~ Kannalis' Case Study ~

Having a nice day off. Have spent up until now pretty much just laying around resting. Working on cleaning out my house still... there is still so much to be done. It is hard on me emotionally to go through some of the stuff that I really should be throwing out... but that my grandmother had since I was a little girl and that I can't stand to part with. So I'll put it away for the next time I clean everything out, but then my keep pile is bigger then my trash pile. Other than that I've been working my ass off, at least 40 hours week lately... if not more. I get paid tomorrow so I can go christmas shopping on monday. But before that I have to do a couple of long weekend shifts. Christian comes home on saturday but unless he borrows the car to drive down I won't see him until monday because I need to get sleep too. Saturday night is the Rocky Christmas show, hopefully I'll get off at midnight instead of 12:30 and I'll get to go. That's all for right now... back to cleaning @.@

My birthday was great. Larry took me to Dracula's Ball on Halloween as my birthday present which was awesome. We went with Brian and Morgan and got there early enough that we were pretty much right against the speakers and the stage. So we had front row seats for both Voltaire and Crux Shadows. Voltaire was awesome though I was a little disappointed that he didn't play 'Zombie Prostitute' cause I love that song, but he did play another new favorite of mine 'Blow Up New Jersey', and I almost blew out my voice singing along to 'When You're Evil'. I didn't know as much Crux Shadows stuff but it was a great suprise when they came on to do their encore and had Ego Likeness up on stage with them for the song Cassandra. I *heart* Dracula's Ball. Even if it is over crowded and noisy and hot and stuffy and makes most people want to scream. You know what? If all of that changed then it just wouldn't be Drax. It is how it has been since I first started going and I hope that that is how it is going to stay. I hated when they had the event at what used to be Egypt. I like it right at home at Shampoo where it belongs.

Let's see... list of things I got for my birthday:
Trip to Dracula's Ball
Nintendo DS (Nintendogs Special Edition)
3 charms for my italian charm bracelet
Cinderella Special Edition DVD
Sandal necklace from Hawaii (from my mom's friend)
Sheets for my bed (yay they are so comfy!)
Watch and Bracelet set
$25 wawa gift card (yay gas for my car)
$150 (yay money for Nekocon)
...
and more to come because I still haven't seen some of my family and they want to keep their presents a surprise.

So overall not a bad birthday for a change. I DID have to work tonight but only from 6:30 to 10:30 so it wasn't all that bad... and I have other exciting news that I can't post yet but I'm very proud of. Yay T3h Jenny as my boyfriend would say. And... I'm probably going to be getting a second job soon. So yet again... yay for more money!

On an un-yay note... my ears are still ringing from last night. We were RIGHT against the speakers... as in... my head was resting against one of them for part of the Crux Shadows performance because I was getting tired from wearing my Lulu costume. Hopefully this will rectify itself before this weekend.

*hugs everyone* mew!

Yeah... so I was supposed to be going to Nekocon with a friend of mine. Who is now backing out because they don't have money to go anymore. And JUST told me... and didn't tell me because they told me but because I said "Do you still want me to come down for the con?" and they replied (now this is on a cellphone mind you cause they wouldn't tell me on the phone) "I don't have the money to go now ;-;" *is irritated* So that means either I drive down there by myself and sleep in my car... OR... I just sunk over $100 into a costume that I really could have used toward something else right now. So yeah... bitchy mood is definitally there right now. I have completely lost all sense of need to work on the costume now until I figure out if I can afford to go on my own or not. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.... damnit to hell.

So... just going along. Apologized to people. Re-bitched people out for not being nice enough to accept an apology that I extended. And then I get this comment...

skeletonkey1983 wrote:

I really think you should just leave Karma alone. She never did anything to you. I have been over-emotional about ex-boyfriends before, but I never try to attack their new girlfriends. All Karma did was meet a nice guy and fall in love with him. She knew nothing of you nor was she trying to take anything from you. She is a really nice person; why would you want to hurt someone you don't know. You even wrote somewhere that you have a new boyfriend. I pitty him because I wouldn't want my girfriend obsessing over her x and trying to torture his new girlfriend. If I were him I would tell you to hit the road because you are not even with it. You need to get help, and while you're at it...leave karma alone because she doesn't need you interfering with her and Kaze. They are a really cute couple and he is happy with her. Whatever dillusions you have about him not being happy are false and could probably be taken care of with some strong medication. They are happy together, both of them. I saw how happy they are.

While I am here, I might as well tell you that Karma is not a whore. How could she be a whore if she didn't even give it up until she was 20? You are 19 and I bet you gave it up to gazillions of people. Be careful who you mess with.
...............................................

Yeah... so comments on the above. First off, wrote that entry how long ago? Late and wrong? Not have a computer at home in hicktown, pa to actually keep up with things? Mike and I are friends and as far as I know we plan on staying so. We have come to peace with each other and if you actually bothered to get your facts straight and talk to him then you would know that. And yeah... 22 with 2 kids... and I give it up alot? >.> Thanks no... I think I want to at least be of legal age to drink at my own wedding.

To explain to everyone else reading this... Yeah... so MOST of the people from this region of the country don't have much drive to actually get out of it... most don't want more, or most get trapped and don't seem to care enough to achieve it. The biggest fault in our relationship, and Mike and I did talk about this by the way, was that he didn't have any ambition to move out of that area. I personally would have whithered and died from lack of mental/visual stimulation. I need lights at night time. I need things to be open 24 hours other than Walmart to support my nocturnal habit. I need art and interesting places to go, stimulating conversation, and late night antics like Rocky Horror and sitting at the diner heckling drunk college whores and talking to interesting people until 3am. I want to enjoy being 19 and 20 while it lasts. I don't want to sit around getting drunk every night or taking care of someone who does. I don't want to have to feel like my entire life is planned out and that I know exactly where I'm going to be living in 5, 10, or 15 years. I want to travel, I want to find different places to live before I have to settle down. Yes I do crave stability but in all honesty who doesn't at their core... but I have plenty of time in my life for that. I am comfortable with the fact that I can stand up for myself and fight my own battles. I can stand on my own and while it's nice to have someone have my back I don't have to have someone fight my battles FOR me. Hrm... this isn't in free verse is it? damn... well next time. having to quote the comment screwed me up.

And to note: I think I've been very good for the past bit. I haven't gotten mad and ranted about her in a bit... if people actually took the time to check the date of entries they would know this. I'm stressed out currently over getting my costume done for a con on sunday and now was probably really not a good time to pull the old "I'm going to sneak back several posts, make a post that she'll probably never find but will make me look good to my friend cause I stood up for her, and then I get the comment in my email box because YES you idiots I DO have that turned on. Leave a comment and I WILL get it. God people annoy the hell out of me. *sighs* Ok, back to the painting and the hot glue. For anyone reading this that cares my costume is turning out t3h awesome. Hope to see you guys at Zentrancon on Sunday, if not I'll be wearing it to Rocky next saturday (I think that's when the costume thing is), and then I'll have it again for Nekocon. I also may ask my friend Elise to take some photos of me in it so I have decent pictures for a change.

"Blew" Based on the performance by Nirvana
"Cosplayer Romance" Parody by Stephen Harrington

About 2 lovers who are anime fans....

Go in our bedroom now, tell me what to do
a little cosplay fun, I will do with you
you got the wardrobe out, now you look like Pink
you wanted me in drag, so I'll dress like Mink

Cosplay a cat-girl dress up our sex game
touching we will do kissing are we sane?
our fun obsessing world of anime.....

And if you really want, I will dress like Coo
you put a costume on, now you look like Fuu
and if you really want, I will dress like Shii
dress up like Karen now, go nyu for me

Cosplay a cat-girl dress up our sex game
touching we will do kissing are we sane?
we are otaku fans of anime.....

Aaaahhh.....

Cosplay a cat-girl dress up our sex game
touching we will do kissing are we sane?
our fun obsessing world of anime.....

Aaaahhh.....

We can do everything
we can try everything
we can do everything
our fun with everything
we can do everything
we can try everything
we can do everything
our fun with everything...

Found this in a friends journal on myspace and decided to take it...



You're Lili St. Cyr!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Now back to costuming ^^ pictures to come hopefully later tonight. Right now physical construction of the Lulu costume is at 50%. I still have to get all of the belts on the front and make sleeves... that will bring it up to about 90%... the other 10% is accessories. Then I have to start on painting it... *sigh* work work work....

So... trying to come up with my costume for Zentrancon/Nekocon. I think I'm pretty much set on cosplaying Miho from Megatokyo... However... I have to settle on one of her outfits. I came across this picture that would make the most fucking broken megatokyo cosplay EVER if I could pull off the wings correctly... so I may go out tomorrow and start pricing things. I already have boots that could work for her although I'd prefer to have more bulky ones... but I'm doing this on a budget. I'm either doing Broken Miho or Neko Miho. I need something that isn't just plain Miho but that isn't too difficult so that it will fit in my budget. >.> *contemplates ripping apart some old umbrellas so that she can start working on the wings* HEY! That is an awesome idea... I could go to the dollar store and buy cheap kiddy umbrellas and rip them apart. XD I rock. Anywho... looking forward to getting this done. I'll be Miho at Zentrancon and I'm taking both Miho and Menchi with me to Nekocon... not sure which I'll enter into competition yet though, my Menchi was pretty awesome so it depends on how my Miho turns out. *spins in circles* cosplay makes me so damn excited. I really hope that I get into that school in VA so that I can make costumes all the time. *weeps with joy* I could in the future actually get paid to make costumes for people... I'd be doing this anyway... I could get PAID for doing what I love. That ladies and gentlemen is what life is all about. Speaking of what life is all about I found my GOOD cd case. *huggles cd case* So that means I've got my APC and my Projekt Mix and my KidneyThieves and stuff back. It makes me excited... I'm currently listening to KT and I *heart* them. *sings along* When I'm drowning in the sea I am, when you're looking down at me I am, when I'm walking down the streets I am a bullet. when I'm looking and I find I am, when I'm purer than the sky I am, when I'm fucking with your mind I am a bullet.... Oh god I missed this cd. The lyrics are awesome, the music is kick ass... I could probably have just found this single cd and been just as happy as I was finding the whole case.

*smiles sweetly*... gotta love posts where that's the opening line... it's like.. "is this entry going to be about how she's so in love with her boyfriend?" or is it going to be "someone's on the shit list" *purrs* Well... it's both. I do love my boyfriend very very much and the bulk of the apology was for HIS benefit. And for anything else I write here whilst I rant then I apologize to him for it as well. As it stands I'm talking to a weeping drunk catboy right now on the phone. He won't remember talking to me tomorrow because he's drunk and this has happened recently before... but you know what? At least when he dated me he was happy and didn't feel the need to come home and get smashed after we had sex. And note please who he is on the phone with when he's drunk and sobbing. And yes he is my friend and I care about his happiness, unfortunately, he's my ex and I wish that I could hate his guts but I'm incapable of such though I've tried. Which brings me to the other part of my apologetic post. I didn't apologize so some whore/slut whatever you want to call it... it still lays on it's back with its legs open 95% of the time... would feel better about herself and more secure in her relationship. And you know what? Most of my old posts were my depression talking. I feel that I'm the better person in this instance because of the fact that while yes I am in a pretty screwed situation right now I am working my ass off to get out of it AND I'm not in a relationship based on laying on my back getting fucked by my boyfriend or doing even more degrading acts to him AND my boyfriend doesn't have to call his ex-girlfriend to chat about gaming, life in general, and check on her and such after he leaves my house after sex... or just randomly for that matter. *smiles so sweetly that rainbows appear* No I have a boyfriend that tells me things and shares his life with me versus being in awe of me because he took my virginity. Yes I have a boyfriend where it's actually a miracle that he opens up to anyone at all... *smiles and snuggles Christian plush* I'm just lucky to be one of the few that he does and he values our relationship enough to not let my depressed ranting screw that up. So no this is not about my being apologetic to someone with more couch/carpetburn on her back then I've ever had on my entire body in my entire life, this is about me defending the fact that though I may falter sometimes I am a great woman. *winks* I think that my boyfriend could attest to that. I think that YOUR boyfriend could attest to that... and I mean in a completely non-sexual manner... but you can go there if you want, just ask him sometime. Yes I have a ton of male friends but is it because I'm easy? No not at all... it's because I'm an awesome girl and frankly most other girls piss me off... and here's a secret that most girls don't know... most girls piss off most guys too, they can't take their stupid girly ways anymore than I can. I can't take their simpering and submissive natures, the batting of the eyelashes "Oh please be careful with me I've never been touched (other than that guy last night that fucked me fifteen different ways in 5 hours) be careful.". *giggles cutely* No, see the thing is that guys worth having like girls with backbones. I'm sorry honey... you don't have one. *holds up knife* LUCKY! Hee hee... so here this is for you, go cut his name into your arm and slip while doing so for humanity's benefit? Oh I'm sorry... forgot my manners... Please slip while doing so for humanity's benefit? *purrs* I feel better now... always fun to act out scenes from Battle Royale when bitching someone out. I love being a bitch with a soft side... it makes life so much better. Don't get walked on but don't scare men... *smiles* I love the advantages of being me.

So I'm trying to pick a school again.. finally. I am thinking about applying at VCU in Richmond, VA. They actually have a costume design major there... which is what I really want to do. I'm scared about not getting accepted there though because apparently you have to be able to draw to get into their art department and my art is t3h sux. My costuming however is t3h awesome so I'm thinking about just photographing some of my pieces and sending them in for consideration. If I get in there though I may need to move down to VA for a few months so that I can get a job and get settled so that I can meet the residency requirements for cheaper tuition. OR I could still go to Florida... problem being that I would need to make a decision really soon on that or else have to pay alot more in tuition, but this is a sure bet that I'll get in there. My parents would rather that I do the Florida school because it isn't for as long, I'd be with my boyfriend, and my mom thinks that it will give me a more employable background. But it isn't what I'm passionate about... so why do it? Everyone is always on my case about not being able to stick with one thing, always jumping here and there. I don't think I've anyone that still reads my journal except for Kat that remembers me even when I was younger and even then I loved pretend and dress up. Most of my newer friends know how anal retentive I am about getting that 'theme outfit' just so or that cosplay outfit exactly perfect. I've always been that way... it's kind of the under current of my life in a way and I think I've known it's what I've always wanted to do... that I just didn't think that it was an option. But when it comes to school I just can't force myself through stuff I can't stand anymore... things that I don't have any interest just never get done and that isn't good when you're paying that much in tuition. So while my parents are pressing me to make a decision I don't know... I don't want to wait until next fall to start... but I don't want to go for something I don't want *sigh* so confused.

In other news... I BEASTED KATAMARI DAMACY! Beat it in less than 24 hours total. Spread it over 2 days. Created the moon on the 3rd try. *dances* I feel accomplished.

I've been a naughty catgirl lately. I've written alot of stuff in here that I shouldn't have, things that I didn't mean and now people are getting mad at me or others because of it. I'm not deleting my entries because I don't believe in deleting entries to pacify others. This is first and foremost a journal. I made the entries because at the time that's what I was feeling or what I felt like saying. Whether it be in the heat of the moment or not. I do want to apologize to anyone this may have hurt because I don't think when I'm being an evil vindictive bitch. I'm selfish and possessive. I am how I am take me or leave me for better or worse. I'm fiercly protective of my friends and sometimes that turns into evil Jenny creator of doom, supreme bitch of all bitches, commander of the seraph of destruction. Yeah... but anyways... that's how I am. I'm a very passionate person who feels things like jealousy very acutely. *sigh* It tends to get me in trouble... I say things I don't mean when I'm angry. I say things that will cause people pain because I want them to be hurting as deeply as I am, deeper if possible. I don't always intend for people to get hurt and for things to change as a result of my actions. So please hate me if you want to hate anyone involved. *sighs* Once again my lack of thought in actions have hurt people and I am publicly apologizing. I have nothing to benefit by doing this and yet I am... wow... I'm actually apologizing without being pressed to do so. That's a fucking miracle. Don't expect this too much.