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simonkleine
simonkleine

🔞🚭🚯🚷 SIMON KLEINE, AUTHOR GOD

SMUT AUTHOR. PROFESSIONAL YAPPER. ABSOLUTE FREAK. CERTIFIED FOOL. TOO SKILLED FOR MONETARY COMPENSATION. ANTS FEAR ME. MYCOPHOBIC. 24 YEARS IN THE PRIMORDIAL VOID AS OF NOVEMBER 2025. LAPTOP IS FINALLY NOT BROKEN. NEUROTIC DOBERMAN OF A HUMAN BEING. I DESPISE COTTAGE CHEESE. BARKING AT FLIES SINCE 2025. PRIMATE HATER. WILL BARK (OR MEOW) ON COMMAND. SHACKLED BY THE CHAINS OF MY OWN HUBRIS. UNMEDICATED OCD BUT YOU COULD PROBABLY ALREADY TELL. PLEASE DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OR OBSERVE ME IN MY NATURAL HABITAT (EARTH) OR PERCEIVE ME IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM WITHOUT PRIOR NOTICE. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE. (ALSO IF YOU'RE A MINOR PLEASE GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN)
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STATS

MENTAL STATE:

CRITICAL THINKING:

EXPLICATION:

WHIMSY:

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      INTERACTION GUIDE: GENERAL HANDLING INSTRUCTIONS

      STILL UPDATING THIS PAGE, ASK OR DM FOR CLARIFICATION IF YOU REQUIRE ADDITIONAL INSTRUCTIONS

      It occurred to me that some of you probably don’t care about the NSFW side of things, and as such I felt it necessary to create a SFW version of my Interaction Guide. If you want to chat with me or yap about various hyperfixations together, I’d prefer that you read this first.

      NAME: Simon
      AGE: 24
      PRONOUNS: He/him

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