notes scrawled by a madwoman

I haven't announced this on facebook yet, but my husband died yesterday. Please pray for me. I feel so empty.

bored as shit

I feel so guilty and like such a disappointment.

From High Fidelity:

Laura: Listen, Rob, would you have sex with me? Because I want to feel something else than this. It either that, or I go home and put my hand in the fire. Unless you want to stub cigarettes out on my arm.
Rob: No. I only have a few left, I've been saving them for later.
Laura: Right. It'll have to be sex, then.
Rob: Right. Right.

fucking miserable. again. still. whatever. in significant pain, too.

Fucking miserable.

my mom reads my facebook, so i guess i'll be using this more often. let me stress that i'm not suicidal. however, shit has stacked up so far that i don't know how much more i can take without some sort of break.

Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

According to department of health and human services, our income has somehow increased almost $500 a mont since January, even though our we're both on ssdi with fixed incomes. so our food stamps goes down to $16 a month. Guess eating is now a luxury.

life sucks. yep. sure does. this is even after i've had my fukitol meds.