(no subject)

So in two days I'll be twenty years old.  And even though I have reached several mile stones that completely and totally label me for my age and above.  I don't feel like I'm twenty.  I don't know if I really even want to be twenty.  I think I'd be happier at like sixteen or seventeen.  But I have a daughter now and any chance of reliving my old glory days are totally out the window.  But at the same time I'm really glad they're out the window if only because of my daughter.  There's no love like a mothers love for her daughter and there's no other way I'd have it.

And on top of that, I'm not near as naive as I used to be so... hell yeah.

Looking down memory lane

I took a look in my memories today, the posts I thought worthy of saving and putting in a special place.  And I realized as I read through the dark items, the happy items, the sad ones and erotic ones that I'm no longer the same person I once was.  I've lost a lot of things and I keep coming back to that same statement... Always coming back to all the stuff I've lost and not looking at all the things I've gained.

I think its because I don't know how to give up all of the things I've lost and given up in the process of living my life.

I'm not the same person... I'm not even close anymore.  I am a distant relic of a time that once was... I don't think it's exactly evolving, just stepping to the side and not necessarily improving or going back the way I came.

I'm not better because of everything that's happened to me.  I'm not a better person, writer, mother, or lover.  But I'll never be the same again and sometimes, even though I hold her in my arms, all I can do is cry and wish I could just get over it all.

(no subject)


You are The Moon


Hope, expectation, Bright promises.


The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.


The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

(no subject)

Comment with a ^_^ and I'll:
1. Tell you why I friended you. (You can comment even if you're not my friend on LJ)
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ

John is a House lover

<Scepter> I've already told my girlfriend.  If Hugh Laurie came to my house and commanded me to be his, I wouldn't even think twice.  She has accepted this and I forever wait for the day that my british love boat will sweep me off my feet and discover that I have Lupus.

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

~And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight 

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am ~

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

On these cold nights without you... this is the song that reminds me of you.  I will wait forever if I have to.

(no subject)

 Brandon went to jail again... he won't be out till the 20ieth of December... so I'm pretty depressed about that... but 50 days is better than a year.