Jockey Full of Bourbon

there she goes just a' walking down the street sing doo wa diddi diddi dum diddi doo

finally trying to figure out torrents. so much of this interwed world that is lost on me. sister's traditional japanese themed going away party is happening today, while tomorrow i work and overtime shift, go to church, and maybe see Inglorious Basterds.

i need to pick up some more books. the new Thomes Pynchon, perhaps?

Rachel moves to monterey today. my sister leaves wednesday, and my brother on tuesday. i don't see anyone else other than David these days, and i guess now would be a good time to take up running, or at least attempting to ride my bike downtown every so often.

three more months and i'll hopefully be debt free. just got to keep plugging away.

it would be supremely awesome if my eyes would stop being red and puffy and itchy and fucking annoying as all get out. seriously, stoooooooop!

it was 110 degrees today. my chest hurts from all the swimming i did yesterday. i drank too much last night and ended up walking home from byron's at 4 in the morning. got a bloody toe and a blister in the process. had never had sex in this house before today. ended up sleeping most of the day away. i can't concentrate very well lately. life is weird in a good way right now, but it feels under the surface like something is going to happen that will shake it up. just one of those impending feelings, like there's a catch to all of this. so i am waiting...

FIRST OFFENSE

1. 3 to 5 years probation
2. $1,775 fine
3. 90-day driver license restriction
4. DUI school. Cost for three month program is $615
5. Two days in County Jail
6. Sentencing Matrix
a) 0.08 to 0.14% blood alcohol content- 2 days County Jail
b) 0.15% to 0.19%- 5 days County Jail
c) 0.20% or refusal – 10 days in County Jail


because i simply can't manage to be a reasonable, responsible adult.
fuck me.

school is going okay so far. i think it will work out this time.
i am starting to read and write less again. i could blame it on not having the time, but that wouldn't be honest. it's because i bought this damn computer and all these tv shows and movies are just a matter of clicks and minutes of uploading away. i thought that i had done really well in finding a balance for a while there. i need to work on maintaining it. those mad men episodes aren't going anywhere.
it is nice, though, to download movies instead of going and spending an obscene amount of money to sit in a theater full of potentially obnoxious distractions. i can't deny the convenience of it.
i think that i am very close to actually successfully budgeting myself. i may be counting chickens here, but i really think that i'm finally becoming financially.... reasonable? mature? i'm not sure what the proper terminology would be, but i think you get the idea.

there are still those things i am constantly working on. eating better, physical health, confidence, voicing my opinions in an articulate and concise manner, not compromising for the sake of avoiding confrontation on any and all fronts, not compromising my goals and dreams, selling myself short.

sometimes you have to abstain from allowing yourself to be overcome with wonder towards everything and be a little reasonable and accommodating of your personal limits. you can live life as cinematically as you want in your mind, but it's not going to translate well through your actions, and you will be constantly and consistently disappointed. i need to remember that.

and now, to completely contradict myself, i'm going to take a long drive to the beach to meet up with my friends and indulge my place in the divine comedy that is this silly little life i lead.

cheers.

because there's nothing like a couple wine coolers and sammiches on a saturday afternoon. actually the wine coolers could definitely be replaced, but i'll make do.
couple weeks until school starts. it feels equal parts weird and natural to be heading back. i hope i find myself more astute and committed this time around. especially considering the amount of money i'm spending on it. i don't know how i'm ever going to get my car paid off at this rate.
i should maybe pick up some applications while i'm out today. i seems highly unlikely that i'll manage snagging a second job right now, considering the economy and all, but it never hurts to try.
just thinking about the possibility-two jobs and three classes for the semester-makes me feel the need to go to the secret garden and have then concoct some anti-anxiety formula for me. or maybe it will turn out that having such a full plate to dedicate all my focus to will be exactly what i need. constant distraction. less time spent with myself, more time spent my life, or what passes for it right now.
i like this. this feels good. this has potential.

reading all this credit card nonsense is threatening to make my eyes bleed. there's no way to be reasonable when deciding to get one of these things.
all i want is to find the quickest, easiest, most understandable way of purchasing a computer. that's all i want. too much to ask, you say? well, you're apparently right.
reminder: make appt. for assessment test first thing monday. got to get this college ball rolling.
also: really need to learn to cook something other than waffles, scrambled eggs, quesadillas, mac 'n cheese, and salads (which i don't even think counts).
my room is clean, there's plenty of new music on meisa's itunes (go me!), i'm about to be full and squeaky-clean. you know what that means...

book time.

go back to school/pass classes/summer school too
second job?
procure loan for computer/purchase computer/incure some more debt
finish paying off car (mostly feasible if second job happens)
find gradually more and more money in savings account
finish FFXII
finish all books currently being read
go get more books
sell vast portion of DVDs/CDs
join WWOOF
go camping more
keep a more consistant journal
care less (about certain things)
smile more
eat better/healthier/organically all while still eating sweet sweet meat
voice acting class
visit LA/SF more
visit portland AT LEAST once
disneyland/comicon birthday bonanza!!!
quit smoking (as much)
take less naps (hahahahahahahahahaha)
just generally keep on doing what i do best: being me!

benjamin button in a couple hours.

i've got an idea
and i'm going to run with it

there's something in the way you said
you were glad to be back
that had me reconsidering why
i wanted to leave

besides the quagmire of memories,
and apart from the sordid tales starting off with
"at this point in time..."
leading into life lessons
learned and forgotten and learned again.
but whose to say
that it would be any different
anywhere else
anyway?

the summers are always too hot
and the fall brings the same thoughts
but the winters find you cozy in a mental hibernation
and in spring,
twitterpation in anticipation
of new possibilities

and you can't beat that view,
or that one,
or any of those.
the kinds and sorts of landscapes that
beckon you into repose.
you could travel far on a pretty penny
but if it's for the sake of feeling small
next to insurmountable beauty,
go sit by the ocean.