Love and Hate Collide

Hey Hey...my journal is once again friends only....

Wel l i'll start off by saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANA! woo finally 19...

Canberra tonight... a bit anxious actually cant explain it.

I hope Lukas is feeling better...can't wait to see him...

I'm soooo hungry...left money at home....paid $50 off phone bill - big deal

I finish work in less than 30 mins HELL YES...i'm on my lunch break...over it

SOOOO GLAD ITS FRIDAY 2 DAYS OFF!

Hope canberra is excellent this weekend hopefully no dramas...but then again its not a proper weekend in canberra without some sort of bloody drama....

Over and out.

Wow its been such a long time since i updated last... i think its been like a year and a half nearlly... I was bored so i thought i might update...

Things that have happened since i last updated:

* I turned 19 this year
* Im more self - destructive than i was to begin with for example I over-dosed this year like a month and a half ago...i nearlly died or so the doctors told me...has that stopped my self-destructive behaviour?? no not at all i was back at it the week after...crazy and stupid I kno
* I moved house in december..this time to 72 Ridge st with ana, nicky, ash, and nick...ana has sinced moved out...greg has taken her place...weird without her...
* Alot of friendships have changed in many different ways..
* I still hate living in this shithole of a town...I havent been to the pub down here for around a month or more...Ive been going to canberra every weekend..
* I like a guy named Lukas...very unsure about the whole situation...especially wen it involves 1 or 2 other girls, foolish i know on my behalf...i'm just askin for heart break ='(
* I got a new job working for Bilo in POS, full - time...i should be happy...very stressed atm...
* I want to move to canberra...all in good time...i hate it here
* Im in over my head with debt over $1000 I need to seriously start thinking bout budgeting BIG TIME!!
* I miss how things were...but then change is good...
* I have a car...but no license not even my L's... I practiced yesterday...failed all times...practiced today and PASSED fuck yeah!!! will keep practising!!
* Im really now unfit...i quit the gym ages ago...now more weight has been put on...so much deep fried food...

Thats only really skimmed it...i dont have enough time to really tell everything...theres really been soooo much...

over it

Yeah Im bored...Im waiting for "Dirty Dancing - Havana nights" to load so I thought Id update... well I worked today no excitement? there hahah I have to start really early again in the morning tho I have a longer shift...I smell like cat meat lol...well I am looking after my mum's animals for a couple of days while she goes and visits her sick mum...hmmm Im worried I dont kno how long nanna will last and thats really sad :( I hope mum has a safe trip back...Im glad Tamara went with her...hmmm i dunno... I dunno what the fuck Im doing with my life atm.. NOTHING thats what! Life sux atm...I hope nanna will be alright...arrggg! hmmmm well Valentine's day is coming up...Ill be alone once again nothing new there...I thought I had something not long ago...well kinda n e way...I was totally wrong...lol since when arent I?! haha now I am getting over it...slowly...it hurt a bit thats all...I kno everyone will basically kno of whom Im talking about but I dont care I have to get it out! I dunno what I did wrong...did he just "get" over it or what?! I wish Id had some clue...apart from being ignored and shit...now that is what hurt the most...couldnt he have said something to me instead of ignoring me...that wouldnt of hurt as much...lol well enough of that shit... *Sheds a tear* hmmpppff! I do like another but I dont kno where thats going either...all this confusion...hmmm well I think Ill end it there...otherwise ill be shedding real tears...it still hurts and I think it will for quite a while yet...

Meh...

Hmmmm Im bored what more can I say...? I have to work way too early tomorrow morning...I liked having 3 days off to laze around and sleep...and eat myslef silly...dammit...Ive tried to get myself under control...but its so hard especially when maccas is only down the road...damn living so close to town...lol well Ive done pretty good in the past couple of days...I weighed myself and it was bout 3kgs lighter - thats prob due to me eating WAY less then I usually do...Did body combat twice yesterday...yep I had that much energy...I wish it was on today then Id have the motivation to boggie on down the street...now theres a good reason to live near town...I live near my gym...YAY ...but I need motivation to go there and jump on the treadmill and jog for like 30 mins even if I had my discman...even with the all the hot guys that are down there *drools* ...so Im 18 in round 44 days i think? oh I dont care really...who cares Ill be legal so what...but at least the Blink concert will be on my bday...WOO!! hmmm how does one truly get over someone that meant alot to them?? I myself cant answer such a question... cause even though I KNOW there is nothing left there....Ha what can I do nothing!!  My head knos what is happening but what my heart? doesnt? I dunno... Im going to end this stupid journal entry here before I go and say something thatll make me...I dunno remember WAY too much and shit...hmm I dunno

Well firstly i do have a Journal entry from like the other day...so here it is:

 

Nothing much has been happening for the last few days...befor Nicki, Ana and I ended up going downto Broulee I (the dickhead I am) had to spill BRIGHT PINK paint down the front of my pants...I thought the "tin" was lip gloss (No It DIDNT say PAINT on the tin) it looked like a lip gloss tin it was a little big I admit but it looked one none the less...so once again we ventured down to Sout  and got extremly intoxicated...hahaha *GOOD TIMES* of course the children turned up yet again hahaha they had 4? 5? casks of goon (good effort) poor poor Pat couldnt stomach the good ol' goon lol
I finally met Frida hahah that was quite amusing for me his real name being "Lincoln Charles" hahaha noice it ended up being bloody freezing yet again...Nicki and myself missioned it home round 6am? bout round that time and fell into bed so to speak...hahaha....but other than that life has been fairly boring...I heard Chey got hit by 2 cars!! whats the go with that..talk bout bad luck thank god she is alright and only had a fractured leg...*phew* Shayne went up yesterday...Nicki is going up today...hopefully she is out of hospital by now...but we got our Blink tickets...(Well Chey had to get someone to get them for us so its all good)....cant wait should be decent especially on my bday...so round 48 days untill that time...I kno I kno pretty sad but hey you get that...Saw Robbo yesterday HA! WOO! =S mang didnt say much there really...about nothing and no one...*hints* nah over it lol now now we dont want to be sad.. =P lame ass...Im being drived up the wall hmmm nothing happening this weekend sitting at home most likely doing shit all...I got the net last night...now its fucking up...I think of the scary storm we had like a couple of hours ago...it had HAIL...I swear lighting nearlly hit the top of the house scaring the shit out of me it didnt help that it was followed by a big *BOOM* aaarrrgggg...I wish the net place would hurry up and right me....so bored....*dum di dum* mmm saw that really hot lad today *drools* is that all I ever think bout?! I think so well I havent been laid for a while so of course Id think bout sex none stop!! hahah *GOOD DRILLS* hmmm might go to the gym tomorrow morning for a "jog" on the treadmill...hmmm that was a maybe...depends if I get on the net and get the songs that I want...yeah well I got paid today and Im now BROKE AGAIN hahaha jezz I need to save SOME money... meh...
Enough from me.....

*Bows*

*Oh and I found out that "Dirty Dancing - Havana Nights" will be out next month...HELL YES!!!"

Yeah so that was from the other day..I just had it saved on my computer )stupid storm or whatever that fucked my modem up!) but n e ways...nothing much has happened over the w/e really...hmmm apart from my computer fucking up! haha went to a staff "party" on sat night...which turned out to be decent....except I felt really sick from A) Eating to much and B) the Flu....which Im just starting to get over now...BLAH! Fish Monger is trying? starting? whatever the word to make me feel guilty (the only reason Ive had communication with him is because of his stupid game - Which is on my front door step waiting for him to pick up) the stuff his been saying in his messages...I didnt over-react...he scared the shit out of me...I kno he was drunk but still...enough of that...but the phrase "treat others how you want to be treated" pops into mind...but I didnt do N e thing!! not by meaning to n e way...hmmm I give up...some random (I can only GUESS who) has been sending me these real random messages... weird....Ill give a sample of one: "I LOVE FUCKING THE HOLE POO COMES OUT"....Now that is fucking charming....I sent a reply of whom it was and got this back...."THE BORN AGAIN ARSE BANDITd...I FEEL GREAT! TRY RAMMIN 1 UP YOUR DATE-FEELS BLOODY BRILLIANT!" now what the fuck...I have a clue to whom it may be...not naming n e ppl of course...fuckers!! lol

Caley's Party? is on tomorrow night...might go might not...I dunno I have to work the next day at 8....THATS CRAZY!!!

mmmm grapes

*Cheers*

*Over and out*

Well last night was alright...hahaha or should I say random...I got totally wasted and Im still on the tipsy side as we speak...I finished work pretty early and got Nelson to go get me a six pack of Johnnie...we then ventured out toward good ol' mossy point where we met up with Nicki and Juilette (yes juliette your "famous") in Nicki's house...it was still pretty early so I started drinking cause there was nothing better to do...Im making a shirt that says TRASHED on the front Ill just paint it on the front so thatll do haha noice...we all hopped? into Nelsons car and went to the old faithful table at south Broulee (after of course purchasing another cask of goon....We sat there for a while being random...(as you do) Nelson ended up leaving and it was getting dark...so we lit some candles and out popped? these 3? "16" year olds that little one looked like he was 13 I swear (we later found out that they were all 14 and 15 "turning" 16) hahha GO NICKI <---- he was 15! ha! n e waay after much more drinking and other random 14 yo came and gone we were quite wasted to say the least...Juliette decided to make her way home after seeing..ollie's? penis..."I cant get it up Im only 15 and Im drunk dont pay me out" or some such random shit...oh I forgot I have their emails...hmmm yeah well nicki ended up hooking into ollie..hahaha "slurp Slurp" foul haha was it Ross no um....I cant remember the other guys name but he was cute...FOR A 14 YEAR OLD and no I didnt hook in... we ended up getting a lift home with Gappsy and I collasped into my bed by...I think round 5:30 AM hahaha go me....which leads me to being still a little bit pissed and being quite random...I have to go to work in like 3 quaters of an hour...I dont want to but its money...I rather go home and sleep....
N e way enough from me I want my teddy....hahaha hmmm Kodak aye? ill have to think on that one...hmmm indeed

My PHONE bill is going to be so high...
This is one of the very random phone calls that was made during the night...

Nicki: "Hello is Robbo there?"
Clints mum: "Um no"
Nicki: "Do you know where he is?"
Clint's mum: "arr no sorry I dont"
Nicki: "Um...is clint there"
Clint's mum "I think he is asleep in his caravan"
Nicki: "oh ok thankyou"
(it was something random like that....bout 10-20mins later we decided to ring the house again)
Nicki: "Is Clint still asleep in his caravan?"
Clint's mum: "yes I think he is..."
Nicki: "oh ok Im sorry and thankyou"

Yeah location situation well for me at the time I thought it was hilarous...but then again...
Too random I forgot what the fuck we were doing hahaha random fuckers that we are....

Catch YA!

Blink aye....WOO HOO

Well the other night was amusing...I was pretty wasted and the number of penises I saw...(Dashes, Scotts and Nicks...hahaha "noice")got there round 7ish with Nelson whom hung round for a while we had to move inside cause of the weather...it started to pour? down...WHOASH!!! meh yeah it was really hot inside but fun none the less...can't really remember much of the night...hmmm *thinks really hard*
Well by the time Nick, Dash, Scott and Chaffer arrived...it was still raining and yeah... this makes no sense what so ever...well all in all it was an alright night...Jake ended up comin round with the "chums" hahaha and gave me a lift home...so I got a good nights rest and had another boring day at work...walked around last night with Nathan...saw a certain someone...(hahahaha I kno pathetic) and went and had "dinner" at the pepercorn tree cafe...I ended up seeing Jake, Jason, David, and paul? had a nice little chat with them...then rented "Sweet November" on DVD which I havent watched yet...Went to bed and had a nice vistior at round 7AM this morning (he scared the shit out of me!) it was Robbo coming to visit...he was driving around with no license basically all night and wanted to come and say hello...hahaha good ol' Robbo...he of course cheered me somewhat and I invited out sometime next week? for a couple of drinks lol whatever...which leaves me to be bored shitless down town where I have to wait till I go to work....Nathan also left for Sydney this morning and wont be back untill Tuesday? Wednesday? it would really help if I listened to him :P....
Enough from me....

*Eats herself silly* <-----WTF?!

Nothing much has happened in the past 24-48 hours....I went and saw Brother Bear...that is such an emo movie...the "new" Lion King so to speak... oh well Fish Monger has apprently "given up" drinking because of the other night..yeah right but I refuse to talk to him...he scares me to much...went to the gym this morning DAMN IT WAS HOT...the air con doesnt work (or doesnt seem to) and it was like an oven...we had to stop cause it was so hot...but it was fun none the less a certain person that I despise was there HA! she couldnt even hack the full hour! and her punching technique (HAHAHAHAHA) was pathetic (not to be mean or n e thing hence y Im not naming n e names) =P the hint is she has a small star tatt on her lower back used to go to Carroll and is a total BITCH....and her party SUCKED which was at Rollerworld... I think thats enough of the clues there....lol...well Nathan is supposed to be moving out of the house by the end of next week (yeah right-with n e luck he will) and Ill start packing my stuff up and sort all that shit out.. etc he is gving me the shits atm...he owes mum money for the dryer (that he blew up) plus money for living there for a month...I bet we wont see it but Ill bug him till he hands it over....I just had to get that out of my system...phew...well Caley is supposed to be having a "party" gathering whatever you call it tonight...Im working at 2 so Ill be hitching a ride out there with Nelson...Good ol' Nelson...lol

I think Ive gone on enough for today...must go and celebrate GOON WEEK tongiht...

*Falls into a heap on the floor*

Well last night was fucking FREAKY!! I can't take n e more of Fish Mongers shit....I kno he was drunk/tipsy whatever but he was really scaring me last night...thank goodness he left when I told him to..(on the otherside of a locked door) his parting words were... "Ill never stop trying" Why can't he take no for a fucking answer...of course I was all emo afterwards and scared cause I didnt actually kno if he had left my house...so I sat in my room crying and messaged Jake (Whom Id like to thank cause he came to my aid and cheered me up) =) so I never want to be near Fish monger again sober or drunk....the things he was saying...plus he was blaming me for "bringing the worst of him to the surface" or some random crap like that....jeezzz I cant wait to move...I dont need this shit from him...and it turns out that he is NOT moving...damn it cause he got a job down here in Batehaven...so yeah...
Well I didnt get very much sleep..but yeah the other night was "fun" to say the least....went to nickis house after work...meet juliette and Nicki at the bus stop (as you do) went and started drinking goon and Johnnie Walker *GOOD TIMES* then proceeded to get a lift from Nickis dad to Carters...and may I say the "party" was crankin! a total of 5 ppl...hahaha a certain someone (that nicki doenst like) was there so we left and wandered down to the south broulee toilets...where met some randoms =s weird with a white van...yes yes we did end up going for a ride in the back of the van on mattresses man one of those guys (who owned the van) was a bit...hhmmmm freaky? I dunno wierd kept on yelling and shit....Juliette got off somewhere we ended up losing her...and we got dropped off in good ol' Massey st..=p..and started walking right back to south broulee toilets (I really needed to pee) I ended up peeing in the bush haha we soon met up with two lads in a ute..(one guy that owns the ute I have been eyeing off for quite a while I wasnt expecting to meet him down in broulee haha) we ended up getting on the back of the ute and going for a ride up to the headlands...where we eneded up talking about a number of things one of them being about how "gay" matt (the other guy) was and how many guys try to "crack on" to Anthony...hahaha (mmmm anthony) hahaha he is cute mmmm and I find it highly amusing that Anthony is PUGGAS boss hahahahahahahaha (excellent) well we got back on to the ute and drove nicki home (I got a lift home wooo) and ill just say for the record that the ute is NOT a 3 seater..but I was not complaining cause I was in the middle... we dropped Matt of to see Besa block (I now kno who it is) FOUL...and Anthony took me to the servo to get sausage rolls =) and we did a lap in town...(Man it was crankin =P) I got dropped off and said goodbye...DAMN hahaha he is really nice =) but yeah I have not one chance..but you get that... I also find it wierd that Matt has known me since I was a toddler =S and the rest of my family... Anthony knos some of them so hmmm wierd...
Kodak rang me on Friday night on my old phone *Bangs head on a brick wall* and invited me out... now I dont kno WTF is going on there...?!
Well jeezz this has been too long of a journal entry...Im going to have "lunch" with Tank and Ana soon (YAY) haha nah just kiddin and then go to work =(...my bloody wisdom teeth are hurting soooooo much =( damn it!

*Runs naked into the sunset*