i never want to be that sad again. i never want to be that mad again. i never want to have that conversation again. although it's better to have than not to have and everyone in my dream was truthful so thank you to michael, brook and sara for not lying to me in slumberland. and at the end i never wanted to talk to you again and THAT's when i knew it was a dream and woke up gasping for air. i never want to sleep again due to the chance this will happen again and i just can't risk that. so, i am awake for the day. i wouldn't even think about going back to that awful place inside my head. i'm sorry my dreams were about you in anything but a beautiful vibrant light, which is what you deserve. still marry me? i still trust you. trust me. we can make our wonderful dreams come true and put those horribale ones in the gallows. my hand is lonely.
you're way less of a corporate whorehouse than myspace, and so i return. i think myspace kind of lost it's point, weren't we trying to express ourselves and be individuals? does anyone else find it weird that most people don't even USE the blogs on myspace? i mean, listening to music is ok, but it's so mainstreamed and weird now i don't know, why do i need 100 songs on my profile? i don't.
so life has been going swimmingly as of late, other than my need of steady income, and winter is looming over my head like a sword on a peice of mint dental floss. i have a beautiful girlfriend named brook howe and she is amazing and nice and we get along well and comunicate well. it's very important that you do so. she works a lot and i'm jealous, but i don't get to see her very much, which sucks. she is my best friend.
tomorrow i'm heading into anchorage to Jeffrey Parks' house in fairview for a vegan potluck that also serves as the Moon Knights reunion house show, with jeff's band playing as well so that should be cool. then rachel is heading out of state monday in the wee hours of the morning, she's going down to texas to pick up a VW van. it's a lot nicer than my VW van, as mine is a lot older. then i plan on seeing Choke at some point and hopefully getting a ride back to palmer from brook.
i don't know what else i can say to update you, other than maybe i have an anarchy sign shaved into my head, so imagine that when you picture me, instead of a dready mohawk.
...........and i can't figure out what to be for halloween............
i am scared that my world has been hurt. my world is a thing of beauty, and this would break my heart. my world, i hope you are still fine when i awake. the pain that i feel when you are hurting will never equal yours. but i wish i could take it all away from you and feel it instead. you are in my head. and i honestly think i can keep you in my head all day long. as long as i don't let you out. and i never will. i would do anything not to let you out. at this moment in time, i care about nothing else but you.
it's 6am and i'm counting ghosts collective negative energy searching for a host it latches onto me and my brain shuts down now a slight ringing in my ears is the only sound that i hear all day, day in and day out i'm looking morbidly grotesque i may be close but i'm not dead yet i'm looking like a zombie now and my only thought is "mmm...brains...mmm...rock cocaine...mmm...pain" all my heros are slain lying face down in pools of blood i hear the first time you shoot somebody all you hear is the thud of them hitting the ground which is louder than the reaction is when the body's found but i guess it doesn't really matter anyways because every night i'm begging, pleading for the end of my days crying out "why? why can't i just be dead?" while holding a loaded pistol aimed straight at my head i exhale my drag, i start to see spots and it all goes away, just a brief moment in my thoughts
