suck?
If you're at a game and get hit by a baseball from space.

Right now, I'm halfway through Harry Potter 7. It's my first reading, so don't spoil it! A short while after the book came out, my friends hurried to their favorite social networking site to write their review on the novel. Here are a few examples:

"First and foremost, this was an amazing book. Not that anyone expected it to be anything short of amazing, but for all the critics who bad-mouthed Rowling for abusing the Harry Potter franchise to milk as much money out of it as possible, this text solidifies her status as one of the best authors in history," wrote Jeff D. on July 22, 2007.

"Well, I've finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and it was definitely interesting," noted Andrew C. on July 29, 2007.

Once I finish reading the book, I will post my ultimate review of the Harry Potter series. Spoiler alert, I think The-boy-who-lived is the whiny Shia LeBeouf in Transformers 2.

The US is in a depression. Canada, France, Japan, Germany, China, Singapore, South Korea, and Taiwan are seeing economical profits. Thailand and Russia's economies are stabilizing. China owns $739.6 billion of the USA's money. Japan owns $634.8 billion. Russia owns $119.6 billion. Mexico owns $34.9 billion.

I don't even own $1 billion. Darn.

In total, the world owns $3.1 trillion of the US economy.

What would happen if the US said, "Screw it. We're not going to pay! We have the best military in the world, we'll take you all on!" All the countries will be like, "We're not trading with you anymore." Then the US economy dies completely, meaning the military will have no money. Then, the world attacks. The US decides to fight back! Everybody loses.

But then, the rest of the world pull themselves back up, while the US bums around.

This is when the newly found Nation of Allen sweeps in with an armada of Gundams and takes over America. Canada and Mexico cries, "Amigo, you invading us, eh?" The Nation of Allen goes, "Join us, and together we shall rule the galaxy!" They say, "Oui, señor." South America pipes up with, "You're so cool, and we're so hot, let's combine to bring balance." The NOA responds, "May our forces combine!" The Americas are renamed to North and South Allen. Russia freaks out, but it's too late, the name change is official. Central Africa is now part of the NOA. Quick and widespread reform hits the continent, as guerrillas and illegitimate governments are smashed, while food, water, medicine, and houses are provided to the people. In return, the diamond and gold mines are under federal control. Oil and uranium resources are also government owned. Eventually, all of Africa and the Middle East board the NOA's ark.

With +5 bonus from North Allen, +2 from South Allen, and +3 from Africa, the NOA has a total of 10 bonus points. This remains to be a slight disadvantage against the remainder of the world, if they were to ally. Using Hawaii, Guam, and a host of mobile flying fortresses, the NOA begins to approach the Southern Hemisphere. New Zealand concedes without bloodshed. Seeing its opportunity to escape from China, Taiwan offers itself to the NOA. The Nation of Allen agrees to the terms, as Taiwan becomes the premiere staging area for the invasion of Japan, Korea, China, and Russia. Australia proves to be difficult to conquer, so the NOA decides to fortify New Zealand, and shift its focus to the East Asian front. Quietly, the upper border of North Allen is populated with stealth aircraft to bypass, the heavily armored Greenland, for a surprise attack on the Netherlands.

Unfortunately, the European Union and Russia simultaneously launch 12 military space stations. Only 3 are intercepted. Now, with space to Earth laser platforms and the ability to instantaneously drop troops anywhere, Eurasia stands to win the war. Attempts to shoot down the newly installed space stations are easily thwarted. Australia reclaims New Zealand and strengthens Indonesia. The NOA pulls out of Taiwan, as the risk of losing millions of troops is too high. Fortunately, the NOA dominates most of the Earth's natural resources. The strategy is now to defend the borders until Eurasia runs dry. However, with a massive high ground advantage, Eurasia begins pushing the NOA out of the Middle East. With access to oil and unfiltered solar energy, Eurasia shows no signs of slowing its crusade.

With defeat after defeat, the Gundams of the NOA are beginning to lose their footing. The heavily armored mechs of Eurasia, now collectively known as the British Evening Empire, are able to take on and defend areas inaccessible by vehicle. Most, if not all borders, are littered with anti-tank barriers, making bipedal machines ideal for war machine movement.

BEE engages its first true counterattack with the battle of Costa Rica. BEE hopes to divide North and South Allen to slow the NOA's resource distribution. With the loss of Costa Rica and then Panama, moral in the NOA hits an all time low. As a result, the NOA unleashes MOSES, the Moon Orbital Space Energy Shooter. A moon base, established on the far side, was built prior to the events of BEE's space station launches. However, because of BEE's swarming hives in medium earth orbit, MOSES became isolated, slowing its development considerably. However, now that preparations are complete, the fully operational MOSES can begin to turn the tide, once more. By utilizing the vast amounts of He-3 deposits on the lunar surface, MOSES is able to generate unfathomably high amounts of energy. MOSES fuels a giant "laser" which obliterates any target. Eventually, researchers within MOSES invent a way to throw self-sustaining fusion reactions at the enemy. Powerless to defend against miniature suns hurling towards its mainland, BEE ultimately surrendered.

Thus, Earth is now under the NOA jurisdiction, with me as the supreme leader.

Needless to say, quality of life for all was greatly improved. Food farmed from the Allens were properly allocated to people on less arable land. Technology and information became widely available. A giant wall was built between Pakistan and India, and they have remained good neighbors. The Palestinians were given their own state, despite complaints from Israel, in the West Bank and Gaza. To prevent civil war, Israel was also granted Florida. The rebuilt Iraq is now home to the Kurds. Taiwan became its own state. North Korea was absorbed by South Korea, after the dictatorship was removed, though the entire state remains to be called South Korea. A mini-sun capturing system was developed. So now the world runs on fusion balls sent by MOSES.

However, the Nation of Allen, while vast, still retains enemies. It's biggest threat comes from Somalian pirates, who have somehow come to power over the years. Their fleets of land, sea, air, and space ships remain elusive to NOA detection, thanks to their discovery of stealth technology in Northern Allen. It is also said that the pirates seek refuge on Venus, though how that is possible remains unclear.

Mars is still uninhabited, though colonies are underway. Another colony has been slated to head towards Titan, a Jupiter moon, sometime in the next 6 months. Of course, the launch may be delayed, as scans show a mysterious black box floating around Jupiter. Scientists guess that the box is simply debris from previous covert space endeavors, but its true origin has yet to be uncovered. I could not be reached by reporters on the issue.

Anyway, now I finally have over $1 billion and my own bathroom in the morning.

We don't know everything there is to know.

We don't even know if your current knowledge is accurate or not.

Of course, there are many things that we definitely do know. Some people go to the extreme and question defined facts. Those people are crazy, we do not need to bother ourselves with them.

Speaking of crazy people. I was in San Francisco a few weeks ago, and there was a large number of crazy people there. There was a lady walking around in the BART station with a red bucket on her head. There was another woman who appeared to be a crack addict. She would walk up to people and sometimes ask for money. That's right, sometimes she would just walk up to someone and not ask for a dollar. In my case, she came up to me to mutter unintelligibly, twice. However, she became quite articulate when she started asking a businessman for cash.

A week ago, I was in Boston. They are not immune to the marble-less. On a narrow, 1-lane street, this lady was double parking her minivan, much to the dismay of the cars behind them. When the car in front of her drove away, as it was already inconveniently dropping someone off, she drove forward one car length and double parked, again. The cars behind her the first time were back to honking. Later in the day, I visited the harbor when I spotted a traffic policewoman screaming at the cars for not moving. The vehicles in the 4-way intersection were understandably confused, as she sort of motioned everyone to just go at once. After her meltdown, she promptly picked up her cell phone and started talking on it, leaving the cars even more confused. Towards, the end of the day, I enter a McDonald's to buy a drink. There was a huge line, because some grandma was causing all sorts of trouble at the cash register. She was yelling at the worker to give her back her money, because she has $14.50 (I remember the value because she repeated it about 1450 million times). After many WTF-faces, the cashier returned her the money she paid, so that she can repay him in the exact amount, or not. There was a discount of some sort on the menu, so she did not need to pay FOURTEEN FIFTY, MISTER. Of course, paying less is unacceptable and requires extensive convincing and explanation before the matter can be dropped. One would think the story would be over, but it was not. When they brought her the food, she began throwing a old lady fit, because the order was wrong. I could not really follow the exact issue, but I'm guessing the number of fries in the bag was off by 1.45 fries. By the time my friends and I left, she was still there being cranky and holding up the line.

I think the most curious thing about my observations is that none of the crazy figures were male.

Well, no. I did see a black guy in San Francisco holding a sign that said sex before marriage brands you as a whore (girls) or whorer (boys). I'm not sure if whorer is a word, but whatever.

In any case, the guy was at least silent. Besides holding a sign, he was bothersome to no one, particularly if you did not see what the sign said. So, I did not include him in my crazy-people statistic.

What else is new?

Haha, I said "else," as if to imply all that I have said has never been heard of before. Come on, we've all seen crazy people before.

Alright. What now?

Summer vacation is too boring and the school year is too stressful. Work is too mundane and laziness is too lame.

What are we missing these days? Toys and imagination, probably. Back in the day, you could to your friend's house to play. Just play. Now, of what do most hangouts consist? Movies, food, games, and a few other things pushed into our faces.

Plus, I think kids can handle repetition better than adults. By handle, I mean enjoy.

Then again, there are old people who repeat the same joke over and over again. You have to laugh because it's polite, but it still pretty dumb.

So what do you want to do when.. you grow up? Can we even ask that anymore? We're like, technically grown-ups now. That's cool. It's not like, I want to be a child again, so I can append "when you grow up" to my questions. There are many benefits to being a young one, but being of age is far more interesting.

What's the most important thing to write about in a diary? The date? What you did? How you felt? I think when you ultimately re-read your diary when you're one thousand years old, you'd want to be reminded of your mini-adventures. Reading "I'm mad today, I'm happy today, I'm going to be sad tomorrow" can be pretty boring after 10 pages.

Detective's Tip #11: If a girl did not list her status, assume she's in a relationship.

Detective's Tip #12: If government incompetence prevents you from getting paid at your full-time job, it would suck.

You Know What Would Suck?
If someone is onto you.

Hmm, What If... I punched you in the head, and then gave you $50?

Situation:
Your crush thinks of you as a brother.

Possible Outcomes:
1. You cease all communication with her.

2. You make use of foreign substances to break the taboo barrier.

3. You attempt to see her as a sister, with little success.

Detective's Tip #1: If someone asks you if you're from Norcal because you said "hella," that means they are from Socal.

Detective's Tip #2: The girl you overheard on the bus talking about all her breakups is not the girl you are looking for.

Detective's Tip #3: The person who became offended by careless remarks about vegans is a person that does not eat meat.

Detective's Tip #4: If someone brings home McDonald's burgers, and places the fast food on a ceramic plate, then they are weird.

Detective's Tip #5: When a girl is hugging another man, her time cannot be dedicated to talking to you.

Detective's Tip #6: In the event that a hypocrite calls you a hypocrite, note that he or she is also a liar.

Detective's Tip #7: When an A-student complains about test difficulty, he or she may be trying to fit in with the rest of us.

Detective's Tip #8: A person who quotes an obscure rule by number, rather than by reciting it, is one that bends the rules.

Detective's Tip #9: If someone shares the same area code as you, they are highly likely to not be from across the country.

Detective's Tip #10: If someone always orders the same drink from at every restaurant, they will appreciate it if you ordered that for them when they were gone to the bathroom.

So, after a 3 years of college as an engineer, I'm beginning to understand why 4.0 engineers stay as engineers and 3.0 engineers become their managers.

Downloaded movies don't come with unskippable warnings, but they also don't come with special features.

If you want to be creepy, wear an expressionless mask of your own face.

Actually, that might backfire and turn out to be hilarious and a great social icebreaker.

So, my friend and I made the website for Triton Robotix, the UCSD BattleBots team, and it was alright. Then, after the competition, I went ahead and revamped the site, and everyone liked it. So, when we were picking positions for the club next year, I was voted as webmaster. Now, the larger organization that Triton Robotix is part of, ASME, wants me to do their website.

From the beginning of the year, I was appointed publicity officer of UCSD's Society of Women Engineers, because of my artistic abilities could make them better looking posters and flyers.

Last year, at the Air Force Research Laboratory, I needed to create a powerpoint presentation and design a poster of the projects I worked on with them. I ended up including a lot of cool images in my presentation. At the end, my mentor jokingly suggested to the rest of the lab that I replace their graphics department.

Freshman year of college, I joined the Sixth College Television group. They were mostly focused on recording content for their closed-circuit cable network, but I suggested to them that it would be beneficial to include the videos online, as well. Eventually, I was tasked with outlining a website, as well as uploaded videos to the web.

In high school, a close friend of mine and I set up multiple websites for various school clubs for their own benefit. In addition, we had our own websites that promoted different things. All in all, we were quite successful and eventually developed a small legacy at the school.

I'm starting to think that my area of focus should be on the stuff I mentioned above. It's a little late to switch majors, but I do find it strange that in nearly every group I join, I end up as a the website/make-things-look-good guy.

Actually, I might be resting on a dangerous fence at the moment. I'm only decent at engineering and digital media, not outstanding. So, if I had to compete against other people in either field, per se, I would lose. Thus, I would need to find some kind of niche to stay in business. I suppose I could be a sales engineer or a scifi ship designer or something, but both would require me to sacrifice some realism and tangibility. I mean, I want to make a spaceship that actually flies, not just promote it.

Though, in the end, I'm a pretty flexible person. Hence, I'd probably enjoy whatever it is that I end up doing.

More about my character: when life gives me lemons, I sigh, and make the lemonade. Very seldom do I throw the lemons back at life and demand better fruit.

Of course, sometimes it's extra miserable if I get the lemons because I planted a lemon tree out of my own carelessness. In that case, it's even harder to demand better fruit. I would either have to start over with a brand new tree or try to salvage what I can. Maybe I'll try grafting something better onto the lemon tree, but in reality, it's just not the same.

Oh yeah, if you find any spelling or grammatical errors in this, please comment. I'll fix the problem right away. Then, I'll delete your comment. No one will ever know....

Two nights ago, my dream was that I had a growing bald spot on the back of my head. Actually, I think that was last night. Last week? Well, the fact of the matter is, I still have all my hair, and it is good.

I'm starting to slowly transition to 720p video. I'll still get the DVD version for so-so movies, but for the good ones, I go for HD.

I remember back in the old days, I was really excited for BluRay to come out, because then I could backup all my files onto discs and free up precious hard drive space. Of course, now I don't really care about BluRay that much, because hard drives are so cheap, I can buy terabytes worth of space to backup my stuff. But hey, back then, a 120 GB hard drive was something to be really excited about.

Does every good story need a bad guy?

I think a lot of stories start with "Once upon a time," because it gives the storyteller some time to make up a character. Then, the part "there was a [character]..." provides additional time to come up with a situation. After that, the premise is set, and the blanks can be filled in.

The other day, my friends and I were eating lunch when someone said something about rice being dirt cheap. I countered with, dirt can be edible. My friend then argued that nothing eats dirt. So, then I said that forest elephants eat mud, which is essentially dirt. They eat the mud for certain minerals and nutrients. Both my friends laughed at me, as they said there is no such thing as a forest elephant. There are only African elephants and Asian elephants, no forest elephants. Now, I watched the entire Planet Earth series and they had a segment on forest elephants. That was where my argument was from. When I explained to them that I was right. They called me a liar. However, they were wrong, dead wrong. I was not going to back down on this argument. I took out my phone, went to wikipedia, and searched for forest elephant. Lo and behold, there was an entire article on forest elephants. It turns out that forest elephants are a subspecies of African elephants, so technically they were right in claiming that there were only two types of elephants. I pointed this out to them, but they still did not believe me that there are such things as forest elephants. Nonetheless, I was irrefutably correct.

The next day, the same friends and I were heading back home when we got to the topic of Jerry Seinfeld. The conversation grew to be about the Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates commercials. One of my friends had never heard of those commercials before. The other friend said that it was probably because those ads airs years ago. I turned around and said, "What? No, those only aired like, months ago." My friend once again called me a liar and explained with full confidence that those adverts aired multiple years ago. He explained, "Because those aired freshman year." Which would be 2-3 years ago. No. No way was I going to lose this argument. Once again, I went to wikipedia and looked it up. Sure enough, the answer was September 2008. It being June 2009, that meant I was absolutely right. Fortunately, my friend acknowledged that I won, kind of.

When we returned back to the apartment, we started discussing about one of our professors, who is from Spain and has a thick Spanish accent. My friend, who is white, said that he couldn't understand our professor's accent. I noted that I could understand him perfectly fine, albeit he speaks too softly. My friend then said I could understand the teacher because I was Asian, so my exposure to accents somehow lets me decipher things better. A little bewildered, I pointed out that within the "white community" alone, there are tons of accents. I proceeded to list a bunch off the top of my head. There is a Texas accent, New York accent, Boston one, Canadian, Australian, New Zealand (my friend interjected that Australian and New Zealand accents are the exact same thing, I disagree, but whatever), British, Irish, Scottish (he then said that Irish and Scottish were similar, but slightly different. Why this could not be the case with Australia and New Zealand, I do not understand), German, etc. After I got to Britain, I started naming European countries, as each has their own accent. I mentioned France, Spain, and Portugal, when my friend pointed out that none of the people there classify as white, and hence cannot be included in my list of white-people-accents. What? I was confused. France is right next to Germany, how can they not be white? My friend said that, as a white person, he definitely knows who is white and who is not, and that the French are slightly less than white. He also went on to explain that people from Spain are Hispanic. Uh.. for the record, the French and Spanish are white. I had to use the bathroom, so our debate ended there. Or so it seemed. I took out my phone and once again logged into Wikipedia. What did I search for? I rush out of the bathroom blurting, "Christopher Columbus, WAS HE WHITE?" For a split-second, I saw my friend display the oh-crap-I-just-lost face. He tried defending himself by stating that Columbus was only hired by the Queen of Spain, which is true. However, Columbus was not British, but Italian. Which, by my friend's standards, would've also been classified as not-white. And thus, I'm 3/3.

It's always kind of amazing how many new stories a person can tell by simply going outside.

Overwhelming work blocks the time for escape.

You Know What Would Suck?
If dinosaurs could fly in spaceships and had an instinctual hatred for humans.

From what I can remember, I have only met two people who leave their socks in the middle of common areas. One is a twelve year old autistic child, the other is the opposite.

My little brother gave me a piece of candy, the only one he had. Now, I can't eat it because it's too precious.

BattleBots!


We planned. We built. We fought.

Results? You'll have to wait until August 2009, when the show airs on CBS.

Will I be a TV superstar, now? Absolutely.

It's a great, great feeling when you prove someone wrong. Teachers already figured that one out, much to the students' dismay.

There's always a little extra element of danger when you take the path less traveled. Often, I take that path and find sticks in my shoes. Sometimes, a little rock will also find its way in there.

Memory. It's more difficult remembering something you said than it is remembering something someone else said. This is probably because when we think of sentences, we constantly change what we are going to say and how we are going to say it before and even after speaking. We switch sentence structures, swap vocabularies, alter accents, and the like. When someone else talks, you take that as is. There's little moldability.

I want to be rich. I want to be famous. I want to be involved with movies. I want to have my own country. I want to go to space. I want to be president. I want to command robots.

So, if I made a film, I would become super rich and famous. I'll use my celebrity money to purchase my own land, which will become a sovereign nation. Then, I'll start a space program in conjunction with my robot army.

Hmm, perhaps I should have picked a different major to start off with.

Perhaps I can still salvage this with the order juggled around a bit.

I'll build a spaceship that will install superweapons in low-earth orbit. By holding various nations hostage, I will gain enough money through ransoms to build a space colony. There, I'll cast cyborgs as actors for the first action film made in space. Only then will I be rich and famous!

I don't believe any of my ideas are original.

Earlier in the week, I was thinking of how I would build a sustainable space station fit for thousands of resident. I figured it out, it would be a giant cylinder spinning to simulate gravity. Of course, a few days later I stumble onto a news site that said a high school student beat a couple hundred other entries in a NASA competition for space station ideas. It turns out that his idea was exactly the same as mine. Needless to say, though, I didn't exactly come up with the idea all on my own, out of the blue. Stuff like Halo and Gundam have that related ideas drawn out already, so, whatever.

What's more important? Presentation or product?

I have to say, I'm pretty good at presentation. At least, everyone involved with the product hail my presentation of it.

What's my secret?

I make pretty pictures.

You want to know what's really funny?

I am terrible with Adobe Photoshop. I am also terrible with 3d modeling programs.

I may have mentioned this already, but Febreze smells bad. One time I used someone's Febreze detergent for my laundry, and I swear I thought a dog peed on my clothes before I figured out that it was the Febreze. What a terrible product, but their commercial had an animation of Febreze LOCKING IN ODOR, so it must make the bad smell go away. Of course, the little odor trapping bubbles have their own problems.

Oh yeah, industrial grade machine oil does not come out of clothes easily. I still need to figure how to fix that.