I feel like one of the only things I ever write about on here anymore is when my parents flip out on me. This may have a strong correlation to being at home in general.
I'm tired of hearing "I don't care- you're still my child as an excuse." I mean, at some point my mom is going to have to just trust me. I also can't stand being told "You're Welcome" when I do not feel the need to thank my mom. I never feel like thanking people who do not try to look at things through my POV & therefore just make my life a little more difficult when it never should have been. Express your concerns, sure! But be able to listen to how I may allay those concerns. Blah! Anywho... I get home, right at curfew by the way, and YES I had a curfew, and the first thing she asks is "Did you have fun? Well, thank you mom for letting me go!" Is it just me or does anyone else just want to clam up and not say another word just because the 'thank you' now feels obligatory? I decide to humor her, however, b/c I did get to go, but then it just continues... The next thing I know I'm being lectured about how eaving to meet a midnight curfew was best for everyone, so that I wasn't an inconvinience (when that wasn't the case) and how I'm not appreciative at all that she's taking me to London (which is also not the case). Then she starts crying. I mean, she completely flipped out. She made way too many assumptions and now we're leaving for London in two days, where we'll be stuck together for 11 days in...moods. Hooray.
I'm updating again, and it hasn't been a bazillion days since the last post. That means...I'm bored and on my own.
Here's how that 5K went down: 1 3/4 miles in...blisters attack! lungs and quads say NO! BUT I still managed a 25:30 time, which is pretty OK. So I'm not pleased exactly, but not displeased. My body hates me today, and I hate it right back.
You know how there are some days where you just feel...off? I think mine spawned from two or three things, including everyone being gone this weekend & then being neglected by those who stayed, and the seriously unpleasant vignettes of dreams I had last night. I pretty much kept waking up & relaizing that a different friend had just let me know how much they don't respect me and why I'm horrible. The problem is...my dream friends had a point, whether or not my friends believe these things in real life. I just need to chill out. It's annoying to be in this mood, and I don't want to go over to Steven's tonight in this mood. So I'll spend the next half hour listening to peppy Disney songs & force myself out of it.
If that word confuses you, you should be watching more Disney classics in your spare time. Otherwise, just know it's a good thing.
All right then, well Amy & I saw Spamalot on Sunday, and let me just say that if you haven't seen it and even remotely enjoy Monty Python's Holy Grail- you'll love, love, LOVE this musical. I mean, I'm pretty sure Amy & I were laugh/crying the whole time. Awesomely awesome awesomeness. That's the only way I can describe it. Plus, we both looked SO good. I mean- heck yes! kind of good. And one random woman told us we looked "great" while walking away from the theater. So, that was fun.
I'm running a 5K this weekend. It's my first race, so I'm pretty pumped. Tomorrow I start my pre-race diet. That means more protein and water. I'm taking this way too seriously I'm sure, but I really just don't care. We'll see how I do.
Adding on to this 'what kind of hotel would you be?' motif- I've thought about it and come up with my answer: I'd be a locally run inn. There's a certain amount of intimacy associated with local establishments. Ususally the owners are a family, and they take pride in keeping up their inn. It's cozy, a little more laid back, personal, and easy to make reservations because as a general rule inns aren't as busy as Hilton-esque hotels. Guests can feel at home, though in the end, they aren't really part of the family in the inn. The true family are the employees and owners (like Casey mentioned), and the regulars who always make it a point to stay a night if they're passing your way. There's quite a possibility that the owners could be taken advantage of by not-so-nice people because the innkeepers want to please. Call it naivety or what you will, but it's risk that must be taken to make that connection with guests so that they'll want to come back, want to become a regular so that they're one of the family, too. On the other hand, the regulars totally get special treatment because the owners know them and what makes them happy- an extra pillow, no sugar in their tea...that sort of thing. But what happens if damage is done to a room or two? That guest is no longer welcomed into the inn because they are plenty of others who will respect the property. Plus, the destructor will be on everyone's black list, so why would they want to come back?
So- I'm a local inn. Whether you might agree or not~
Ok, so I realize that I never post on here anymore, so here you go- a rare gem just for you (yes, you in the back with the pretty eyes)
When we were awaiting dinner on Sunday, Amy posed this question: What are you most looking forward to in 2007? *exact phrasing may be a little off* We all said various, good things, some of which included traveling, fresh starts, & Harry Potter (heck yes). Well I'm still thinking about it. Good question, Amy. That and the plethora of "how to keep your new year's resolutions" articles out there have kept my mind turning about what I really want out of this year. In the past my resolutions have been less than innovative or particularly likely to be carried out. I remember in middle how I used to say, this year I will have a boyfriend. Wow. I guess to the adolescent mind, relationships could be attained, rather than just happening when the time is right. Actually I shouldn't mock my preteen self because I only really shook that notion about 2 years ago, if that. Let's see. There's the, I will run more. I will stay/get into shape. They're always things that are physical. I was planning on mkaing a physical difference for myself. Of course, these changes never quite happened, & that's ok. This year I said I was going to drink more water, which I have so far (yay), but when I really think about it- I just want to continue to mature. I think I grew up a lot between this time last year and today. I suppose life experience had a hand in that, but I'm proud that I didn't crumble and fall. I'm proud that I took those proverbial lemons and made lemonade, even if it might have been as good as let's say Minute Maid brand. I felt more centered last semester. I felt more directed and finally could take a look into my future and see myself in it. Granted, I still throw the occasional temper tantrums/pouts/ only child-like offenses, but those are a part of me. Overall, though, I've grown up. I can feel a difference. I feel much more capable of taking on this world and making it. As an side effect, I'm happier. I hadn't realized it until a few weeks ago really, but I am. And for 2007, I want to stay like that. I want to be happy because I feel good about life and myself. It may be the toughest goal I've ever set for myself, but imagine the good that will come of achieving it.
To all of my friends, thank you for always loving silly ole me & never letting me forget what friendship is. I love you all~
So like always- my mom has gone back on her word. What, may I ask you, is the big fucking deal with living offcampus? I mentioned the apartments that we'll be looking into renting- River Mill, Farmer's Exchange- and so she goes to look them up. "Lauren, have you looked at the reviews for these apartments? One's roach-invested and dirty, and the other one, there's vandalism and you'll have to cross a three lane road (aka Broad Street)"
Then,
"Have you looked into living in this O-House?"
Oh fuck no. I want to live offcampus. She and my dad don't understand that living on campus means living with thousands of freshmen (not that I have anything against freshmen, but they aren't my friends), and the only people that I'll have left at all are Robert & Charlie...on campus. That's just annoying. I don't know... The thing is, everyone lives off campus. It's not like I'd be the oddball out. So here's the plan. Make the money to do it all myself.
Plan:
Scholarship hunting/ attaining Get a job next semester Work @ the Hob Lob over Christmas
I can't prove to her that I can stand on my own until I do this. Until I pay for this myself. If that means I'll be killing myself next semester...well. I dunno. I'd rather work super hard than be subjected to another year of mommy pays so mommy dictates. I just can't do it. This is, by the way, a very heated entry, but I'm just SO irritated by this. First Charleston, now next year's apartment... Before you know it, something will go wrong with the London trip and we won't go. I might even put money on it that we don't go.
If I really sit back to think about it- I haven't been happy in a really long time. I was phenomenally happy my first semester here then...my life went back to normal- a mix a generally happy and unhappy-ish days. Now...I think I just feign the happiness. I laugh a lot, like usual, but it's because I'm amused. I don't smile as much anymore. I don't really look forward to anything, or getting up even because it doesn't seem like my day holds anything for me. I know this sounds so unfair to my friends, but it has nothing to do you guys. You're all wonderful and I wish I could take full advantage of how awesome life is with you. It's just something personal that I just realized I felt. I just wonder when things are going to start looking up again. I feel like I'm waiting for things to settle in, then i won't be working so much or I'll be in better shape or my skin will clear up, but it's just not happening. It's just not. I don't know if it ever will. I hope so, but there's certainly no guarantee.
Ok, so between at least 3 classes a day and sporty things, my time is fairly occupied. I'm rarely bored but often tired. I miss everyone. I miss life's simplicity- not that it's ever been that simple in any relative terms. Right now I'm just anxious to get through my first exams, figure out where I stand then go forward.
Socially- yeah. There's been the almost fling, the date, and the awkward crush. One of those situations I think has finally worked itself out. I can't figure out if I'm actually ready to date yet. I thought I was, but the idea of what comes after casual dating stresses me out and seems generally distasteful. Maybe not then. I jsut don't want to deal with that stress right now. I can't think of anyone who's worth it all right now. ...though I miss that little butterfly in my stomach...
Oh and I'm sick. All nasel congestion and sore throat awesomeness. Fluids and Sudafed are my best friends right now.
I was driving through Lilburn earlier today, and thought back to when my world only encompassed a small 10 mile radius. All the people who I dealt with...they seem like happier days. I don't know. God, all my posts are so emo. It's sad really, but when do people get up enough energy to write aboutt heir feelings- when the emotions are extreme, so here's what you get. I need to call some people.
so-so
confused