#031.
Next to Geoff.
It was underground.
Before the zombies could suck our brains out.
three two one,
countdown to gunshots.
Bleeding.
I crawled on my elbows to him.
My last words were...
'You're cold? I'm cold.'
And I laid my head on his bleeding chest,
and died.
I don't know if that means anything.
#030.
unpretty.
Lala.
Yesterday In Pictures, Today in the Darkroom, Saturday in a Painting.
Okay, first off...let's start with emerging from the darkroom this afternoon, I spent almost two hours in there today, and then I'll work my way backwards. Today is strange, this weather is strange. I couldn't do anything all day because what I really wanted to do was paint with the acrylics I don't have (because I use oils all the time and can't break out of my rut, that, and I always paint people, but that's not important right now.) So, I decided since I'm at school, the best thing I can do is photo. It felt so good, everything left my mind that I've been worried about. There's a lot I've been worried about, but I'd rather talk about that on a more private basis, so maybe IM with msn and we'll talk. If you want, or if you just want to say hi, that's pretty fun too (shes.so.undergroud@hotmail.com). So that was majorly refreshing. I come outside, and the weather is always so beautiful when I come out of the darkroom. I'm not even kidding. The gray sky brought out the green in the trees and it was a light drizzle, let's say, and then CRASH lightning bolt, BOOM thunder, my first thought is this is amazing AMAZING I'm walking out in the open during a storm. Then, my second thought was fuck, I'm going to get struck by lightning and that is how my life is going to end. It's not a bad way to end now that I think about it. At least, I would have died when I was at my pinnacle of happiness, as compared to for a long time feeling like nothingness. I think I'm okay. I'm glad I didn't get struck by lightning though. You know I think that I've been posting all about art lately because lately I feel like it's all I have, I mean I've totally emersed myself in it so as to forget everything else.
Anyway, on with the picture portion of today's events. The few pictures I liked best out of the darkroom work...(top 3 I'd say)...
The Jet Engine (8x11 on pearl paper)...
I took this when we went to the air show at mather. I think I like this mostly because it reminds me of donnie darko and all, I'm just waiting to the wing to break and the engine to come crashing down on the crowd.
The Shopping Cart
Taken while I was waiting in my mom's car outside of Long's drugstore. It was just there, and I happened to have my camera, so yeah. :D
She Speaks In Light
Just a darkroom technique, spray devo and let drip. The light was accidentally right in front of her face when I took the picture I guess. Looks kind of neat though.
What do you think?
Yesterday In Pictures...
I got my haircut and decided to have a little funny with the horrible quality digi. :D
Me making the Kari face. hehe.
Then, I decided to move the shoot into the bathroom for better lighting...
Tradition Myspace mirror with the digital camera picture. Like the look of total concentration on my face? I like the colors that were brought out in my face for some reason. I guess I just look really good in the bathroom. Haha. Weird.
More bathroom photos, it's like my own photobooth. I didn't adjust the color, that's just the lighting it gave off when I turned off the flash and on with the lights. 1. I look so serious and sad. 2. I've realized I like the shape of my lips. 3. That's my fight club face. 4. I'm so glad my braces are off, I actually smile now. 5. That's what I look like if you've said something funny. Basically. That was yesterday's fun for me, that and going to Kaitlee's but it kind of got a little weird but I don't know. I feel rather out of the loop with that group, but I'd really like to get to know them. They seem like some pretty nice fellas (and by that I mean people). Annd, any opinion on what picture I should use as my profile pic from now on? Now that I'm not afraid to show my face?
Saturday's Painting...
The only problem with this is that the scanner kind of screwed it up, it'd be better if you saw it in person, and you see that patch of lighter yellow in the background? that's not supposed to be there, it's supposed to be all that color, not a patch of it, but otherwise I'm really really really proud of this. Usually, I don't like anything I do, but this. I liked. Oh, the reference was a picture of Mr. Iero from My Chem. Ew my chem, I know, but I liked the picture. Well, this is what I can do if I sketch it out first on the canvas. It's strange this took me like a week and it's the best painting I've ever done. Usually it takes me a lot longer. Oi. Anyway.
I think that's enough for now.
Hope all is well with everyone. :D
Okay, first off...let's start with emerging from the darkroom this afternoon, I spent almost two hours in there today, and then I'll work my way backwards. Today is strange, this weather is strange. I couldn't do anything all day because what I really wanted to do was paint with the acrylics I don't have (because I use oils all the time and can't break out of my rut, that, and I always paint people, but that's not important right now.) So, I decided since I'm at school, the best thing I can do is photo. It felt so good, everything left my mind that I've been worried about. There's a lot I've been worried about, but I'd rather talk about that on a more private basis, so maybe IM with msn and we'll talk. If you want, or if you just want to say hi, that's pretty fun too (shes.so.undergroud@hotmail.com). So that was majorly refreshing. I come outside, and the weather is always so beautiful when I come out of the darkroom. I'm not even kidding. The gray sky brought out the green in the trees and it was a light drizzle, let's say, and then CRASH lightning bolt, BOOM thunder, my first thought is this is amazing AMAZING I'm walking out in the open during a storm. Then, my second thought was fuck, I'm going to get struck by lightning and that is how my life is going to end. It's not a bad way to end now that I think about it. At least, I would have died when I was at my pinnacle of happiness, as compared to for a long time feeling like nothingness. I think I'm okay. I'm glad I didn't get struck by lightning though. You know I think that I've been posting all about art lately because lately I feel like it's all I have, I mean I've totally emersed myself in it so as to forget everything else.
Anyway, on with the picture portion of today's events. The few pictures I liked best out of the darkroom work...(top 3 I'd say)...
The Jet Engine (8x11 on pearl paper)...
I took this when we went to the air show at mather. I think I like this mostly because it reminds me of donnie darko and all, I'm just waiting to the wing to break and the engine to come crashing down on the crowd.
The Shopping Cart
Taken while I was waiting in my mom's car outside of Long's drugstore. It was just there, and I happened to have my camera, so yeah. :D
She Speaks In Light
Just a darkroom technique, spray devo and let drip. The light was accidentally right in front of her face when I took the picture I guess. Looks kind of neat though.
What do you think?
Yesterday In Pictures...
I got my haircut and decided to have a little funny with the horrible quality digi. :D
Me making the Kari face. hehe.
Then, I decided to move the shoot into the bathroom for better lighting...
Tradition Myspace mirror with the digital camera picture. Like the look of total concentration on my face? I like the colors that were brought out in my face for some reason. I guess I just look really good in the bathroom. Haha. Weird.
More bathroom photos, it's like my own photobooth. I didn't adjust the color, that's just the lighting it gave off when I turned off the flash and on with the lights. 1. I look so serious and sad. 2. I've realized I like the shape of my lips. 3. That's my fight club face. 4. I'm so glad my braces are off, I actually smile now. 5. That's what I look like if you've said something funny. Basically. That was yesterday's fun for me, that and going to Kaitlee's but it kind of got a little weird but I don't know. I feel rather out of the loop with that group, but I'd really like to get to know them. They seem like some pretty nice fellas (and by that I mean people). Annd, any opinion on what picture I should use as my profile pic from now on? Now that I'm not afraid to show my face?
Saturday's Painting...
The only problem with this is that the scanner kind of screwed it up, it'd be better if you saw it in person, and you see that patch of lighter yellow in the background? that's not supposed to be there, it's supposed to be all that color, not a patch of it, but otherwise I'm really really really proud of this. Usually, I don't like anything I do, but this. I liked. Oh, the reference was a picture of Mr. Iero from My Chem. Ew my chem, I know, but I liked the picture. Well, this is what I can do if I sketch it out first on the canvas. It's strange this took me like a week and it's the best painting I've ever done. Usually it takes me a lot longer. Oi. Anyway.
I think that's enough for now.
Hope all is well with everyone. :D
#001.
This Is For Those I Trust And Those Who Comment Only.
(a poem also found on the inside first page of my most personal poetry notebook.)
you can read this
just don't let me know you're reading it
it's a secret
i keep my secrets in here
it's my heartshaped box
it's my cancer
it's the corpse i keep in my backpack
i'm married to it
but i like to pretend it's nonexistant
because it's not really real
it's a shell
it's the beauty we pay for in blood.
(a poem also found on the inside first page of my most personal poetry notebook.)
you can read this
just don't let me know you're reading it
it's a secret
i keep my secrets in here
it's my heartshaped box
it's my cancer
it's the corpse i keep in my backpack
i'm married to it
but i like to pretend it's nonexistant
because it's not really real
it's a shell
it's the beauty we pay for in blood.