i'm getting married in 27 days! I start working day shift this wk, thank g_d. I can't wait to be able to sleep during the night like a normal human being, instead of living like a sleep deprived zombie, like I've been doing the past few months. Overall though, I've been working overnight for the past 2 1/2 yrs. It seems like an eternity. I guess my body hasn't yet adapted to being able to sleep during the night though, b/c I woke up at 3:30am-ish this morning and have been up since then. It's now almost 7am. We (Meg and I) have to make the drive back to Philly today from Lynchburg, VA where we are staying for the weekend for her good friend's wedding. We are taking Victoria back with us to Philly and she'll get a train or a bus to her apartment in NYC. I used to enjoy long drives to places, but now not so much. Maybe it's just that I'm tired all the time, so really, having to go anywhere is somewhat like work. Anyway, I miss all my old LJ friends. It seems everyone veered off into their own busy lives.
my work friend got engaged and all i could think about was wallowing in my own self pity. when am i going to find someone i can stand that doesn't feel like they're smothering me when they give me attention? (not sure if that makes any sense, i just got in from working overnight). i told the girl i've been seeing for the past month and a half that she's being too clingy with me and i need space. is it wrong to want to spend some time pondering life on my own. maybe i'm just meant to be alone. and you know what, i'm ok with that.
i really enjoy the action news theme song. it's kinda funny, and i don't even enjoy watching the news show on abc. i have a hair appointment at 6 and really i just want to cancel it. i don't feel like walking in the rain, but lately, that's all i've been doing. back and forth to work in the rain. anyway, yay for a night off. i just want to do my own thing (in all aspects right now). but i love the attention. "give me more, give me more, give me give me give me more," sometimes i think britney spears is the only one that understands me, lol.
i'm going rollerblading w/the new girl on kelly drive. hopefully it won't rain, or maybe if i suck, it's better if it does, lol. i can't remember the last time i used my skates.
i rearranged my work schedule so i can fly down to ft. lauderdale for my grandfather's 91st b-day in 2 wks. this will be my 3rd trip to florida in the past 3 months. i'm going to stay an extra day or 2 and get a hotel in south beach (miami) before i fly back since i'll have 5 days off. i'm young and single, why not take advantage of a mini-vacation?
tomorrow i'm taking the ACLS (Acute Care Life Support) provider course. anyway, so i'm reading the manual and alongside the atropine drug dosing information it says for organophosphate (nerve agent) poisoning, extremely large doses may be needed. not only is it scary to think about the stress about needing to know what drugs/dosages to give with what rhythm the patient is in, now i'm picturing people in a war zone attacked with nerve agents. yep, time for bed. trying to think happy thoughts. white fluffy clouds. chocolate covered key lime pie.
every time i wake up at 3pm or later in the afternoon i feel this immense sadness/guilt that i wasted so much of the day sleeping. still, i can't really get too upset w/myself since i am on the night shift schedule. when am i ever going to be awake normal hours? seems like it'll be another year of living like a night owl. que sera sera, whatever will be will be. i joined the oncology nursing society. it's really interesting reading about cancer, but man, it's so depressing! i am also reading Outliers, The story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. i am on page 161. according to Gladwell, sucess has everything to do with opportunity, to be a genius is not enough. well, duh! everyone knows that. so far i am really enjoying his stories though. i am well aware now that it will take me at least 10 years to master anything.
last night at work, another nurse opens up her email, only to discover the hospital's CEO had emailed us about cutting costs. it seems the management has decided to no longer offer tuition reimbursement and is cutting our 401k contribution from 3% to 1.5%. one of the reasons i took this job was to go back to school. when i was hired, one of the selling points was a 10 thousand dollar tution reimbursement per semester. i was told if i go back part time the money was enough to cover all expenses. not only that, but i've been getting cancelled at work so much, that all my vacation time was used to pay me for the hours i was cancelled. now that all my vacation time is gone, i was still cancelled last week and just didn't get paid for those hours. laura and i bought plane tickets and reserved a hotel when i still had vacation time. now that i don't, i'm wondering if they'll give me shit for taking off next month. at this point, i'm just holding on and applying for a new job. i thought nursing was immune to the recession, but clearly it's not. my neighbors are really kinda scary and gross. everytime i come home, it smells like cigarettes and mexican food spices in my apartment. the fumes just pour in from the vent. it's pretty awful. i would try to look for a new place, but i'm locked in there for another year, unless i pay 3 months worth in rent to break the lease. tonight i think it'd prob. just be better to work as a bartender. although i have no means to do that, i'm sure it beats most of the other jobs out there.
Happy New Year to everyone! i'll be working overnight tonight and tomorrow, not b/c i chose to but b/c i was assigned to work this holiday. New Year's always seems so overrated to me. it's a big buildup to nothing much. i'm sure my unit will most likely be closed and i'll be assigned to work in limbo hoping i don't get all the emergency room admit's. gah, i shouldn't even think about it. it makes me queasy.
accomplished
giddy