Shauna

I've been wanting to start something new for a while now, so you can find me over at alligator_bird.


Please friend me, as I still love you and read your livejournals every single day. (And if you don't I'll just hunt you down and friend you anyways. Kthx.)

by the way;

this makes me wish i hadn't made a plan to go home for the summer.

in one week from today i'll be a college graduate.

4 years ago i was kicking and screaming about going to college at all.

2 years ago i made the smart decision to be in savannah.

i'm a little bummed that i didnt get to settle better here, or live in more interesting apartments, or socialize more, etc. etc.

lately i've been wondering "why am i like this?" and "what is wrong with me?" and i can't seem to find anyone with the answers, even though i know it's just your average hormonal imbalances.

i wish my old friend hadn't broken that promise, so that i could call them and say "old friend, is this my fault? was i always like this? did you break me? or am i still getting used to my new friend?"

but alas, he did, and i'm left in that awful position i promised myself i would never be in, even before him. i never wanted to fail at those sort of things. i talk to the rest of them. even new jersey said hello just yesterday.

i'm very worried about this summer. i wish i lived in a bubble.

I was upset because I thought I'd failed, and become a cliche. And I try to be mad at him, because we aren't friends and because he didn't love me right. But he did the best he could, considering the circumstances, and he knew. He told me that I needed someone to treat me well.

I looked through the yearbook picking out 1, 2, a thousand pictures of the brace-faced skinny boy with spiky hair on his head and none on his chest. I wished that I had known him then, but decided I was lying because we became who we are on our own, or with the guidance of friends, and now we've found each other.

" I was thinking; it's very peaceful, here with you. It's nice to just lie here and know that the future is sort of taken care of." -- The Time Traveler's Wife

Every time I watch The Village I wish more and more that I could live a simple and wholesome life. I am constantly bogged down with 3 different kinds of homework, sweaty laundry, dusty houses, and no time (or appetite) for vitamins. When I sleep I dream of disasters, the small kind, that are blamed on me. My throat is ripped apart, presumably from the oceans of Diet Coke that serve as some kind of save haven where if I'm drinking it, I can't possibly be stressed out. And my shoulders touch my ears from hunching, over sewing machines, over drafting tables, over a pillow hoping to get some rest. But lately I don't even look in the mirror on the way out the door, not because I'm late (I usually am) but because the one person I look up to most in this world (I'm on my tiptoes just to kiss him) sees more and better than that pane of glass and my tired eyeballs. I told him he's my hero, and I don't know if he believes me. It's not that he leaps tall buildings, because our legs hurt too much for that, but he tries. He has passion and drive for that thing that he loves, and is brave and self-confident because of what he is. And it's not just the career because outside of the talent he is good. He is the 100% genuine good person who we are jealous of because next to him our cynical sarcasm seems evil. And he loves me anyways. And he loves you too, because no matter who you are he sticks up for you, keeping in mind that all people are good, and try, and we don't know your story. He is my hero because he reminds me not to say unneccessary things, that it's almost over, that I'm doing a good job. When I want to quit, when I am just getting a break after 12 hours of solid work, when they keep asking me why it's wrong, where it is, why it's ugly, when I am sobbing uncontrolably because I'm failing at every thing I've ever tried; he holds me. He holds me and kisses me and has a voice of love and reason and doesn't care that I'm melting, my nose and eyes and mouth spewing misery all over his chest. He is sweet. And when he is exhausted and sick and grumpy I am more than happy to lay with him, and rub his back and pet the top of his beautiful head because. Just because. He tries so hard, and does so much, so well, and still takes care of me.

And when he looks at me all shiny eyed and handsome, and asks about forever?

Of course.

A short overview of what the rest of the school year entails:

Our Town (I'm a dresser)
A Chorus Line (I'm the wardobe supervisor...I basically do all the major costuming work.)
Elephant Man (I'm on makeup crew)
Bailey's Senior Show (I'm the costumer...supposedly)
Lauren's Senior Show (More costuming)
3 Classes (Set Design for Stage and Screen, Sewing Technology, Intro to Sound Design)

...and that's just school. I'm still working at Savannah Walks, although now we have a new manager...my darling Brandi has left me with this man who has NO CLUE. When working with Brandi I was so excited to have a superior who wasn't a dummy (as they can often be in the part-time working world) but now...bleh. And I have other silly things to do like pack up and LEAVE.

My summer plans are kind of lame; I'm just moving home and applying (which i should do soon) to work at any of the Cape theatres, backstage. The exciting parts about this are as follows: One job. Not seven thousand like I usually have. No rent. Lots of beach time. And, drum roll please...Bailey's coming! Yes, we're moving in together. No, my parents don't care. And if he doesn't hate me by the end of the summer, we're moving somewhere, together. Any suggestions as to where?

In any case, I am rather happy. Granted, something seems to happen every day to make it a "bad day" (oh you know, tickets for traffic violations, being late for class because i don't have the right security sticker on my I.D., homework in general, not sleeping well... ever) but I have this sweet gorgeous and talented man who loves me. And we have so much fun together. And he's all those wonderful cliche things that make a man perfect; kisses and love notes and compliments and bringing me food and all those surprising little things that catch you off guard. And laughing until I'm running to the bathroom, tears streaming down my face. And as I told him about our impending life together..."I can't wait to have adventures with you." I can't even explain it, really. But it is fantastic, and fun, and other F words.

So for those of you who are reading this...WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?? And also...WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO BE THIS SUMMER?

Four jobs I've had:
1. Front Desk
2. Housekeeper
3. Cashier
4. Hostess

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Empire Records
2. Garden State
3. Donnie Darko
4. Dirty Dancing

Four places I've lived:
1. Centerville, MA
2. Amherst, MA
3. Savannah, GA
4. ...I'm sheltered.

Four TV shows I love:
1. Project Runway
2. Lost
3. Gray's Anatomy
4. ...I don't have cable.

Four places I've vacationed:
1. Maine
2. New Hampshire
3. Vermont
4. New York

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. I
2. Love
3. Food.
4. A lot.

Four sites I visit daily:
1. www.livejournal.com/~ohnotheydidnt
2. www.facebook.com
3. www.sundaymorn.typepad.com
4. www.ljcfyi.com

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. in a hammock
2. on a beach
3. somewhere tropical
4. with bailey

Four people I am tagging:
1. people who have livejournals
2. people who don't have livejournals
3. ...
4. your mother.

two names you go by:
1. shauna
2. manhair

two parts of your heritage:
1. mostly irish
2. part portuguese

two things that scare you:
1. the real world
2. bills

two of your everyday essentials:
1. hugs
2. kisses

two things that you are wearing right now:
1. size 4 jeans. yes.
2. earrings from my mom

two of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment):
1. jamie cullum, of course.
2. the fray

two favorite songs (at the moment):
1. look after you- the fray
2. thats the way love goes- janet jackson

two things you want in a relationship (other than real love):
1. happiness
2. honesty

two truths:
1. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, but I'm having a good time.
2. I'm more excited to see my mom than I am about Valentine's Day.

two physical traits in the opposite sex that appeal to you:
1. lips for kissing
2. arms for holding

two of your favorite hobbies:
1. crafting
2. shopping?

two things you want really badly:
1. to finish school
2. and have a plan

two places you want to go on vacation:
1. ireland
2. hawaii

two things you want to before you die:
1. travel...A LOT.
2. get married

two ways you are stereotypically a dude/chick:
1. domesticity
2. pink

two things you are thinking about right now:
1. how early should i go to katrina's for tv?
2. do i want to visit my burger man at loco's?

two stores you shop at:
1. gap
2. banana republic

two people you would like to do this:
1. everyone on my friends list
2. everyone who reads this who doesnt have a livejournal

when she asked about my romantic situation i had a smile as big as his heart and i said in a small happy voice
i'minlovewithbaileypoteat!

and when we stopped on the sidewalk in the middle of the drippy city under the wet street lights and k i s s e d while
cars drove by
people walked past

i wondered;
i hope they can see how happy i am.

like the smell of the freezer.


also; being called a bitch.
it's just so much more real than being beautiful, don't you think?

laughing in the rain and midday naps don't hurt, either.