Stark 0

It's been a real long time, just curious.

I am going crazy, I need to finish these college classes and get a real job because I am sick of being poor.  Unemployment is so high these days that I will probably remain poor even after I finish.  Yuck.

I tend to live to have a drink here or there, now and then.  I can do this few a few days before having a little extra to help me sleep or  to avoid the coming headache.  Then I find I have drank way too much, I feel like my heart is leaping out of my chest and the regenerations flow. This cycle is about a weekly one, some times every two weeks.  At this point, I have been going through these cycles in this way for at least 2 years.

when I have just a little and the hangovers are just a bad headache, it feels like I get more out of drinking than any costs.  When I can hardly get a thought out of my brain for a few days and do honestly feel like I could have a stroke or something, well, those days it does not feel like I drank as much as I could handle because I largely don't remember the good parts of that drinking pattern.

These are just observations.  They may be what comes before some great life change, but I have threatened that upon myself for years as well.  I always just feel like I could somehow wrap my mind around this puzzle I would be able to mix in the fun and light social drinking with largely being sober.  Am I just too drum, to think to realize that that point is well past and I just need to wake up and smell the coffee?  I am leaning towards it, but I leaned that way many times already this year.

 alcaholic

So anywho, I have decided to make this my drunk blog, the place where I am so drunk I am speak my mind totally and completely.  

Thus far, I have nothing to say.

So how are you all doin?

I am continuing to have a love/hate relationship with booze.  I got so drunk on valentines day that I have no memory of the entire weekend so then I went two weeks without drinking, thinking that was my new life and then some friends came over with tons of booze and yes I felt peer pressure and like a cold blanket and drank my ass off.  At the same time, the hangover was nothing compared to valentines day, which made me want to die as it was the WORST I have ever had.

In other news, I am trying to finish my B.A. degree, but there are professors who need to sign things and they are always so busy.  I am starting to feel like I am bugging them, but I do want to finish this damn thing and move on with my life.  Eh, it looks like I may be getting a job at a local nonprofit.  Time will tell, things are not set in stone, but it looks like it will happen.  I am going to try to organize to go after these scamming banks.  I will tell you more in the future. 

But again, how are you all doing?

  

So what is now with all of you?
I have just decided to be happy about anything that indicates I am alive and living, ya know?

I am quite used to beating up on myself for the smallest imperfection, but then I give others lots of leeway. Why would I not just give myself that same understanding I give others?

My GIS classes are going well, it wont be long before I will be a professional map maker. There are just so many cool things you can figure out by mapping and seeing what things coincide with other things, can't wait until it is all I do.

I am 25 now so I do have that feeling where I have to get my shit together, but I am still young enough to think that anything might just be possible. I am currently having a drink and this is allowing me to finally relax.

Functioning alcoholics is the group I am curious about.  Do they exist?  I appear to not be living in a box so is that evidence that you can be completely smashed for every hour outside of work and yet somehow still do well enough to have a nice income?

OK must sleep.

I mean, the numbers of people who drink regularly are spectacular, right?

And the numbers of people who are functional alcoholics are also huge, right?

There are pro-anorexia communities, pro all kinds of insane crap communities, but nothing for the alcoholic who is not living in a box in the gutter. WTF???

Hi all, I don't friend too many people so I don't expect this to be widely read, but who knows?

Speaking of alcohol, at the end of this very long day I had a few drinks and I am finally feeling ok. I mean, before about 4 drinks I had aches, I had pains, I had stress and whatever else and now they are all gone so is that so wrong?

ok, I might post more later, or I might pass out. How are you?

I feel like I could have made a big difference in the world but blew it. I feel like I could have been a huge part of the way things are changing and creating a better world but instead I decided to get drunk, hang out with friends and have a good time.

Does anybody else ever feel this way? I feel like I blew my potential because I was lazy and although not stupid, liked to sacrifice moments of brilliance for moments of absolute lack of thought. I may comfort myself with the fact that lots of people do this and that various family tragedies give me the right to basically treat water, but am I bullshitting myself?

So I am clicking through livejournal and I notice that I friend lots of people because they are beautiful. This kind of makes me feel superficial. What will the future be like when we can all look exactly however we want?

On the plus side, there is an entire world that will keep on spinning no matter what I do, right?

In other news, I have not made a post in many months, what is going on with all of you wonderful people? To make me feel better, here is a pic of a beautiful woman.
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