Shot, Chopped and Scored by Sonny

I've reposted a very old fic to AO3 and came on here to see when I first put it up. 2005. Looooong time ago.

But, I did love seeing recent posts from a lot of names that made me smile. Might be time to post her again? FB can get pretty... non-fannish and political.

Just poking my nose out of the gopher hole! 

I guess fall is here, even though it's going to be 90by Friday. Either way, B* asked me to take some garden pics and such and here they are :)

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Yep, she made this dress and it's stunning. She will give you the details on her journal but here are the pics. I am SO proud of her!
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First off, typing with acrylic nails is a real annoyance. They may look nice, but gads they bug me sometimes.

In this whole 'losing weight thing' I have been stuck at one weight for a month now - maybe longer. Still following the Weight Watchers thing so I am hovering between losing one pound then gaining one pound. I know the key is starting a workout which is just... yech. I mean I want to dance, so I've taken dance classes in the past (hip hip, wha what :P) and still have this stiffness and unfamiliarity with my body.

I was molested when I was 9. I think I've said that before, it's not like that's some revelation. But, with the weight loss, I've discovered the joy of repressed memories. See, I thought I worked through all of this years ago. Therapy, journals, even talking to the person that did this to me - yea, I got that chance and thought this was done. But, my weight was my armor against men/people looking at me and finding me attractive so with sixty pounds gone, I've had issues.

All I ever wanted to do was dance. When I was little, I did. Recitals and everything, yet, it stopped. Cold. Right after the first 'incident'. The dvds I bought for my new workout are dance/workout routines. I haven't started them yet. Over lunch today, I remembered why. A memory came out of nowhere and pretty much flattened me. I cried, I shook, I pulled it together enough to drive and move the car to another part of the mall and walk straight to the Disney store. I hugged a Sullivan stuffed toy tight and calmed a bit. Yea, daddy issues - Sullivan protected Boo and all I ever wanted was to be protected and it never happened - not with my family anyway.

With the memory, my first instinct was to eat the first thing I saw and stuff myself sick even though I had just had lunch. Went shopping instead and indulged in retail therapy (clothes, video games - things I so didn't need) and it helped. I have to work through this even though what I really want to do is eat ice cream until I'm sick and just start screaming.

In conclusion, losing weight is fucking hard. In a lot of ways.

Please ignore the fact that it's half cloudy and we're kinda half smiling - but here is the detail of our Ren faire costumes that B* made! :)  (and one shot of the clouds, they were pretty today :)

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B* and I need better pics of our costumes because she did such amazing work, but here are some pics I took:
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Today was one of those days. I hit the ground running the minute I woke up. I like to keep track of days like this because I am always astounded at how much did.

First, I should start by saying I went to bed at 3am. Had something to finish and that was that so I did it.  Then up at 7ish with the dog, walked her. And fed her. Worked for a short time then took a hour nap.  Then into the car to take B* and fellow docent Julie to the museum for a new exhibit. Dropped them off then I head out to Encino (half hour away ) and pick up a new project. Another 25 mins into the valley to get a check from a client, then back to Encino for another hard drive. Back to museum, take Julie home then we get home.

Manage to eat something then 45 mins later I drive B* to her weekly poetry meeting. While she is there, I hit Best Buy (needed media card reader) then Petsmart (dog food) then Michael's (Ren Faire costume supplies). Pick up B and we are off for drinks, a little shopping then dinner.

Finally home to finish laundry and costume then bed. Thought about doing some more work but I think I am just about full, this day has done me in.

Now watching a very cool sleeping beauty ballet (guys with long hair. I'm in) and trying to chill out.  Did get the cutest little shot glass sundae with a candle in it at dinner, and my dad sent a nice check for my upcoming bday.

We are buying a couch we want to snuggle :)

I always seem to have these pockets of 15 mins or less while the computer does its thing.  So, here I am.

that amazing dentist CALLED today to make sure I was okay. I think I love him :)

Had a run in of sorts with a client regarding timelines - like, deadlines. Basically, I am burnt out to the point of doing things last minute which is not good at all. Had a nice long talk with a camera man friend of mine and it helped straighten out my head. So, now I have a calendar next to my desk with due dates on it - not just a list of projects with dates. I think it will help. This whole freelance thing sometimes still baffles me.

I have to just sit the f*ck down and work, pretty much. Oh, and take a damned vacation the absolute minute I can, that seems to be the priority.

Had a dinner at the church tonight which was just... well.. awesome. My witchy senses were all over the candle lit thing and the reading for the night was simply inspiring. Its Holy Week, these Reflective Dinners happen, I guess. This whole church thing is actually doing good things for me (and the food was pot luck and awesome!) OH AND I bought bread for the meal - Father Bob USED THE BREAD I bought for the evenings communion.  O_O

 Drop the mic, Leave the stage. Or fall off the stage - kind of a mind blow for some reason. When I mentioned it to Father Bob he smiled wide and said "Now that's good karma!" Yea, he is awesome.  I'm still working all this church stuff out in my head and maybe I'm trying too hard, buts it cool :)

Yep, had a tooth pulled yesterday. *pause while you all cringe*

I went to one dentist and she was just the wrong fit - wrong vibe. Ended up  on Yelp! and found a local dentist, young, Asian, wife just had a baby :) Awesome guy! AND they will take me without insurance and oh, I can make payments.

O_o

It's like I was Sandra Bullock in Practical Magic and I did a spell to find the PERFECT dentist that I was sure didn't exist, but he does. He was beyond patient and gentle and amazing. Oh, and get this - for the extraction?  $159. Yes, you read that right. That's ALL it was and they will let me pay it off in thirds.

o_O

Perfect.  Yes, I am still in pain but it's achy pain that will fade. The bad root pain that had me living on ice, Advil and clove oil is gone.  I mean the left half of my face looked like a squirrel hoarding nuts but it's back to normal and I have an award show to get to tomorrow night.  I want to enjoy the evening showing off the 55 pounds I've lost and not holding ice to my face! haha

Figured I would cover a few bases to get a little caught up.

First - spent a lovely day at LACMA on Monday  - it was a free day so, you can't beat free. Saw, what I consider to be, an old friend:



Yes, I took the picture - I forget sometimes that you can take pictures in museums now. I have been going to see Arthur for over 25 years.  I remember sitting and staring at him once (composing a vampire fic in my head about him) when a woman walked up with her pre-teen daughter and showed her the painting. She explained that she fell in love with Arthur when she was her daughter's age and had been coming to see him ever since. It was sweet to see the appreciation being passed on.The museum has changed a little - lots more modern art - but it's nice to see a decent selection of classic stuff. Lots of Monet!

Second  - I AM SO DEEP INTO SHERLOCK I CAN'T BREATHE!  And happily!  I think it's pretty much my official fandom on my own, ya know? Matter of fact, watching it right now. It's my desktop, phone wallpaper, ringtone AND text tone. I want a Sherlock hat. There is a possible convention happening. I am already there :) I have a cross stitch pattern of the wallpaper. B* has been reading me Alex's Sherlock fics as I stitch. It's delightful!  There is also an app of a Sherlock game - worth the money!  Go to http://www.sherlockology.com/ if you are a fan. Trust me! There is a list of props from the show and where to BUY them! You can get a sample of the living room WALLPAPER! Currently, my desktop has this on it:




Third - still into Vixx and k-pop music. Watched this today - which I have seen a hundred times:



it's just incredibly impressive to me - it's from their third song so it's old but there is something about the squeak of their shoes on the wood floor  - hearing their movements, not just drowned out or taken out and replaced with music. The precision, the amount of hours it must have taken. It's just impressive ;)  There was one variety show the group was on and the challenge was to jump into whichever dance routine goes with each song as they played it. It was awesome!

Also, down 51 pounds and counting - gained a little last week but working on taking it back off. Can't be perfect all the time :P  Work is work. Lots of work, never enough money so I am starting my own production company so I don't always have to wait on clients - going to work on making my own money.  Will see how it goes!  I am already shooting behind the scenes for one client and she uses what I shoot for one of her monthly updates so I know I don't suck :)  I work under the name 'the BTS Bitch' for that. You will only get that if you are a fan of The Office.