Close your Eyes and Dream

So for my English class we just recently started reading the book Grendel. Now, granted, I have yet to begin reading this book we did have a very interesting background debate on the story today. Necessarily, I would not have taken the notes down that were on the board but as I started to read them I realized that I understood, and kind of connected with what was being said. So being me, I copied it down and decided I would add it to my LiveJournal. Lucky you. lol Here it goes:

Existentialism: a way of viewing the world in which the focus is always on the individual, on a personal morality, and on a desire to search for an authentic self not bound by the constraints of society. For existentialists there is no great meaning in world which can be defined by religion or philosophy, or if there is, then it's impossible to grasp.

Existence comes before essence that is we exist before we have anything determined in us, in the way of values or morals. Therefore because we aren't born with essence or a moral complex, it is up to us to make up our own minds about how we want to live our lives. Conventional philosophies and religions try to formulate systems of beliefs which would apply to anyone. Existentialism says there is no one true belief and all that meaning there is in the world can be only understood through individual experiences. Freedom is vital and ethically so is protecting the freedom of others. Anything which limits individual choice limits free will.

Existentialism expressed the importance of the individial, ones own existence, the subjectivitiy of that status (as experienced by "one") and therefore stresses freedom of choice for humans.

- I dont really know why this article struck me, maybe it's because I'm so confused about religion right now, and life in general. I like the fact that existentialists make up their own minds, and live the way they want to live; without these religious beliefs that have been contradicted. I wonder what Atheism is like. I've never met an Athiest. Course, everyone dislikes their religion everyonce in awhile, but most still pray, whether it's forced on them or whether they do it subconsiously. I'm the latter. I just want to feel something. Whether it be for religion, or a person, or even my life. I just want to experience something that will make my eye's open in awe, and make me desire it. Maybe I shouldn't be looking for these things? Maybe I should make them happen? or maybe I'm asking too much?

I'm trying so hard to look on the brighter side of things. Why am I so damn conflicting?

[Verse 1:]
I go on forever
Older burns are overturned
My life for worse or better
I'm just craving for a cure

[Refrain:]
Like a man possessed
A requiem
We're singing

[Verse 2:]
Hide the misdemeanors
Never lead an open life
My hands were never cleaner
Not a trace for you to find

[Refrain]

[Verse 3:]
Say it, does it show?
Is this test in any other time?
I know, but I don't
I'm blind in every other eye
Cold hands, colder smoke
We sleep anywhere we lie
You're lying if you don't
I'll try, I'll try

- Like a Man Possessed : The Get up Kids

Pros and Cons of Life -

Pros                                              

Experiencing Love                    
First Kiss                                    
Laughing                                    
Seeing a good movie                
Reading a good book                
Going to the Beach                   
Dancing in the Rain                  
Junk food!                                  
Boys                                            
Falling in love                           
Compliments                           
Achieving your goals               
Friends                                        
Being Rebellious                       
Holding Hands                          
Puppies                                       
Flowers                                       
Snow Flakes                               
Sunny Days                               
Rainy Days                                 
Poetry
Driving = Freedom                                        
Hearing your favorite song on the radio   
Getting mail                                  
Presents
Favorite Holidays
Your birthday
Getting a phone call
Being Stupid with your Friends
Taking silly photographs

Cons

Experiencing Death
Losing someone you love
Car Accidents
The Dentist
Hypocrits
Doctors
Parents
Extreme Rules
Getting pulled over by cops
Rude individuals
Parents
Being MisLead
Flying
Fighting with someone you care about
Disapproval
MATH
Confusion about yourself 
Self Denial
Failing at life
Public Speaking
Breakups
Not being accepted into college
PMS lol ;-)

New Layout and I must say, I love it! lol.

=)

Friday. Car Accident. Trapped. Darkness. Air bags. Screaming. Adrenaline. Rush. Voices echo. "Are you hurt... Are you ok....What happened." Blacked out. Memories. Fear. Panic. Wake up.........................................................................

We're all ok. Just bruises, bumps, and cuts remain. But the memory of that night will be embedded into my mind forever. But it definetly brought us closer, and for that I'm thankful.

Well, it's been a long time since I updated. Not much has really happened. Spring break has been amazing, I really did need a long break. School is such a hassle lol. And what do you know I ended up spending more of my Spring Break visiting schools than getting away from them lol. I am currently in Orlando visiting UCF and UF and last week I spent two days visiting FSU. Don't even ask me which one I enjoyed the most because I have no clue. My dad really enjoyed UF while I loved FSU. We will be visiting UCF today... so who know's how that will effect the other two. God I remember the days when I didn't even know what college, GPA, resumes or anything else relating to those was. lol. I remember how much fun recess was just running around without a care in the world. Except for the fact that boys had cooties. (wink) lol. Well I guess we all have to move on sooner or later right? Well I hope everyone is having a great Spring break! Enjoy it. And I must say as a side note : if anyone ever has the urge to build a Slip n Slide - Go for it! It is amazing. lol. =) xox

Each of us has underneath our ordinary personality, which we show to the public, a cellar in which we hide the refuse and rubbish which we would rather not see ourselves or let others see 

An old religion teacher of mine sent that article to me, and I think I was at a point in time when I needed to read something like that. Lately my parents have been asking me if i believe in God, or if i have faith. And in all honestly, I don't know. I think I do just because of the fact that that is what I've been taught since before I can remember. Every night I had to kneel down infront of my bed and say my prayers, or else I wouldn't be able to have dessert the next day.. something like that lol. Faith has just been such a part of my life, not because I put it there, but because my family did. And I guess it wasn't until I experienced a loss in my life that I actually wanted, needed to understand Faith for myself. For awhile there I hated God, but yet I still prayed because it's been drilled into my head since who knows when. And even though almost three years have passed, I'm still questioning God and why he had to take my family away from me. And I'm sure this may seem like a repetitive topic to some of you, but hey thats who I am. I guess I can't put anything to rest until I finally find closure. I really do hope that someday I will find it, but until then I'll keep searching for those answers. I guess in life I've kind of hit a standpoint. I feel like I'm stuck and I can't move no matter how hard I try. In the beginning of this year I actually thought that my rel. teacher would be the one who would reach me. I listened to him more than I had ever listened to anyone before, and I felt like I was actually understanding. I guess I thought to soon, and that really hurt me when I realized that he wasn't the person that I thought he was, Faith wise. So yet again, I'm back to where I started.... Lost. My mom told me to attend Church today because it is Palm Sunday. I should've gone. I didn't. I just don't think its right to attend Church and "pretend" to believe everything the priest is saying. I think if I go I should be 100 positive that I want to be there, and that I believe. I just don't wanna be a hypocrit. I dont know so I ended up leaving the house and dropping off the money envelope and continued on, driving no where in paticular. Just blasting the radio with the windows down.. contemplating as the suns rays beamed down on the world around me. Tonight, my dad took me out to dinner because he just came home from England the other day, he had been gone for two weeks. He too asked me about faith. Now, granted my mom and dad have never been very religious. Yes, we always used to go to mass every Sunday, and we have Bibles around the house, but it was mostly my grandparents who really lived a true life of faith. I don't know what to believe. The article that I posted above really hit me. It's the real reason why I posted in the first place. I just loved the "cellar, cross" relationship. We all have cellars inside of us, some have remained locked tightly up inside of us and have yet to open; while others had been discovered long long ago. Its a constant battle of good vs evil, light vs dark, white vs black, and I have front row tickets. My bet is on darkness, but hey, maybe I'll be pessimistic for once.  Deep down I hope good will prevail, I just hope I'll be alive to witness it. In the end "It's a battle of us vs. us, not us vs. them."

Well I decided to take a small break from the studies. Biology isn't looking too good right about now, but than again it never did have an appealing side. English on the other hand should be simple. The quartely tomorrow is based on " The Catcher in the Rye" which I loved. I was reading through Sparknotes (good old Sparknotes) when I happened to stumble across some information which kind of "hit home" for me. For those who are interested, which may be a slim amount lol, this is for you....

"As readers, we can see that Holden’s alienation is the cause of most of his pain. He never addresses his own emotions directly, nor does he attempt to discover the source of his troubles. He desperately needs human contact and love, but his protective wall of bitterness prevents him from looking for such interaction. Alienation is both the source of Holden’s strength and the source of his problems."

Interesting. Well good luck on your exams everyone! I know I'll need it. Much Love

 TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Brielle
Birthday: November 19th
Birthplace: Long Island, Ny
Current Location: Sunny Fl
Eye Color: Blueee
Hair Color: Strawberry Blonde
Your Fears: Losing everyone I love, Flying, and theres the ever famous : Fish lol

Height: 5'2 and a half lol hell ya
Right Handed or Left Handed: born a lefty, now a righty, so I guess you could call me ambidexturous ( i know I spelt that wrong)
Heritage: Irish. Italian. French. German
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black and White Converse 
Your Weakness: Those stupid things that boys do that you just have to laugh about, those crappy love movies that always make me cry, puppies =), and I'm a sucka for a kiss what can I say
Your Perfect Pizza: plain all the way, and not a lot of cheese lol. Id actually prefer it without the cheese, But I'm afraid I'd be shot or something lol. It just makes me think that I'm swallowing a wad of gum.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Do well on the SATs god those things are a hassle.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: good stuff but I say that a lot in person anyway
Thoughts First Waking Up: 5 more minutessssssssssssss
Your Best Physical Feature: I dunno, I personally like the color of my eyes they change with my moods - Dark to Light - bwa ha
Your Bedtime: whenever
Your Most Missed Memory: My home and my family
Pepsi or Coke: DP all the way
MacDonalds or Burger King: Well I would say Wendys but its not an option so I guess I'll go with Mcy d's 
Single or Group Dates: depends on the situation but if you want the alone time Single is always a must
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: L.I.T.
Chocolate or Vanilla: I love Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Lover and Creator of Both. But I guess I'll choose coffee, you can mix and match with it.  
Do you Smoke: no thanks
Do you Swear: helps me release my feelings lol its healthy but I dont do it often
Do you Sing: not often, only when its a really good song and I'm alone. Or if I'm with my friends and we're being weird lol
Do you Shower Daily: course
Have you Been in Love: Perhaps... yes... sort of... maybe ?  
Do you want to go to College: yes
Do you want to get Married: yes.
Do you belive in yourself:  I usually need a little *umph* of motivation to get me believing, but I'm doing better
Do you get Motion Sickness: Well I cried when I was on a speed boat when I was 4, but I love them now. I'm not a fan of rollercoasters, yet I loved the Hulk. I love motorcycles. I guess it really just depends, if I can psyche myself out enough so I can get over my fear of death and just get on the stupid things and have fun.
Do you think you are Attractive: I think im ok.
Are you a Health Freak: I eat healthy, but I like comfort foods also, and ice cream is a must.
Do you get along with your Parents: We have our ups and downs, but I love em. Dont tell em I said that though!
Do you like Thunderstorms: I love them. Rain. Thunder. Lightning. Its all amazing.
Do you play an Instrument: The Flute. I pick it up every once in awhile when I miss it, or Im bored. 
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: dont do that too often
In the past month have you Smoked: nop

In the past month have you been on Drugs: nop

In the past month have you gone on a Date: yea
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yup
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: nop
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: dont care for sushi
In the past month have you been on Stage: Not a big fan of the spotlight
In the past month have you been Dumped: nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: nop
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: klepto, no i havent stolen anything
Ever been Drunk: nop
Ever been called a Tease: a tease.. no 
Ever been Beaten up: ehhh.. lol
Ever Shoplifted: lol no but when I was little i used to pick the pretty jewels off of all the dresses in the store and stick them in my pocket. I have a pretty nice collection in my closet lol.
How do you want to Die: Well I'm hoping to beat the plague lol and live past 40. In truth I wanna die when I'm 85 ( dont ask) and peacefully in my sleep. I DO NOT WANT TO DIE IN A HOSPITAL - sorry lol
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: computer graphics designer, or a computer programmar. Such a nerdy job I know lol.
What country would you most like to Visit: Ireland. Europe. Going to Spain in the summer hell ya

In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Green would be nice. Very rare on a guy.
Favourite Hair Color: blonde, brown, black
Short or Long Hair: I like short but it depends what looks good on the guy
Height: I like tall guyz. But as long as theyre taller than me, which isn't hard, I'm all good.
Best Clothing Style: no PINK!!! lol. But I am a fan of the leather Jacket *whistles* lol  
Number of Drugs I have taken: none nada zilch zero
Number of CDs I own: lotzzzzz
Number of Piercings: ears 2

Number of Tattoos: none but I want one
Number of things in my Past I Regret: only two manage to stick out in my mind, but theres plenty more