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all my old feelings
Had a moment of being reminded that Haru/Rin remains the ship that made me the human I am today. I am a person who ships broadly and frequently and doesn't overall believe in tiered favourites except for this one ship, which will rule over and remain predominant in my psyche and heart forevermore.
This reminiscence was spawned by realizing that I'm most fond of one of the dudes in this mobile otome game because he reminds me a little of Haru. And now all I can think about is how I wish there were more characters like Rin, if that doesn't sound weird.
I think she was the character that gave me a quiet little line of belief that you could be loved again before I'd grown up enough to admit that any of the things that happened to me as a child were bad. (And![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
umadoshi's fic had a big hand in that.)
This reminiscence was spawned by realizing that I'm most fond of one of the dudes in this mobile otome game because he reminds me a little of Haru. And now all I can think about is how I wish there were more characters like Rin, if that doesn't sound weird.
I think she was the character that gave me a quiet little line of belief that you could be loved again before I'd grown up enough to admit that any of the things that happened to me as a child were bad. (And
umadoshi's fic had a big hand in that.)
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It doesn't sound weird to me! Which...is not exactly shocking. ^_^
(And
(I don't really have words for this. I'm just so glad that you were able to get to a place of feeling able to be loved. Because you absolutely deserve to be.)
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It honestly wasn't until I was rereading some of your stuff very recently that it suddenly sunk in how earth-shatteringly important it had been for me in ways that I literally couldn't articulate/process at the time when I was still in total denial--for her to be such an 'imperfect' survivor, to still be deeply wounded and have a lot of anger and to not be 'smoothed over' if that makes sense, still hard to put it properly into words. And to be loved and understand. And Haru, too, to an extent, to have so much anger inside but still be deeply deeply kind, to be confused but trying. The tenderness toward the human condition, if it makes sense, in your stories themselves.
Still not putting it into great words but--the nuance in your fic, with no apologism on any side where she still deserved love but the people around her also felt fully realized and cared for, if that makes sense. It wasn't 'okay' if you hurt someone because you'd been hurt, but it also wasn't 'unforgivable.' They were all human, for better or worse.
There's been a couple people that I realized more recently, looking back, gave me a toolset to survive I didn't even fully know I was using or needed at the time. And you were one of them, if that doesn't sound too corny. Stories are important, I guess is what I'm trying to articulate lol!
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for her to be such an 'imperfect' survivor, to still be deeply wounded and have a lot of anger and to not be 'smoothed over' if that makes sense
It absolutely does. That was so important to me in canon, that she got to stay angry and not gloss over her hurt even as other people were reaching out to/forgiving Akito, rather than everything ending in a perfect tidy bow. (I'm also glad that the series ended so strongly on themes of forgiveness/growth being possible and genuine, but I never really worried that it'd let us down on that front.)
Stories are important, I guess is what I'm trying to articulate lol!
So important! They literally shape who we are. We're storytelling creatures and we're all constantly building our own narrative out of the things we're given, learning what kind of paths we want to take or forge or avoid.
Thank you so much for telling me all this. It means an incredible amount to me.
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