I have been neglecting my journal a lot lately, although I log in to livejournal every day so I can keep up to date with my friend's list. I'm still here! Even though I don't post. Wow, my last post was January 19th! That's insane.
It's hard for me to sum up the last 6 months! It's flown by. This post is probably going to be all over the place! ( Collapse )
I don’t even know where to begin. My heart is heavy with grief from losing you. You truly were one of a kind. I am so lucky to have had the honor of knowing you, and my life is all the better because of it. Any time I think back at my time at STU, you’re always in my memories. You were a big part of my life then; you were with me through the good and the bad. You were a constant source of support and inspiration. You were the glue that held everyone together. Without you, there are a lot of heartbroken people that are falling apart, and I am one of them.
Even though our lives went in different directions, we managed to stay in contact. When I came to see you after being gone for 2 years, you welcomed me with the biggest hug I've ever gotten in my life, and we picked up where we left off, as if no time had passed. I am truly thankful for the time we had together last summer, I just wish it wasn’t the last time I’d be in your presence.
Your motto was always “Live, Laugh, Love”, and you were true to your words. You lived each day to the fullest, laughed always, and loved with all of your heart. You were like a breath of fresh air. You lived your life so passionately and on your own terms. You worked hard for everything you had, and you truly deserved the world. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life.
They say only the good die young, and Jenna, you were the absolute best. Heaven is lucky to have an angel like you.
You may be gone, but you will never be forgotten. You will always have a place in my heart.
I love you so much, and I will miss you terribly.
Rest in Peace my Beautiful Friend Jenna Lynn Sullivan May 31, 1984 - November 14, 2007
Yesterday we had our first big thunderstorm of the season. It was quite freaky, I must say.
Afterwards there was a really nice rainbow, and then not even 30 minutes later, clouds of DOOM! I swear, they were the scariest looking clouds ever, and they were moving REALLY fast because of the wind.
Lets go. I am doing a 10 minute writing excercise that I ripped off a random journal but I thought was worth doing, nonetheless. I write for 10 minutes without thinking, which is the equivialent of mental vomit. There's an actual phrase for it but I think I would have to think of it if I wanted to know what it is. Oh yes, Flow of conciousness. I cheated. I smell lilacs. I went hunting for them this evening. They were in the town lot, so I didn't feel so bad ripping them off. I also visited the dogs in the pound. They make me sad. There are 5 now, and two are being euthanized tomorrow morning. I don't know how some people do that on a regular basis. I for one will never actually bring the dogs to be put down. Other volunteers actually help hold the dogs and cats as they get their injections. Too cruel. I can't understand why we can't have a no-kill shelter. All of this death makes me love my critters even more. Shorty was adopted today for about a half an hour and then the girl's mother called and said they weren't ready for a dog. I don't know if he will ever find a home, but I cried anyway. I want to keep him but I'm up to my animal quota. This foster home business is taking a toll out of me. I'm getting attached. I want to run a doggy daycare. It's another one of my hair brained schemes that will probably never get off the ground. Like my wanting to open a petstore, or a book store, or a music store. Buisnesses often fail in Meadow Lake, so why bother? 12:24am. This is harder than I thought. I miss home. That's nothing new.. I still don't know if my brother is moving in with me. He can't make up his mind. I worry about him all the time. We never talk anymore. My bedsheets are clean. They were hung outside to dry. They have that....line dried smell. Go figure. I am almost done reading "The Robber Bride" by Margret Atwood. Tomorrow I shall go to the library. I have quite the list of books I want to read, but the library here sucks, so I will have to order some from Amazon.com. I can't even find Tuesdays with Morrie at the library. How sad is that? Logan the foster puppy got his muddy pawprints on my book today. I sat outside on the riverbank on a blanket and read my book while the puppies chewed on rawhide bones. The book is messy, and I feel bad, because it's not mine. Books are not treated well in my house, just ask my copy of "To Kill a Mocking Bird" with a whole corner of the book chewed up. Yes, my dogs are illiterate and proud of it.
"IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my flist, so let me know with whom I'm friends!" ( Collapse )
I have been wanting to post an actual update for awhile, but every time I go to write I don't really have all that much to say, so I'll keep it brief.
-I have been working lots.
-I have 4 puppies left to find homes for, then my house will be back to normal.
-Having a house full of animals has taught me that material possessions are overrated. I seriously can't have anything nice, and when it gets torn to bits, peed or crapped on, or eaten, I don't get as angry anymore. I guess that's a good thing? I don't know.
-I have been trying to read more. I am currently on my 6th book of my 50 book challenge. I really don't think I'll make it to 50, but at least I've done more reading this year thus far, than last year.
-It's snowing today. Yesterday was 25*. Mother nature can seriously fuck off any time now.
-My brother might be moving in with me. He's been having some problems at home, and mom wants to send him my way, so now I have to find him a job, which seems like an impossible feat.
-People who take everything for granted make me appreciate everything I have.
-I bought Jeff and myself tickets to go see Weird Al in concert in July. That's love.
-I haven't been doing as much crafting as I would like to. I've lost my muse. Although I have a really nice craft room upstairs waiting for me whenever I get it back.
-Facebook has consumed my life. I check it before Livejournal! My routine was always E-mail, Livejournal, and whatever else, now it's E-mail, facebook....facebook....facebook...facebook......oh, I forgot Livejournal!
-Spiderman 3 sucked. Topher Grace as Venom? COME ON! Lame. I'll stick to the cartoons.
-I am emotionally exhausted. Some people just suck the life right out of me.
-I enjoy random acts of kindness. It's nice when complete strangers tell me I'm such a good friend.
-My grandmother has lung cancer (Dad's mom) and has a 25% chance of surviving. Not quite sure how to feel about that, since we were never really close, but it sucks, all the same. She's still family.
-I am homesick...again. Anyone want to come visit?
Jeff and I are foster parents to even MORE puppies. We have a mother Border Collie mix and her 5, yes FIVE puppies staying in our garage. They are only 4 weeks old and still need to be weaned from their mom before they can be adopted out.
So that makes our foster total to 8 dogs. On top of our own 5 dogs, and the 2 Rez dogs we look after, AND our 9 cats. Needless to say I'm frazzled, but not as much as I would be if Amy and her puppies were staying IN the house. Thankfully for my sanity we have a garage to put them in!
My updates have been few and far in between. It's probably due to the fact that I really have nothing to update about! But I am alive and kicking!
I've gone into home renovation mode. I know I said in a previous entry that I did my dining room in a Superhero theme. I got bored of it very quickly, and now everything has been taken down, and the walls are primed and ready for a new color. The superhero theme will be carried on upstairs in one of the spare bedrooms. Jeff and I are each taking a room and doing whatever we want with it. I am making my room into a much needed craft room. Hopefully I can get lots of painting done this weekend. I want to tackle the dining room, bathroom, and at least one of the upstairs bedrooms. I don't know if it'll actually get done though! I WILL post pictures of all of the changes once they're done. My camera is working now. The batteries were dead. What a CONCEPT. I can be such a tard sometimes.
One of the foster puppies I had (Shorty) got adopted last weekend. I cried. A lot. But at the same time I was proud of myself for actually being able to let go. The last two foster dogs I had, I ended up keeping (Sadie and Gus). We still have Sable, who is anxiously waiting to find her forever home, but I'm sure she's quite content to stay here and chew on everyone's shoes. EDIT: I just got forwarded an email and Shorty is being returned because he nipped one of the adopters kids. :( He was NEVER agressive or bit anyone while he was here. He was even handled by the neighbour's kid without incident. Somehow I feel responsible for this, since this was his foster home. *sigh* This sucks..
I have been overly home sick lately. I have been basically BEGGING my mom to come visit, but to no avail. In the past couple of months she's been to Miami, Boston, and this weekend she'll be in Montreal. I told her she should come visit me, but she says she has no money. I don't think she realizes how much I miss her. I just wish she'd make a little more effort to come see me. If anything, she's in a more secure financial position than I am. I can't afford to come home for a long time. I'm just lonely for home. Does anybody want to come visit?
I got a raise at work. A whopping 24 cents! I am now making $11.46/hr. Not too shabby. It would be even better if I had regular hours! I'm considering applying for a job at the Tribal Council where Jeff works, facilitating groups on Suicide Prevention, but I don't know. I need to get my act together and finish my resume. I just feel like I'm stuck in a rut. This weekend was supposed to be training for my Victims Services volunteer thing, but I wasn't given nearly enough notice, and I can't afford a hotel for 2 nights and meals for 3 days (Training was today-Sunday). Seriously, I just got paid this morning and have $200 left to last me until the middle of the month! My income tax return should be coming eventually...it was e-filed 2 weeks ago, but until then, things will be a little tight..Which seems like the norm around here.
Spring is slowly making it's way to Meadow Lake. The snow is melting, the birds are singing, my basement is flooding. Geez. I've been in such a funk lately, I think the nicer weather will do me good. This winter has just seemed unnaturally LONG. I can't WAIT until summer. Which is funny coming from me since I hate the hot weather, but it beats the stupid snow any day.
Well, that's my life in a nutshell as of late. Nothing too exciting. I hope everyone is doing well!
tired
lonely