I thought since I havent really written in a while in here or anywhere really, that I though write something now.
I have been feeling discouraged since probably around my bday. I actually rented out a place for my bday - and I tried to invite everyone that I have known for a while. When I first started the invites, I had to limit the amount of people because of money. Then more people started to decline in saying they can come, so I invited more people. All in all I ended up inviting a lot of people.
I got a good response when I invited more (about 60 people or so). But then when it came to the actual day, only about 50-55 showed up. I was expecting around 63-65. I am mad because I paid for those people's bodies when it comes to the food, and thats money wasted in my eyes. I am glad that the people who did come had a good time though =), thats the one good thing and that the people who did come out - I am glad that they did come out because I can see who cares, even the friends who I dont see all of the time.
Then last weekend I had a wine and cheese party. I wanted to keep that small to about 15 people max because my apt is very small. =\. So there was some people who I couldnt invite. When that was all said and done, 8 people total out of everyone I invited. There was some people who I didnt invite because they didnt come out to the first one I had back at the end of Dec, or they didnt come to my Bday party, or I just know they wont come. So dont feel bad if I didnt invite you to that party I had last weekend. If it makes anyone feel better, I spent approx $200 on everything last weekend (wine and food), to only have 8 people show up. I do appreciate the people that did show up though(which included my mom and mark).
Not to mention I had won and After Work Party at Mc Faddens and I was able to choose April 26th, this past Thursday. I seriously invited like everyone from work (which is about 40 people), and only 11 people showed up. The one extra person was one of my co-workers friend. I am like come on people - why is it every aspect of my life, be it friends, family, and co-workers, why cant people make it out once in a while. I give you options out of many to come out and you dont. A couple of people here and there will come out, then there are the same people who go out all the time (including me). I just feel like giving up on all people. This doesnt give me hope to plan things and know people will come out. Maybe if I only planned something once every 2 years, then maybe the just might come out then.
Plus I want to add that I know its hard when people dont have money. Sometimes if I have something like a little party at my place, you dont have to spend much (usually just gas to get to my place, and I provide everything else, I would like to think I am a good hostess). I have been there when not having money, but sometimes I like to go out to just enjoy the company of people who I like and who are my friends. Same with the whole going out after work, there is no cover charge, so why not just hang out (you dont have to drink anything in order to have fun, people wont say anything if you dont drink, this isnt 2nd grade anymore). But I know some people would just rather avoid situations, but I know how that is because I have been there. Now I know if I need to save, I wont spend and I can still go out and not spend much and have a good time because I am with my friends or family.
Now this weekend (yesterday on Sat night). I had a Silpada jewerly party. I swear I invited everyone I freaking know for women (which was about 40ish to the list). Seriously everyone was saying no. I had a couple of people bail on me last minute too. I spent about $50 last night on food and such and had some left overs from the weekend before. I wanted people to come and have a good time. Also I was/am thinking about selling this stuff myself, so I am like if the turn out is good, then maybe I will do it as a side thing to make some money (at least I would know my friends would support me or my family would support me on a side job if I did this, but seeing the turn out isnt helping with that feeling). Seeing that the order total is probably low and not a lof of people showed up, then I am very discouraged about selling it now. Its so freaking hard when people dont want to do anything or even be sociable.
I know my friends were complaining before about me not going out and such (well that was to save money and also wasnt feeling up to it - but now I try to go out to peoples birthdays when I am invited out or special occassions). Well I am trying some things differently and I am trying to be sociable by not just going out to bars all the time or whatever. No one wants to make the effort. So here I am thinking that since I am just got engaged and I am planning out the wedding stuff, then who do I really want to invite to the wedding. I am starting to not want to invite friends because they probably wont show up. That just means more money I can save, and I can just invite family. Just family from both sides will make up enough people as it is, and if you add friends that makes the list up to 200 or more people. Ridiculous.
I just want to tell everyone to go screw, because I have tried for over a month now. Then when another friend is having her birthday party, all those people who said no to coming to mine, are going to hers. How does that make me feel - like fucking shit, like I mean nothing to them (like not a real friend), so it makes me realize who my real friends are. Whatever. I am done with this shit seriously.
Sorry if I have offended anyone, but as you can read, I am pretty pist off right now and maybe by the time I get married in 2 years things will change. And all of these turn downs, makes me not want to have an engagement party either. And maybe in a couple of months my thoughts will change, but I dont see people changing if I keep have stupid little parties and no one comes out. *sigh* I cant win. Well I am done ranting. Again sorry to anyone else. I know life comes first and if you have to work or cant find someone to watch your kids or if you made other plans, then I definitely understand, it just makes it hard on me when deciding on to make plans and makes me discouraged when it happens all the time.
- Jamie -
tired
sad
aggravated