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Are you fed-up with garbage, full-of-shit sites where nobody actually communicates, such as Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and Twitter? Do you wish your old friends who've migrated to those sites would return to LiveJournal? The the_lj_revival community has been set up with that aim in mind, and you are invited to join it. If you are already on LiveJournal and still have a Facebook profile, and would like to see more people returning to LJ or setting up accounts here, we invite you to post a link to this community on your Facebook Timeline. If you would like to find out who is still using LiveJournal and make contact with those who are already here, you are invited to copy and paste the 'about me' questions on the profile page and post them with your answers to the community.

A little background first...

I am almost 40, three teens, was married for 17 years until he decided he liked a younger (...yet not nearly as cute and not nearly as stable) model better, have known I was attracted to women since I was 14 (and can remember having intense crushes on girls/women as young as 5 or 6) but had very conservative religious upbringing and when I confessed to my dad he talked me around until I thought 'attractive' was 'that's what guys like so I should be like that'.

We won't go through the discovering butches trauma. Suffice it to say, he would not be able to convince me of that now. :-P

I am in a relationship with an amazing woman I have known for 2ish...a little bit more than two I guess, years. We've been dating for just over 18 months. She moved in with us about 9 months ago. We work very, very well as a couple, my kids love her, she spoils me, and takes care of me in ways no one has ever bothered with before. This is not my first relationship with a woman (Ex and I were poly), I dated my first girlfriend for 6 years, my second for, well, 3 months, and my third for 2 years.

The issue is sex. She's not interested. We have sex, she does not identify as stone, it is just incredibly rare. Like, right now we're going on close to two months. With the Ex, even at the end when we were hardly in the same room ever, it was close to twice a week.
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So... she will tell me she wants sex, she will tease me, text me stuff she knows will drive me crazy while I'm at work, tell me we need to go to bed early, tell me she has plans for later.... then when it comes down to it, she suddenly has homework, or it's too hot, or it's late and I need to go to bed, or (most recently) the kids are home (WTF? Since when has that made a difference?) so she can't do what she was planning on. I have tried to initiate when she has shown interest through the day, it works a small percentage of the time. Mostly I don't want to push boundaries, but I don't really know where those lines are, so I've backed very quickly away from anything that wasn't solidly her idea.

Her history has made me very reluctant to bring up the 'Babe. I need more than this.' issue. However, I really can't handle the 'tease and then nothing' routine we have going on. Masturbation takes care of some of the issue in the short term, but it is in NO way a substitute for sex with another person. (And before someone brings up the idea of masturbating with her there to try and ease her into getting involved, she is completely, utterly puzzled by why/how anyone can get off that way. Is completely put-off by the idea. Has no idea how often I resort to it, and when the subject has come up has been utterly baffled that I feel the need.) I want HER. When we have it, the sex is AMAZING. Like sore for days amazing.

I am very careful not to push her, in the end I would rather be in a sexless relationship than to be without her. I'm starting to feel like I am drastically over sexed, that I am actually the one with the issue here, I shouldn't want it at my age... But I also know that I have needs, that aren't being met, and I can have needs, that's ok.

How do I talk to her about this? DO I talk to her about this? I'm clueless. I want to be sensitive to what she is actually capable of dealing with, but I don't want to end up feeling like my only option is to end the relationship. I can't imagine my life without her.

I've never dated a man. Ever. I've slept with men, but in all my 27.5 years, all of my relationships have been with women.

I recently moved to a new state and started an online profile that specifically said i was looking for friends. I left my status as bisexual, so that I would be open to both male and female messages.

I met a guy. He's awesome. I like him. I've been on several "dates" with him, and he's been... kind of slow on the uptake if you get what I mean.

I sent him a message last week telling him that I like him more than a friend, and that it didn't matter how he felt, I still wanted his friendship. I told him that if he wasn't interested to respond via emoji to lighten the mood a bit, and he responded with a snail.

Yikes. My first male rejection. Ever.

Yet, he keeps texting me and asking me to hang out and go do things. Is he sincerely interested in friendship or did his snail represent that he wants to take it slow? He knows about my orientation and how my previous relationships were with women. Did that scare him?

I'm so confused.. advice? Please and thanks <3

About a week ago, I started casually texting with a girl I met online. When I originally asked her what she was looking for, she said "up for whatever, and if it turns into something more, that's cool too."

We ended up going out on Saturday night, had an awesome time, and I spent the night. Nothing happened until Sunday, late morning. We were both laughing about the night before and cuddling, etc. I went for the kiss and she was into it, so much so that she initiated sex. I am kind of ashamed to say I slept with her after only one "date" but, it was hot and I haven't had chemistry like this with someone in a long time. She gave me butterflies.

I left her apartment, and she texted me shortly after. She didn't really say anything about what had happened, just light-hearted banter. She made a comment about loving to cook and wanting to make me dinner one night, go to a haunted house, etc. Basically a good indicator that she wants to see me again.

After some time, I sent her a message telling her that thinking about our morning gave me butterflies... she responded with "i had a great time." A little vague, but ok. I change the subject and we continue with light-hearted conversation, but she seems.. different. She stopped responding quite abruptly after a while, so I let it be, assuming she would get back to me in the morning as she normally would. Well, today went by and I didn't hear from her, so I sent a text around 5ish. She said "super busy, working a double. how are you?" After that, the replies were a bit short and pretty spaced out, even after she was done working. I know that I don't know her, but I can definitely tell when someone has taken a step back. I texted her "goodnight, text me tomorrow :)" and she said "will do... sleep tight."

What should I do? Should I back off and wait to hear from her? Maybe put the ball in her court? Did my comment about butterflies spook her? She's bisexual and I don't think she's ever dated a girl, she's not out to her friends/family, and I probably freaked her out. I have a huge crush on her but I don't want to fuck it up. Part of me feels like I should back off and play it cool for a while, but the other part of me is like wait, no, I like you, and I want you to know that. Maybe I'm jumping the gun; I wasn't expecting to have such a strong infatuation so quickly.

Any advice would be appreciated!!!

Hello,

I'm a 30 year old woman that has been single for a couple years (while only really have one 2-year relationship in my twenties). Despite many friends, I'm lonely and would really like someone to share my life with. I actively try to meet women on dating sites, but they rarely respond and I've recently just been stood up (or had plans cancelled/ignored) for my last three potential dates. Prior to that, I had met someone that I thought might be my match, but after a few dates she stopped returning my calls. I was much more interested than she was, and perhaps scared her away.

I do have abandonment issues that I am working on through counselling. I really want companionship (or fun dates, or even a random hook up at this point), but the rejection is so painful it's destroying my self worth. The loneliness is physically painful, and in the search for love I'm just becoming depressed and anxious. I thought of leaving dating sites, but I'm not "read" as queer and I rarely meet other queer women outside of the internet. I don't know how to keep putting myself out there if I keep getting burned (or ignored). 

I broke up with my ex girlfriend a year ago. We were together for 2.5 years. She was devastated and heartbroken by the breakup and immediately started "seeing" other people.

The reason for the breakup was simply that I wasn't happy. I loved her still, but our relationship was stagnant and we were getting lazy and the effort just wasn't happening on either end. Talking didn't help.

In the year since the breakup, we've both hooked up with other people, even tried dating other people, but the fact remains that we still both love one another very much, and we want to try again.

When I asked her to be mine again the other day, she said yes right away. Then, she told me she felt pressured to put a label on it. She says she's scared of committing to me again only to lose me all over someday. I told her I can't predict the future, but this is what I want. We're both better people now, more mature and evolved. I want to be with her.

So, I asked her if she wanted time to think about it and she said yes. Ok. I then ask her if she wants space/for me to back off until she can figure out what she wants. She says no. This confuses me, and I ask her how she wants me to act. She says "just act like normal. Like we're together. I just need more time to think about committing to a relationship."

What the fuck does this mean? How am I supposed to "act" like we're together while she's not technically mine? Since we're not together, I have no right to know if she's seeing/talking to other people, etc. and I feel uncomfortable about it. She keeps assuring me that there is no one else, she loves and wants me, calls me baby, fucks me, sleeps in my bed, etc. but I can't understand why she wont commit if she's willing to do all these other things all the time.

I don't want to give her an ultimatum and risk losing her, but I'm at a loss of how to handle this situation properly without it getting messy. Any advice?

Hello hello. Many years ago this community helped me get a grip on a destructive first queer relationship, you know the one.

The heard-it-all-before mundanity reactions were actually very reassuring. So here's another standard situation:

I have just been dumped from a relationship I was not at all ready to end. We'd had some really solid merging of friends, shaped each others' outlook on things, the whole fucking thing. But after a while she became unsure she could be in a relationship at all, lost faith in our relationship at least, and ended it.

It's over, I know, I can live with that. Maybe I will also accept it's for the best. But I love her and she still feels like a part of my life, even if I were to never see her again.

My question is.
How do I move on?
And especially.
How do I move on without having these feelings and memories negatively affect future relationships/other partners?
I mean, apart from the obvious Don't Be A Dick mantra, what a the major terrible things to avoid when being that Just Out Of A Serious Relationship person dating again.

I don't want to go into a lengthy explanation at the moment, but would like some feedback on open relationships. I have never had one, like the idea of it but have had the issue of every previous girlfriend being too much of a cowardly liar to openly talk about sex with another person that it has always resulted in excess lying and cheating which leaves me feeling...unappreciated and untrusted. Currently I have been seeing a woman who is 10 years older than me, has been out for 3 years, treats me like gold, talks perhaps more than necessary about how our relationship works, and I am the first girl she's really spent this much time with since coming out. We agreed that kissing is ok as long as the other is respectable and there's communication about the incident and whether there was any feeling behind it or if it was just a impulse brought about by a pretty girl. Sex has been the main questioning factor; personally I feel much more comfortable if my girl and I pick out a lady together and have a threesome...but lately the idea of more of an open relationship has come to mind. Not because I don't really like this girl, she is so wonderful, kind and has bigger balls than most anyone I know...the respect I have for her is immense. Though since the beginning she has vocalized that she doesn't want any expectation of a real monogamist relationship, that she's new to this lesbian world and wants to experiment...which I understand and don't have much a problem with. We leave for a 2 month backpacking trip in July and plan to spend a week apart when we get back as to give each other a little space and alone time...after that there's a lot of ideas about moving and traveling and it just seems that our lives may take us in completely different directions and it may be the end of whatever we do have. So what I'm asking or searching for advise about is...has anyone been in an open relationship after long stints of cheating with former girlfriends? Did it work for you when you met someone who can communicate, trust and be respectful of it? Or did it seem to just escalate to a point of no longer having interest in that person after allowing pleasure with others? And if it did work out, what kind of ground rules were there if any? One night stands okay but anything with emotional ties is off limits? Just trying to get some experiences as it's been something we've been talking about lately. Thanks, sorry for getting lengthy. :p

Hello girls!
I am 27 and have been in 5 relationships so far. 4 of them were long-distance as one of us always moved across countries, and never lasted longer than half a year. 4 of my exes dumped me because they did not feel as strongly about me as I did about them. I was actually dumped today because she is still in love with her ex.

There is a clear pattern of my girlfriends dumping me in the first month or so of our relationship.
I don't go all "I love you!" on a first date, if that is what you are thinking. I do let them know I like them and do things people in love do, but I am not crazy. I also do not think there is anything wrong with me. I have a lot of friends and most of my exes really liked me, just did not love me back.
Every time I get dumped, it hurts and I shut down and it takes around a year for me to even consider dating someone else.

So I guess my question is - when you start seeing someone and fall in love, what is the appropriate behaviour in the first month or two? How do you "win her heart"? I know everyone is different, but there must be some golden rules.
Also, is it normal to take a year to start trusting someone again? Even if that relationship was much shorter than that? How do I get back in the game sooner than a year after getting my heart broken?
I am worried I might develop trust issues if they keep on dumping me.

Thanks for reading:)

Long time, no see. I'm so happy to see this little Livejournal community alive and kicking it regardless of Facebook.

I've been with my girlfriend for almost five years now. I think things are well with our relationship. I think; but I am not completely sure. I know our love is reciprocal--I love her, she loves me--but I feel something is slowly unfastening between us. We are not all that romantic with one another as we used to. It’s been a while since we have been intimate. She doesn’t even want to kiss me unless I’m “clean” with a washed face and brushed teeth after work.

Last year she said the summer heat makes her too warm to do anything—no spooning, no cuddling at night, no nothing. Now summer is back again, and I'm familiar with her routine. I fall for these pathetic excuses and believe them because I’m so stupid. Stupid.

I miss being affectionate. I miss feeling loved. I love her so much, but why is this happening between us, this distance? Is this a case of Lesbian Bed Death? How can I become a better lover? How can I communicate I miss her affection without her backlashing and thinking I want to split up?