walking on broken glass

this is how i feel right at this moment.
you are not allowed to judge me for this entry.
you may comment.
but you may not berate me.
you may not justify.
you may not clarify.

you may listen.
and understand.

because my common decency mechanism has been snapped in two. and i need to get this out. publicly.

i have been walked on. all right? bloody well walked on. and it makes me angry. and sad. and useless. and worthless. and stupid. too stupid to live. all right? and i need this one day this one entry to say that. because tommorow i'll forget to feel this way. and forget it hurts. and forget the overwhelming feeling of failure and stupidity.

who walked on me?
all of you.
none of you.
i can't pinpoint who. i don't want to pinpoint who. i don't want to blame anyone.

i want to stop feeling sad. and choked. i want to be able to show her that she's making me so very happy. and it's not her that's making me sad.
i'm just like this.
i don't know why.
and he walked on me. he used me. he made a mistake.
which is just crap all right? i'm tired of justifying him. i'm tired of saying i was the one to blame.
when he
walked out
on me
and took
my soul
with him.

so.

i feel walked on. i feel under appreciated. yah yah uber angst. and i'm sorry.

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

you shouldn't feel GODDAM sorry for your own emotions!

okay.
i'm done.
you can judge me now.
just restrain yourself from screaming your verdict at me.
i'm too tired to listen anymore.