Sargon's life

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I need to get this for Josh.. so please, only need 12 people to sign up its free, no spam (have had it for 3 days no email but the confirmation to your email. so please :)

Tim

gibberish here really, just getting things down here...This is all that is going on in my mind, hope doesn't confuse all of you as it has for me. The names are not real ones, i'm posting this publically, to hope for some guidence from those out there.

In business, i've been (literally) handed $3,000.00 from life's events, yet I have not enough to start the business, however I have started to get the courage to seek investors more agressivly. I've ordered and picking up the MAIN pice of hardware tomorrow in Seattle, WA, and I have the sotware working and sending the money off Monday, and the T-1 on wait for the owner of building's approvial - which i feel (honestly) will be denied.

The apartment that was open to me, has become closed by the friends that their housing (roomie) situtaion has changed for the better for them which makes me happy, also cause i don't have the money to pay the rent (till i get the business going).

I need to get my own place before she moves back, but I can't till i get the money - a horrid evil circle. I need to get this tower(s) up and online, even if thru DSL1.5...till i can afford the Multiple T1's or even one and repeated thru the 2 towers.

Living w/my parents, cause of the suprisingly Divorce information from my (now) exwife, has turned my (& my son)'s life to hell on earth. The holiday's are very difficult on my mom, and unfortunately for those around her. With the business showing itself's beautiful head, i screwed up (big suprise) by lacking in my duties, both chores and parenting. This was brought to my attention, and resolved, and in turn i'm learning more of my surroundings, and being more, helps thing out greatly.

I have so much going on in my head, the divorce is passing in its time, and being a single father again is scary, I have a love, i've hurt her before, as she has with me, but she did it to let me live my life, but it was not a life that i lived, more of a challenge, yes there was happy times, but when you find out it was all an act, and full of lies, how cna that be a life?

Anyway she has now holding our son over my head like a carrot, if I don't do whatever she asks, that I will not be allowd to see him. So once again, I have no life, or a life once again, still, continiously under someone elses rule.

My love lives far away, and when she needed an ear (on a horrible day she had) I was stupid and just ranted and raved on my bad day...like a fool..how can she love me when i fuck up like that?

Josh has chosen to once again show interest in Ballet/dance...to show him all the work involved, i took him & his brother to The Nutcracker at CWU's theater on the opening night, it was so amazing, and emotional, uplifting, was so awesome! Both boys loved it very much, and are both interested in joining. I know She (ex) won't allow our son to join, just a strong feeling...now my mother is aginst Josh joining cause he is having problems at school w/people teasing him of his age & size, and thinks that they will now consider him gay...he really wants to do it, yeah its expensive, but his mom has agreed to split the cost so he can forfil his dream :).

I need to get income...aside from teh $440 from TANF, i actually finally filled out the diability forms they sent me, still have to do the employment part, and will work on it tomorrow or Monday, and get it faxed off immediately...and pray, with the combined income should be around $1015/mo and will be able to afford an apartment and bills, that and the income from the business will be able to support a family for once.

I plan to go back to work in the spring, when there is no need for chains, i am welcome back to work once my health balances out...which should be by spring. My Bumps are almost gone, pills taste like shit and the insulin pump is a pain in the butt, but all are necessary for my survival (literally)...will be hard to find childcare while i'm gone, maybe, hopefully my love will be living with me by then, if not, i can only ask that God provides a way.

Well, its now 1:17am, and am hoping that now i got this all out, that maybe i'll be able to sleep...those of you who read, please help me figure out what to do...

love to all

ME

1st Corinthians 13, vs 11:

When i was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought lke a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

For so many of us (Including myself) we're adults, yet still living in childish ways, both in our hearts, and lives. I can only speak for myself, there are so many oppertunities both in life, and employment, yet mostly (as of late) in love...am so confused...I do love, yet am afraid that its not for me to love someone and have her love me in return.

I don't believe I deserve to recieve her love, i've hurt her, let her down, failed her, i deserve so much less than her. I've put it in God's hands, and leave it up to him to decide what he is to do with me.

Well i am quite excited tonight. took me a couple hours (well months if u incld all the previous attempts i had at it) to get my software working! I'm using FirstSpot form http://www.patronsoft.com for my WISP and Cafe program. it enables things to be automated, so no matter where i am able to put my accesspoints its automated and runs thru Paypal and WorldPay!

Now all i got to do is pay for the software! LOL its only $895, no prob right? hahaha.

Also, spoke with Tom today at Anchor M apartments, and he says one that is open now (apartment) is promised to someone from long time, however has 2 more coming up soon!!! And its my choice which one i want! NOW i just have to come up with almost $600/mo for rent, he raised it and hoping i may get the previous rent $515, but still only making $440/mo i need this WISP to be ONLINE NOW. So, i've spoken to a couple friends (a couple that is friendds of mine) that are into business stuff and they are VERY interested in helping it along! Just have to get the money.

So any of you that want ot be partners in this business... contact me asap! We HAVE to get this going b4 we lose the customers. Now that i got the software to work - biggest hurddle over the finances0 its alot easier now.

Anyway had to post this! I hope all are well and hope to hear from you all soon!

Like I said in the subject. I've changed a chapter in my life. Alot has been happening in my life again, all stressfull, to the extreem (as usual), but compounding itself upon itself (being me). To the point where I can't take it or deal any longer.
So i've done what i forgot to do. I've gone back to the church (Christianity). I know this will shock about all who read this, and I apologize, but i can't deal anyloner with what has been handed to me in this life. I'm goin to the CMA church in ellensburg. I"ve been drawn there many times, and today i went. It was so powerfull that yes, I re-dedicated my life back to Christ. Had a long talk with the paster Tommy, and learned alot...and after i've decided to do this, things have already changed in my life.
I have always had a different outlook on life, religion, etc. And i'm not denying what i've lived for the past (almost) 15 yrs, but just changing where/ or more to whome i'm thanking for the gifts i've been given. I've also thought for a long time that I was a member of the Maji, and it makes more sence while i'm reading the bible and talking to the pastor, and it just feels right to be where i am now.
So, i'm sorry if i've upset, disappointed or upset those of you out there, but i'm doing this for myself and my son. Hope you are still with me as friends and family.

Hey all,
    Well, things have been, needless to say, hecktic, the last 30 days!  but the last week has been just more salt on the wound.  Got a job @ Pacific Steel started friday, and lost it today.  The driving part i'm 100% at, however started the warehouse part today and failed miserably, can't physically do it.  Also virtually ran out of gas on my way home, forgot my checkbook @ home, so had to call mom to bring it in, she did, then visited linda (cause she called) and saw just how happy she is w/her boyfriend (and not me).  So as u can see, not the best day. 
     Just hope not all is lost, but feel it is.

~me~

Well here it is, final word and contract signed between work & me. $15/hr but only 10 hr a week! but i can work from home, the park anywhere i want. so this is the plan... work on that 10 hr/week thing, and turn in an application for Preclarian (call center in yakima)...Joe (people 4 people) says he thinks he can get me in for $13/hr...i won't work for less than $9.00. and am only gonna work part time there...cause in order to accomidate w/schedules and such i have to be home by 2:30 for the boys.

anyway, the wireless business is going great! the antenna is up& online, installing the server this weekend and have people saying $10/mo is great deal! so we'll see how that goes. another step towards opening up the Cafe!

The website & forum is up & online! check it otu and let me know what u think. www.cyberelementscafe.com

Tim

Well, hmm... ok another week (or so) gone by, so so on action in my life. We didn't get the low income housing as we thought we would cause of my past, another year and we'll be able to do it, if we need it that is, hoping by then we won't and we'll be closer to buying a house! Looking like we may have some investors (maybe) for the business, time will tell. Money is short this week, only got a $240 paycheck cause of the flu I got...but this next one should be pretty good - the next even better! Now that the weather is getting better, hell its not winter anymore, its mid spring! Wa has already declaired a Drout!! Not good being March and we're already in a drout warning/conditions, so going ot be a hot ,and dry summer -which is not good for farmers...Goddess willing she'll watch over our earth and people, and give us rain which is needed.

Far as work,... work is going great! Might have investors for business as discussed above, time will tell, but the website (work again sorry for the channel changing) things are going well, gonna work on it today while here @ the laundry matt, got nothing better to do eh? no net here (yet), but anyhow, work is going ok, just need more hours. thank goodness that I can work from home and still get the hours.

Joshy's baseball is getting better! Going to continue tonight w/catch and hoping he is getting more sure of himself, which i believe he is with more & more practice. Branden is doing ok w/it, no jealousy (yet) hope it stays that way too! Wasn't able to pay the rent-to-own this week :( not sure what I'm going to do. After I finish with bill's computer's & deliver em i'll ask him if I can work it off. I hope he will.

Linda is spending more & more time w/the boys - even the other night took Josh with her alone and they had mommy / joshy time! her request!! Josh was so overjoyed! Its nice seeing the boys happy, knowing its cause of what we're doing as a family, finally becoming one! Now, just got to get finances more stable, they're on the right track, just gota keep em there! Now that Ebay is all paid up and such, that will help emensly, going to try to use the boys's account(s) at Yakima Federal to transfer money into paypal, and that way will help us. Stil have to pay the Capital One, this month...Thanks Goddess for TANF, won't be on it much longer, but sure couldn't live w/o it right now.

If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?


(Now post this in your LJ and find out what mine would be).

Just wanted to leave a quick note to wish everyone a happy Yule (& christmas for those christians that read my journal) this year! Ours is going to be sparce, but yet as my youngest son said, "may not have snow, may not have alot of presents, but its still the season, cause we have our family all together & healthy"... now tell me, how many 8 yr old children think that way? I am truely blessed by having them (family)!

Today, we're getting together with other pagan/wiccan's in the community, and their families, having a feast, and having fun w/games and such...hope you all out there also have some kind of get together w/friends & families to enjoy the season & its meaning. Blessings to you all!!

Silver GreyWolf