silverysalt

I really miss our dog.

Maybe it's because when she was still alive life was a bit easier. Back then I could still say that I'm not an adult yet.

Maybe it's 'cause I don't have anyone to cuddle with. Dogs are great in sharing their love.

Maybe it's because things are changing. I started things with strangers who became friends along the way. Thing are coming to their ending and it seems like I'm the only one noticing it. There's no one else thinking 'hey, we survived it! We achieved something!'.

Maybe it's becase a couple og my friends are leaving for a year abroad and it just reasently hit me that I won't be able to see them. They are people to whom I feel like I can tell almost anything.

Maybe it's because I work too much. Last week I worked for over 46 hours and this week I have over 36 hours. I only have one day breaks from work, not any two consecutive days away from work for 3 weeks. One day is not quite enough to take your head away from work.

Maybe it's because it's summer now and I don't go horse-back riding. The season is over and I don't have money for extra lessons. Horse-back riding is one of my biggest stress releavers.


I finally figured out my password and got back here... It's been a while. I hope everyone has been doing well.

I'm going out of the city for a week so I won't have internet access. It's now Monday 1 am, so technically the post is only one day early ^.~

London Summer Olympics 2012 have started.
I thought that the opening ceremony was good but boring for most part. I didn't watch it until end so I don't know if it got better. I watched it 'till the athletes started coming to the stadium. I did pay attention when team Finland came in but after that I lost interest. It was late and I was tired anyway.
The best part was when the Olympic rings came together to the centre of the stadium. It looked cool from above with the yellow rings against the blue stadium. Other part that I liked was when the kids dreams and children stories where the team.
The part that I liked the least was when they were supposedly showing off their achievements in TV and film industry and at the same time going from 90's to 80's to 70's etc. It was confusing and didn't really work. The clips from the tv shows and films were so short and couldn't really hear them so could have had a chance to recognise them. They were showing the house, where the "TV screen" was, but it was so far that couldn't really see and couldn't really see anything else either 'cause they were showing the house from such angle.
I don't remember details from Athens or Beijing but I remember being impressed. I wasn't impressed this time. It's hard to top Beijing when they used so much money on it. I wasn't expecting London to be able to top it and despite all this complaining the opening ceremony was good.

When it comes to Olympics I prefer Winter over Summer.
Olympics are always a good chance to watch sports you normally don't have a chance to watch. You also know that the best of the best are going to be there so no matter what sport you choose to watch it's not going to be boring.
Synchronized Swimming is something I only watch during Olympics. It's interesting. Same with Gymnastics, although I have watched some European Championships and World Championships of that sport. Diving and Handball are sports that I will watch if I happen to see that they are on TV.
Athletics and Equestrian are a must see.

What did you guys think of the Opening Ceremony and what sports will you watching?

Hello to anyone who reads this journal!
From now on I will be writing an entry at least once a week. I'll call this Tuesday project since I'll be updating on Tuesdays.
I'm not entirely sure what I'll write about. Personal life? Interesting topics? Fictional stories? Kpop? Mostly I'm debating whether or not to include fictional stories and silly kpop in this.
I want to become a better fiction writer so I need to practice. Maybe I'll just pick another day for that. Or maybe real life will happen and I won't have time. That's more likely.
Korean pop is something I have wanted to write about for a while now. This topic seems silly and something someone a bit younger might write about. Still I do think that my opinions and views about kpop are different than a 15-year-old fangirl's. But what do I know, I don't read 15-year-old fangirl's journals. :D we'll see how everything turns out..

Last year I kept a list of all the books I read. I don't think I have read nearly as many books this year as I did last year. Keeping a list inspires me to finish a book.
Every time I go to the library I go crazy and borrow way more books than I can read in one month. They just all seems so interesting that I have to borrow them but then I end up taking them back unread.
For the past two summers I have read books about history and cultures. It's not like I have read a lot of them, but still.
I'm really curious to know about different cultures, but those books are a bit too heavy reading to be read during the school year.

I have decided to start uploading my lj once a week.
I'm thinking that Tuesday would be a good day for that. On Mondays I might be too tired. Wednesday might work just as well as Tuesday. Thursdays I'm busy. Fridays and Saturdays I probably have something better to do than be online. Sundays I usually try to catch up with schoolwork. No matter how much I tell myself that I should get things done on Saturday so I could relax on Sunday I always end up doing everything on Sunday.

I'm looking forward to this once a week blogging thing.

Title: I Kissed Her Twice: For the First and Last Time
Author: silverysalt
Fandom: SNSD
Pairing: Taeyeon x Tiffany
Rating: pg-13
Warnings: Un-betad
Summary: Tiffanny and Taeyeon are best friends, who get drunk on music, summer and sparkling wine.
a/n: I was inspired by warm, sunny weather and Tiffany's red hair. I hope you enjoy the story and don't be shy to leave a comment.

( Collapse )

I've been sick since last Thursday. It started with my troath hurting all day and then it fever, headache, runny nose and all that. I went to school today, but now that I got home and did my cleaning duty I feel like I have a fever again.

There are so many school related things, that are essential for my future, that should be doing now that I don't seem to be able to do any of them. I'm just avoiding things. and that's not a good strategy in life.

( Collapse )

( Collapse )


( Collapse )



( Collapse )

I was so sure I had made an entry in November and that I had answered to comments. I guess I just thought of it.

This fall... I've been so confused.
Just the usual "What is the purpose of life?" "Who am I, why am I here and what am I supposed to do?"
When you are young you are supposed to repel against the "system", right?
I have felt so disconnected from this world, from the "system".
I don't want to become a part of it, but there is no choice. I was born to the "system", so I must serve it. It is not possible to live outside of it.

I wonder if people like monks or nuns actually do live outside of it. If you can just devote yourself to a religion and play by it's rules and not by the rules of the society. Then they are kind of outside the system. But then again, the leaders of different monasteries have to know the rules of the system and live by those, at least partly.
I'm not religious. I could not just leave my life and go off somewhere to devote myself to a god/gods I would probably not even believe in. It would not be a solution for me, but I wonder if others who have become frustrated with the system have indeed turned into religion.
I'm not really thinking about Christian monasteries. I might have misconceptions about other religions too. Perhaps there is no escaping the system.
Religions exist because people need them. I wonder if I would be less frustrated with life, future and the society if I was into a religion, any religion.

So disconnected...

I also feel really frustrated with my studies. Graduating and getting a job... it's like I go straight into the system. Like I have no time to do anything else.
I want to study languages, cultures, politics, religions... I want to know more before I step into the system. I guess it's just that I'm not ready to take the responsibility yet.

I'm too privileged. Some people need to work to study, my government, my system, pays for me to study. Education is not only free, the government gives each student enough money so they don't really need to work while studying. Except that people like to buy expensive things, travel, drink alcohol etc. so they need more money. And no one would employ a person who has never worked.

I've heard it so many times already "just finish this education first and then you can start studying something else"
I hate what I study. So passionately. Not that the studying is that bad yet, when it's still theoretical. I never want to work in this field.
So frustrating.
But I wonder if I feel like this just 'cause I'm stressed out about the responsibility and I can't separate those feelings (sincerely not wanting to work in my field vs. stressed about responsibility).

I feel like I'm doing things because they are expected of me and not because I want to do them or that I have any control over my life.
...It must be that feeling, not having any control over anything. I do know, that not everyone gets to do what they actually want, so I can't be so selfish as to think that I would get to do something I actually want to do. But to at least to get to choose which one of the bad alternatives I take...

I wish I could stop caring, go for it and take care of the mess later.
That's what others do and they get by. Why can I not let go?

It is peaceful in the center of the hurricane.

The storm rages outside, roaring, making me stutter. It is peaceful here inside.

I am not moving. I stay in one place, I see no way out.

I know there must be a way out, but it is not an easy one. Every now and then I go close to the border, close to the storm. I extend my hand, take a step forward. I can feel the storm trying to take me away only to throw me around, to toy with me, to make me suffer.
I can now see the possibilities, all that could be if only I walked through the rain and lightning and wind.
I see the storm destroying all those possibilities, all my dreams turn to dust as a lightning sets them on fire.
Promises turn to lies. Love into hate.

I step back. I feel safer here, in the center of the hurricane. Unmoving.