Space Cadet Clown

I wish you knew how much I miss you. How there's been a hole in my chest ever since we parted, not knowing it would be our final goodbye. But then again, I rather eat my own hands than admit that to you. Bitch.

Stoned? Yeah I am! I'm so fucking full of Kidney Stones!

I truly can't comprehend this world, so I've just made one up here instead.

I think I hate you but I can't really tell.

Got a letter from my parents today. They still don't approve of me being a clown. They think clowns are stupid or murderers (not all of us! Some are both and more!!). They wish I would get into a more serious business, like my father and his synchronized bee dance studio where he teaches honeybees complex dance routines to put on shows. My mom just stays at home with whatever random hobby she wants (right now it's trying to turn a tinfoil ball into a diamond by rubbing it for 16 hours a day). And their oh so precious son (my stupid older brother) is in the business now and is set to take over the bee dance studio one day. I'll always be a failure in their eyes because the bees just sting me over and over instead of dancing. Urg, stupid older brother only gets stung a couple dozen times a day.

Anyways, the letter came with a couple pictures. One of my family dog which was nice to see. A picture of them on a fancy cruise where their bees got to preform in a show. One of my brother just flipping me off...

But I think they mostly just wrote to ask if I was finally enjoying my non-clown related job. Just rubbing it in that I can't be a free roaming clown anymore now that I'm stuck in space.

Anyways, I don't care about their stupid letter and their stupid fancy cruise. But they did include a single hard candy so I GUESS I'll text them a thank you. Anyone else feel like this and their parents???

The clown grows tired of these non-clown related obligations.

I thought not being in gravity anymore would help the crushing feeling that used to always be in my chest. As I gently float along in space, I find that it's still there. I've had a lot of time to think up here, (down here maybe? Unsure now. ) so I thought "hey, maybe I can work through it! These anxieties!" Absolutely wrong.

I think sometimes these feelings don't go away. Sometimes maybe we are just a little different from others. A lot different. I mean, I am a clown floating in space and you aren't... probably. Anyways, the crushing feeling in my chest is still there but I think it's okay. It can't consume me, I'm too busy making balloon animals. I won't let it.

Today I'm missing my ex, even if he shot me into space in a freak clown cannon accident. He was, no, still is the best damn rodeo clown around. Even if he refuses to go into the rodeo how, I know it's still in his blood. The way he could slip into a barrel and back out in an instant with his lasso already tied, ho boy. He's so fast and cool. Even though our relationship had more problems than a clown car has clowns, I felt so alive watching him. Alas...

Insurance? I'm not gonna let them in my sure ass! They can go somewhere else!

Do you guys think god gets horny too?

While floating in space, you have a lot of time to think about things. I don't have to think about breathing or about the chatter right outside the curtain. There's nothing anymore.

So what is there to think about now? Sometimes it seems like there's so much that nothing is possible. Other times I miss the constant chatter as, nearly begging for it to return. There's nothing but me. Is that what I wanted?

What do you mean you don't believe my post? It's the internet. How could anyone lie on the internet!?!

I feel like a weeble wooble that god left in the bottom of a box in the attic. Yet, weebles may wooble, but they don't fall down.