The Marine called and he has gotten a DUI from the New Year's debacle. He seemed amazingly okay with the whole thing, which was a relief since initially in January he made some passive-aggressive allusions that I suspect were designed to make me feel guilty. I'm attempting the 'friends' thing, but I just don't know.
I have a UTI, the second this month. Fuck this noise. I'm taking AZO so I can get through the day. I have my fingers crossed that I can kick this on my own. I already went to the doctor once this month, and he was amazingly test-happy. I realize now I needed to be more firm in my insistence to decline lab tests. Even after insurance kicked in, my bill is in the triple digits.
Is not paying medical bills a form of civil disobediance? Please? It's making a "statement" against health care. Like...stop costing so much and listen to your goddamn patients. I know what influenza is, and I know when I do and don't have it. It's my body, jerkface.
What sort of world is it where you pay someone to jam q-tips into various orifices? (with the sole exception of a BDSM dungeon, perhaps)
...Anyway, the AZO for the UTI makes my pee a flourescent orange-yellow color. One day later I get my period.
If you peer into the toilet bowl, you swear it looks like a tequila sunrise.
Vodka, stop lying to me. I am not a good dancer, excerise balls do not enable me to fly like Superman, and some thoughts really are left better unsaid.
When I puked, a little got in my hair.
Mr Med witnessed all of it and is still game for spending more time together. I am terribly smitten. He has even volunteered to come along to an extended family get-together of mine next weekend. Brave soul.
Grandfather has had a small stroke, and his Parkinson's has gotten progressively worse. He is so thin. He sends the physical therapist away and asks my grandmother to buy him beer. They've started him on antidepressants, but the dent they make in his melancholy is small. He loathes the new nursing home, and my father predicts it may be the beginning of the end. My mother has not visited him, her father, since the move and this is a big point of contention right now.
Pointless random fact #14: My practical jokes, hilarious in my own mind, are horrifyingly unfunny. I've always been more of the dry, cynical type when it comes to humor. I like my jokes like I like my coffee, and my cancerous tumors: black, and with teeth.
I no longer play practical jokes. No, it's not because I lost all my friends. But usually, the other person's mood was a killjoy [or, in reality, I came to realize that severe mindfucking is not mutually enjoyable for the 'joker' and the 'jokee']
Worst practical joke ever: in junior high, some of my friends and I decided to get flowers and balloons for one of our girlfriend's birthday. The person who received these gifts got called to the office at the end of the day, and it was a very 'in' thing to get on one's special day.
Brilliant me, I thought..."Wouldn't be better if the package came as a total surprise?" See, I subscribed to the notion that is beautifully elaborated in Cameron Crowe's Vanilla Sky, "The sweet wouldn't be as sweet without the bitter."
So I convinced my friends that we should pretend like we forgot our friend's birthday! That way she will really enjoy the flowers! No wait, I thought, better idea--let's pretend that we're angry with her all day and not tell her why! And then when she goes to pick up her flowers, we'll tell her "SURPRISE! We were just acting like we hated you!! Aren't we the best, most clever friends ever! Aren't you happy!"
Oh lord.
Why I'm not a friendless, soulless interrogator at Gitmo is really anybody's guess.
Pointless Random Fact Number 11: On an occasional weekend morning or afternoon, when I'm running errands by myself, I will wear the engagement ring. However, I'm secretly paranoid someone that I know might notice and (wrongly) conclude I'm engaged. It feels devious, scary, and kinda good.
Pointless Random Fact #10: I don't really look like any celebrity. Most often when a person has compared me with somebody, it goes/went along the lines of "Hey, are you in my History class with Stevenson? No? Well, shit, she looks just like you." I never want to meet these supposed twins walking around. My ego is fragile, see.
The following list is informally entitled "Celebrities I Do Not Look Like, But Others Have Made The Comparison"
Pointless Random Fact Number Whatever: I am totally in love with Pandora. I guess with the proper scientific data, I am pretty easy to please musically.
(How the hell else would I have discovered I could like someone named Alejandro Escovedo? I really don't get out that much)
Pointless Fact #8: The best chocolate confectionary I've had, EVER, is/are Camille Bloch's Grand Marnier truffles. I walked up and down the grocery aisles today in despair because no other candy could ever compare. The stuff makes me yearn to the point of rhyming, it's that good.
COMING IN SECOND: camille bloch cognac/chocolate bar. gotta be in the mood for that one though, it makes my face pucker.
