Wednesday: I must admit, Agnes, I am impressed that you successfully tranquilized her. When Enid goes feral, she becomes an implacable force of nature.

Agnes: Actually, she—

Wednesday: A creature rife with bestial muscle and savage intent, her capacity for violence is as boundless as the sheer depth of her lupine beauty.

Agnes: 😐

Wednesday: To cross her when she is in such a state is tantamount to suicide, yet given the chance to be faced with her claws and teeth…

Agnes: 🫤

Wednesday: So close that I am enveloped by her hot breath, wet upon my skin…

Wednesday: *trails off with a dreamy look*

Agnes: 🙄

Agnes: *clears her throat*

Wednesday: *blinks once* Hm? Ah, you were saying?

Agnes: It was the most harrowing ordeal of my life. Only by some miracle did I complete my mission without being eaten alive. Enid is every bit as terrible as you so succinctly described.

Wednesday: *barely suppressed smile* As is to be expected of my ruthless wolf.

Agnes: 😒

– The “most harrowing ordeal” of Agnes’ life. –

Feral wolf Enid: *dangerous snarl*

Agnes: Oh hush, pup, and just look at the shiny.

Feral ADHD wolf Enid: 🐺‼️

Pre-Wenclair. On the night of a full moon.

Bianca: *watching a wolfed-out Enid doing zoomies around a tree*

Wolf Enid: BARK! BARK-BARK! BARKBARKBARK!

Bianca: Enid! Leave that poor raccoon alone!

Agnes: Not a raccoon.

Bianca: Pardon?

Agnes: *points high up said tree*

Bianca: *squints* Is that…?

Not a raccoon: Away with you, mutt! You saw nothing! NOTHING!

Bianca:

Bianca: WHY?

Agnes: I may have snuck Enid back into her room where, entirely by coincidence, Wednesday was curled up asleep in Enid’s bed while wearing one of her hoodies.

Bianca: Oh shit, you a bitch.

Agnes: I prefer “impatient daughter-in-waiting”.

One morning after a full moon, as Enid wakes up in her dorm alone with an odd taste in her mouth.

Enid: Nngh. Whad da fugh?

Enid: *spits out something long, black, and bloody*

Enid: 🤨

Enid: Huh? This looks like one of Wednesday’s brai…

Enid: 😱‼️

– Down in the Link. –

*distant scream of soul-deep horror*

Pugsley: Hah! That sounds like a successful prank to me!

Agnes: Of course it was. Are you packed?

Pugsley: Uh, why would I be packed?

Agnes: To go into hiding, obviously.

Pugsley: Pfft. Enid will be fine once she calms down and realizes it’s just a piece of your Wednesday wig.

Agnes: It’s not.

Pugsley:

Pugsley: What?

Agnes: Are you serious? Enid is an alpha werewolf, you numbskull. She’d be able sniff out a fake, especially if it’s supposed to be from her mate.

Pugsley: Wh-What are you saying?

Agnes: I’m saying that we need to hurry and reach the safe house before the sedatives wear off.

Pugsley: *incredulous* You drugged my sister?!

Agnes: No, YOU did. I only swapped out the sugar you were planning to use to spike her morning coffee.

Pugsley:

Pugsley: I’ll go hot-wire us a car. *takes off*

Agnes: *calls after* Just make sure to pick one that’s faster than you are on the uptake!

Pugsley/Agnes: 😠🖕💨〰️ 🖕😌

Enid: To quote Sun Tzu—the supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.

Bianca: Excuse me? You incapacitated Wednesday by accident.

Enid: Says you! I happened to put a ton of effort into my promposal.

Bianca: More like a ton of rainbow glitter, which your color-allergic, would-be prom date inhaled.

Enid: So? What’s important is that she said “yes” BEFORE her throat closed up!

Bianca: Jesus, Enid, has anyone ever told you that you’re downright ruthless? You literally went full Arts and Crafts of War on your crush!

Agnes: *appears* That’s General Enid Sin Tzu to you, peasant.

Bianca: 😦

Enid: *indignant* Hey! I thought we agreed on Enid Sun Clair!

Agnes: Mm. We did, but you’re already reknown for your sunny disposition, so the whole Sun Tzu reference gets lost.

Enid: 🤔

Enid: Valid. So what’s next?

Agnes: *recites* In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.

Enid: 😲

Enid: We should break into Wednesday’s desk while she’s at the hospital and search for clues about her dream date!

Agnes: Excellent idea, General. I’ll fetch the tools.

Bianca: *watches in dumbfounded silence as Agnes vanishes and Enid gallops away*

Bianca: …Did Stanabelle seriously call me a freaking peasant?

Wednesday: And my so-called secret admirer has enlisted you as their liaison?

Agnes: That’s correct. Your secret admirer, who is as shy as she is vibrant, would like to know what you are looking for in a woman.

Nearby bush: *anxious rustle*

Agnes/Wednesday: 😒 😒 🌳💦

Wednesday: …I see.

Wednesday: Tell my would-be suitor that I prefer my women in the same manner as my favorite knives—

Wednesday: —and that if she is truly interested in courting me, then she would do well to replace them.

Agnes: *knowing grin* Understood.

Wednesday: *gives a curt nod and stalks away*

Agnes: *turns and casually walks over to the nearby bush*

Agnes: She’s gone, pup. You can come out now.

Enid: *pops up with a groan of frustration* She likes her women like she likes her favorite knives? Seriously?

Agnes: That’s what she said.

Enid: So what, sharp and well-maintained? Does she want me to like, I dunno, BUY her sharper knives??

Agnes: Not exactly. Where does Wednesday keep her favorite knives?

Enid: In their sheaths, duh! How does that help?

Agnes: 🤦‍♀️

Agnes: *slowly* And she keeps those sheaths where exactly?

Enid: Strapped to her inner thi—

Enid: 🫪‼️

Enid: Th… th-thi… thi… thnngnfghh…

Agnes: Enid? Your nose is… nevermind, I’ll take care of it.

Agnes/Enid:

Originally posted by syruptree

Enid: Hey, Wends! I just learned how to partially shift my tongue!

Wednesday: Intriguing. What is the resulting length?

Enid: I dunno. I haven’t actually measured it yet. Got a ruler handy?

Wednesday: No, but the average human esophagus is approximately 20 centimeters long in a woman of my height.

Wednesday: *steps up to Enid* It would be trivial to calculate the length from there. An acceptable sacrifice for science.

Enid: Okey-dokey. Say “ah” for science!

Wednesday: *opens her mou—*

“AHHHHH!”

Enid: Hey! I didn’t mean literally!

Wednesday: That was most certainly not me.

Enid/Wednesday: 😒😒 🫥‼️

*scramble* *thump* *scurry* *SLAM!*

Enid/Wednesday: *stare at their still-vibrating door*

Enid: So, uh… back to science?

Wednesday: *curt nod*

Enid/Wednesday:

Originally posted by you-didnt-see-that-cuming

Agnes: Enid, do you remember the blood oath you made with Wednesday?

Enid: The one about not crippling any of the other’s associates, club friends, accomplices, or dance crew members, even if our suspicions are totally valid?

Agnes: No, the one you made her take after you caught her lying by omission in another misguided attempt to keep you safe and in the dark about a dangerous case.

Enid: You mean the case that put you in a hospital and left Wednesday with amnesia for almost a month? Obviously. We swore to always speak the truth to each other, no matter what.

Agnes: About that oath. Did you forget to add any concessions about things like, oh… hyperbole?

Enid: *blinks* Uh, no. Why would I have to do that?

Agnes: Well, it’s about the silkie chickens.

Enid: *gasps* Ohmygosh, those chickens are just the CUTEST. They’re so fluffy I could literally DIE!

Agnes: About that. They were just placed on the critically endangered list.

Enid: Why would they…?

Enid: 🫢

Enid: Wednesday wouldn’t.

Agnes: Enid, you just told your therapist that while you appreciated that Wednesday went through the effort of ensuring you never once went hungry last month—

Agnes: —and that despite everything she made being amongst the most delicious home-cooked meals you’ve ever eaten—

Agnes: —you’re still wracked with guilt after learning that Wednesday was NOT joking and it was all in fact REAL HORSE.

Enid: 😱

Enid: Oh god the ponies. OH GOD THE CHICKENS!

Enid: *takes off in a panic* WEDNESDAY! I WAS FREAKING EXAGGERATING!

Pugsley: *incredulous* Wednesday is playing chess?

Agnes: Obviously.

Pugsley: But she hates chess. She calls it “a game for pseudo-intellectual cowards without the stomach for actual physical violence”.

Agnes: That was the case until I convinced her to play chess with Enid.

Pugsley: 🤔

Pugsley: Weren’t you the one who said Enid is an absurdly bad loser with a temper shorter than her attention span?

Agnes: I did. Just watch. *nods towards the game in progress*

Wednesday: *studies the chessboard, then glances up at her opponent*

Enid: 😠

Wednesday: *picks up her knight*

Enid: *growls* Wednesday, I love you, but don’t you DARE take my queen.

Wednesday: *eyes Enid consideringly*

Enid: 😡

Wednesday: *takes the queen* Checkmate.

Enid: 🤬

Enid: I’LL SHOW YOU MATE!

Enid: *FLIPS the table and POUNCES*

Wednesday: 😍

Agnes: See? Violence.

Pugsley: 😲

Pugsley: 🤨

Pugsley: Um. Are they fighting or making out?

Agnes: Yes.

Pugsley: …ew.

Enid/Wednesday: 🫯💕

Conversation Prompt

“I call it a ‘Fun’derstorm because of how exciting it is.”

“You were struck by lightning, this is absolutely not fun.”

Wednesday: *picks up hair product* What is this?

Enid: Oh that's just my hair dye just leave it

Wednesday: *something clicks, smirks, and picks it up*

Enid: What are you doing?

Wednesday: *raises it towards her mouth*

Enid: Hey I'm like 90% sure that's poison!

Wednesday: *flips the lid open*

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