L-Space Excursions

Title: Good Vibes
Author: slybrarian
Pairings: Lorne/Parrish
Rating: Adult
Words: 2,630
Series: AU - Discontinuity (Kink Bingo Entry - Toys (Non-Penetrating))

Summary: In which Lorne learns that you should read the manual before letting your boyfriend talk you into using Ancient tech.

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The longer Lorne wore the ring, the more convinced he was that the Ancients lost their war because they were too busy having kinky sex. Either that, or it was because their officers would snap and kill important scientists in a fit of horny rage. That seemed pretty likely, too. The officer in question would probably kill a couple of his superiors while he was at it, for corrupting mostly-vanilla, mild-mannered botanists with their kinky ways.

Well, okay, maybe that was largely Lorne's fault. Still, it was nice to blame his predicament on someone else.

Somehow he had let himself be talked into wearing the cock ring, one of several Ancient sex toys they had found a few weeks before. David had seen him examining it, one thing had lead to another, and after a bit of persuasion Lorne found himself putting it on after his morning workout. It was about half an inch wide and maybe eight ounces, thick and heavy but not extraordinarily so. It was easy to get on, because it wasn't just a dead lump of metal: it simply expanded with a thought and then contracted again, automatically adjusting its diameter for maximum long-term comfort and safety. Lorne thought it felt good on him and he had to admit there was something fun and exciting about wearing it around under his uniform all day, with no one else the wiser.

At least, he thought that right up until he was suddenly reminded of the ring's other features.

He was in the middle of a staff meeting when the ring started to vibrate. It was just a short, low-intensity buzz, barely enough to qualify as a vibration really, but it was enough to make Lorne jerk upright in more ways than one. Thankfully the ring was completely silent, and with a quick thought of off it ceased its actions

A minute later the ring buzzed again, a little harder this time, and Lorne barely kept his reaction under control. Lorne tried to think of anything but the ring, which was a bit like trying not to think of pink elephants, but it didn't make a difference either way. The damned thing seemed to have a mind of its own and vibrate whenever it wanted. He was pretty sure it wasn't supposed to activate by itself, but that was probably what he got for messing around with ten thousand year old sex toys.

After the third or fourth time it happened, Sheppard leaned over and whispered, "You okay?"

"Fine, sir," Lorne bit out.

"You keep squirming and you look a little flush."

"Just a little stomach trouble," Lorne said.

"Oh." Sheppard frowned. "I hope it wasn't something you ate. The last thing we need is another expedition-wide diarrhea attack."

"I'm sure it's nothing, sir," Lorne insisted. From that point on he did his best to sit still.

It didn't let up after the meeting. The ring would turn on at random points throughout the day and would keep vibrating for several seconds at time until Lorne managed to think it off. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it, except for the extra-frequent activations over lunch. Sometimes Lorne could get ten or fifteen minutes of peace; sometimes it would turn on within seconds of being deactivated. It happened while he was sitting alone in his office, during lunch, in the middle of both one-on-one and group meetings. Lunch was by far the worst: he was eating with Teyla, Ronon, and Mitchell, and while Mitchell seemed thankfully clueless there was no way in hell that the other two didn't notice something was up. The ring didn't just buzz, either. It would vary in intensity and rhythm, too, from a low-grade hum that he barely noticed until he started getting hard to strong pulses that almost made him jump from his chair. The only reason he didn't end up walking around with a tent in his pants all day was the ring's alternate function as an erection-suppressing chastity device; the problem was that feature automatically turned off whenever the vibrations began.

In all fairness, Lorne knew he could stop it at any time he wanted. There was a clearly labeled emergency release, assuming he couldn't get it off the normal way. The thing was, he naturally suspected that the situation was the result of foul play, and if that was the case he wasn't going to take it off unless he absolutely had to. It wasn't that he had anything to prove, so much that he was 'the most stubborn sumbitch on the base' as Mitchell like to say.

The last thing on his schedule for the day was, appropriately enough, a meeting concerning one of botany's pet projects. Apparently they wanted to set up a miniature vineyard at the Alpha Site, because they had discovered super-grapes that cured cancer or something. Of course, that was their excuse for pretty much any experiment they wanted done -- it would cure cancer, make crippled orphans walk, or raise the dead. Who knew what they really were planning to do. In any case, they needed grunts to clear some land, assemble frames, cart plants from Planet of the Super-Grape Growers to the site, make sure they didn't become some Wraith's lunch, and so forth. Captain Satterfield and Sergeant Quintero drew the short straws and were volunteered to supervise the whole mess; joining them and Lorne for the planning session were Katie and David.

"Good afternoon, Doctor Parrish," Lorne said as the botany duo trooped into senior officers' administrative suite-slash-clubhouse and sat down around the conference table at the center of the room.

"Good afternoon, Major," David replied with a grin, sitting down across from him. "How has your day been?"

"Oh, it's been great," Lorne said. He looked David over and after a moment spotted a small Ancient device, no bigger than a dime, stuck on his cuff.

David noticed him looking and smirked slightly. "I'm glad to hear that." He just happened to brush his pinky against the tabletop as he put his tablet down and sure enough the cockring started to vibrate. Lorne turned it off and glared at him; David's smirk grew even larger.

"So, I brought the survey maps for the Alpha Site and some proposed locations," he said as if nothing was going on. "I think they should all be fine with a bit of irrigation, so the real question is whether you guys want to use a little C-4 or a lot of C-4."

"Do you really need to ask?" Satterfield said, leaning forward and rubbing her hands.

David smiled. "No, I know how much you all enjoy explosions," at which point the ring pulsed for a moment, "so I also brought a plan that involves even more C-4."

"That stuff doesn't grow on trees, you know," Lorne said, even though he was fully in favor of anything that involved large amounts of C-4. The ring began vibrating again, a low-power hum this time. It wasn't that strong compared to most of what it'd been doing, so Lorne ignored it.

"Not yet," David corrected. "We're working on that."

"How about you explain what it is you want to blow up and we'll see how much C-4 I'm willing to let you have."

"Awww, sir," Quintero said. "Why does it matter what is is, as long as it's currently in one piece?"

"I'm sure the demolitions team could use some practice," Satterfield added.

"Or anyone else who hasn't gotten to have some fun lately."

"I said we'll see," Lorne repeated. "Doctors?"

"Just a second, let me pull the files up," David said. He made that motion with his finger again, then repeated it with a frown. He suddenly flushed and looked up at Lorne when he realized it wasn't working because the ring was already on.

"Something wrong?" Lorne asked innocently. Two could play at that particular game.

"Ah, no, not at all. So, here we are. The main thing we need to do is to remove some rocks to run an pipe from the stream here."

"By the way," Katie added, "it might be best not to say anything to the geologists until after we're done."

"Yes, quite," David agreed. "Honestly, it's just a rock, and not even a particularly interesting one, but they'll want to study it for ages just to spite us."

"I see," Lorne said. "Is there any particular reason I should say yes and have to sit through all the inevitable yelling?"

"Besides the promise of fresh fruit?"

"Besides that."

"I'm sure we could come up with something, if you insisted," David said, with a tap of his index finger that made the vibrations suddenly become stronger.

"Uh huh," Lorne said, raising an eyebrow and spreading his legs just a little in an attempt to get more comfortable. He was really glad there was a table there. "Fine, blow up whatever rocks you want. Satterfield, have the combat engineers pick out whichever one is easiest or the most fun. Just don't use up too much of our explosives."

"Yes, sir," Satterfield said.

"When will you guys be ready to do all this?"

"Call it Monday," Katie said.

"Monday it is. Anything else?"

"Not really, no," Katie said. She looked surprised that he was giving the okay so easily. "So... that's it?"

"Yep, go for it."

"Oh. Well, thank you."

"You're welcome. Go with Satterfield to work out the details." Lorne made a shooing motion. "Go on, scram. Doctor Parrish, I need to talk to you about another mission, if you don't mind."

"Of course," David said. "Your office?"

"Yes."

David immediately scampered off toward the office, but Lorne waited until the others were leaving through the outer doors before pushing away from the table. He quickly walked to safety and locked the office door behind him.

"Mmm, someone looks excited," David said with a pointed look at Lorne's crotch.

Lorne advanced on him, putting a hand on his chest and forcing him back until David was against the wall. "I should kick your ass."

"Please," David said with a laugh. "You can't tell me you haven't enjoyed this."

"Maybe a little," Lorne admitted, pressing himself against David's body and nuzzling at his neck. "You have no idea how horny I've gotten."

David shifted a little so he could press his thigh against Lorne's erection. "I might have an idea." He kissed Lorne but broke off after only a moment. "How do you want to do this?"

"You have a one-track mind, don't you?"

"I'll admit, I've been thinking about this all day."

"Mmm." Lorne glanced about his office, considering armchairs, the couch, and even the floors and walls. "Desk?"

"Perfect."

They walked over to it, stripping off their jackets as they went. David pushed the chair aside, dropped his pants and boxers, and stretched out across the desk. Lorne meanwhile bent down to open one of the drawers and retrieve lube and a condom, noticing something as he straightened up.

"Are you...," he started, before deciding to just find out himself. He pressed a finger against David's glistening entrance and found it slick already. "Planned ahead, did you?"

"I stopped at my," David said, gasping mid-sentence as Lorne slipped two fingers into him, "ah, at my quarters on the way here. Just in case."

"God, I love the way you think," Lorne said. He undid his belt and fly and let his trousers slide down around his thighs. He had to stretch the band of his boxers to get them off around his dick, which was as hard as it had ever been and still stimulated by the softly vibrating ring. Lorne quickly rolled the condom on and lubed himself up.

"Ready?"

David tilted his head a little so Lorne could see his smirk. "Of course."

Lorne got behind him and smoothly pressed his cock into David's hole. They both moaned as he sank all the way in, until his balls, held out from his body by the ring, were tight against the mounds of David's ass. Lorne gave him a few gentle thrusts to make sure David was loosened up enough and then started to fuck him hard and fast. He was too worked up to even try and restrain himself or show some kind of finesse. Some small corner of his mind knew the ring probably could keep him from coming for hours if it was set right, but he wasn't in the mood for that, either. David didn't mind in the least, grunting and bucking his hips back as Lorne pounded into him. It didn't take long before Lorne came with a loud shout, saved from untold embarrassment only by the room's soundproofing.

After catching his breath, Lorne stepped back, sliding out of David as he did. He was still half-hard because of the ring, so after removing the condom and tossing it in the trash he took it off as well.

"Turn over," Lorne told David.

"Mmm, sure," David said languidly. With a bit of wiggling and shifting he got himself on his back, folding his arms behind his head. His cock was red and leaking a little. Lorne got down on his knees and leaned forward to nuzzle and lick at it, until David was squirming and making needy noises.

Then Lorne commanded the ring to expand, slipped it around David's cock and balls, and had it tighten down again.

There was a long, pregnant pause, then David growled, "You did not just do that."

"I think I did," Lorne said. He stood and pulled his pants back up. "Let's see, where did you toss that remote? Aha, there it is."

David sat up, so fast that he nearly slid off the desk, and glared at him. "This is not cool."

"Oh, I have to disagree." Lorne plucked the remote from the cuff of David's jacket and sent it an experimental command. He was quite amused to see that not only did David shiver, but the ring actually changed color as it went from mode to mode.

"Evan," David whined. "You can't leave me hanging like this."

"I can and I will," Lorne said smugly. "You might want to put your pants back on. You know where the rags and tissues are if you need to wipe off."

"Christ on a crutch," David said. When it was clear Lorne wasn't going to change his mind, he got off the desk and shuffled over to the tiny kitchenette hidden in one of the walls, careful not to trip over the pants bunches around his ankles.

"So, we really do need to talk about the mission," Lorne said as David cleaned off. "We need to make sure your visit goes well. I don't want Shala-Ti turning you into a toad or something."

"She's not really a witch, you know," David said. "It's just a title."

"If only I could convince Dean that." Lorne shook his head and smiled. "Then we can get some dinner, maybe spend some time furthering the goals of Lornetopia after that."

"Evan," David said, this time with more of a warning tone.

"And we can't forget it's movie night," Lorne continued. "They're showing the new Bond movie. It's supposed to be good." He walked over to David. "And if you're very good, after that we can see just how long that toy of yours will let you last."

"Mmm." David pulled him into a kiss. "I suppose looking forward to that might make the rest of the evening tolerable."

"We need to figure the full range of what the remote can do anyways," Lorne said with a grin. "Because if you don't think I'm going to try this stunt with Mitchell, you haven't been paying attention."

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