~::la compagnie du chat noir::~

I know I did the whole spam thing before, but I just had to post this. I go through my spam inbox every once in a while to make sure nothing's got put in the wrong place, and I saw this heading:

Rumpleteasza; Thanks for changing my life

I just had to. I was bored, ok? I read the first sentence:

Hello

Thank you for changing my life.
Since I was in High School I knew I had an extremely small penis.

and I knew it was going to be good.

I could never keep a girlfriend, and I lacked the confidence to talk with girls. In fact sometimes I would simply need to be satisfied with porn.
I followed your advice and now I feel like a man.

>> Cory M, CA

That's it. Nothing else! No ads, no attachments, no nothing. Just a lovely letter of thanks.

I'm just itching to know what my advice was.

This has to win the best worded and most random spam email ever award. LOL!



Sorry, Stephen. ♥

Is this journal just turning into "All I do is play Oblivion and feed from an intravenous drip!"? I think it is.

So I was playing at about midnight last night and Julian was lounging around watching for the lulz. It was late and to be honest I couldn't really be bothered, so I broke into this guy's house and started having a little fun with the game physics. They have this 'manipulate' option... You press 'z' and you can drag and throw objects around everywhere. So I was in this guy's house, he wasn't there, and I thought "Oh fuck it... I'm bored. I'm gonna trash your house. That's right! TRASH your house!" so I start jumping on tables and throwing crockery at the wall and generally mucking about. It got a bit out of hand and I was tearing through the upstairs rooms, throwing his clothes all over the place - then I look behind the bed and for some reason, there's a little pile of blackberries there.

So I go mental on the blackberries. I'd just got one, picked it up and lobbed it across the room... when I realised that the owner of the house had come back and was standing at the top of the stairs, silently watching me spack out on his secret stash of fruit.

The blackberry hit him and fell on the ground. Then, with perfect timing, he slowly said: "I think you should leave."

I made a break for it. Then Julian and I just looked at eachother and pissed ourselves laughing.

I think the blackberry incident gets the status of my greatest gaming moment ever, even better than the guards coming across a conspicuously-placed dead body in Thief and saying "Oh my god! Are you ok?... No, no of course you're not."

I ♥ Oblivion NPCs.

I can't wait for Christmas! I want to put sparkly things all over my house, dammit!! Hurry up December!!! I need more exclamation marks!!!!!!! >:-O







... Am I sad?

Well, just had my first (rather bad) experience with Oblivion mods. I was fed up of the frumpy armour and tiny selection of clothes - which, I suppose, is fair enough; Bethesda have more pressing things to worry about in their world-building and it's only shallow people like me who care about body-contoured armour - so I skipped off full of anticipation to Planet Elderscrolls and downloaded a couple of clothes/armour/body/hair etc replacer mods.

This is the I AR CLEVER bit. I always forget how to install mods, even when I was doing them every other day for Morrowind. I downloaded WinRAR, which seemed to help tremendously as Winzip doesn't like 7z files. I did what I always used to do, which was unzip the mod and copy all the files into the appropriate folders. They overwrite the old mesh and texture files, but the tutorial assures me this is exactly what's supposed to happen. So far, so good.

So I open up the game and prepare to find some interesting clothes to pass an hour or two pissing about with... but shock! Horror! The mod also includes face texture replacers, and it's turned my beautiful little Shamanih, whose face I have literally spent hours of nerdy bliss perfecting, into what looks like John Prescott and Fiona Shaw's demonic love-child! The mod-maker has obviously spent many hours being influenced by manga, since the newly-textured eyes have at least four shine-reflections each and have the suspicious gleam of Sailor Moon being taken over by the Exorcist. A quick perusal of the new hair options reveals that the modder has obviously found inspiration by clubbing an anime character to death over the head and attacking them with hair-straightners.

To cap it off, the body was hardly much different to the original when it was covered up by clothes - and I'm not likely to be walking round naked, even if wood-elves are eccentric little buggers, so it's not worth putting up with Macbeth's witch's face just for that. TWSSLN.

So, not good choices. I decide to uninstall the mods and be a bit more discerning next time. So, I go back into my data folder and prepare to delete the mod.

Too late, I remember that the new meshes and textures I installed had overwritten the old, non-Macbeth ones. My non-Macbeth face was lost somewhere in the stretches of my harddrive.

Oh, fucking ninja squirrels in a fucking pig-blender!!!

I gave in and went to Julian for help. He laughed in my face for a short while, as well he should, and then came to sort it out. The prospect is grim. I'll have to uninstall and re-install the entire game, keeping my savegames in a safe place so they can be copied back in, before Macbeth is truly gone from my poor little wood-elf's soul.

Bugger.

MORAL: NEVER INSTALL MODS MADE BY PEOPLE WHO LIKE ANIME TOO MUCH. Also, never install them if you're a stupid twat like me and are apt to do stupid and ridiculous things to the computer you supposedly know so much about. QFT.

To be fair, the mod is probably really good if you spend a bit of time re-working the face so it doesn't look like Godzilla. And the hair-textured were pretty nice. So no offense, modder. Your work is probably terribly beautiful and I am merely a cantankerous wench. XD

Just got to the bit in Oblivion where you meet Sean Bean's character. I wasn't expecting it and I didn't know who he was voicing, so when I speak to this guy and out pops Sean's heart-stoppingly gravelly voice, I actually froze up and made a sort of gurgly "hnnggghh..." noise in the back of my throat. Oh noes, that all-important first impression gone to the dogs!

After that I was just bothering him for about half an hour. You know, he walks off a bit and you keep running after him, clicking him so he'll speak... "Do the voice, do the voice, I LIVE for the VOICE!!" I think I really pissed him off :D In the end, he's running off down the hill to get away from me. I think I broke him :(

I think Bethesda have a lot to answer for, though. I mean, let's look at the history of Elder Scrolls names for Emperors. We have Tiber Septim, first emperor - great, nice strong name, impressive. Pelagius follows him, then Kintyra, then Cephorus, then Magnus, then Katariah, then eight or so Uriels... So far, so good.

And then, we have Sean Bean's character: Martin.

MARTIN?

Something is wrong with this picture. Can you figure out what?

Tiber Septim, Cephorus Septim, Uriel Septim... Martin Septim.

LOLZ.

I mean, that's a drugged up three-in-the-morning decision if ever I saw one. I can just imagine the devs sitting around a smoky table dragging on a joint and saying "Alan Septim... Greg Septim... Steve Septim... oh fuck it, MARTIN Septim! Yeah, fucking... that's the one. That'll do. Now, I'm off home to sleep off the crack."

I can't take him seriously. I'm revelling in the dusky tones of Sean Bean, then I realise sooner or later I'm going to have to kneel down and say, "All hail Emperor Martin! ...Pppfffhahahaha." And he'll be all, "Shut up! Honour me, dammit!"

:'(

In other news, Danwise is on a 'goodwill' trip to the Ukraine to sooth the tempers raised by our mad employer Malcolm's forays into selling Ukranian catamarans. No, I'm lost too, don't worry about it. I mean, we're supposed to be indexers; where'd the catamaran idea come from!? And if you DID want to set up a business buying and selling catamarans, why the bollocks would you do it in Stoke, the furthest area inland you could possibly get on an island nation like Britain? The fuck, she is whatting.

So anyway, Dan's in the Ukraine liasing with Kievians. Julian's been making me jumpy all week by saying that the mafia will probably clock them right from the airport and they'll come back with no knees. I am now having stressful dreams about Dan with incomplete legs :(



...



Martin.

*sporfle* XD

Just listening to a Jo Whiley interview with Keane on the radio. She just asked the question, "What essential item is always in the Keane fridge?"

Now, unless i've managed to hide it very well from you, most of my friendslist will probably know of my running joke about how Tom Chaplin is a baby-soft tiny animal of a boy who helps old ladies across the road and exfoliates his toes in the bath and drinks Horlicks before he goes to bed. Keeping this in mind, what exactly do you think his answer to Jo's question was?

Facepacks.

Not ketchup. Not readymeals. Not even a nice creamy chunk of Chatsworth's best stilton. Facepacks.

I just have no words.

Also, they are now doing a cover of Destiny's Child: Bootylicious. I am just sitting here with my mouth open not knowing whether to laugh hysterically or just, I don't know, die or something.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD?!

By the way, Keane is named after an 'Old Mrs Keane' that Tom Chaplin used live down the road from. I swear to god that is true. I couldn't even make this shit up, guys.

So Cats In The Alley were on the radio yesterday. I was in the kitchen fiddling with the knobs (TWSSLN) and I caught the last of their set. I was just standing there going, oh gawwwd!

I just felt so proud of them. Me and dad were grooving out in the kitchen listening to them and doing the washing up. It was so surreal. I almost didn't recognise them - it sounds so different coming through a radio speaker. Also, the photo on the site is one that I took - a career in photography beckons, perhaps?

Also haven't heard the kind of jazz the Shave played on that version of Jaunty Road from him for ages. It was great. I ♥ them all.

Had a fantastic couple of trips to Nottingham to see those still snared by uni life. perfectglitch met me sporting a startlingly reanimated bleach job; he says the Legolas comments have started up again. He was in a bar the other night and he got a text off his mate who was waiting outside that said simply, "You have my bow". A+.

Fabio and Leria are spiffing as mad fish, as usual. I missed them so much. Leria is looking simply unfair - how anyone can be so gorgeous and still be so nice at the same time is just totally unreasonable in my view. I have never seen her looking so good. Or maybe it was partly because I was so happy to see her; I'm not sure. Anyhow, rest assured japes of phenomenal proportions were had. Fabio broke my heart by saying that the zippo lighter I got for his birthday has actually made him smoke more; I don't know what expected, but I thought he might just be contented to play about with it like I did on the sly before I wrapped it up. :D And the lighter!

Anyway, I am pleased to report that from the beginning of this month I have been BRAND SPANKING SPIFFY NEW AMY. I am eating only fabulous healthy food no more than three times a day and I'm going to go to the gym with Danwise. No; I shit you not. It seems to be working as I have had oodles of energy. Every time Amy Winehouse comes on the radio I am up there, baby. Internet bellydance lessons and RL Ceroc sessions are paying off. I am so down with the cool kids now. No more taking an entire gingerbread house to bed for me anymore! ...Although that was totally fun.

Anyhow! Now, since I am about five months behind with all my photos, you can see ( Collapse )

( Collapse )

I just spent about half an hour updating the Bunty page on Wikipedia. It only had an introductory bit and a rather scathing blurb about Luv, Lisa. I mean, I got the damn thing every week from when I was 9 til I was 16, I should know enough about it XD I remember hiding behind the curtain when the paper-boy delivered it so he couldn't see I was far too old to still be reading it.

Oh, I am so sad.

...

I wonder if there's fanfiction for The Comp?

NO, NO, STOP RIGHT THERE! SOMEONE TIE ME DOWN!!

I just got a spam email in my inbox, the subject of which was "MY PENIS WENT FROM 3.5 INCHES TO 10 IN 1 WEEK!"

Which is you know, fine, good on you and all - except the name of the sender was a Lucy Hutchinson.

Well done, Lucy! That's truly remarkable.

RIP, Steve Irwin :(

I actually cried. Although Dan and I always said that if he didn't die between the jaws of some savage animal, there'd be no justice in the world.

♥