I think that now I’m one of those evil people in the movies that thinks an AI can’t be a person. I’m the guy saying that your robot girlfriend isn’t real. They’re gonna kill me during the matrix wars.

one thing abt me is that I can't recognize veneers and I can't tell when someone's hair is a wig and I can't clock fake accents even when they're done pretty badly and I'm also bad with faces. all that to say I would be insanely vulnerable to hijinks/capers

When you’re at the bus stop on time: bus schedules are more like guidelines than hard rules, really. You will sit in the 90 degree heat for an extra 15 minutes past the scheduled arrival time wondering if the bus has decided to just skip today and you will like it.

When you are running even a single minute late: the noble city bus has a schedule to keep and it will dally not a single second longer. Be better

”Hello able bodied/neurotypical person. In front of you is a person who requires medication in order to function. Your task is to listen to them talk about how this medication has improved their life without accusing them of addiction. If you fail, one thousand spiders will be sent to your exact location. Your time begins now.”

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws

one thing about me is i’m gonna go lay down

scientific fact

unconvinced i'll ever find "the vitamin" that makes me all better so i can get real work done but i do expect they'll elucidate whatever my deal was post-mortem, after which what i did manage to accomplish with my life will be regarded on the level of Beethoven composing despite being deaf or Gordon Ramsay cooking despite being british

hello I notice that you are attempting to access my webbed site from a phone. did you know we have an app? I will redirect you to the app store so y— oops it looks like you tried to load the webpage again, it's okay I will show you to the app sto— no, no, it's okay this happens all the time, I know you didn't really want to access the actual website on your phone, that's why we have an app! let me take you to the app store where you can download it

“One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to remember, in one of his works, which for the time being has slipped my mind, which hits off admirably this age-old situation.”

— P.G. Wodehouse