63 // filters, voice // i thought she was a slow zombie.

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[She's almost too calm, but right now someone's got to be, and this is the time when a warden has to step in to explain themselves or explain an inmate. She doesn't know how much of this she believes, but someone's got to back Anya up.]

I keep thinking this should be a lot worse than it looks like, and I know I'm not too good at judging bad ideas, but I don't think we got to worry. If you are, tell me why.

If it wasn't going like she wanted, Anya wouldn't have showed any of us until after it was over. If it goes wrong later... we got enough people who know about zombies, and... and she'd think it was right.

If anyone starts having problems, tell me.

[Jesse]

I got good news.

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[His reply is very, very quick.] Yeah? Are you okay? I was just gonna call you after I saw the Anya thing, Jesus. Like you need the stress right now.

I... I was just going to tell you, but I saw her, and... [A sigh like an audible shrug.]

She's gonna be all right. And you don't have to worry about... anything, right now. I can stay. I can handle this.

No. No way. I wasn't sure before, but now I definitely am. I like the Barge and all, don't get me wrong, but we cannot stay here with like zombies and all going on.

It's not gonna be a problem.

Uh, yeah, it is.

Look, Lua, I know this is, like, a really big step and everything, and I get that you're not sure about-- you know, uh, who-- and I can't say that's the best thing that ever happened to me or anything, but this...

[This could be. It still could be.

He licks his lips, glances down, as if realizing he's still talking to the camera.] Let me come up there and we'll talk it out, okay.

[Half a dozen 2000s ports have conditioned her to treating her comm like it's a cell phone; she doesn't respond, but only because she's had a sudden visitor when she opened her door.]

Lua?

Lua, come on, yo.

Look, I'm okay with it, that's what I was trying to say. I can handle it. I mean-- Brock's real dad was some asshole, too.

Are you really gonna play it this way? I just wanna talk it out.

If you really wanna stay here, maybe we can... I dunno. Take turns, or something.

Look, don't tell me you're gonna just go and do this alone, 'cause that's-- I don't get that.

Lua.

...Are you okay?

[Okay fuck this he is coming up there, and now he's starting to freak out, thinking about all the things that might have gone wrong in the last few minutes. He knew she'd be stressed out about Anya, he knew that could lead to something. By the time he's out of the elevator he's worked himself up into a lather, and he sprints from the elevator door to hers, knocking frantically.]

Lua!

[The door isn't locked, but she lets him in anyway, a hand down his arm to soothe when she sees how scared or angry he is (they're both, a lot of the time).]

Somebody met me here. About Anya. I got busy.

[It is both -- or rather, it's adrenaline, and his body doesn't always know the difference between one kind and another. He's panicked when he bursts in the door, hands on her arms immediately, holding her at arm's length so he can look her over. The panic fades quickly when he realizes she's completely fine, but the adrenaline is still there, his heart still beating much too fast, and all he can come up with to replace it is anger.]

Jesus, Lua. You scared the shit out of me!

I'm sorry. I got real shook up, didn't even think about it.

[He's been scared about her for days, but he doesn't need to be angry, and she gives him a long look, frowning, like he's gone a little too far, but even if he's overreacting she takes his hand and leads him to a seat next to her.]

I wanted to tell you something so you wouldn't be so worried.

[Maybe it's that he's finally getting better at reading her subtler cues, or maybe it's just that he knows he's gone too far this time yelling at her. Maybe it's just that she gives the anger another target, because even though he sits down he's already shaking his head, eyes narrowing.]

Shook up why? What happened?

Ben was real worried, wanted to talk. [She looks up, to the side, the closest she'll get to rolling her eyes like someone honest.] Nothing happened. [Except someone breaking into her house, but Ben.]

I just had to tell him he didn't have to worry about Anya.

[Well, now he's got nothing to be scared or mad about, so he tries to shake it off, taking in and letting out a breath. They've got bigger fish to fry, anyway, like the reason he wanted to come up and talk in the first place. He turns to face her.]

So look, okay, I get why you wouldn't want to go now -- this place is like home now, and there's Anya to think of, and Kevin, and the deals. I get that, I do, but I just... I don't see how we can stay here.

[She shakes her head, hands still hanging on his, trying to get him to slow down.]

I was trying to tell you how.

I said it was maybe before, that I might be wrong.

[He's been behind her for a lot of this, has needed her to spell things out a little bit, but now in the aftereffects of all that stress his mind is still going quickly and it's easy enough to connect the dots.]

...Oh.

[What she went through a couple hours before was relief, mostly, though for the first time a little disappointment had crept in, lingering even now despite her words. She lets go a moment, reaching a hand to his face with a slow smile that could be sad if he wants it to be, reassuring him even though he already knows now there's no need to worry.]

You know it wasn't a good time.

Yeah. Yeah. Totally. [And intellectually, he knows that's true: they've barely been together any time, she's got Anya, he's got Kevin... he's got the pack now, even if that's not finished all the way yet. He'd been intent on leaving the Barge a second ago, but he knows what shitty timing that would have been.

And hey, at least this means he's definitely not going to wind up raising Ladd Russo's kid.

It's still hard not to feel disappointed, though. For that one week, he'd really thought... The pack is great, but a family of his own...

He shakes off the thought, pointless now, and nods, leaning into the touch of her hand.]

We could always... you know, later. [There's a questioning note to it, a note of hope.]

[For several hours, Ben stays out of sight and off the network, remaining hidden by remaining stationary. He goes high, tucking himself into a corner of the conference room, ignoring his communicator and trying to make his thoughts align and make sense like he knows they can, knows they do, with limited success.

He needs more information. But when he turns his communicator back on, there are messages; he listens to them because he can't afford to turn down any source, but their contents leave him even more shaken. More information. Different information.

The X5 finally gets up and moves, blurring through the more populated areas of the Barge that he must pass as a necessity, down to level four. It's not easy, this is the level with the lowest vacancy rate currently, but the door doesn't pose much of an obstacle either way and it's the evening meal period: Lua and the majority of the Barge will be occupied. It's easier, not having to use a salvaged pen and crochet hook, and Ben closes the door gently behind him while he listens for any sign of life inside the cabin.

He doesn't touch anything, doesn't bother turning on any lights, the residual coming in under the door from the hallway sufficient for his enhanced vision to see. He doesn't have any interest in anything in this room. Instead he folds himself neatly into a chair, cross legged and still, and waits.]

[Her door unlocks at the end of her day, and Lua's there, flicking lights on, and even if she doesn't scream at the sight of someone uninvited in her room she still jerks into hyperarousal for a moment before seeing that it's Ben, not anyone there who would cause trouble (Wanda made sure of that, months ago). She stops herself, breathes, and tries to offer him an apology in a smile before raising an eyebrow for an explanation.]

You wanted me, you could call.

[Ben hears her coming, of course, though it's more with the instincts he had branded into him than any conscious level of thought; his eyes are the slightly vacant, reflexive flick of a predator when she becomes visible to him, his sentient mind still tangled up in thoughts that don't make sense, but by the time she's smiling he's back behind them.

He doesn't move at all except for his eyes, hands folded neatly in his lap, back and neck straight. He's vaguely aware that he scared her and that he didn't mean to; he's more aware that he doesn't know what else he was supposed to do.

She says words, something inane and unimportant, instructions he doesn't have to follow; Ben knows he came here for something. He wanted to talk to her for some reason. What was it?

There.]

Anya.

Edited 2013-10-01 23:48 (UTC)

I don't think it's a big. Arthas isn't kill-crazy anymore, and Anya's a smart kid. Maybe it wasn't the best choice but it isn't gonna be the worst choice; it's gonna be over in a few days like she says.

We have people turning their asses into werewolves every other week, this shouldn't be a big.

...I know I think about dying different. But she thought about it pretty hard.

I've asked Arthas kill me before so I could shake off a plague with a death toll. He's gentle, and he's been working on the zombie thing.

[Presenting Richard B Riddick, the absolute worst person to give an unbiased opinion about this. Ever.]

...I feel like I'm missing something. Something should be real wrong with this. But I don't see what.

I don't think there is a whole lot wrong with it. If this weren't the barge, it'd be a thing. But it is the barge, and it ain't even in the top-hundred stupidest choices.

Kid's gonna be okay. I trust Arthas on this one, and Anya calculates her odds-- you know that. She's gonna be okay.

[He trusts Arthas so completely that he doesn't even realize how biased he is anymore. Oops.]

Edited 2013-09-29 05:49 (UTC)

It's not just me, then.

[He just shakes his head, unconcerned.]

You know if he tried this on anyone else?

I don't think he has, not since he started getting more careful about it.

When wasn't he? While he was here? She's telling me she did research, but...

Yeah, a couple years ago he made Death Knights and let'm go kill crazy because he was trying to take down the barge. Slightly before my time, but I was there for the aftermath.

Fordring gave him his powers back now because he's sure he won't pull any bullshit like that. Deadman's made a lot of progress; remember that shitty port where everyone had their powers back and none of his corpses attacked anyone?

[She remembers the vampires, but not the death knights. A lot happened the first couple months she was here. She's patient, though, thinking it through.]

That's the same thing like he did?

The corpses, no. None of them really had brains. She does, obviously.

The death night thing, I think so? Toll reset it. If I'm remembering. That was a while ago I read it.

Aye. I'm not Arthas' biggest fan but if there's one thing I know about Anya, it's that she's got 'er 'ead screwed on. I say we respect 'er choice.

It feels like I should be doing something.

I feel like you've done plenty. She's one good day away from graduating, if I'm any judge. Maybe this'll be it.

...maybe.

You just think, someone does something crazy like this, you have to do something. It feels like there is a problem and I'm missing something, but I can't find it.

If it were anyone else I might wonder. But Anya's an amazing girl and she knows what she's doing. She checked everything before she started. I've got to respect a mind like that.

And Riddick might be a bit soft on Arthas, but 'e's not actually wrong. 'E's 'ad 'is power back for a while and 'e 'asn't hurt anyone.

I know she made sure.

She did this back home, we'd be having a real long talk.

Edited 2013-09-29 19:16 (UTC)

Right? But I don't think she would've - she just wanted to try it out. I love 'ow well she's adapted to life 'ere. She's made a native habitat of this boat, and there's not many are flexible enough for that. Most people just hate it 'ere.

She gets its rules. As much as you can, right?

[There's something like a giggle at that, like she knows how ridiculous the idea of "rules" are here.]

I remember when I started here, people would have lost it.

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63 // filters, voice // i thought she was a slow zombie.

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