smash_random | TEXTS FROM SMASH ACADEMY. Probably NSFW.

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TEXTS FROM SMASH ACADEMY. Probably NSFW.

1. Go here.
2. Grab a text or three, or make up your own.
3. Have your dudes text others back.
4. TRAINWRECKS.

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1. At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.

2. Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off.

3. dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.

4. [??? YOU TEXT HIM FIRST.]

Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.

I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.

sir

Write that down.

I don't even got a car!

I don't care.

...Okay.

1.yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices 2. you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate rocking a kilt 3. I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that 4. [idk maybe you text him first]

I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.

come on now they're just trying to make an honest living. by waggling their junk in your face

Well sure, my gay side is thrilled, but my hetero side is soooo judging

pretty much. so I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself

You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".

You did a strip tease for the toilet so maybe don't judge

Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.

Man that tallies up to three people seeking solace in my dick. I have power over you mortals.

PICK YOUR POISON:

1. LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?

2. some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.

3. I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes

1. one of the students in my 8am class brought me a bloody mary. clearly i didn't manage to not look drunk when i ran into him at 4am. who the fuck decided i could teach

2. he just asked me if i wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." i never wanna have sex again...

3. i heard an explosion in the backyard. you told me you were playing "will it burn".

4. (idk text her first)

1. just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.

2. I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples

3. UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD

Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.

1. FYI, there's a cactus in the microwave. Don't touch, or attempt to engage in conversation with it until I get back.

2. Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato battery on that thing.

3. after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient second-hand typewriter. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

4. [OR maybe you text him with...]

1. Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

2. If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot.

And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?

3. I fell asleep curled up in the fuselage again. I either have to get more sleep or add some internal shielding so I can't fit in there anymore.

4. [OR you text her?]

1) LMFAO Little Mac jst punched Sonic in the face for some Taco Bell! THIS IS THE BEST DAY!

....that's all you get.

DUDE just wait unti i only see one of everything again! i'm gonna use him as my own persnal treadmill!

Aw come on. I know you can't take a punch, but can't you at least try and have some dignity?

I actually have several of these lying around and if anyone here is on tumblr they need to go join Texts from Oak's Lab. Some of these aren't mine and you can probably tell which ones because they'll look a lot better than mine.

1. I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it

2. I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going

3. In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?

4. [Text him first perhaps??]

1. You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."

2. The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.

3. She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?

4 [YOU CAN ALSO TEXT HIM FIRST IF YOU'D LIKE?]

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