❦ escapism is the key ❦

Pairing: Akame
Rating: R
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, AU, supernatural
Beta by: None
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone.
Summary: An artist, slowly going blind, meets a fallen angel who helps him to grant his final wish, his final piece of art.
Warning: Character death

A/N: This is something I've been writing the whole week, feeling despair when noticing I actually suck at writing. But here you are anyway.

Muse

If one were to have a strong urge to go to the beach near one of the suburban areas of Tokyo at 2.27 a.m., he would have to stumble his way once arriving there since the streetlights had long ago withheld their light, escorted by unsynchronized pops. But if one were a person named Akanishi Jin, he would take it as an exercise or simply not care.

Today wasn't one of the nights Akanishi Jin would take it as an exercise for the future but one of the nights he didn't care. He landed every step haphazardly, the sand giving in under his feet and making his walking clumsy. The sand made its way into the open heels of his worn out, black converses and the wind was messing up his hair, making the untidy dark locks birch against his face and block his already diminutive vision even more. The dark eyes were firmly set on the ground, slightly watered by the breeze blowing against his face.

Jin shivered when the air snuck under his leather jacket, and took a grip of the roughened coating to pull it more tightly to cover his waist. It had been three weeks since the zipper had mysteriously stopped working and Jin couldn't bring himself to examine what was wrong with it.

The sea had bent under the will of the wind and foamed its waves farther than it usually did to the almost desert seashore, throwing seaweed onto the sand. Jin sniffed and winced. He didn't like the smell of the sea but combined with the seaweed, it was even worse. What was so special about the sea anyway?

Jin walked persistently until he saw a familiar tree. It was already undressed from its leaves even though September had just a few days ago started its run for the year. Jin made the last gawky strides and finally sat down under the branches after familiarly patting the trunk. He didn't feel any affection towards his decayed shielder, it was just a gesture he had made himself learn to do just because it seemed kind of poetic.

Jin instantly started to delve his pockets until he found what he was looking for and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Once successfully lighting one up, he took an inhale too deep and coughed lightly. He still wasn't used to the feeling of having smoke down his lungs. He breathed the smoke out through his nose and grimaced at the musty taste.

Jin took out some paper and a pencil. He then sighed and closed his eyes, preparing himself for the great inspiration. Just like every night before, it didn't come. Jin groaned in frustration.

Jin hated this. He found himself walking here every night to look for something to revive his ability to draw. When indoors, the thought of a dark and empty beach with no other sound than the water mercilessly slamming against the shore seemed epic and inspirational. Jin had imagined himself, sitting alone with a cigarette in his hand, feeling the lonely pain of an artist. But when he got here, it was just annoying and unpractical.

He had been like this for months. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror during the days, obsessively examining his eyes and blinking furiously as if his reflection would miraculously light up. As if the darkness wouldn't overpower his vision little by little, day by day. As if by only admitting defeat would he really wake up one morning seeing only dark. During the nights he was looking for the lost artist inside him, sitting on the beach until his nose started running and his fingers turned red from the cold, only to face the frustration of being unsuccessful.

Jin was just about to stand up and head back, kicking the sand in anger, when he heard something. It was a loud splash, as if someone would had thrown a rock off the cliff nearby. Or, Jin found himself being inflamed by the thought, a body. He opened his eyes wide, collecting all the light he could get into his pupils, and gazed at the sea. He saw nothing.

Jin sighed and took support from the ground with his hands to get up. Once successfully on his feet he threw the cigarette down and kicked some sand on it. The thought of a pocket ashtray to carry around old, stinky butts of cigarettes didn't seem appealing to him. Jin took a couple of clumsy steps before turning his head rapidly to scan the surface of the sea. Something had caught his eyes, a figure darker than the water.

Jin blinked furiously to get rid of the tears once again gathering in his eyes because of the wind and stared frantically at the sea. The waves were getting wilder and wilder, making Jin's job harder and he was at the verge of giving up when he finally located the dark figure again. It was a human body.

Jin pondered various options from calling an ambulance and walking away to joining the unknown fellow on his trip to the other side but ended up wading to the sea and grabbing the figure into his arms.

The figure was a boy. Jin found himself shivering. The figure was a naked boy so breathtakingly beautiful Jin felt his senses being awakened into a new dawn with pure lust and admiration.

He had never seen anything like this before. Fair and slim body so deliciously graceful, wet hair framing the gorgeous facial features. The eyes closed with dark eyelashes so long they almost touched the cheek. The boy was probably a little younger than himself and, Jin found himself letting out a sigh of relief, he was breathing steadily in Jin's arms. Only when Jin began to carry the beautiful creature to the shore did he notice that the boy wasn't an ordinary human.

A pair of wings were growing from his shoulder blades, divinely half floating on the water.

Jin took a sharp breath and almost dropped the fragile body back to the embrace of the sea. Who was this boy? Or rather, what was he?

Once Jin had fumbled his way back to the shore, he stopped only for a brief second before making up his mind. He carefully placed the boy on the sand to remove his jacket and put it on the naked body before picking him up again and determinedly starting to walk back to his apartment. He wouldn't call the police or the paramedics. This boy, no, this beautiful creature was his.

Jin's feet moved automatically on the dusk streets towards his small and lonely flat. His eyes were firmly set on the boy's face, as though he was fearing that if he looked away, the petite body would vanish from his arms. He paced his breathing with the boy's and even if someone had passed them, he wouldn't have noticed it. He didn't pay any attention to his moist clothes or the shoes filled with wet sand, making squeaky noises as they were stamped to the asphalt time after time.

Finally Jin saw the silhouette of the apartment he was living in, silently raising above the detached houses symbolizing the quiet middle-class life around Jin, symbolizing the people who still had future and hope ahead of them. Jin hastened his walking pace and once inside, ran the stairs up to the 6th floor.

-

Jin gently placed the still unconscious creature onto his couch. The boy's wings wetted it, the water blotting to the fabric, but he didn't care. He had more important things in mind.

Jin rushed to find a clean canvas, absent-mindedly kicking the countless sketches he had desperately tried to paint during his period of unproductivity. That all seemed so pathetic now.

Jin didn't exactly now what he was going to paint. He only knew that this boy was his lost inspiration, his muse magically appearing before him at the time he was most fragile and about to lose the faith. He had images in his head, appearing and disappearing so quickly Jin couldn't quite get a hold of them. But the images were there, they were back after so many days. He had to draw them out.

When Jin half-ran back to his living room, the boy shifted on the couch and let out a sleepy moan. Jin dropped the canvas and slowly, almost timidly, walked to the boy who's eyes were now rapidly moving under the closed eyelids.

Jin almost quailed as the eyes snapped open. He instantly noticed that they were equally if not even more beautiful than the rest of this creature. The orbs were brown, a little lighter than Jin's and as the eyes focused on Jin after observing his apartment for a while, they struck him with their beauty so hard the dark-haired man suddenly found it hard to breathe.

The boy's lips curved up to form a tiny smile so authentic it reached the hazel-coloured eyes. Jin felt the warmth spreading into his body in response, making him feel calmer. He hesitantly raised one of his hands to stroke the still a little humid hair and as the boy didn't oppose, he smiled bashfully.

”Hi, Jin.” Jin felt goosebumps forming up on his skin by the words. The boy's voice was silent but beautiful. Gentle but singular. Melodious but masculine.

”Hi, Kazuya.” Jin whispered the words. He didn't know how he knew this boy was called Kazuya. At the moment it just felt like the most natural thing in the world, as if he had always known him and waited for him to arrive and bring back Jin's long lost inspiration.

Kazuya rose into a sitting position with Jin supporting him. He observed his body for a while before turning to Jin and chuckling lightly.

”I must admit I was waiting for something more unique.”

Jin frowned. Something more unique? Kazuya was perfect.

”What do you mean? Being an angel on Earth isn't unique enough?”

”It's more common than you think.” Kazuya's voice suddenly sounded sad. Jin felt his humour going down with the boy's voice.

”An angel? You're an angel?” Jin gasped out the question and let one of the hands supporting Kazuya raise and brush lightly over his ear, pushing a lock of light-brown hair behind it.

”I'm no longer an angel. I was, until I fell.” Kazuya was a fallen angel? When Jin thought about it, it sounded frighteningly logical. He chuckled bitterly.

”So there's a God after all.” Jin made a note to himself to thank this so-called God for blinding him once he would get to see him. Kazuya eyed him with a hint in his eyes signaling he was a tiny bit amused by Jin's reaction.

”Humans are interesting creatures.” The voice was silent. ”When you see something that doesn't suit into your mental little landscape, you adjust the new thing fitting to it rather than the other way around. You try to find something familiar in everything, to find associations with something you've heard about to feel more secure. I have nothing to do with that little invention of yours you call God.”

”Then why do you look like one of the angels you see in church?”

”That's a question I should ask you. When I fell, I turned into flesh and blood, looking exactly like you would imagine an angel.” Jin withdrew his hands. It was true. If he was asked how an angel looks, he would probably answer 'perfect'. And Kazuya was perfect. But if he wasn't associated with God, then what was he? And why had he turned into something Jin saw as an angel?

”What are you? Why are you here?”

Kazuya let his gaze fall to the ground.

”I don't know. I began to exist the moment you were born. I don't know who created me but somehow I knew right away what I were to do. To watch you, to feel attached to you, to live beside you without you knowing it. I also knew what I wasn't supposed to do. I did it, and I fell. After you die, I don't know what will happen to me. Maybe I'll reincarnate to watch over another human, not remembering anything about you, maybe I won't.”

”So you're my guardian angel?” Jin reached out his hand to cup Kazuya's chin and raised it to lock the eyes with his. Kazuya chuckled at the dark-haired man's words.

”See, you're doing it again.” Jin raised his eyebrows, looking confused. ”Trying to get me to suit into the world you're familiar with. I have no power to affect things happening in your life. If I had, you wouldn't be going blind.”

”Then why do you exist?”

”I don't know.”

Jin stroked Kazuya's cheek with his thumb.

”Thank you.” His voice was just above a whisper. Kazuya gave Jin a puzzled look.

”For what?”

Jin merely shook his head and smiled before pulling the angel in for a hug. Kazuya hesitantly circled his arms around Jin and sighed. Yes, at some level he was glad he fell.

-

The paintbrush danced silently on the canvas, baptized into light grey before being placed on the board.

Kazuya was sitting behind Jin, watching in amaze as the man feverishly added colour after colour, dark figure after another, creating something wavering but beautiful as the things painted came to life, mixing to each other in a surrealistic way, making Kazuya feel deep melancholia but at the same time joy and bliss.

He had always been captivated by Jin's pieces of art. They were dark and lonely, mirroring the pain in the man's heart but at the same time they got their viewers to feel blessed.

Jin had always been lonesome, ever since he was born. Kazuya remembered his every step until this point. He remembered every time Jin had cried alone in his room during his childhood years, his drunk parents fighting with each other in another room, ignoring the silent sobs begging for help.

Kazuya remembered the helplessness he felt when Jin was taken into custody, the almost unnoticeable twinkle in his mother's eyes, revealing her relief for getting rid of the something she hadn't even wanted to give birth to. He remembered the way Jin was ostracized by the other kids in the orphanage, the way he was treated like pure air by everyone, including the nannies who had their hands full with taking care of the kids who loudly demanded it.

Kazuya shivered. He remembered the first time Jin cut himself. He was ten years old. At that moment Kazuya had hated the world. Hated the human nature, cruel enough to push a child into the point of pain and loneliness so strong he saw no other option but to hurt himself.

He remembered the way had Jin tried to escape by listening to music during his teenage years, crying and silently singing along with headphones in his ears in his grey room while the rest of the orphanage was happily sleeping and ignoring Jin's pain. And even if someone heard, they merely kicked the wall to tell him to close his mouth.

He remembered Jin's first painting. There was Jin, hanging from the ceiling with a rope around his neck while people were dancing in circle around him, their faces melting with evil grins as they celebrated his death. Kazuya had instantly noticed Jin had talent. The head of the orphanage had instantly noticed Jin was crazy and sent him to a closed department.

Kazuya had witnessed with terrified eyes as Jin was forced to eat anti-psychotics, as he was made into something that wasn't Jin. Something that slept 20 hours a day and when awake, only muttered incoherent words drugged by the medicine.

Kazuya had sighed in relief as Jin turned twenty and walked out of the mental hospital, the authorities no longer having the power to keep him there for he wasn't violent.

Kazuya remembered how proud he was when Jin started to paint as a profession and sold his first gallery to a small athenaeum. He remembered how he rejoiced when Jin became widely known and earned a living with his art.

Kazuya smiled sadly. He remembered crystal clearly the day Jin noticed his vision was getting darker. He had watched the struggle and desperation, the loss of appetite and sleep, the furious tantrums Jin had thrown after losing his ability to draw. Kazuya had seen it all.

Kazuya reached out his hand to brush over Jin's neck. The man turned lightly and gave his muse a smile.

”Would you like me to take a break?”

Kazuya shook his head and looked into the dark orbs with gentle eyes. He loved watching Jin when he painted.

-

Wet dribbles fell down from Kazuya's hair, creating ripples on the bath water. Jin was kneeling behind him, spreading foam onto his shoulders and massaging them gently. Kazuya's wings were hanging from each side of the bathtub, swaying lightly with the tips brushing the ceramic tiles.

The angel smiled to himself and leant his head back to steal a peek of Jin who was too captivated by his shoulders to notice. Kazuya wasn't too familiar with his human body, but the touch felt good. He felt his muscles slowly relaxing as Jin pressed them gently with circling movements, and moaned deeply.

”Kazuya?” Jin didn't stop the treatment he was giving to the other, but from the tone of his voice Kazuya knew he was about to ask something that had been bothering him for some time.

”Hm?”

”What makes an angel fall?”

Kazuya sighed anxiously. He knew this was ahead waiting for him but still he found his heart beating fast, which was another strange feeling of the human body he had never experienced before, as he opened his mouth.

”When he falls in love with his human.”

Jin's hands stopped dead in their tracks. He quietly circled the tub to stand beside Kazuya. Afraid of Jin's reaction, the angel closed his eyes. The heart beating in his chest made him feel uncomfortable as he waited for what Jin would do.

The next thing Kazuya noticed was something warm and soft pressed against his lips. He uttered out a small, surprised sound before opening his eyes and confirming his thoughts: Jin was kissing him.

He had always wondered why humans showed feelings such as affection, love and lust by kissing each other. To him it had seemed plain silly. But now, as he was sitting in the warm water with Jin's lips on his, he understood.

Kazuya reacted with something he had always despised in the human nature: primitive instinct. He wrapped his arms, damp from the water, around Jin and moaned. The virtuous control he had always praised himself for slowly melted into heat as Jin took a grip of his hair and deepened the kiss with his other hand settled between his shoulder blades, the tips of his fingers briefly touching the crook of one of his wings.

Kazuya turned his head, something he had seen humans do when they kissed, and moved his mouth in rhythm with Jin's. He was so completely caught by Jin that the seven feathers, falling to the ground from his wings, remained unnoticed.

-

Kazuya was sitting silently beside Jin's bed, watching with a gentle gaze as the man's chest rose and lowered, listening to his steady breath which calmed him down. Even though he had human body, he didn't need to do anything in order to live. He needed no sleep nor food or water.

He had no idea how many days he had spent here, if he had spent a whole day at all. This was, however, the first time Jin slept since he had arrived.

Kazuya smiled sadly. The painting was almost done and after that, it was his and Jin's time to go.

-

It was gorgeous. There was water, wind and fire mixed together with the soothing soil, exploding onto Kame's eyes in a manner so beautiful and mysterious he wanted to be absorbed into the piece of art in front of him.

The painting transmitted heart rugging loneliness and depression, irregular black spots on the canvas reflecting Jin's despair for losing his sight, the powerless fight against his own body functions making his most important tool, his eyes, useless. There were creatures with wings, dancing their melancholic waltz above the terror and watching remorsefully the struggle beneath. There were a lot of colours, giving life to everything, but to every hue there was a shade of grey to remind the viewer the hope was long gone.

Kazuya felt something dropping on his cheek and reached out his fingertips to touch it. It was a tear.

”Do you like it?”

”It's the best one you've ever made.” Kazuya leant on Jin, this time feeling the feathers as they ditched to the ground, reminding him of what was ahead. What was to happen without Kazuya having the power to stop it.

Jin was standing behind him, a hand circled around his waist. Kazuya cried silently as Jin held him close.

-

Jin laid Kazuya gently on his bed before claiming his lips into a tender kiss. Kazuya uttered a moan and raised his head to meet the touch. Feathers kept falling on the sheets from the wings spread beside Kazuya's sides, forming small piles along his waist. Jin was too caught in the lust to note it but instead slid his hands along the slim torso and the graceful thighs.

Kazuya arched his back elegantly and felt his hair standing up as he heard Jin let out the first lustful groan. He heard his heartbeat, more rapid than Jin's, and the heavy breaths they took in between the kisses. Jin pushed his tongue inside Kazuya's mouth to feel the tepid insides. He had noticed that no matter how fiercely the small boy's heart raced, his body was always cool.

Kazuya helped him with removing his shirt and as soon as it was succesfully thrown to the ground, dug his nails into the fair skin of the man's back. Jin gasped and answered by reaching for his belt and sliding off his remaining clothes. Once naked, he retreated from the kiss.

”Are we supposed to be doing this?”

”No.” Kazuya knew this wasn't meant to happen. That his part wasn't to be Jin's lover but his silent observer.

But he also knew there was no stopping them now, that things had already progressed too far to avoid the wreck ahead.

”Do you want me to stop?” Jin already knew the answer but he still had to ask.

”No.”

When receiving the answer he had seen coming, he spread Kazuya's legs without hesitation and gently pushed in.

Kazuya took in a sharp breath. It hurt. But for a first time experiencing physical pain, it was addicting. Fingers were entangled as Jin and Kazuya pressed their foreheads together.

Kazuya's wings slowly started to wilt as the angel lost the last remains of his innocence, letting out pleasured whimpers as Jin moved inside him, first slowly but then faster and faster, pressing against Kazuya's body.

The chill skin met the boiling hot one, the dark orbs met the lighter ones and when they finally gave themselves to the gratification completely, both recklessly jumping off the edge at the same time, Kazuya's body fell limp on the sheets, his eyes closed, the breathing suddenly stopping. The wings had no life anymore. The skin pressed against Jin's wasn't cool anymore, it was death cold.

”Kazuya?” Jin pulled out of the boy and nudged him gently. The heartbeat Jin had heard so clearly just a while ago had vanished from his hearing.

”Kazuya” Jin whispered desperately.

”Kazuya, don't do this to me.” The room started to darken portentously and Jin ran to stand in front of the mirror, fearing the worst. Kazuya remained lying lifelessly on the bed.

On his eyes there was grey weave taking over his vision so fast he could see the progress in the mirror. He watched in terror and blinked ferociously, trying to get away from the darkness spreading so incredibly rabidly.

Jin turned to Kazuya and gave his expressionless face a pleading look.

”Kazuya, what should I do?”

Then he saw it. The image in his head, the final message from Kazuya, telling him exactly what he should do.

He stumbled to the bed and grabbed the petite body into his arms. After that he headed to the door, not bothering to get dressed.

It was dark. Jin didn't know whether it was day or night for he couldn't watch his steps anymore. He navigated by instinct, half-running towards the seashore ahead. He heard nothing but the distant foaming of the waves, greeting him with their silent welcomes.

When landing the first leap on the sand, Jin stopped. He saw nothing anymore. He pulled Kazuya closer to his body and without hesitation started to make his way towards the water.

Thus, without witnesses the two silhouettes disappeared into the sea. An artist and his tarnished muse.