Sadist

Ryuichi, we need to talk about the apartment so please call me or I'll stop by.

Yoshiki, thank you for watching Kyoji the other night. He said he had lots of fun sleeping over. Also, we've moved. I'm sure you can guess why we did. Call me babe.

Otousan, we're going to have to postpone your visit because I'm no longer in my apartment. If you'd still like to visit I can find a way to get you a nice hotel room or if you ask Sis nicely you could probably stay with her just be careful of her psycho husband... he might try to kill you or something sinister like that. Haha!


***Private***
I'm living with my bosses. Yeah, it's weird but I like it. They are nice guys and one of them has a kid that Kyoji just loves. He's a sweet boy and is Kyoji's best friend so he's very happy with the move. I am too...

I have nothing to say.


***For Otousan***
I need your help Otousan. Kyoji and I need a place to stay. Kyoji's scared to death of Tohma, so, could you help me get an apartment? Please?

I don't really know what to say. Things are still going well, Kyoji and I are doing really good. School is good for both of us. I'll be off probation in a month, thank god. I'm going insane. I have permission to go to Kyoto this weekend to see Otousan. He wants to see Kyoji. Kyoji's looking forward to seeing the fish. He's drawn lots of pictures of fish lately. Thanks for that Otousan.

I can't stay awake. Going to go lay down with Kyoji. Goodnight everyone.

I told Ryuichi to stay away from Kyoji and I. I'm sick of all the drama that surrounds him. It's not worth it anymore, it never was. A while back I would have sold my soul to be with him but now I don't want him at all. It's not because he's seeing someone else, it's because I can't put my life on hold for him and our relationship was wrong. Kyoji and I are better off without him.

School today sucked. I've been so down lately that it's hard to stay focused, but I'm happy now because I have a date with Yoshiki. Kyoji and I are going to go pick her and Riku up soon and the boys will stay here while her and I go out. Guess I should get ready and make sure Kyoji has some warm clothes on!

***Private to Otousan***
You need to come to Tokyo!

***Private to Sis***
When I get back from my date we need to talk.

Home sweet home... oh how I missed you beautiful room! Haha. You never know how good off you have it till you're in a rehab center. Yeah, I was in rehab because I was stupid and let my friends talk me into using drugs. I'm all better now though, the thought of drugs makes me sick and I have to stay healthy so I can finish school. I'm still living with Sis and I really like it. She's being super nice and cool. Something happened while I was in rehab that really turned my life around, a sweet little boy who was there, Kyoji. Poor kid is only six years old and was an addict. His mom was a crack head and used while pregnant then kept him drugged up so she could go out. After she died someone brought Kyoji to the rehab center. He had been there almost nine months by time I got there. He really liked me and would talk to people if I was around and just did better altogether, so, Sis now has temporary custody of him till I'm eighteen then he's mine. Yeah, so I'm taking care of a child now. He's what made me change. Seeing someone that young go through what I was was just horrible and I had this urge to help him. I want to protect him and show him the good side to life. Man, that makes me sound so... um, what's the word? Grown up maybe? I don't know. All I know is that I love Kyoji and I will be the best dad in the world to him! You have your grandchild Otousan! You should come to Tokyo to see him, he's adorable!

Sis allowed me to miss school today so I could go and get Kyoji enrolled in school, he's going to the same school as Riku, then go out and get his school supplies and some new clothes for him. I sold the motorcycle that Aiko bought me in order to pay for the clothes and supplies and I have just enough left over to buy some groceries for the week. I'm going to have to get an after school job in order to pay for food but I think I can manage school and work. Sis will help me until I'm financially stable, or stable enough to live.

Ryuichi, Kyoji and I say hello! We'll be very busy for a while so I won't be able to stop by but I'll try to call you sometime that way you can talk to Kyoji!

***Private to Yoshiki***
What are you doing this weekend? You, Riku, Kyoji and I should go out. Take them to some play place and let them have some fun. What do you say? My treat.

I'm back in Tokyo and not allowed to leave Sis's house. I'm on house arrest. That's all you get to know.

***Private***
Sis dragged me away from Ryuichi... she'll regret it. She threatened him too, saying she'd turn him into police if we didn't stop seeing each other. I can't believe her. Otousan doesn't want me seeing him either, same with Seguchi. They can all kiss my ass. If Sis turns him in I doubt Seguchi would let it go to far.

First of all, I'm not sure if I mentioned it but I found out how my mom died. I was really upset that my family hid it from me but I want them to know I don't blame them. I probably reacted the way they expected me too, which would be why they hid it from me. I blamed myself. I'm not mad anymore though. I'm mad at you, Aniki, we are brothers. You should have told me. Jerk off. I hope the hard drive on your computer fries and destroys the next book you work on, two pages from when it should be complete. That would make me smile and possibly forgive you for not being a good brother and telling me what happened.

Secondly, life in Kyoto is great. School is going very well and my training is at an exceptional level. It's changed me a lot. I'm a much better person, my mind, body and soul is so much healthier than before, with the exception of one thing but I will not talk about that at this time. I'll talk about it when the time is right. As of right now I have not fully come to terms with what happened and what it's done to me. If only I had made this decision sooner, I might still be able to walk around with a real smile on my face everyday.

Now I have to get back to training. I took a short break to have some herbal tea but now that I'm finished I need to get back. Thanks for reading.

P.S....
I read some of my entries on this from before, I was a bad person. Promiscuous, foul mouthed, bad tempered... I'm so glad I changed.

I'm admitting it... I missed Kyoto. I'm happy to be back, very happy. Less drama here. I'm not home yet though. It's late so I'm staying at a hotel tonight near the train station, plus I have guests with me. I kind of forgot to mention they were coming along but it was a somewhat last minute thing.

So, why am I back? I have decided to actually continue my Monk training. It will make me a better person, cleanse my soul and make Otousan and mom proud. It's my duty to take over the temple once it's time and I will do it!

This weekend will be more of a relaxing time though, I really need it. I can get settled in and get all my transfer papers done for school and show Yoshiki and Riku around. Yes, they are my guests. It's a long story, well, not really. I just don't want to go into it, it's weird.

Otousan, I will come by tomorrow and fill you in on everything. I think you'll be happy! Now it's bed time.

***Private to Ryuichi***
I'm sad I didn't get to say goodbye to you... why didn't you call me when you got back to Tokyo? It would have been nice to see you before I left. I miss you, I really do. Remember that I'll always love you, even if we aren't together. I'm praying for you too. I heard some people on the train talking about what happened to you, so I'm praying for your safety and wellness. Please, call me when you are able to. I love you....
***End***

Is dating a celeberity really this dangerous? Fucking psychos. I don't want to go into details but lets just say Ryu was being spied on and I ended up with a broken wrist.

Also, we've been fighting a lot recently. I'm doing some things I shouldn't and I'm sure it makes him mad but whatever.

To much crap to deal with.

I've been cheating on him too.

I don't want to talk anymore though, its hard to type with one hand.

If you are looking to get hold of me... it's not going to happen. I'm at my sister's and am sick so she's not allowing any visitors or anything, not even phone calls now. She's taken all my stuff(cell phone and school books) because she thinks I'm to sick to do anything. I'm fine. Nothing to worry about but she's freaking out. Women.

***Private***
I know it's been a long time since I used this thing but I really haven't had the time. I'm so busy with school and working for Ryu that I have no time anymore. He's been stressing me out a lot lately too. First he cheats on me then he drops news about possibly having a kid. I'm glad the kid isn't his. All the stress made me sick, which made me not sleep well, which made me fall asleep in class and so on and so on... you get the picture, right? Stress+no sleep=Sick. Sick+stress=grades drop because I can't concentrate on homework. So, now I'm living with Sis and she's being a nazi. I can't do anything. I hate this.
***End Private***