Okay, I'm going to set the record straight here...just because this bullshit is really rubbing the cat the wrong way and creating hissing sounds. This is so completely ludicrous, that I'm starting to honestly feel bad for the pathological liar. How can someone's life be so completely devoid of personal pride and self accomplishment...that they feel the need to blatantly lie about someone else? And, this is getting to the point of absolute rediculous. Seriously. Someone needs professional help at this point.
Again...to set the record absolutely straight...
YES: I had plastic surgery to fix a deformity of my chest that I could not live with any longer.
YES: I paid for them MYSELF. No one "co-signed" for me. No one gave me any money for this. No one helped me finance this in any way, shape, or fashion.
and...
YES: I would be more than elated to show you the bank statements and doctor's paperwork that I have on-file at my home to plainly prove this to anyone that has a shadow of a doubt about this in any form or fashion.
and finally...
YES: I do think you need serious psychological (and possibly chemical) help. I do feel bad for anyone caught in your lies and I don't give a good goddamn who reads this...at all...whatsoever.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled bullshit fabrications that you might consider a life.
Don't ask. If you don't know who or what this is about, then all the better for you. That means you are nowhere near this psychotic person and I don't have to worry about you...
Okay, so I just got off the phone with Jim's sister, April. She said that there is a 75% chance that Jim's hearing will never come back. He's doing the best that he can, but he is B-O-R-E-D at the rehab center and desperately wants visitors. She said the more that can go, the better! So, here's his information for everyone...
He is at the Baylor Rehab Center on Gaston Avenue. Room 307. Full name: Edward James Arnold. If you can, please stop by. Visiting hours are from 9am until 9pm everyday.
Also, they need witnesses to the incident to collaborate a story to use against the person who was responsible. Also, Jim doesn't remember what happened to him at all, so have been asked not to discuss it, since the stories he's come up with so far...are so removed from the truth. Want his own brain to come up with it without influence, if at all possible.
Okay, I know I've been up to the hospital quite a few times. Sat there while he was in the coma. Saw him in states where I didn't know if I'd ever see his eyes open again. But, now... Just something about seeing his face on the news that is making me feel ill. I'm infuriated.
How the FUCK can bullshit drama fly around the DFW metroplex faster than a whore can strip... but someone as amazingly wonderful and sweet as Jim be beaten to the point of nearly losing his life, in a crowded and popular bar, and PEOPLE AREN'T COMING FORWARD?!? What the holy living fucking hell is this goddamn bullshit?!? PEOPLE! Get your goddamn head out of your fucking pretentious asses and speak the fuck up! This is a person. Not only a person, but a dear, sweet person who never fucking hurt anyone! And ... NO FUCKING WITNESSES?!? Jesus fucking christ! Are you fucking shitting me?!? Are you people really that fucking pathetic?!? LOOK AT HIM! We almost lost him. Many times. Do you know how fucking much it hurt going up there? Sitting in his room? Praying to whatever fucking diety in this messed up universe would just let me see him open his eyes again? Just let me NOT go to his fucking funeral?!? What is wrong with you people? That's a life! A human life! Somebody's son. Brother. Dearest friend. What the hell is wrong with you people?!?
Even if YOU don't know him...or anyone that was there...if you repost this...we MIGHT eventually virtually hit someone who was. Please...please...please... Come forward. Say something. Please. You don't understand what this group of friends have already endured. To have THIS happen...and to JIM?!? This is just too much. Please...if you don't know anything, please pass this link (and my post if you'd like) as far and virtually wide as we can. This isn't right. This just isn't right...
I'm functioning today, but still in a haze. Luckily, I have things in my life that are keeping me from having too much time to sit and think. If you didn't read my previous post, please do...and you'll understand what is going on. I'll go ahead and make the other one public as well. I've decided to open a paypal account for the mother... If you'd like to donate anything toward helping her with the unimaginable daunting task of the funeral of her 2 sons, please do. This is my paypal account, but I will ensure that every cent gets to her as quickly as possible. Anything would help. If you would like to repost links to this, I'll be sure and make this post public, so it is accessible............... Thanks.
I don't know how to write this. Some may say that I shouldn't. That I should detach myself as far from this as I possibly could. I keep thinking in my head that I shouldn't be reacting as badly to this as I am...but I am. I can't get it out of my head. It keeps playing in the back of my mind like some broken record that won't go away. I've been swaying between screaming, crying, zoning off into zombie like unthinking states where I just go numb. I kept thinking that it wasn't real...til I sat and read his name across the news reel. Then I couldn't understand. Couldn't wrap my brain around it. So, I'm writing this. Because I need it out of my head. Because, I can't keep repeating this story verbally over and over. It makes me physically sick to my stomach.
Not quite sure where I'm at... Know that I'm beyond exhausted. Scared about what is going to happen in the next 3 weeks. Sooo many things up in the air. Makes me uncomfortable, to say the least. Tired. So bloody tired. Of so many things. Just ready to be settled somewhere, anywhere at this point. Tired of living under someone else's roof. (Not good for a person that likes to have a place of their own and some quiet space...) Tired of just barely getting by. Don't even get me started on finances. The gas alone has killed me with all the driving to and from Dallas and Houston that I've done in the past month and a half. Staying up right now to do laundry that has desperately needed my attention.
Just...feel like I'm hanging on to ... I'm not sure what ... by a very thin thread, and it's getting taunt with all the pressure. So, guess I should apologize in advance if I don't seem completely myself for a while. Is so hard to explain. Guess it just boils down to the simple fact that I'm scared. I don't know what's going to happen and ..... that is a very bad place for me. I'm tired of leaning on my friends for help. I've done that for far too long for my liking at all... Tired of trying and trying and trying and seeming like I'm treading water.
I so don't want this anymore. I know, I don't have a choice. The choice to not fight isn't there. It isn't just my life that is involved here. Have to make it. Not making it isn't an option...especially when you're a single mother. You just have to. The fight in me is just worn thin. Can't believe that I'm going to be turning around and making this hellish drive yet again....tomorrow. I just did this 4 days ago.
I don't know entirely how I ended up "here"...and I'm tired of the struggle to get anywhere else. Part of me just wants to run away............again. Just run. Start over everything all over again. ...........I know I can't, but that seems like such a sweet dream. I won't. But, I can't help but sit here and look up at the stars tonight and wonder what the future is going to hold...........and will I be able to survive much more.
"I" will. "I" have to. "I" have a daughter that depends on me explicitly and "I" will never ... ever ... let her down like that. I know only too well how it feels to have your parents abandon you. "I" just don't know how much of "me" will be left once it is all said and done. .........What I would give to just have a moment of reprieve. I never thought I was this strong. I never thought.........
I need a vacation. Need to remember what it feels like to be wanted. Need to find that niche in the biosphere that I fit. Feeling incredibly scattered and disjointed right now, and I'm not really sure what the answer is right now. The question? Where do I go from here? Is this all there is? What could possibly be left for someone so beaten down by it all?
"Tired of living. It's easy to do..." As the song goes. I've had a strange past few days. Is like I've had the chance to look through the glass at lives. I've been given a glimpse of the other side of the fence. The lives that I've so wished were mine...or even a small modicome of it to be mine. Been so downtrodden, struggling through my own turmoils and loneliness that I didn't notice the harsh climb out of the briar patch was nearly done...and that I'm about to arrive on a beautiful clearing that is nowhere as difficult as where I even USED to think "good" was. Never stopped to realize...how my life has actually turned out good...somewhere between struggling to make up for the financial or emotional devistation of past regressions........my life ended up good.
My daughter, in all her 6 year old guru ways, proclaimed from the back of the car today "Mommy, everyone's life is difficult, isn't it? But, we have a car, a job, more than one pair of pants, more than one shirt, we have shoes..." I just took it all in. Told her that yes, everyone's life is difficult...in different ways. That we all have our problems and challenges. It isn't a measure of how little strife our lives have that make it hard or not...it is us...how we deal with it and what we consider important. How we remember to not take it too seriously. How we are there to help each other and enjoy what were doing. Stop wishing for something different. Stop looking at the past, because you'll trip on your own two feet and not realize what you have right in front of you. Maybe heaven and hell do exist at the same place and at the same time. Maybe it is all just a matter of perception. Sometimes, when you have "nothing", you forget it could be worse.
Off to dance to some drums with my sage / daughter...
With Valentine's Day coming up, I started thinking about relationships... Why my mind went to the dark side, I have no idea. But, sometimes it blind sides you. So, I got tired of not doing anything about it. Yes, I am a survivor. Took me years to shift from being a victim to being a survivor...but I finally did. Yes, I hate that it happened to me. I hate the fact that by the time I finish typing this, it will happen to someone else. Statistically speaking... Both to men and women. I'll be damned if I'm going to raise my daughter in a world where I don't put my foot down to this.
My Valentine's wish for my daughter: May her world be filled with amazing love...
By clicking on the above link, the search engine page for "good search" will come up and automatically be prompted for the RAINN organization. If you're like me, you want to keep your homepage as is. However, "good search" has a toolbar that can be downloaded and put into your browser...making searching with it really easy. Just click on the "Help Spread The Word" and look for the "Toolbar". In this day and age, it is unfortunate, but true that everyone knows a survivor... Let's get some help out there...
The above link here will take you to the RAINN organization. I know some of you night owls that stay online all the time...*tapping foot* Volunteer an hour here or there. I've heard many of us say we wanted to do something about this...well............Time to step up. Please repost and spread around. Thank you.
May your Valentine's Day be filled with the amazing love we all deserve...
infuriated
rejuvenated
indescribable