Silent Multiples

I have created a new community called selfcarewars, for using the Chore Wars website to track self care issues.  Feel fre to check it out.

We created a new community Multiple Monday. Each Monday we'll try to provide a happy little meme for everyone's entertainment. Of course, we'd love it if you sent in some questions. The first two sets of questions are already up. Feel free to answer there or post in your own journal.

hey i'm new... not sure what to write.

duh and intro ~Danu


yeah, ok... I'm Danny. 17

that one there is Danu 16

the others are sleeping, Ameni, Solum, and Onwa. *kisses Onwa's forehead* he's the youngest


i have others but for some reason they don't talk to me so i don't know their names. =P


i only have a few friends that know that i have multiples, my family does not want to believe that i have this thought. lol, before i forget, i'm also bipolar, just me... they have stuff too but i'm bipolar

ummm... Ameni is obsessive compulive and suffers from paranoia at times

Solum has anorexia and depression

Danu has schitzophrenia... i think i speeled it right

and Onwa is a sweet seven year boy. ^ ^ i love him so much.


joined this site cause i was going through a depressive swing and wanted to find help and found this. pretty good huh? I suppose so ~Danu

ummm, my others have journals too except for Solum, he doesn't want one so we sorta share the same one, this one.

i'm to sleepy to think really. well just introducing my selfs tis all.

Helper Ferret

It dosent say she had DID or anything like that just that she had mental things (including PTSD). I feel at times that a pet might help me deal with things, and its really really cute! Peronaly I have keeped ferrets or years, I think they are wonderful pets, and and fun to wach bounce around. Though this has been at my parents house, and when I am there... well only I am there, for the most part, and my parents mostly keep the pets. So personaly I cant say anything, about my ferrets helping me, BUT! once I get out on my own, I will talk to my Dr. about it and see.

I would love to hear what others think about it.

Today in therapy I drew pictures, and I talked for a while about metaphoric language and the semiotic construct of reality. On certain levels of my consciousness the distinction between the metaphoric and the literal ceases to have any meaning, because the parts there think in pre-verbal ways. So in order to communicate effectively with my insides I have to take everything a face value-- a dragon isn't a symbol of anything, it's a real dragon, a real thing. I have to deal with the images on their own terms, and that's tough for me to accept, because I want to be so literal and "realistic".

I drew a map of the Dream Country, or rather someone inside me, did, and I realized that I had drawn almost the same map a few days earlier, conscously, as apart of a fantasy fiction piece I was working on. I still want to look at things analytically, and put it in terms of projection and fantasy ideation and so on, which is all true as far as it goes, but it doesn't go far enough. Not far enough to get to where those parts of me live.

I made a ticket, like a train ticket, with a picture of a castle on it and gave it to my therapist. I could say that it was a symbolic gesture expressing my trust in the theraputic relationship and my willingness to allow her access to my non-verbal alters, but that is only one way of seeing the truth, because I could also say that the dragon that guards the way into the dream country has seen that she is brave and wise enough to travel there.

I am beginning to see that it is not reticence or obstinency that has kept the internal alters-- what I call "the black box gang"-- from coming forward and speaking, they can't. They can't learn my language-- I have to learn theirs. I have to be willing to meet them on their own terms.

I have to be willing to travel to the Dream Country. That's where the answers are.

i have created a new community, called vivisectorium. it is for protector alters to express themselves freely.

i have entitled it "an unsafe place" because much of what i have to say is not safe, and i want to make it open to others who are also "the bad guy" in a dissociative system.

there are more communities on lj than one could shake a severed limb at, and most of them curl up and die rather quickly.
however, i am considering adding to their number with one specifically for protector alters (that's what people call me when they are being polite).
because quite frankly, i am tired of having to tread softly.
there are plenty of places for the soft gentle fuzzy warm parts of ourselves, but i am not aware of any forums for us monsters.
if anyone is aware of one, please let me know.
if not-- interest?

It has ocured to me that I have made several snarky comments regarding doctors in this group, and it's really not fair of me. MDs are an easy target as an outlet for my frustration. But I don't want to insult an entire profession on the basis of some bad experiences that I have had, and I certainly don't want to discurage anyone from seeking help by feeding an unfair stereotype.

So, a few facts. First, DID is a very difficult disorder to diagnose. My therapist specializes in trauma-related disorders, and I was seeing her wekly for about six months before she was able to confirm DID in my case, and at no time during the proces did she ever suggest to me that I had "other personalities" or "alters" that I was hiding from her. I had to get to the point where the others truster her enough to come out and introduce themselves.

Given this, it is not at all surprising that I have been misdiagnosed with a whole host of organic disfunctions. (I've had so many psych evals that I can quote the MMPI from memory.) A four hour testing session simply isn't enough for anyone to confirm dissociation, since the entire purpose of the adaption mechanism is concealment.

Processing my trauma is a long, frustrating, frightening journey. It took me until now (I'm 42) to be ready for it. But this is not the fault of the medical professionals I have seen over the course of my life. There are some bad ones (there are bad people in any profession) but the majority of physicians want to help. That's what draws people to the business. It doesn't take long to find out if an MD has a treatment paridigm that is inconsistent with your own symptomology, and if that turns out to be the case, switch doctors.

There is some very scary stuff in my head, and probably in yours. But we shouldn't be frightened of the ones who are trying to help us, and I want to make very sure that I'm not discouraging anyone from seeking help.

I went to see the Dr to day...







I am going back in two weeks....





She wants me to have a list of things to work on with her...




All I really remember is zoneing out, anwering a few q.'s, wanting to yell at her, and JAson telling me I did fine and feeling freaked.


I guess all in all its a good thing?

So. Lately in therapy I have become aware that I have more individual parts that I previously suspected. My therapist tells me that I should find a way to diagram the system, which I have been working on, but the problem is that I pretty much always answer to the name "Misha". I don't want to encourage the formation of more splits, but I do want to get some idea of the real picture. Does anybody have any experience with assigning names or titles on the basis of function? I'm not even sure how to ask what I want to know, I guess I'm looking for any descriptions of the process of enumerating alters.