I Want You.....

wow . its been too long since i wrote in this but its better than myspace so certain ppl in my family dont read it. well its just my luck that joe is pissed off again cause i waited for him to help me clean the closet cause he likes everythign in a specific place. so he gets mad when i say how he leaves his clothes around too. cause im right he gets mad????? ugh! its so annoying. now hes saying hes leaving and he'll pay all the bills from somewhere else but i can stay here by myself? hes just mad cause i didnt fuck him the other night!! well sorry im used to a certain way then you wanna add stuff?? i dont think so buddy!!. i wanna smother him in his sleep....

I think I'm dying. I know you'll all miss me. Atleast, I hope...

I haven't updated for quite awhile. Well, I thought I'd say something today anyway. Umm... I had tuna fish today. I got it from Seven -Eleven. I also had Chex Mix and iced tea. It was good. OMG! Ii went to the doctor's today and I found out that I weighed 191.8 pounds. I was like OMG! actually started to laugh when I found out. The nurse looked at me like I was crazy, even though she was not too far off with that thought. I got pills!! haha!! Yeah. I'm just a little bored right now trying to keep myself busy. I'm going out with Joe for New Years Eve. Well, his mom, to Penns Landing. Fun. Joe might be on call though. Then I'm sleeping over again. OMG, the last time I slept over he said I was a bed hog and pushed him off in my sleep. I just told him he could have shoved me but, he's a gentleman and just slept on his futon. Ha! I rule his world and his bed! Well, that's mean. I definately rule his bed though. haha. I need more money for my phone. I talk too much on it. I got three songs stuck in my head at the same time: Fall Out Boy's "Dance, Dance" and Ashlee Simpson's "Do You Love Me" and her "L.O.V.E". Wow. So yeah. I'm gonna stop before I get carpal tunnel. Bye!!
<33Busty!!!

You scored as White. You were Meant to be White Ok whitie run along. </td> White 80% Black 40% Asian 5% Mexican 0% What Race Were You meant to Be? created with QuizFarm.com

Well, umm, today is Tuesday, August 9, 2005.  As of the present time, there are three more days until the end of this damn summer bridge program.  Omg, this is not good.  I...think....I....might....like....a...............black guy. OK there, I said it! Well, maybe a few.  I can't do this.  This can't happen.  I can't just turn to the enemy like that.  Just go to the "other side".   Man, I feel like i'm betraying my people.  And exactly which people, I'm not sure.  You tell me.  I found out that school starts on the 29th, and that's three days after my birthday.  Ain't that a bitch.  Like my mom couldn't have like shoved an antenna or a hanger up there to make me come out earlier?????  Man, this sucks.  i don't even have any housing yet, like,  I'm still on the waiting list.  Isn't that wonderful.  I also haven't gotten any in about five months.  Yeah, FIVE FUCKING MONTHS!!!. I'm dying here people! Man, this sucks.  Well, what can I do.  Omg, lately, I've been a very bad girl.  Joy knows what I'm talking about.  But not the whole truth to it.  Oh well, she said I shouldn't feel bad about it.  So, thanks to Counselor Joy Anne Valerie Kicinski, I won't feel bad.  My hand hurts so i'll have to talk about my newly found knowledge of Globalization, Americanizatioon, and FDundamentalism some other time.  God, I think i have Carpal Tunnel.

17 Days Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I hope everyone of you people had a good day yesterday cause mine was fantastic when I got home.  Well, at first, it was quite boring until Pat came on.  Then the lovely Joy came on. That's when the fun started.  We had our usual conversation: guys, sex, school, and the like.  Then, I hope I don't make anyone feel left out, but my baby came on and I was elated.  We were talking about the usual...then he started getting real heavy with his questions.  I had no choice but to answer them because as you all know, I don't lie.  I really don't. Ask me anything and I'll tell you the full truth. I mean, if you look like shit and you ask me how you look, well, I'll say you don't look so good, I try not to be so harsh with my words. But anyway, we continued talking and I don't know, it just got really serious.Like, he  was asking questions and saying things, and then I was doing the same things.....Then I got into telling him things that I've kept in for so long....It was relieving but nerve-racking.  I got through it though. Alive...thank god.

Umm, as for school, Joy, my semesters (there are two of them) are fourteen weeks long each, I don't think that counts the week of finals. So, yeah. I have to do this group thing for math with four other people but I don't see them so eventually, I'll get up and look for them. God, I hate having to be the one who gets the short end of the stick... Well, I gotta go look up work study things to be able to live during my first year. So, I'll talk to you on line...... Well, I'll talk to joy, since your the only one who ever comments and probably reads my journal and talks to me online anyway. Later...

Aren't I lucky to attend Temple University? Oh, how lovely the experience is. To be around so many...diverse people. It's so wonderful. Someone please save me. I try my hardest to be...kind is the best word I can think of right now. I really do. But it's just all of the stress built up from the past and it's like I can't stand it.

I talked to Joy and Pat last night which was very needed. I heard about Pat's wonderful summer school grades and Joy's profound love for Eric. Congrats to both of you. Yeah, umm, I have a stalker now. This one kid from Florida, I think. It's creepy and funny in a way. Then it's really annoying because he has all these stupid ass bulletins on my bulletin thingy. It's a pain in my ass, it really is. Like worse than accidentally ploping down on the remote.

Umm, I think there are 38 days left, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, 38 days. And I'll bet I won't be doing anything either. As usual. It's always the same thing, stay at home and do nothing. But this year, even if I don't have anyone around, I think I still will go out. Like shopping or something. I guess I'll have to get used to being alone anyway. Umm, eww, this gross looking black guy waved and smiled at me today. Even though I didn't have a breakfast and was about to eat lunch, I felt heavily overwhelmed with neausea (sp?) He was so gross, and he was one of those muslims too. I don't like them. I respect their religion and all, but, it's the men I don't respect. I think they are a bunch of sexist assholes. Oh yeah, I said it. Something negative with the word "sex" in it. Well too bad.....haha...

Lately I have been waking up in a lot of pain. I don't know why. Oh well.

My grandmom is moving out on friday. It's supposed to thunderstorm on friday. They'd better not expect me to do anything.

Though Gee Gee is gone, I find myself adjusting very well. Though every trash day, I'll think of her because I was always forced to empty her litterbox...::sniffle::

I found who I want to move in with for the years at Temple following my freshman and sophomore years. It's the one I love, of course! I just gotta save up and all because he said he'll pay my part for a while, but I have to get money after that. Does anyone know where exactly Jekintown is and how far it is from where my house is? Cause that's where his apartment is and I'll bet I'll still be using public transportation then so I'll have to figure out how to get from Jekintown to Temple and back. So yeah. I wanna leave cause I don't have anything else to do, but I  don't know if they'll let me. I'll sneak out...hehe.

In this computer room, I feel so crowded. Like, I want to check on my account on myspace but there are so many people making this room hot and crowded and I don't feel like I have any privacy in here. It's kinda gross actually. It's like there isn't someone literally on your back but you can feel them there. Eww. Oh well. That's those types of people for you! I'd say it but they might be looking....

Didn't Kris go to Cancun? I hope he's okay, cause according to the news, they were hit by, I think, Emily yesterday. So, that kinda put a damper on people's vacations there. 

Umm, I'm really in love. Isn't that great? I found out he has three jobs now. I might have said all this before but oh well, you'll hear it again. He still does the roofing job, but now, he paints, and he works at a movie theater. Probably Franklin Mills cause he doesn't go to any other mall. So, yeah. I was talking to Pat the other day and that was fun. He said he was going to the car show at the Armory. Umm, I feel so left out of so many things now. I feel like I don't have anyone anymore. Maybe that's true. Everyone's having so much fun and going out and all. And what do I get to do? Go to school bright and early, do work all day, come home, maybe get on the computer, do more work, eat, and go to sleep. Oh, how eventful! And what's worse is the type of people I get to be around! I would say it but you've heard it before. The type I am not too fond of. God, I am alone, and I hate it.

I found out that I can only live on campus for my freshman and sophomore years. After that, I have to move somewhere else to live. I'll probably move in with someone or something. I'll find someone who can tolerate me. Then I still have to finish an Entrance Interview. That's something I have to do to consolidate my student loans. Wonderful. But, no matter how much I accumulate in debt, I won't quit college. Because not only will I forever be labled a college drop out, I would have not made anything of myself. What else can I do besides go to college? Work? Work to make a menial (is that a word?) living and struggle to pay my bills? How could I ever raise children in that kind of environment; an environment in which I have nothing to show for what kind of education I had in the past? No. I couldn't do anything else than what I'm doing now. Some people say that college is not for them and they could just work. Well, just working is not for me, I have to go to college. I just wouldn't feel right.

That's all I'll put in for now, because I feel like no one really cares for what I write. Like it doesn't mean anything, they are just words on a screen. I hope everyone continues to have a FUN summer vacation.

It's a really great stress reliever when you know all the answers to your questions. It's also good to know what you have been hoping for for such a long time is finally coming true.

Yesterday, my dad said he is giving my cat to the ASPCA. I feel bad cause GeeGee has been like my cat all this time. I feed her, I change her litter box, she sleeps on the bed sometimes... I mean, imagine if you just had a baby and when she was two years old, someone gave her away. It feels terrible. But I guess I have no say in this matter seeing as though I'm going to college and no pets are allowed. I guess it could be a good thing because she has fleas and she has been getting scabs on her neck. But still, tings like that can be fixed with a couple of shots and some vitamins. I can never have what I want. Being me really sucks. And no I didn't mean that in the way it kinda sounds. If that made any sense at all.

Today, while in my english class, I felt so weird. I felt nauseas and bloated. I think maybe I might be pregnant. Yeah, even though I haven't had sex in a couple of months and I use a condom everytime. So, umm, I need someone to help me to get a MySpace account. Cause I can put pictures on my computer now and it would be easier that way instead of having someone to do the whole thing for me. Just to tell me how to do it. And when I do, you people better sign on as my friends or i'll cry. I'm not sure, however how I should do my picture. Like I want my picture to reflect ME. Something more than just a smile. I need ideas people!

My parents went to a job fair yesterday and when they got back, I stole some of their good pens and candy. Their old, what do they need candy for anyway? Umm, I have a math test tomorrow. Fun, fun, fun. I also have two papers coming up for english and for my seminar class. I'm thinking about changing my classes to ones that will prepare me for my career. Like chemistry and biology. However, my RCC counselor said they might be too much right now. But we'll see. I'm seeing a financial aid counselor today at 3.

I feel so cloudy. And whispy. And light headed. Is that good? I also still feel nauseas. I gotta take that tilt test again, so yeah, talk to you people later.

Yesterday, my sister brought over my computer. It works fine. Except the Internet isn't working yet and there is a key missing on the keyboard. Aside from that, it's pretty okay. My back is really getting to me. I think it might be a problem. Today, I actually contributed more than the usual raising of my hand. In Academic Skills, we just did these little exercises that focused on how well you are able to read something and remember the details about it for later. Also how well you can recognize similarities in something and be able to point it out on tests and such. I saw my mom's x-ray of her foot. Okay, well, when she got home, she turned the light on in her bathroom. When she did, she saw water spurting in all directions from a pipe in the bathroom. So she tried to cover it up and the water was really getting into her eyes. She went out to get another rag and when she returned, she slipped in the puddles of water and banged her foot against the side of the toilet. At first she only said ow, because she thought she stubbed her toe and that was it. Then she looked down and the third toe in on her right foot was completely leaning to the right. The doctor said she dislocated her toe which in turn broke her foot. The tendons in her foot will heal in about four to six weeks but she has to have some kind of surgery, i think, to get her toe back into place. That sucks. I told her that means she literally can't kick anyone's ass for four to sex weeks. She didn't think that was funny but me and my dad did. When she was in the hospital, she held onto one of the doctor's arms when the resident doctor was trying to snap her toe back into place. My brother said that when that doctor left, his arm was bright red. So yeah, i gotta go cause i still need to get an i.d. and i need to get a valid temple email address to be able to submit my TILT test. Then i have to go to financial services and tell them, "I'm poor so I need some sort of financial aid". I think that'll work. Hopefully when I get home, I can get my Internet working.