I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say

Please excuse the misspelling of little katelynn's link
Here is the correct spelling.  I am sorry for any inconvience. Thank you.

Sugar and spice and everything nice.

This is suppose to every little girls life.

What happens when life is not like that?

What if your life is filled with constant abuse by the people who suppose to protect you?

For little Katelynn of Indiana, her life is filled with this from a father, stepmother and father's family; everyone but her the relatives that love her have been deined the ability to see her.

What happens when the police will not stop this?

Than try Child Protection Service, but they will not stop this either.

The next thing to do is go to the court.

What would you do if the Child Protection Services and the court helped the abusers hurt her?

The media might work but they ignore majority of average people.

In this search for help, several politicians ignored or said stop bothering them.

If these people will not help little katelynn than who will?

Will this little girl have to pay the ultimate price for these adults mistakes?

Now, what will you do?!

This is Indiana's Shame and these are Teardrops for Katelynn


referral sources:

www.courageouskids.net

Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation :: Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories Aired on PBS http://www.mkacf.org/BreakTheSilence.html

Breaking the Silence
http://sev.prnewswire.com/entertainment/20051019/CLW50819102005-1.html
http://www.tatgelasseur.com/pages/bts.html

Battered Women, Abused Children, and Child Custody: A NATIONAL CRISIS
http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/ 



Petition for Justice for Katelynn:
http://www.gopetition.com/online/5918.html 




Don't let these little abused children be abused in silence anymore, please.

Tell someone!

Demand answers!

Demand the children's truth!

Above all break through this silence for theses abused childrens sake!

No adults rights is greater than the right of the child to be safe!

****Please don't forget us!****

I am compiling a book about the various methods women have used to heal from rape. If you drew, send your drawings. If you wrote, send me your poems, short stories, rants, etc. If you created music, send your lyrics or song sheets. If you played sports, explain why it gave you strength. This is to be a compilation not only of women's stories, but of how they expressed their feelings while they struggled to heal. It is to be an exploration of the artistic methods women use to cope with sexual trauma. Photographs, stories, essays, poems, songs, journal entries and any method that was used as a healing mechanism are welcomed submissions. I am not only looking for accounts or reiterations of rape experiences, but also the artistic expressions you produced as you were healing. If desired, submissions can be kept anonymous. All contributors will receive a copy of the published book. Email (avaishya@hotmail.com) for more details or with submissions. As well, I have created an lj community to support this project: the_r_word. Anyone interested in healing, art, advice, and support for rape survivors are encouraged to join! Thanks!

I am trying once again to write a letter to you that may or may not say everything I want to say. I don't think I can ever say enough to you - no matter how much hate I could project onto you, no matter how much misery I could wish on you, no matter how much loneliness and depression I want for you, somehow it will never be enough, but do not misinterpret what I say: I do not wish you dead, in fact, I wish you a long misery ridden life; a life in which you will never be able to look at yourself in the mirror without feeling disgust, a life in which you can never enjoy intimacy with another human being without feeling dirty and disgusting, a life of insomnia, because the images you see when you close your eyes are too horrifying for anyone else to see let alone live through, a life in which certain songs trigger such anger, hurt and frustration that you are driven to the point that raging tears are your only release; a life in which any one of the above trigger such physical pain that you feel your insides being torn out piece by piece. I wish you feel so disgusted with yourself that burning yourself in a hot shower only gives you the image of sterile cleanliness but in reality does nothing. I wish you daily nervousness and insecurity, that you pull your hair out at the root and bite your nails down to the cuticles. I hope you remember what you did for the rest of your days & hate yourself for it every waking hour. I wish for you no understanding from others.

I wish you all these things that I have lived with, I wish you moral battles and inner conflicts.

Each of you held me down and raped me. There is nothing that I can say or do to change that. Nothing will make it go away. No punishment, no retribution. I have conceded to the notion that there is no justice; there is no fairness. This was not an easy concession to make, and in fact, it is still difficult to accept. There is no reason that I should be victimized time and again for your hatred at something for which I take neither responsibility nor blame. I am not ashamed of what happened to me, I will tell my story to anyone that will listen and if this helps just one person, I may be slightly more okay with having been raped. Not to say that I want to be okay, or is that to say that I will either forgive you or accept these assaults: I will do neither.

Forgiveness would come too easy. Forgiveness is something you would expect, demand and take without it being given to you, just like you raped & beat me, and expected me to do whatever you commanded. In fact, I am willing to bet that you actually believe that I forgive you, that I'd forgiven you a long time ago. I want you to know that this will never happen. There is nothing to forgive you for. If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it. Rest assured, forgiveness will not happen. Forgiving you would ease the turmoil I wish for you and that is something I do not want to happen.

Nor will I ever be okay with what you did. Being okay with being raped, accepting rape as a part of my life allows you to win. I will not accept anything, acceptance is similar to settling and I will not settle for having been raped. I will settle for nothing. I will never accept it, if I do then I will also need to forgive you, and, as I said, forgiveness is clearly out of the question.

You raped me. You caused me so much pain and there is nothing that will change that and I hope you never feel a moment's peace within yourself because of this but at the same time I don't want you to think I've stopped living - I haven't. In fact, I am so far from the person I was when you raped & sodomized me. I am much stronger and I'll be damned if I credit any of this to you.

I will tell everyone what you did to me. I will continue to do so until the day I die. I wish you the peace of a storm on the ocean, the love of no one, yourself included, the discomfort in aloneness, the career of an inmate on work release and the comfort of a homeless man on the streets in winter.

Because of you I see discomfort in the eyes of friends & listeners as they shift and look the other way, and I feel the awkward silence that sinks in between myself and someone else when I tell them, "I was raped." I see the awkwardness in my own reflection when I tell myself, "I was raped." I will hate you until the day I die for this.

I have people who have helped me deal with this, and it's really not right that I need to lean on them, but unlike you, they will not tear me down so they can rebuild me. They know all about you and share my hatred for you, and they have let me work through this with their support. Something you never thought I would have, something that you stole from me - imagine that.

I hate you. I know the real you. You hurt me. You nearly destroyed me. I am still recovering from what you did and it is a process. I will never forgive you. I will never give you that satisfaction. I will never forget - these memories keep me on the edge. They serve as my conscience.

You are a rapist – each and every one of you. You will live your life knowing this. You will look in the mirror and I can only hope that you feel the pain of sodomy, you gag on the smell of your own sweat and cringe at the screaming of others and writhe at the thought of being touched - just like you did to me.

I hope you learn what it feels like to be punched in the face & dragged by your hair by someone you trust with your life. I hope you can never sit in silence or in darkness and that something must constantly distract you because anything that doesn't will terrify you.

I hope you never know love, beauty or laughter. I hope you miss out on all the beauty that life has to offer, because if you can only do this, you have at the very least begun to pay for what you did to me. You will never pay your debt to me, not through a miserable life, not through a lonely death. But in my own sadistic way, perhaps I can take a little comfort in your pathetic misery.

You raped me. The first time you did was at 1.30am on January 18th, 1997 & the last & fifth separate occasion was a week later on the night of January 25th & you each did it deliberately. I hope that you spend the rest of your life in fear of the anger & hatred of others. I will never forget those experiences, they will haunt me for the rest of my life, and although I have been able to find a way to live with them in as much harmony as I can I will never be ok with them. I hope this is something that you never find.

I hate you, each & every one of you regardless of the degree of how much each of you individually tortured me, even if you raped me once, even if you raped me ten times I will not forgive you. I wish for you all of the above ten fold until the day you die.



Elisha Louise Pritchard

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This a very old letter i wrote whilst in the process of healing quite a long time ago, all your thought's & comments are most welcome :)

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Today’s Horoscope: Capricorn
”Things could be worse
Don’t take everything so seriously!”


Up-to-the-Minute News, World/US Census Report:

171,420 rapes reported to authorities each year:

=

469 raped each day
19 each hour
1 every 3.5 minutes.

Only 16% of all rapes reported to authorities:

=

12 million in a 20 year period.
12 million = 20% of the U.S population.

29% of all rapes occur under 11 years old.
32% of all rapes occur between 11 & 17 years old.

12 million,
61% under the age of 17

171,420:
11 times the amount of people killed in the Vietnam War.
34 times the amount of people killed by AIDS each year.

& yet,
each has a face,
a name,
a family,
a favourite book,
a certain way of smiling.

Every 3.5 minutes

But then again;
Things could be worse.

In the summer of my eleventh year
I failed my swimming lessons.
What got me was floating.
You pretended to be dead
& then languidly,
after many long moments
Lift your head
Ever-so-slightly to take a breath of air.
On January 18th 1997,
I was raped.
by four friends I’d grown up with my whole life;
they burnt me with cigarettes
& afterwards asked my forgiveness;
said they couldn’t help it,
in my naivety
I forgave them.
The bottom dropped out from under
Everything I thought I knew to be true

Floating panicked me
Pretending to be dead made me feel dead
& my body was not about to cooperate with that.

After the rape, I felt like I was floating
through reality, nothing solid to cling to.
I developed an affliction for cutting myself
& eventually attempted suicide by
electrocuting myself in the bathtub with my CD player,
lulled by Jeff Buckley’s rendition of Hallelujah.
Already dead inside,
I could disappear at any moment,
like an assumption.

Every time I took the swimming test,
When it came to the floating,
A fierce part of me awoke
& forced me up
Gasping for air;
I feared myself,
How many selves did I contain &
When were they planning to lift their faces
Out of the deep end of my life,
demanding air,
demanding solid ground?

It was my therapist
that finally helped me deal
With my rape;
“Healing begins in parts”, she said.
“It stretches beyond yourself as you speak of what you have been through.
As you heal you will grow,
in searching for healing you will find yourself
in a way you will never have imagined”
& I thought,
maybe certainty & forever Is not the point
Why should I fear pain & the unknown?
Why should I let it paralyze me in my own life?

Down into the water, hanging there
Still amidst the currents
It has a particular rhythm,
floating,
This small, flesh-colored raft in a sea of human need.

But my soul lifts its face up from the depths
Calmly, remembering to stay limp,
be carried & steadily,
unfailingly to seek air
One breath
At a time

hi! i'm looking for volunteers for a photo project i'm doing about victims of sexual abuse.
this is a continuation of a project i did last semester that came out really, well, powerful.
this is kind of a last minute looking for volunteers who can contribute in the next day or two because my deadline was pushed up & some volunteers i thought i had lined up haven't gotten back to me.

originally this project was done by mailing out disposable cameras to the volunteers, they would then take pictures of themselves or things they felt represented what they have gone through. they would handwrite their story. & mail it back to me. i then developed & printed the images & composed them in a book along with the stories.
but considering that i have this due on wednesday i have to do it a little differently. so i am looking for [&hoping to find] some volunteers who have access to digital cameras & would be willing to send me about ten [more if you want] images along with their story to my email by sunday night or monday the absolute latest, so i can spend all day tuesday putting everything together.

this would really help me out a lot & being a survivor myself this project means a lot to me & i think it is really powerful.
here are some images of the book i made last semester:

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please please consider participating & you can be completely anonymous if you want. i had two anonymouse volunteers in this last book.

leave a comment or send me an email at mahon916@newpaltz.edu

thank you so much.
♥

[cross-posted]

Hello ive decided to join, anywayz my story.....right now im 16, but i was raped and abused for 7 yrs (6 to 13) I was beat by my mother (she got drunk everyday and hit me with anything) and my one uncle raped me, he used to threatin to kill me if i told anyone, and he would hurt me, and knock me out when he was raping me....(very sad) so finally i was understanding what was going on when i turned 10 and i decided my mom and aunt (his wife) will believe me, so i told them, and knowing this makes me sick but i told them at age 10 i was getting raped by my uncle and my aunt, his wife, and my mom both called me a liar and let it happen for 3 more years, thi guy tried pushing me off a bridge and etc..and my mom and step dad beat me,chocked me, etc....And finally i moved in with my real dad and step mom andd told them about what happend so we went to court i got interviewed....etc...and he is in jail 5 yrs w/out poll than the 5th yr he gets it longest he can be in there is 15yrs, my mom is in jail for 2-4yrs...i used to be a cutter and i have 2 disorders, depression and ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) i used to try to commit suicide, i have had counseling and now in a rape program and trying to get this all outta my system.....but 2 things i have learned is that u will NEVER forget your past, but letting other ppl kno ur past helps them cope in ways you dont know...thanks for reading...and sorry if this upset anyone...please comment...byez
*Pure_Christian*

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Sorry the intro was so long, but I did think after writing it all and put it under a cut.

This is a book everyone who has experienced sexual abuse really should read.
A teacher of mine who helped me through a very hard time lent a copy to me and said it helped her a whole lot. It just explains alot of the "why" as to reactions and behavior and how society treats victims. That doesn't even explain it well...just....its amazing and a great great book...get it on ebay or get it from the library or order it from a book shop..its really that good... it really gets into post traumatic stress disorder also...the main focus of the book is on soldiers who get ptsd from war and rape victims who get it from their trauma and child abuse... also ptsd can happen from molestation..they don't tackle that too much but when you read it its good to keep that in mind....this book was ground breaking in linking rape to ptsd, and child abuse to ptsd....linking molestation was made afterwards moatly.



Trauma and Recovery

by Judith Herman MD


and here is how they explained the book:

Book Description
When Judith Herman's Trauma and Recovery was first published five years ago, it was hailed as a groundbreaking work. In the intervening years, Herman's now classic volume has changed the way we think about and treat traumatic events and trauma victims. In a new introduction, Herman chronicles the incredible response the book has elicited and explains how the issues surrounding the topic of trauma and recovery have shifted within the clinical community and the culture at large. Trauma and Recovery brings a new level of understanding to a set of problems usually considered individually. Herman draws on her own cutting-edge research on domestic violence, as well as on a vast literature of combat veterans and victims of political terror, to show the parallels between private terrors such as rape and public traumas such as terrorism. The book puts individual experience in a broader political frame, arguing that psychological trauma can be understood only in a social context. Meticulously documented and frequently using the victims own words as well as those from classic literary works and prison diaries, Trauma and Recovery is a powerful work that will continue to profoundly impact our thinking.

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