Requesting Permission to Fire

I had a panic attack last night.

I'm so overwhelmed.

I took my xanax at 3:30 yesterday, because I felt like I was going to tweak out. Nothing seemed to happen. My aunt used to take it, and said that it would give her a "buzzed" feeling. I felt absoultely nothing. 7 o'clock came, and I've been trying to pack for the past 3 days, but I couldn't do it myself. I've been getting so confused, and can't figure out what I need. So, my mom told me to bring all my stuff downstairs in the living room. It was filled with my clothes. She told me to not worry, and that she'd help me out. She was amazing. She told me what to pack, told me what I needed to get and not get.

Anyways, today I am going shopping for one last time. (Maybe quite litterally)

12 hours from now...

I'll hopefully still be alive. In the air. Flying to Hawaii...

I am not as excited as most people would be. I don't know why really. I guess I will chalk it up to anxiety. And this xanax is not helping. Worthless, really.

I've downloaded some Finch tonight, the "What is it to burn" album, and the Deftones "B-sides and Rarities," this album is quite fitting for my current state of mind.

I most likely won't update for a long time.

Call me if you want.