the petty and the profound

Idk guys… is it just me or is lead poisoning… a little sexy

rip to the guy who posted his very expensive yixing teapot to r/tea, only for the comments to be not compliments on his taste as he expected, but instead GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY and I SHOULD CALL HER. he then crossposted it to r/gongfutea, which is ordinarily more dignified and self-serious, but was it? was it?? of course not, because this is reddit, and this was the teapot

One of the funniest things about Mormonism is that I’m sure Joseph Smith never believed any of the bullshit he said. There are some religions and cults where you have faith the original prophet actually thought they were talking to angels or believed the set of principles they laid out for their followers were for the greater good. Joseph Smith was a dumbass but like PT Barnum he realized a sucker was born every day and he was one step above the average 1830s sucker. He went from making people pay him to look at a rock in a top hat and ‘locate buried treasure’ to receiving lost bits of scripture, through the rock and top hat method. His wife caught him cheating and he said an angel visited him and told him men should be allowed multiple wives and not obeying that would send her to hell. I’m fairly convinced that dude was an atheist. He was on that hustler grindset. Brigham Young might have actually believed some of the shit he said but I don’t think Joseph Smith genuinely had faith in Mormonism or gave a fuck about humanity in the slightest.

I mean, success is a relative term. He was shot to death by an angry mob at the age of 38 while running for US president, after inciting a riot by ordering a printing press to be destroyed because the ex-Mormon newspaper was saying true things about him. He was arrested for starting the riot, freed, tried to declare martial law and call out his own personal militia before fleeing. It was only when he was apprehended and brought back to Carthage that the people of Illinois resorted to mob justice. Truly Trump-esque behavior but that guy has gotten away with it for 79 years.

Also, I think it’s so funny that his Wikipedia lists him as the first U.S. presidential candidate to be assassinated kind of implying he was assassinated for presidential politic reasons and not because he was a career criminal who had been terrorizing Illinois for 5 years straight.

“sex/romance/empathy makes us human,” they say. awful. pathetic. what makes us human is the urge to set things on fire

you’re actually correct!

Cooking is the one thing that only humans do and can be directly linked to the increase in our brain size

Burning the mammoth flank just a lirtle instead of eating it raw gives grug more calorie to think. Grug thinking about color symbolism in silence of the lambs

Behold, a (hu)man!

The bird that torments Prometheus learned something

Been talking about this with friends so I present to you, the cursed spectrum of media literacy

Added a Y axis from the notes

it's so hardcover –> we're so paperback

this post is making me pronounce hardcover in a way i never considered

imagine a CEO of a fortune 500 company having this pinned on their lapel

No dentist appointment is complete without the knuckle-whitening toe curling agony of having work done while awake I want to ruin my teeth in 2019 so I can feel the blood welling in my mouth like an untapped water source in a cave as the dentist bores holes in me with a drill

husband: I'm so glad we finally have our own place! You did such a great job decorating it, honey

fujo wife: Really? You don't think it's kind of...chintzy?

good morning

You’ll need the link!

[louder than everyone] MAN I THINK IT DEPENDS!

Born to don't wanna. Forced to gotta

So remember to brush and floss, mes petites pommes!

Flow like a chart, spread like a sheet

“Humans are inherently selfish--" Then why do so many cultures value hospitality, to the point of dictating it in their religions? Why is it so common for hosts to offer their visitors their best food, and as much of it as they can? At some point, multiple cultures decided that they knew what it felt like to be alone and vulnerable, and promised each other to never let those who stay with them feel that way. That doesn't sound very "inherently selfish" to me.

"humans are the plague"

No. Humans are animals as much as the fish and the bear. We are pack animals who have survived by strong bonds and community.

Do not buy the lie that humans are inherently evil. Societies can trick you into believing this, but it's not the truth of humanity.

Humans crave being together, sharing together, and thriving together.

Capitalism just wants you to believe we're destined for selfishness.

This is Shanidar 1, affectionately nicknamed 'Nandy'. He was a Neanderthal living between 60,000 and 45,000 BCE. He was born with deformities in his ears, a withered arm, and paralysed legs. This would've left him almost entirely deaf, unable to use one arm, and with an almost debilitating limp. Not only that, but during his lifetime his left eyesocket sustained a severe fracture, which most likely would've left him completely blind in one eye.

He lived to between 30 and 45. An incredible age for an ancient hominid. This man couldn't have been a 'sTrOnG pRoViDeR mALe' and yet he lived to the Neanderthal equivalent of mid-80s. Why? Because his family must've taken care of him. His broken eye showed signs of healing, and his withered arm was amputated (perhaps one of the earliest examples of surgery). Despite his existence providing no 'logical benefit' he survived. Because he was loved.

Compassion and love are deeply rooted aspects of human existence. Don't let anyone trick you into thinking otherwise.

And to everyone going "Oh, but he probably had other qualities", you're kind of missing the point. Sure, he could have been a storyteller, a philosopher, world's best babysitter, a genius at thinking up dirty jokes - but he could also have been grumpy old uncle Nandy who never really enriched anyone's existence and he still had value as a person.

this is your captain speaking. do you guys remember 9/11 [escalating clamor of passengers freaking out] woah woah hey hey i was just curious. christ. am i not allowed to make conversation

Batman 2 being a winter movie is the perfect time to introduce a certain cold-theme villain 🥹

Skiing Joker

hate it when people call ada lovelace the first female programmer, when in reality she was the first programmer ever. she wrote programs for a machine before it was ever constructed

Ada Lovelace was the first programmer and Charles Babbage was the first male programmer.