Envy: Enter the dragon

My Werewolf and Mage Larp (Live-Action-Roleplay) is finally over. We saved the world and went on with our lives...but VAMPIRE will be starting VERY soon!!!! I'm soooo excited~!

In other news, I edited and updated my cosplay list for next year's con, which actually will be in another STATE. This will be a surprise for my closer friends who live in Florida...

...THAAAAAAAAT'S right, guys! As of right now, it IS official, I AM going to METROCON in Tampa next year. Huzzah! I hope to see my friends again!!! X3

My cosplay is as follows:

1. Sora (KH1)

2. Sweeney Todd

3. Louis From Interview with the Vampire ((Looking for a Lestat now actually))

4. Pit from Kid Icarus/SSB Brawl

5. If I get it done in time, Maybe Sonic the Hedgehog or Cream from Sonic Heroes/Sonic X

6. I may bring back Envy from FMA, not sure on that yet.

I also have two surprise cosplays I'm gonna do. X3 Won't tell till it happens guys.

As of after Thanksgiving I am leaving Sparta to live with another friend of mine, actually two friends. I'll still be in Jersey though.

I am currently getting two jobs, both at the mall. One of which I currently work, the other one my friend is breaking me into it.

I'll try to update more often...and I also finally..."came out', as it were...

Yea, I'm Bi, whatcha gon'a DO abou' it? -_-

...GOD that felt good. >_>

Finding someone you lost?

That's my thing for this week. I mean, I quit my job at Lowe's because it SUCKED...yet I'm finding new jobs and had a few interviews thus far. I hope the Day Care one works out, but T mobile ain't bad either...XD

I'm moving out of here soon, near Rider University (Still in New Jersey), and I'll be living with a friend of a friend who is my friend now. >_>; And she can sew and make costumes, and she is gonna teach me. X3 Speaking of which, my cosplay for next year will be Sora's master form from Kingdom Hearts 2, the original Sora from KH1, Sweeney Todd, and two surprise cosplays. X3

Also, I lost someone close to me: my Bakura, my Riku, my Turpin...he lives in Texas, we met on myspace-I has pics of him, I'll post it soon!-but his parents found out about us and his MOTHER called me up and told me not to call him anymore since he has "issues" to deal with and is "Confused" right now. (FYI: this is a transgenered male I'm talking about here...yea HE is really a SHE. >_> Didn't see THAT coming, huh?).

For three days now I've been going mad from not hearing his voice every night. And I can do nothing now but he said to come for him in two years. And at that point I will be dressed as Sora coming to save Ryou first in Michigan, then Lex(Riku) in Texas. Until then, however, I'm banned and cut off from him, and it SUCKS ASS! >_< I dunno what to do...seriously, this NEVER happened to me before. Yes, I've had online relationships (NEVER a real life one, mind you), and none of them really hurt me before this one. This is a BIG one here...I dunno what to do! @_@ Any advice is welcome.

I thank GOD for my friend introducing me to Demyx Time last week, they REALLY cheered me up without meaning to but they're funny as Hell. X3 I've been meaning to email them as Sora-sama, but I just didn't get the chance. I will, though. ^_^;

Anywhoms, that is my update.

Actually... 

After a long-ass hiatus and a forgotten password (Shame on me), Sora-sama has returned from the ashes to bring you some good times again!

That is, Sweeney-Sora-Sama. XD My current obsession being Sweeney Todd, I'm getting the cast together for Halloween this year and I am crossplaying as Sweeney Todd! ^_^ I'm still casting so if anybody lives in NJ and is interested, lemme know!

I missed you guys...T_T I haven't talked to some of you in either weeks, months or even freakin' YEARS! Holy COW we need to brush up!

Ok, updates!

1. I currently live with my friend Kate in Sparta (Yes, SHPARTAAAA!!! ) because of an unfortunate situation with my aunt and uncle. It just didn't work out, and I was falling behind in work and school because of it. Thanks to Kate and her family, I'm happier now and disowned by my mom's family, yay!!! ^___^

2. I worked in the Jewelry dept. at Macy's for the holidays, then at Toys R Us, and now I currently work at Lowe's Home Improvement NOT the movie theatre!! XD I also applied as a photographer at this place in the Rockaway Mall called Glamour Shots, but they said I wasn't worth training so they dropped me like a hot cake. F***ers...

3. I am going as Thief King Bakura at AnimeNEXT in two weeks!! I am part of a Yugioh group and will have pics up soon of that! Shinanagins!!!

4. My sister is evidently visiting up here, but the family forbids her from contacting me. Heh, hooray secret rendevous...? O_o;

5. I have a new cell phone finally!! If you want my number and you KNOW me well enough, ask!! ^_^ I'm itching to talk to my friends again!!

6. Sweeney Todd. Nuff said. X3 My new nickname is Sweeney.

That's all I can think of for now but it's pretty major. The straw that broke the camel's back was when my aunt-after being pregnant for three months-had a miscarriage and accused me of "murdering her unborn child." I cleaned for them, I took care of thier animals, did awesome stuff for them...and THIS is the thanks I GET!!! Fuck them...I have a new, independant life, and I may not have a car anymore (I take the bus to work and school, plus Kate and her boyfriend Dan are helping me out; Dan got me the job at Lowe's since he works there) but I'm still living and I get by.

It's hard, it's a struggle, but I KNOW I can do it. I am confident that I can go on with my life and I AM.

Also, I'm transferring to a new college next year, living in the dorms! I'm going to Bloomfield College in the Spring, majoring in Animation (Creative Arts Technology something it's called) and a minor in theatre. My mom won't pay for my financial aid anymore so I claimed myself as independant. GODS, I love that word...

Oh! And I'm a part of a new religion now: Kemeticism, in other words I worship the Egyptian Gods. I is a member of that church now. X3 I'm so happeh! The actual church base is in Chicago.

Well...yea...that sums it up. I'm doing fine, don't worry about me! I'll try to be on here as often as I can now that I have a freakin' password!! XD I didn't think this account still existed but I was wrong...

Again, contact me somehow!

Email: wind_alchemist_futori_mihara@yahoo.com
Ask me for my number ONLY if we're mutual friends or if you're a hot guy...XD

Laterz!

Eck...V-day, or rather, D-day...shit...hate it. -_-

Normally, I would but today was a good day. XD It was actually...TOLERABLE!!! O_O

1. My aunt gave me breakfest in bed-bagel with green apple slices to dip in peanut butter, tea and orange juice. ^_^

2. Had a nice lunch with my aunt and uncle, eating pasta and drinking red Gatorade out of a wine glass...XD Listening to Frank Sinatra's "The summer wind" and "Strangers in the night". Then Prince's "When doves cry". XD!!!

3. My car, Wilhelm, had to be cleaned off...see, it snowed last night PRETTY bad, and we got about a foot. Wilhelm was a snowman, so I had to relieve him of his frosty duties. XD Took like, 45 minutes to brush the snow off. @_@ NOT fun. It's 19 degrees out!! T_T

4. Roy sent me a Valentine card, and he made it like he was my secret admirer or something...what an ass. XD

5. Now I'm on the comp, thawing out. But the day isn't done yet...but hey, I had my first snow day, school was CLOSED!!! ^___^

Fun fun snowy Valentine day...happy D-day, ya'll!

I have come to the conclusion that I, Heather Redd, can make a grown man cry and feel like dirt. >_>

Thursday, I finally got to see Roy after a week. We met in the library and studied for the math placement test. He's worried, and beating himself over it. He doesn't think he can pass, therefore delaying graduation, and getting that scholarship to William Paterson University.

I kept my distance from him the entire time, and he asked me if it was over between us. I said I didn't want it to be, but things change and people change. He asked if he was the one that changed, and I replied srcastically, "No, I'VE changed."

We went out for lunch, then we stopped at Wal-mart. I talked to a friend of mine there named Erin who had her 6 month old daughter with her, and they were sitting at the Dunkin Donuts inside the Wal-mart. Erin noticed Roy, and asked if he was my husband, or boyfriend. I laughed and shook my head, then showed her my ring. "No, we're engaged." It was funny.

I stopped home to take care of the dogs, and then we went to Barns and Noble so I could use one of my gift cards Aunt Missy's mom gave me. I bought a "How to make your own manga" book, and number 11 of FMA. We went back to school, and agreed to meet the next morning after my final exam.

Next morning, I finished the exam, and went to the library to see Roy again. We talked about the placement test, and I told him he just needed to practice the problems and study hard for monday--we decided to take the test together. We went to ShopRite, and I picked up two checks which were deposited in the bank. We went back to school, and I noticed a trail I didn't see before. He parked his car in the upper lot, and right across from said trail. We walked the path to the condemned chapel up the hill (My college used to be a school for priests). We sat on the steps, and then it began.

I told him previously that my friends advised me to keep me distance from him, and that temporarily he'd have to sit alone again. He asked if we couldn't talk anymore like we used to, and all I said was, "Well, we can still say Hi to each other..." And he looked down, hair covering his face. I talked of how I still wanted to be his friend, and how I still wanted him in my life, regardless. He asked if it was really over...I said, "Well, this is what you wanted, you made that clear last week."

I said some more things, then looked to him. I asked if he was ok, and he shook his head no. I told him he should be happy that I'm not in his life so much anymore, that I was doing this for HIM. For US. He looked up at me finally...

...and there was tears streaming down his cheeks, looking like the most pitiful and miserable man I had ever seen in 20 years of my life. At first, I thought "Oh, shit..." Then I felt...good...that he was crying. It FINALLY got to him that he screwed up!

And we held onto each other, crying. He said he didn't want that, he didn't want to be ignored and alone again. He needed me in his life now, he couldn't go back to life without me. We kissed each other's tears away, and I said I didn't want this either...and I said I will always love him, no matter what. And he said, "As will I."

Then there came the BIG kiss...

...And the SUN came out of the clouds, and shone on us AND the church. Really, ya'll KNOW I can't make this shit up for the LIFE of me! I need my fucking CAMERA!! >_<

And then I asked, "We kissed in front of a church, are we married now?"

And he said, "I suppose so...looks at us...we're really a pair, crying like this."

We held hands all the way down the path, and got coffee at the DD in Wal-mart. I asked if we we're gonna be ok. And he said yes.

I'll see him again Monday morning for the placement test. This'll be the end of the first chronicle...and the beginning of another. I'm just glad he finally realized what he did to me was serious, and he almost lost me for it.

It's all over...I think.

It happened today, the greatest heartache of all time, much worse than all of the others out together.

He loves me. He loves her. He can't be with me. It's "wrong". How can we go back to being friends, when seeing him would only hurt me even more? There's so much that happened to go back now...but is it really too late? Have I lost Wilhelm?

I feel like this is all my fault. I feel so dirty, all the things we did. And to think this all started with a simple kiss on Halloween. We kept fooling around...didn't have sex, though...for the record, I'm still pure.

There is no such thing as true love, or fate. It is all just stupid fantasy bullshit. I'm sick of falling for someone, only to crash and burn in the end. From now on, I love or trust no one. They will have to earn it. It is achievable...but it must be earned. The right way.

Roy and I are doing fine...yes, he's still with that girlfriend of his, who lives in upstate New York...Hell, I dunno if they broke up or not yet, but it's getting irratating.

Then there's the age difference, which I won't go into on here, because I will be maimed by certain people. >_>

I'm just starting to doubt a lot of things...I dunno...I find my Wilhelm, and I'm afraid I'm going to lose him over something like age or...whatever. My friends are worried about me, but they needn't be. I can handle something, and mistakes can be quickly corrected. This is gonna hurt a LOT though...first love is always the hardest to get over...but...what now? What if the whole thing with Roy just...ends? And he's graduating in May...what if I never see him again after that, or after AnimeNEXT?

Well, I'm off to work. Good evening, folks.

This has been...the stupidest two days I've ever gone through in my entire 20 years of life on this Earth. Roy invites me to his house, because I have medicine for his cold...we randomly go to the mall...he talks of how he doesn't want me to keep showing up on his doorstep, and that if he kept coming to MY house, cause he's a guy, HE'D be accused of STALKING me. WTF?! How can I be stalking you if you invite me to your fucking house?!

He also revealed his real age to me, but I think he's lying. Britt has a theory, he's trying to chase me away? Even after he said he loves me? I don't understand, but my heart and soul are struggling right now, and I feel so...used. Did he really try to take advantage of me, or is there more to the story I've yet to find out? Or maybe it's tough love...or maybe...I don't know. He's my first love...heh, if love or God REALLY exist, then...why is all this shit happening, and to ME, of all people? I NEVER get this kind of action or drama, really. This is all quite new to me.

Though I am glad to say...even if I lost this Wilhelm...I don't think he's worth my time. My REAL Wil is kinder than that, this I know. And...NOT a retarded Englishman!! >_<

Ok I'm done ranting...@_@ Work is long, and school is fun, the end.

FUCKING ARKANSAS!!! XD ILLINOIS, DAMMIT!!

But yes...weekend...fun, emotional, filled with laughs, tears, and weird muses coming at us from all directions! What a great misadventure for Heather Winner!

Thursday, I FINALLY got to see my twin after a fucking YEAR! Thank the LORD! ^___^ We went to the mall, and I buy her food, and frappicinnos, the double chocolate chip kind from Starbucks, in honor of Jerica. X3 Then we made a B-line to her house, and I played the first fma game, then Britt played Zelda, then I got a chance to play FF8. Twas cool, watched a little bit of cars, gave the link of life alert to Becca-Russ, got to chill with Bri, played with the horny Edo and Al kitties then went to sleep. XD

Friday, we woke up around ten and got into costume! Britt, yer Edo is awesome, I'm so proud! T_T Anywho, we drove...and drove...got stuck in a little traffic...hit each other when we saw license plates from out of state...XD Got LOST!!! XD Ended up at a gas station, and called the Boss who came out looking for us. Eventually, we found each other and--wha, ENVY?! What's HE doing here?! OMFG!!!! @_@ Yes, I got to see my arch nemesis and Miss Dante! ^_^;; Went to Old town, and they got me a pearl, it's a boy and his name is Wilhelm Oedipus something something von Hohenheim...O_o; Whatever the Hell Alicia said. XD Then! We went to the hotel, checked in, gave the Boss and Miss Dante their Xmas gifts, chilled for a little in the room, then went to City Walk!!! ^___^ Ate at Margaritaville, and yes they did play the song!!! XD Had a sip of my first margaritta, and it was like WOW!!! *___* Saw a band play cover songs, got a plastic suringe filled with green jello vodka shots. XD Went on a BOAT to the Portifino bay hotel and...the pics will explain it all, go see onee_omi's lj for them. XD

Anyways, got chased by Kimblys...NOT fun. >_O Got to spend some quality time with Wilhelm, my dearest. Had some Hoho/Ed action, and I did bring the doujin I bought at MangaNEXT!!! XD Larping is VERY emotional, and took a toll on SOME people...>_>

Anyway, photoshoots were fun, went back to our own hotel, the Holiday Inn, only to find out the pool was closed, nuuuu!!! >_< Went to have Bday pie, reeeses pie and rich-as-fuck chocolate!!! *___* Went to sleep, woke up, and left in the morning to go to Citrus Park mall with the Twin, tried in vain to find an invisible AnimeNation, then went home to have my mother yell at me for having a good time, and that she didn't want me to but she had no choice in the matter, because I don't live with her anymore and that I'm freakin 20!!!! >_<

GAWD DAMMIT!!!!

>_>

Anyway...thank you guys soooooooooooo much! For letting me have an awesome Xmas AND Bday, and for showing me a good time! We shall all join back together again soon! That I can promise you! ^_^

The Twin cometh, and the twin taketh away...

Well, she IS taking me out today to the mall. I gotta get Susan's present there, and then me and Britt are gonna just...chill...yea...funny shit with Becca last night...heh heh, Imma get her life alert next Xmas. XD Fuckin sweet shit, man...

Only one more hour before she wakes up and comes to get meh!!! She can't come sooner?! Dammit! Oh, well, I waited paitently for 10 months...I suppose I can wait another couple hours before she gets here...

...GAWD DAMMIT, I'M TOO EXCITED!!! >_O

Sora twin powers ACTIVATE!!! XD