Into The Lion's Den

Okay, it's August 30th, I feel like I've done nothing but waste time. I can't believe that Its almost been a month since my Vacation started and I've gotten No art done. I'm just so unfocused, unmotivated and too procrastination prone. Sigh. i feel awful that I freak out every time I pick up a pencil and attempt to draw. But I need to get the Art I owe my Friends Started and Finished.I'm so Frustrated,angry, and Filled with self loathing and self hate for not getting this all done. But I think I fear getting things accomplished because I fear Success and not having a million unfinished things hovering over me to have to hate myself for or to use to beat myself up with, I guess I just like hating myself.
I know I can do it, its just that every time I try to do anything I put it off and destroy myself I make myself feel like a total worthless loser and I'm sick of it. I just want to scream and rip myself in half and kill the part of me that's doing this to me I hate it so much I wish I could destroy it.I'm so angry Frustrated and Depressed I just hate myself, I just want it to stop and to go away and leave me alone! I'm going to lose my mind!! JUST MAKE IT STOP!!!!
I've found that drawing out my feelings makes it better but getting myself to draw is like Superman trying to lift a mountain while surrounded by Kryptonite...I know I can do it but the Kryptonite is in the way...But I'm not gonna depsair I can do it!! I will do it I will succeed. Praise Be to Jesus!

RAWR!!

PHHHHHHHHT!!

My family Doctor wants me to get off vyvanse because of my rages and anger problems and to get onto a drug called seroquel, UUUUGH!! I want off all drugs all together RAWR!!! TTwTT Sigh...So I don't know what to do I want to do what God want's me to I just don't know what that is.

Sigh TTwTT But I'm doing better I'm telling myself that it'll be okay that I don't have to feel anger or despair I Am loved by God ^__^ And there are Tons of my Loved ones/brother/sisters in Christ Praying for me!

It Will Be okay!! No matter what!!

I'm having my ups and Downs and Struggles but am feeling better ^__^ I'm going to the doctor this morning to ask questions about Diet etc ^__^ Gonna draw and volunteer YAY ^__^  People are praying for me and it's helping ^__^ So did a good night's sleep Woot!! Thankyou guys!

I blew up at my mom earlier this afternoon I just got so angry and sick of her I screamed at her at the top of my lungs and then stormed out and went to my sisters. I'm noticing now that I'm on Vyvanse I can't hide from my anger it keeps boiling out. Could you all pray for me and my mom.

I Just Dropped off the Prescription for my first round of ADD Meds but I gotta wait to see what the doctors say to the Insurance company about paying the copay, or a weeks worth of Meds will cost 154 dollars and I aint wantin to spend that Kind of money every week. TTwTT So I'm dreading the miscommunication and Redtape *shudders* Why Do people have to make everything complicated for everyone else? Isn't it enough to just help others? Is it really necessary to make getting help a living hell? Uuuhg...Anyway I'm on the bumpy road to recovery! YAY ^__^ WOOT Take that Brain imbalance thingy! You hear me? You're days are numbered!!

Love,Stephen

"If you had to pick a character from your favorite TV show back in middle school to be your best friend today, who would you choose, and why? Have you outgrown some of the characters you loved when you were an early adolescent?"

I honestly can't really remember Middle School. Justa sec I'm trying to remember the shows I watched....Ducktales, Darkwing Duck, Gummi Bears, Centurions,Thundar the barbarian, Pirates of Darkwater, Swatkats Hmmmmm? Prolly Jake Clawson From SwatKats!  He is Kind and gentle but also strong and wouldn't be afraid to tell you what you need to hear and He'd be loyal and always there for you and copuld teach you all you'd ever want to know about mechanics and inventing. No I have  not outgrown them well at least most of the characters I loved. ^__^