Search For Me

When your left standing all alone in a world so cold and cruel. When you hear the serenade of a string quartet. When you hear the lullaby of true hearts. Will you think of me? When I'm down on my knees and you can't see me, will you think of me? When your left standing alone in this cruel world come find me, come into my arms, into my heart when you've hurt your last, come find me. When your scared when your down and out, when you've strung yourself out from rolling too hard. When your standing all alone in a party, at a rave, in your classroom, at your job, in this cruel world, come find me, and I'll hold your hand. When you've been told that your lifestyle is wrong won't you think of me? How i treated you way too fairly. And now are you left standing? Isn't this life just like a cold dream? Can you still see me? Am I more to you than just a dream? You are all I have thought of all that I have pondered in the ramblings of this pretty mouth. When the loss is like a sea of despair, when the pain is like a gaping wound of what should've been But can this broken heart trully follow the stars? Your all this broken heart has wanted and yet you reject me like a passing thought. Think of me, think of the dreams that we have shared. For once I'm begging you on my knees. Let us relive the start, the times we swore we'd never part, your all I had wanted, all I wanted, all I dreamed of, all I felt so strongly in the dreams of the night. But it, but I wasn't enough, and I watched you depart. Leaving this heart saying "Please no more," Will you remember the times I held you in my arms and told you of my premonition that our passion would soon end, and that soon youd be just a memory as I paced the shower and cried. I fell asleep in your arms after we made love, now I'm asleep on my couch singing "All I wanted was you." Are you too far out there for me to find? Has life ever treated any soul fairly? Has reality? Now I'm the one thats out there being thrown to my knees. Its a crying shame that our passion is now a string symphony. A shame that our souls only united in one last time in a picture. And now Im so deep I think of my actions of every harsh word shpoken, I realize now that live giveth and taketh away so why tempt fate to take away with hate and judgemental words. If I could relive all of my starts would I remember to slow down and feel your heart? Your all I had ever wanted. When I had held your hand I had felt the hope of eternity. Shall we meet there after the pain love? Meet me there. But eternity isn't promised, happiness is not promised only the frivoulous pursuit but in the end we all die alone. Yes we all die alone. And my mind does amazing things and yet cannot muster the ability to show you my heart, to make certain you don't depart. So I'll pace my apartment a few times with my mind stuck in a cell of limited words and actions. And limited ability to make this work. But just like the struggling day moth tapping reapeatedly at your windowsill, to be free and happy, don't help my burdened soul save me now and give me a harshe start and bitter ending and when my wings stop fluttering and my eyes rest on the stars then stop and think that all my heart all my dying heart sings is "All I wanted was you."

Okay, so I have been listening to this cd that Candice lent to me.....It is by "the Juniper Bends" I love it....Its so amazing. I just can't beleive something so talented came out of this area. It'a wonderful cd......I especially like the songs called "Same Girl" and "Cold Cement Floor" I don't know why it just is a awsome cd..........I just wish that I could have talent like that.....I am literaly amazed at this cd.

So, other than my amazment at the content of this cd, nothing really has happened to me. In fact other than the fact that I was kicked out and am living at a friends house, all the while job hunting so that I can save up enough cash to afford an apartment in this shithole. I mean there are just some nights when I just want to cry my eyes out because nothing seems to work for me. Then I have to stop and realize that no one likes people who aren't happy. I mean what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I ever be satisified with what I have? Why do I always have to want more. Why Can't I just you know relax and breathe and be a normal happy person.

So, because I have moved out and am a chicken shit who will not talk on the phone i have decided to write my parents a letter. * Remember* This one is written with loads of anger and resentment and probably will be revised a million times

Dear Mom and Dad

Did you remeber when we were all happy/ WHen we never yelled? and I never cut myself. Do you miss those days like I do, you know the ones were we didn't call each other names and we didn't throw siblings against eachother. You Know the reality that we faced everyday and I didn't have to bloak calls and emails because I am afraid of what people will say to me. I'm sorry things don't work out but life is hard amd cruel we have all learnt that. I still feel close for you and am sorry, but the pat can not be rewritten
Love,
Jess


So, this day has taken alot out of me. I have written a shit load of things that people don't know about me, cleaned the room, made food, baged leaves and found parts of myself I never want to see again. Life Sucks and I think that I am turning into one of those people that when they start dating someone they become dependant on them. I totally hate it.


I can't do this....

Okay so I am supposed to be working on my Anciet History project on Aspasia of Miletus But I just can't so I decided to dance in my kitchen. My friend Nic decided he is going to come see me next weekend yeah I am so happy. Life is Good

I know it is not quite Thanksgiving, but I'm going to list some things that I'm thankful for any way!!

My cats purr
Hiking with my pup
The laughter of my children
Wind in the trees
My boss
Emails from my mom
Sweet smell of sage, after a rain
Early morning jogs
Bagels and cream cheese
Vanilla lattes

An Awesome site I think any one with a love for art, color, mosiacs would enjoy.

Go to www.nikidesaintephalle.com, and talk a walk in the garden.

Being Poor

Being poor is knowing exactly how much everything costs.
Being poor is getting angry at your kids for asking for all the crap they see on TV.
Being poor is having to keep buying $800 cars because they're what you can afford, and then having the cars break down on you, because there's not an $800 car in America that's worth a damn.
Being poor is hoping the toothache goes away.
Being poor is knowing your kid goes to friends' houses but never has friends over to yours.
Being poor is going to the restroom before you get in the school lunch line so your friends will be ahead of you and won't hear you say "I get free lunch" when you get to the cashier.
Being poor is living next to the freeway.
Being poor is coming back to the car with your children in the back seat, clutching that box of Raisin Bran you just bought and trying to think of a way to make the kids understand that the box has to last.
Being poor is wondering if your well-off sibling is lying when he says he doesn't mind when you ask for help.
Being poor is off-brand toys.
Being poor is a heater in only one room of the house.
Being poor is knowing you can't leave $5 on the coffee table when your friends are around.
Being poor is hoping your kids don't have a growth spurt.
Being poor is stealing meat from the store, frying it up before your mom gets home and then telling her she doesn't have make dinner tonight because you're not hungry anyway.
Being poor is Goodwill underwear.
Being poor is not enough space for everyone who lives with you.
Being poor is feeling the glued soles tear off your supermarket shoes when you run around the playground.
Being poor is your kid's school being the one with the 15-year-old textbooks and no air conditioning.
Being poor is thinking $8 an hour is a really good deal.
Being poor is relying on people who don't give a damn about you.
Being poor is an overnight shift under florescent lights.
Being poor is finding the letter your mom wrote to your dad, begging him for the child support.
Being poor is a bathtub you have to empty into the toilet.
Being poor is stopping the car to take a lamp from a stranger's trash.
Being poor is making lunch for your kid when a cockroach skitters over the bread, and you looking over to see if your kid saw.
Being poor is believing a GED actually makes a goddamned difference.
Being poor is people angry at you just for walking around in the mall.
Being poor is not taking the job because you can't find someone you trust to watch your kids.
Being poor is the police busting into the apartment right next to yours.
Being poor is not talking to that girl because she'll probably just laugh at your clothes.
Being poor is hoping you'll be invited for dinner.
Being poor is a sidewalk with lots of brown glass on it.
Being poor is people thinking they know something about you by the way you talk.
Being poor is needing that 35-cent raise.
Being poor is your kid's teacher assuming you don't have any books in your home.
Being poor is six dollars short on the utility bill and no way to close the gap.
Being poor is crying when you drop the mac and cheese on the floor.
Being poor is knowing you work as hard as anyone, anywhere.
Being poor is people surprised to discover you're not actually stupid.
Being poor is people surprised to discover you're not actually lazy.
Being poor is a six-hour wait in an emergency room with a sick child asleep on your lap.
Being poor is never buying anything someone else hasn't bought first.
Being poor is picking the 10 cent ramen instead of the 12 cent ramen because that's two extra packages for every dollar.
Being poor is having to live with choices you didn't know you made when you were 14 years old.
Being poor is getting tired of people wanting you to be grateful.
Being poor is knowing you're being judged.
Being poor is a box of crayons and a $1 coloring book from a community center Santa.
Being poor is checking the coin return slot of every soda machine you go by.
Being poor is deciding that it's all right to base a relationship on shelter.
Being poor is knowing you really shouldn't spend that buck on a Lotto ticket.
Being poor is hoping the register lady will spot you the dime.
Being poor is feeling helpless when your child makes the same mistakes you did, and won't listen to you beg them against doing so.
Being poor is a cough that doesn't go away.
Being poor is making sure you don't spill on the couch, just in case you have to give it back before the lease is up.
Being poor is a $200 paycheck advance from a company that takes $250 when the paycheck comes in.
Being poor is four years of night classes for an Associates of Art degree.
Being poor is a lumpy futon bed.
Being poor is knowing where the shelter is.
Being poor is people who have never been poor wondering why you choose to be so.
Being poor is knowing how hard it is to stop being poor.
Being poor is seeing how few options you have.
Being poor is running in place.
Being poor is people wondering why you didn't leave.



I don't know why but I had to put this in here. I know that I wasn't that poor when I was living on my own but this just effects me in words I can't explain.
I found it while work on my ISP for Anthropolgy,Sociolgy and Psychology. It kinda makes me want to cry...

no one posts anymore... thats sad.

so i will...

mmm...

i love rain. on thursday it rained and i went out and ran around in the rain. it was so great. i live on a pretty busy street, and i was dancing around and jumping into puddles and all that jazz (barefoot of course!) so i'm pretty sure everyone driving by thought i was nuts- but who cares, i am nuts. i had my mp3 player too, so i was rockin out to the red hot chili peppers (i <333333333 them) and dancing in the rain. how much better can it get?

well then i ran into my friend tony and we were running and sliding in the mud. needless to say i got completly soaked, and muddy, but it was so much fun. i havent been that happy in months.

lol, but when i got home my shower was broken, which sucked, so i had to go use my friends. but it all turned out ok.

yeah, all yall really needed to know that. lol that was a pretty pointless post. but i dont care, i'm bored. plus i dont have to work for another 12 minutes, and i'm savoring my freedom.

hope all yall have a good day/night- w/e.
lata

all that is coming out of this community are spam ads.

some guy in the art lab wants to teabag Tom Brady because he's engaged.

such a wonderful country we live in, huh?

Rabbits are cute and horny and if you're cute and horny, then your probably happy, in that you don't no who you are and why your even alive, you just wanna have sex, as many times as possible, before you die...