Solo

Alternatively and with less bloodshed, something someone in my circle mentioned recently, if Meng Yao had stayed at Cloud Recesses for the study arc. Made friends. Been valued... maybe it wouldn't have been too late them to turn him into a trustworthy human being.
There have been several fics about MY staying at Cloud Recesses, I think. I loved "Somewhere to belong" by KouriArashi - she does a lot of canon divergence AUs and has a soft spot for the super clever twinks, sooo… XD I think, if MY had been valued more in his early life, if his father hadn’t been such a shitstain, then he could’ve turned out okay. MY, XY, and WWX are great foils for each other, because they start roughly the same as orphans in bad circumstances, but go such different routes, and you can really argue the nature vs nurture aspect with them.


what if after he came back from the Burial Mounds, WWX had told Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan about having been there and about having lost his core? He could always blame Wen Chao. I guess he just didn't want everyone to think less of him. Jiang Cheng's notion of coreless people being 'useless persons' was probably shared widely, thanks for nothing, ableist cultivator pricks.
Ahhh oh boy, now you’ve mentioned WWX telling someone (besides the Wens) of the golden core transfer, and I’m just… I’ve got feelings. So many. This is just such a tragic turning point in the story, that whole big "what if", I’ve read so much fic about it, exploring the reasoning of WWX, thinking about it a lot, and man, it’s painful.

First, I really like JC. I liked him from the start, because I recognised WWX and JC’s behaviour as rather typical sibling stuff, especially between teenaged boys, but also just in general. I have no siblings myself, but many of my friends do, and I saw this kind of bickering and teasing a lot when they were about 12 - 16. And I thought that there were moments where you could see that JC actually cares for WWX, though he often tries to mask it and hides behind his anger. He’s the sect heir, all that pressure on him to represent his sect well at the CR lessons, and then his shixiong makes trouble! Noooo! And later on, yeah, everything goes to shit, and he has a lot to shoulder and no one there to help him - he thought he could rely on WWX, but now his brother is always just drunk and won’t teach the disciples, WTF WWX? His sister is supportive of course, but it’s in that motherly way she has that doesn’t help him run the sect - and then she marries out and he’s alone, basically. At, what 22?
I really have a soft spot for him. But he seems to be a divisive character. XD

Anyway, golden core transfer and WWX not telling about it.
I do think this kind of ableism of the cultivation world - without a golden core you’re nothing, you’re just mundane, you can’t follow the glorious righteous path anymore - is definitely one aspect of it, though I think it’s more important for JC and why he falls into such a deep depression.
And it definitely also has to do with Lan Wangji - they pledged themselves to walk the same path, to fight the injustices of the world and help the weak, and well, WWX cannot do this anymore. He thinks that if he cannot be LWJ’s equal in cultivation, LWJ would not want to be his partner anymore at all. So that is a huge blow, for sure.

But I think the most important reason is that he wants to protect JC. He knows that his cultivation was everything for JC, it’s his whole life. Of course, it’s pretty much the same for WWX, but they have very different backgrounds. WWX is the son of a servant and grew up in the knowledge that he would later serve JC as his right hand man, do anything to be an asset to the Yunmeng Jiang. JC grew up the heir, the one who would take over all responsibilities from his father. Without a golden core he would not be able to do that. His whole purpose in life is basically over and he also is a (further...) disappointment to his parents and their legacy.

So WWX cannot tell about the transfer. Because the both of them had been compared all their lives - and JC had always been found wanting. WWX was always better, in everything. JC’s parents fought because of it, it was a constant cause for arguments - JFM praised WWX all the time and not his actual son! If JC knew that he got not his own core back but that of WWX - what would he think? Wouldn’t he doubt himself, question whether his strength - which is indisputable - doesn’t now come from WWX and not from himself? Could he ever have been that great without WWX? Wouldn’t he resent that after a while?
Also, WWX doesn’t ask before doing the transfer because he couldn’t bear if JC said no - and JC would also hate that he had that option but didn’t take it. But! What if he'd said yes? Whole other can of worms, because wouldn’t JC hate himself for taking this away from his brother, knowing already himself how horrible it is? It’s just shit either way (and we haven’t even gotten into the ethical dilemma of this here…).

I think what’s important to remember is the state of mind they’re all in before the core transfer.
Lotus Pier has been overrun by the Wens. The Wens say they want to retaliate since WWX had behaved so badly at the Indoctrination. Madame Yu is intelligent enough to know that this is just a flimsy excuse to attack (they didn’t need an excuse to attack the Yao Sect, or the Lans), but it’s very convenient for her. She throws this in WWX’s face: "It’s your fault, I always knew you would bring us all bad luck, I hate you!" WWX sees how disciples are murdered, even the children. He’s been badly hurt by Zidian but still wants to fight, but Madame Yu doesn’t let him. He gets put on the boat with a hysterically crying JC and the last thing Madame Yu tells him is: "I hate you, this is on you, you have to protect JC with your life!"

They’re all traumatised, but WWX is the one who has to keep it together the most - he’s steering the boat while JC and JYL cry and comfort each other. He gets blamed by JC in a moment of rage and just takes it because he has accepted this as the truth - it’s his fault. Everyone dying, JC’s parents dying, his fault. JC gets caught by the Wens when he leaves the inn. WWX again thinks it’s his fault because he didn’t keep an eye on him, knowing that JC was so beside himself with grief that he perhaps might not think clearly. (He of course doesn’t know the truth, that JC left to protect WWX…)
So JC gets caught, loses his golden core - of course this also is WWX’s fault! Madame Yu told him to take care of JC and he failed! JC has lost his will to live and that’s just… WWX cannot take seeing his younger brother like that.
Also, without JC the Yunmeng Jiang won’t exist anymore. We don’t know about any cousins that could’ve inherited, and JYL cannot inherit because misogyny, and anyway, how many disciples are actually left? JC is wasting away, WWX couldn’t protect him even though he had to promise Madame Yu (thanks for that, put all this on the shoulders of an 18 year old, why not), and now this would be the end of their sect as well?

WWX needs to find a solution. Everyone says he is a genius, and he promised, so he has to find something! And it’s just… he feels so guilty, blames himself for all this shit even though rationally it of course isn’t his fault, but well, he grew up like this with this deep insecurity and feeling of "I don’t really belong in this family" that Madame Yu enforced. He serves this sect and so he will do anything to help. There’s also the case of older sibling syndrome, where you do anything to protect the younger ones from harm - any harm. Rather getting hurt yourself than seeing your siblings getting hurt, and not telling about your own problems and worries and pain, because you don’t want them to hurt for your sake…

And so WWX finds a solution. It’s a really shitty one, but he’d do everything and anything to rescue JC (who seems to have given up on life by now, even if he’s perhaps not actively suicidal…). I mean he was totally prepared to let them cut off his hand if that made the Wens leave again! He’s got such a self-sacrificing streak, it’s painful. WQ tries to talk him out of it, but no chance, WWX is set on this since it seems to be the only possibility to help JC. But of course JC cannot know how it’s actually done, because see above - what if he says no? What if he says yes?

There is so fucking much going on in the background leading up to this decision. They’re all too traumatised to make actually good rational decisions. They’re also all much too young to go through so much shit. It’s a clusterfuck of a situation. I’m pretty sure WWX thought he’d simply… die during the war, in battle, and that would’ve been that. No one would have known, he would’ve died the heroic death in war, having done what he could. He did not bet on being thrown into the Burial Mounds etc.

So, if JC cannot know the real reason why WWX lost his core, then why not tell a lie, like - he got caught by Wen Chao and WZL, it's not a stretch to say he lost his core there. I think this is because JC would say, "let's go to BSSR, she can restore your core, too!" - and then realising that.. that would be a bad idea, because he pretended to be WWX to get his core back, and WWX coming back three months later ... that doesn't work. Cue guilt trip because JC took away WWX's chance for a new core etc.
Perhaps, the only way I can see perhaps working is if WWX had admitted to being thrown into the Burial Mounds and saying that the resentful energy there destroyed all the pathways in his body for a core to connect to. Like nope, nothing to be done here anymore. But he doesn't want to admit about the Burial Mounds. And I also think that he grapples with his bloody revenge trip, because it's not killing in battle, it's very vindictively and cruelly murdering people who cannot fight back against their attacker. The way he acts when he sees LWJ and JC there for the first time, and later how angry he gets when he thinks that LWJ has told JYL about Yiling show that. It really seems that he has convinced himself he cannot put this weight on his siblings' shoulders, and also that LWJ ever only tolerated him and now whatever they had in common is gone.

I think it would have turned out much different if he had told someone. If at least LWJ had known, if someone had been in his corner… I once read a fic where LQR finds out and his sense of righteousness makes him help WWX, because fuck, the kid didn’t have another choice, it’s not hybris and pure arrogance and hunger for power, it’s the only way WWX still has left to cultivate at all.

But I guess this is what’s so fascinating about CQL: There are so many good talking points in the story, you can analyse this to death, it’s so very dense.

And this is now much much much too long. I’m sorry. Feel free to ignore this essay on your almost a year old post. XD The feels made me do it.